thank YOU thursday: Someone who is a beacon of love

Dear Grammar,

I met you when I was fifteen; I was the girlfriend of your only grandson.  Your house is the backdrop for so many of my memories dating Brandon in high school.  B and I painted my homecoming signs in your basement and we got into a paintbrush battle (how puppy love high school of us) and you laughed and just told us to make sure we clean up the mess when we're done.

You are one of only three people on this planet (and one in Heaven) that calls me "Tabi."  I have birthday, anniversary, and congratulations cards saved in a box that are all signed (regardless of exactly when in the fifteen years I received them), "Love, Grammar."  I've celebrated holidays at your house, shared dinner with the whole family or just with you at your table, and I've fallen asleep on your couches.  Never once have I felt like your house was somewhere that I didn't belong.

And now, half of my life later, you're the Mimi of my own kids.  You whisper "I love you," in their ears and the knowledge that they will think of that with fondness as adults fills my heart to the brim.  You bring them treats in your purse for B's basketball games, and you sweetly scold me when I tell the kids to clean up.  "They're just kids,"  you say, "it's just a mess."

Because, I suppose after three kids, four grandkids, five great-grandkids and now two more on the way!  You know the only thing that is not possible to clean up or fix is time.  It keeps marching on, and babies keep growing, and the best thing in life that can happen is to continue to accumulate more loved ones.  Which is why you also count all the spouses of your kids and grandkids as your own too.  And actually, most of our closest friends consider you family; each of them call you Grammar or Mimi too.

You are a beacon of love, Mimi, to so many people.

I've lost both of my grandmothers; a heartache I have carried everyday since they each passed.  And yet when we were talking to the kids the other day about how lucky they are to have three grandmothers to celebrate for Mother's Day, when Grey asked me how many I had, without pause I answered, "Two in Heaven and Mimi; she's is my grandma too."

Because, truly, what is the definition of a grandma but someone who loves you without conditions.  And I have always felt that you have done that for me.

Thank you Meems,
love you forever,
Tabi

thank YOU Thursday: a friend who has gone the distance

Dear JP,

I don't remember much of what came before the note; how we met in seventh grade and what led up to the point of us actually becoming friends.  When I think back on the start of our friendship, it is always at the starting place of "Will you be my best friend?  Circle Yes or No."  That was almost 20 years ago. 

Seventh grade was really our very best and closest time in our friendship.  Does a more awkward phase of anyone's life exist more so than seventh grade?  I tend to believe that year is the epitome of weird and honestly, I am so glad that we went through it as official "Best Friends," (somewhere there is paperwork and necklaces to prove it).

In seventh grade, I mainly cared about laughing and having a best friend.  There wasn't much concern yet about being cool (that just didn't appear to even be an option yet) and sure, we had crushes on boys (there is also paperwork to prove that entitled "The Love Book" by Jess & Tab), but mostly that year was about figuring out what I thought was funny or interesting and who had the same weirdo humor as me.  Turns out, it was you.

That year was full of passing notes, making up knicknames for everything, melting cheese onto paper (honestly, why?), and sleepovers.  We'd call each other the moment we got home from school despite the fact that we had just spent the entire day talking to each other.  My favorite moment, especially now as a mum to a future teenage girl, was when we thought we were so daring and rebellious for going to the mall and buying make-up compacts without telling our parents.  How I hope and pray that is as wild as our daughters will be at that age.

After that year, we remained close friends, but lots of other things started to become more important in our lives as teenagers.  Being cool was a viable choice we had, boyfriends became real instead of just names doodled in hearts, other friends moved into the 'best friend' slot for a short time depending on sport/activity season, classes, or summer vacation.  But all along, we were friends...and nearly 20 years later, we still are.  

We get together much less often than I'd like; living three hours from each other and having husbands, children, and friends of our own.  But I appreciate so much that when we are together it is in comfortable ease that we play catch up, and recount stories, and laugh.  

Because when it comes down to it, it was you that was there for the 'one hand in my pocket and the other one giving a peace sign,' and you were there for the Birds video, the American flag bathing suits (matching might I add), Merrill Bainbridge, and so much more that is cringe worthy now but only warranted hysterical, unabashed giggling back then.  

Thank you Jess for being my friend through so much of my life; all of high school, through college, weddings, moving, babies and motherhood.  

But even more so, thank you for being my Best Friend during the year that maybe mattered the most.  The year that is painfully awkward and that maybe if I didn't have you as a best friend I would have turned out less confident or somehow less myself.  Your friendship back then helped me feel comfortable with the me I was turning out to be.  

I hope so much that my kids have a Best Friend like you when seventh grade and all of its awkward glory rolls around.

Love forever, 

tabers

2005

thank YOU thursday: Jamie A

Dear Jamie,

In real life we've met like, what? two times maybe?

We met through work, both project managers and so most of our initial conversations began via phone and instant messaging.  We spoke mostly in hilarious hashtags while I checked that I was on mute 64 times during our con calls because I was usually cracking up so loud.  We were hashtagging before everyone was doing it; before it was like a real thing.

Then you left work.  Then I left work.  And really, where would this friendship have to go?

But our friendship did have somewhere to go.  Because we live in the age of the internet. And, Jamie A, you have become my internet guide to happiness and inspiration.

Maybe that's weird to say and doesn't seem like an actual thing.  But I think that your role as wise internet guide is massively important in my creative life.  And go figure, my creative life is enormously important to my everyday life.

There is so much junk and garbage and mindless scrolling possible in the age of the internet.  But then my internet guide of happiness and inspiration (read:  that's you) steps in with these hidden gems to remind me why having access to all of the world's knowledge can be so wonderful.

You introduce me to funny stuff (Honest Toddler), beautiful passages about being a Mom that stick with me long after reading them (The Sweet Spot), and inspiration that calls me to action (Robyn's story, thus leading me to mine)

And not only do you send out these small gifts back from your adventures in internetland, but you also encourage and support me in my own small village of the web.  You comment on my statuses with "I can't wait to say I knew you when!" and you send me links to register for online writing courses for moms.

Jamie A, seriously.  thank you.

Your pinboards, random emails with a shirtless Joe Manganiello, and sharing of inspirational blog posts have a true and impactful effect on my creativity.  The internet was created with the assumption that there are people like you out there that make sure others can find the good and inspiring in a sea of questionable content.

#youremyfavoriteinternetfriend
tab

thank YOU thursday: our Ninna

Dear Nin, 

By all accounts we really should be classified as a successful modern-day platonic arranged marriage.  

I don't know if we would have met and became friends on our own otherwise (which would have been an awful shame), but considering our age difference, interests, and locale - the stars did not seem aligned.  Even when you were going to college in my hometown, it was during the brief time that I didn't live here.  How would we have found each other?

But instead, one day in May of 2008, B and I met up with our visibly nervous best friend because he wanted to introduce us to his girlfriend.  After hanging out at his parents' house for a little while, we headed out while B and I shared confused glances in the car ride over; this chick must be pretty important for our normally stoic friend to be fumbling around with sweaty palms.

And then we met you.

And it was clear why our best friend was so nervous; you were the one.  And since our husbands are so confusingly the same person half the time; it was also obvious that it would need to be the start of our arranged marriage together:  the wives.  Their friendship is the lifetime sort, so ours would inevitably be too.  It was sort of a big deal that we hit it off.

The reason I think you and I have done so well together is because we never tried to be anything that we aren't naturally.  We grew to learn more about each other, and then respect each other, and above all be there for each other.

I hand my kids off to you without instructions and know unequivocally that they're in good hands.  You know where I keep all my dishes and hide the good snacks at our house.  We've planned parties together; endured hunting & fishing seasons; found fun things to do during golf outings; shared favorite books, appetizers, and drinks; and spent every news year together since we've met.  There's no friend jealousy or hard feelings about unanswered texts - we just get each other.  We're more than friends; more like chosen family.

And after five years of growing friendship, love, and respect (seriously we're married) - we took it to the next level.  Business partners; where the same well-oiled machine type interaction continues. I do the writing and you take care of the numbers.  If I forget something, you don't.  We work well together in business because we trust and respect each other.

It may not have started as a friendship that grew out of wild nights making foggy memories together (although we do share those, hah!) but our relationship is one of my most valued.

Just in case you don't know (but I'm pretty sure you do), Nin, you're like my right hand woman.  I'm so grateful to have you in this life of camo and husband reindeer games and navigation of a publishing company.

thank you for all of it, Nin.
seriously I love you like a sister wife,
tab

Thank you Thursday is making a return in 2014!

It hasn't been since 2012 that I wrote a Thank you Thursday blogpost and I feel like I have been physically aching to bring them back for the last few months in 2013.  So when I was jotting down some blog new years resolutions- I included "Bring Back Thank YOU Thursdays" - and that's just what I plan to do in 2014.

You see, I have a theory; Happiness is directly connected to Gratitude.  I am not alone in this theory, if you need further evidence - see these examples:

HuffPost reports on the Neuroscience of Gratitude

WebMD & Women's Health talk about the actual health benefits of gratitude

Or this awesome video from SoulPancake (not my first time sharing this!)



I have found that my unhappiest moments have occurred when I haven't taken the time to focus on being grateful.  Granted, to think about what you are grateful for every single moment is impossible - but I try to remind myself each time when things become frustrating or strain my patience.  When the kids are being especially trying and the house is especially filthy; I'll take some deep breaths and catalog a list in my mind.

They're wild but healthy
this will only last a little while that they'll want me to pay attention to every tiny thing
look at the way her little nose just scrunched up with that smile
look at how he just helped her up on the couch
we are safe and warm
we are each other's best friends
we feel comfortable to all be ourselves

And slowly the frustration becomes less heavy on my shoulders and I tell myself, "I can only do today what I can do.  And that is enough."

This idea of Thank YOU! Thursday was originally created because of the enormous amount of flat-out good people that surround me and my family.  We are so lucky to have family, friends, supporters, and random people walk into our lives and help us or cheer us on.  And I believe they know how grateful we are to have them in our lives - but to actually get the words out there:  thank you for being in my life - it does so much more good.

So, I am hopeful that each third Thursday of every month, I will send out a new Thank YOU! Thursday note to someone in my life that deserves a thanks.

I hope that you will join me too!  There won't be any particular theme to the thank yous this year, but rather - each third thursday of every month to make a point to thank someone in your life for being there - maybe the one time you need them or a million times over.

Let's spend 2014 saying thank you to the people that make our lives brighter and easier.

You can find all of my Thank YOU! Thursdays here, if you're in need of a little gratitude inspiration.

First thank you! thursday of 2014:  February 20

a short letter about your Uncle Jonny

Dear kids,

The legend goes, when Dadda was in high school, he attended a basketball camp where one afternoon upon returning to his room from practice, he found a stranger eating his food.  They smart mouthed each other for a few minutes and then somehow -in the way the universe weaves magic- they eventually ended up going to college together, playing on the same team, and becoming best men at each other's wedding.  We had a baby boy and that food-stealing, smart mouth man became our child's godfather.

And that's the brief history of how 'Koch' came to be your Uncle Jonny.

May 2007

Right now in time, as you are very young, Uncle Jonny is staying with us a few nights a week because he is working in town.  Grey - you like to say that he's 'having a sleepover,' because that's what it feels like when he's here:  fun!  Generally, after stepping foot in the house, he has one (or both) of you draped over him while he spends his evenings laughing about all the cute and weird things that either of you do.

Somehow Uncle Jonny staying with us is not weird at all since we all laugh at the same jokes, and like the same food, and we all have a place for Bullet and Trixie in our hearts (even though they snuggle too much and have stinky farts).  The only way it could be anymore fun is if Aunt Ninny was here too (do I have to bring up sister wives again, Nin?  hehhe - but not kidding).

The other day at dinner I was joking that I'd love to be a daddy (since Dad usually gets all sorts of fun and I -the Mumma - usually tackle the task of setting rules).  I said something like, 'oh to be a Daddy; best job in the world.'  And Uncle Jonny laughed out loud and said, 'Uncle Jonny ain't so bad of a job either.'  When he said that, you were sitting on his lap, Gem, and he tried to make it sound like a joke - but because I know him well enough - I could hear the love and honesty hidden between the lines.  It would be impossible to tell you, what it means as a Mum to know that other people truly love you; my babies.

The universe may have brought Dad and Uncle Jonny together - but know, my darlings, that we have kept him close on purpose, because your Uncle Jonny is one of the good guys.

Grey, he has your back now and always will.  If there is anything that you ever need help with and are too embarrassed to come to Dad for, let Uncle Jonny be the first place you turn.  He's the sort of guy that drops whatever he's doing at 11p and drives two hours to help track a deer (actually he's done that for Dad once).  If you need him - Uncle Jonny will be there, no questions asked.

And Gemma, sweet Gemma - I'm already sorry for your future dates, honey.  Not only because Dad and Uncle Jonny will be standing at the door (and Uncle Juice, I'm sure), but also because your future boyfriends have some impossibly big shoes to fill as you have been blessed with examples of good men in your life.

For your whole life, my babies, please keep your hearts open to accept the people that the universe places in your path.  You never can tell when someone might just come into your life and take up residence (both literally and figuratively).

The point of this story, my darlings, is to remind you that blood is not the only thing that makes family and you are so lucky to have Uncle Jonny and Ninna as your family.

I love you forever and ever, 

Mumma

Thank YOU! Thursday: Someone who gets involved

As the oldest child in my family, it took only a sibling or two for me to realize the easiest way to get away with being bossy was playing school at home. I was the oldest, therefore, most obviously the wisest, thus; always the teacher for my younger sisters.  A chalkboard, some clipboards, and a few Sharpies later - my infatuation with education had an impressively solid foundation at about age 6.  I grew up and eventually became a teacher (at least for a little while), and made friends with an incredible number of awesome and dedicated teachers.  So it's not big secret that my respect and admiration for educators takes up a hefty part of my heart and head.

Dear Ms. Kotzan,
You were right there with  me in eleventh grade when I was getting ready to leave for my trip to Honduras - helping me collect donations of coloring books and pencils.  And you were right there too when I returned - and I'm pretty sure it took all of two seconds for you to recognize that I had caught the Spanish/travel bug on my short trip.  I went on to major in Spanish in college in large part because of your encouragement and support to go for something so different than most of my classmates.

Not only were you there to cultivate my passion for the language - but you also inspired the realization that even someone small can help in some way towards something big.  When I was a senior in high school - you took on the huge undertaking of organizing and planning a huge fundraiser with a group of scatterbrained teenagers.  With your direction, we put together the first ever benefit powderpuff football game to raise funds for the victims of the earthquake in Guatemala.  You were tireless in your dedication to the event - and I think of your enthusiasm whenever I am planning my own events now when they seem too big.

I graduated from Valley with the knowledge that you were proud of me - and knowing that you had planted a little seed of kindness inside of me that would never go away.

And then your job was done, because, technically, I was no longer your student.

But that's not really your way, is it?

Because when I was in college, you invited me back to your classroom when I was back in town for the holidays, to speak to your new students about my experiences.  And you asked about my life to my younger sisters and parents with genuine interest and care.  We still send each other Christmas cards and you sent me congratulations cards and gifts for the births of both of my babies.  And I know for certain that you are reading this now (hi!) because a few years ago when I posted my ridiculous renditions of the Itsy Bitsy Spider for Greyson on the blog- you sent me a beautiful card with the Spanish lyrics to the song and suggested I sing that version to him as well.

Out of the blue, after years (honestly, I don't know how many), I ran into you by pure serendipity - I was walking out with the kids and you were walking in.  2 minutes before or after - we would have missed each other.  But it was perfect timing and there we were hugging and laughing and chatting about opportunities to volunteer and lend a helping hand outside of a shopping center in a town an hour from where we both live.  When we parted ways, I smiled the whole way back to the car.  I told Greyson and Gemma, "That was my teacher," and it made me feel so grateful that my kids got to see us speaking to each other intelligently, and kindly, and with real interest about each other.

You didn't have to be anything to me but my 9-12th grade Spanish teacher.  But you have always been more than that, still now, almost 12 years later.  Thank you Ms. Kotzan for getting involved in my life and cheering me on.  I have been lucky to be one of your lifelong students.

love,
Tabitha


...And, as most cases in motherhood, I have learned a lot more about admiration and respect for teachers now that I have a child with a teacher, or in our case; teachers.

Dear Ms. Melissa, Ms. Leanne, Ms. Megan, Ms. Abi, & Ms. Trina,

You are the women Greyson talks about when he comes home from day care.  He asks for his scissors and paper and crayons and lays them all out on the floor.  And then he announces that he is Ms. Melissa and gets to work cutting out tiny strips of paper and hands them out to us and gives us our instructions for the project.  He says things like, "Ms. Megan is my family."  and "I want to show Ms. Leanne my boots."  He chats idly in the car on the way home about how Ms. Abi helped him put on his coat and Ms. Trina says, "We got a problem here in your shoe."  We occasionally hear about his friends at school - but we mostly hear about all of you.  And we hear about you because our son loves you.

You spend large parts of three days a week with our baby.  You helped teach him to go on the potty.  You taught him 'Ring Around the Rosies' and he tries to get his baby sister to play and sing it with him.  Sometimes he opens his mouth and it is your words coming out - copying what you say and how you say it - trying it out in instances at home.

Our baby is growing and learning and trying new things - things that we wouldn't be able to give him -  because of you.  Thank you for hugging him when he misses us and hugging him because he had nice manners at snack time.  Thank you for giving him opportunities to be the leader and helping him practice to take turns and share.  Thank you for having patience with him when he's having a bad day.  Thank  you, thank you, thank you for taking such good care of our baby.

from the bottom of our hearts,
Greyson's Mom & Dad

Thank YOU! Thursday: Thanksgiving edition 2012

After my short blogging hiatus (which I will discuss more in depth tomorrow), I am back and what better way to re-enter the blogosphere than with my favorite blog project:  Thank YOU! Thursday.  Since it's the biggest and baddest of all Thursdays in the year...let's get to being grateful for the things that make me happiest in this life:

1. I'm thankful for my husband, who's face is more familiar to me than my own.  His voice sounds like home and his neck smells like heaven.  He is the hand I am holding when life is too scary, or too wonderful, or too overwhelming, or too sad, or too giving.

2. I'm thankful for my sweet babies that are growing so strong and fast.  Their cheeks, necks, and the tops of their heads are made of something so sweet it must be magic.  The depth of my love for these humans that call me, 'mumma,' is so vast and abyssal that it is both terrifying and exhilarating.

3. I'm thankful for the people that make up my family - both by blood and those by love alone.  The people that have shaped and changed me, and still do to this day.  Their moods affect my mood because the strings between our hearts are so tightly wound.  When they are hurting, as am I.  When they are happy, as am I.

4. I'm thankful for our friends.  Friends so wonderful that I feel self-conscious.  How we have so many wonderful people in our life seems unfairly unbalanced.  The examples of friends that surround my children of what a 'good person' looks like is astounding.

5. I'm thankful for the things I take for granted every day.  Warm drinks in the morning, running water, a faithful, supportive, and kind husband, healthy and happy children, health in general, money in our bank accounts, freedom to be who I want to be and love who I want to love, safety, warm clothes, access to inspiring and educational resources, our home, and sunshine.

6. I'm thankful for the small blessings that sometimes happen during hard days that relax my furrowed eyebrows and ease the tension in my shoulders.  Like getting up early enough to drink my coffee in silence, the kids giggling together in the bathtub, the dogs lapping up the entire sippy cup of milk that spilled in the kitchen, my husband surprising me with chocolate bars when he gets home from work, a call from my sisters, a text from a friend, an uninterrupted hot shower, and quick bedtimes.

7.  I'm thankful for today.  To wake up in a new day to try again, and maybe even a little better today than yesterday.  To feel him wrap his arm around my waist and kiss my neck good morning.  To see the first smile of her day before I pick her up out of the crib.  To hear, "I love you Mumma, because I'm your darling," from his little voice that sounds so small, yet so honest.  To eat good food and laugh at silly jokes.  To relish in naptime yet barely be able to wait for it to end to see them again.  To try to be more patient and mindful than yesterday.  To try to be more present and kind than yesterday.

My mom introduced me to this quote last night, and I am thankful to have more concise words for what I'm skirting around to explain -

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I can choose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead.  Tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.  I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."  - Groucho Marx


Happy thanksgiving to all of you.
xoxxo

I am thankfull.

Thank you Thursday: Someone who is a breath of fresh air

I have a friend, her name is Steph.  Of all the people graduating from college in 2005, and of all those people that applied and were accepted to Teach For America, and of all the people that were selected to teach in New York, and of all the people assigned to our Institute summer school in Philly, and of all the collaboratives within the summer school - we were chosen to teach together.  That's where we met - in a place where we were facing some of the biggest challenges of our young adult life while also being more inspired than maybe we ever had before.

After institute, we both headed to New York to teach ESL in different schools, but saw each other at regularly at our shared grad school classes.  And then a few years later, we both started working for the same company - which is still true today.  Although I work remotely in Pennsylvania, and she is working with schools in Hawaii we stay in touch through snail mail care packages, and texts, and phone calls .

When I originally pinned this pin, I thought of Steph:

Source: awoman2008.blogspot.com via Tabitha on Pinterest

Because spending time with her, is like a candle; or a breath of fresh air.  When I am feeling creatively drained, or spiritually uninspired, or drowning in life muck - Steph is always able to inspire and guide me back to a place that I can keep marching on - or usually after her influence - I'm not marching, more like dancing, or twirling, or bending into new yoga poses.  She introduces me to new artists and songs, she sends me postcards with beautiful artwork on them, we sit in bookstores for hours reading each other interesting passages from astrology books.  She puts magic into life like a fairy godmother who drops fairy dust before my eyes and tells me to follow it where ever it goes.

She is someone that makes me believe that perhaps we have past lives.  And perhaps in all of my past lives, somehow Steph and I have found each other and have become friends.  Because it seems unlikely that you can meet someone so in sync with you in this life by chance - that it must be someone you've met again and again - like we have this unconscious shared history.  And if that's the case, isn't that just the most wonderful thing.

Steph is exactly someone who just read that last paragraph and is nodding her head and smiling.  Even though our lives appear so different from each other - she is someone who recognizes the melody to the song in my heart because it sounds similar to the one in her's.

Thank you Steph, for always blowing fresh air and inspiration into my life-
I am so lucky to be able to call you a friend,
Tab

thank you Thursday: Someone who changed the course of your life

Dear Franklin,

Maybe you don't remember me, or maybe you do - I hope you do, because I remember you.  When I was 16 years old and a junior in high school, I came to your village in Honduras for a few days with a group of doctors and dentists.  Since at 16, I was clearly not a doctor or dentist, my sole job was to administer oral parasite medicine to every single person that passed through our clinic for the 10 days we were in Honduras.  We were in your village, Las Lajas, for two days - and for whatever reason, you decided to spend those two days hanging out with me.

I had basic Spanish phrases well buckled down after two years of Spanish in high school - but that didn't mean the two of us could carry on any kind of a conversation.  I don't know how we even got started playing our little game - but before the afternoon of the first day, we were going back and forth translating random items around the school room we were in.  You pointed to a pencil, "lapiz" and then I said, "pencil."  I pointed to a ballon in one of the textbooks, "balloon" and you repeated me -saying balloon like it was a question.  "Bomba" you said and I told you, "me gustan bombas" and you enthusiastically answered, "yo tambien!" We spent the next day playing this game, getting more and more silly with each new vocabulary word.

Franklin, you'd never have known that our two afternoons goofing around and giggling at each other's pronunciations was the door that opened up and changed the course of my life.  After leaving Honduras, I landed in the US and firmly announced to my family and friends that I was going to learn language.  And then I went to Susquehanna and majored in Spanish where I met friends that I may not have been close with otherwise, and with whom I am still in touch with today (hi, Dehkonti and Alyson!)

And then I studied abroad in Costa Rica where I met Yemily, and Meg, and Allison (hi, girls!) and they helped me adjust to living in a new place so far away from home.  We spent our days truly living the pura vida.  Yemily showed me that praying can be whatever you need it to be, Meg made me laugh even when I felt like crying from being homesick, and Allison helped pull me out of my shell to meet new people after we first arrived.  And in Costa Rica, I met Maria; my host mother.  The kind of mom and friend that she was to me has a lasting impact on the kind of mom and friend I am to this day.  The only person who cried more than me when I was getting on the plane to come home was my mama tica.

And then I taught English as a Second Language with Teach for America where I met Elena, and Stephanie, and Kelly, and Alana, and Amy, and Stirling.  Friends that helped me adjust, again, to a new place so far away from home.  Elena who can read my facial expressions and know exactly what I'm thinking-even through the phone, and Stephanie who knows the song inside my heart, and Kelly & Alana who I made and shared a home with, and Amy who was a bright light of laughter more times than I can count, and Stir who is the kind of a friend you feel connected to even if its months that go by before seeing each other.

And while I taught ESL at PS27, I met Sabrina - my saving grace at school when I thought I would go mad or breakdown; she made me laugh even when we could have cried.  And my students, goodness, my kids.  Maria, and Elisa, and Mariano, and Anthony, and Tyquan, and Ines, and Ulysses, and Alejandro, and Daysiaha.  My students who have forever changed the way I think about education; who will forever be held in my heart as 'my kids.'

Because we met, and because you spent two afternoons playing a little game in Las Lajas, Honduras with a gringa - you have pushed my life into a different trajectory.  Before you, I was moving along on a fairly straight path, and then I met you and it notched a little to the left.  Because of our meeting, I have met many people and had many experiences that have significantly contributed to the person that I am today.  

I don't know where you are, Franklin - but I am sending you love and gratitude from my house in Pennsylvania.  I am sending you peace and hope for a full belly and your health and the health of your loved ones.  You are a shining example in my life that you can never truly know how far your influence can reach.  I hope you remember me, because I am grateful for meeting you.

forever indebted, 

tabita

Next thank you (third) Thursday:  Someone who is a breath of fresh air

Thank you Thursday: Someone you can turn to

Dear Rudy,
Since you have no daughters and I have no brothers, we've always made a pretty good pair.  You send me Valentines day cards in the mail, and marvel at my girly dramas, and scold Brandon for allowing me to pump my own gas - all the kinds of things a girl with no brothers usually don't get attention for.  And I give goodbye hugs, and talk to you about mermaids and books, and help you plan secret surprises for Mare - all the kinds of things a girl brings into a family.

But in this recent year that we've lived back in town, you've taken on a new role in my life - you've been my go-to guy when I'm caught in a pinch (which with two kids - my 'times in a pinch' seem to be growing at an alarming rate).  As a long time planner, these are moments that I'm not particularly proud of, as I like to think that I have my stuff together enough to handle things in advance.


You will say (as you always do) that its no trouble and you're happy to spend time with the kids - but I also know that you have things planned and items on your to do list to get done.  You may say its not a big deal for you, but know that it is a big deal to me. Once I called you at work to see if you could pick up Grey later that afternoon because I had forgotten about a doctor's appointment.  I've stopped by with the kids while you were at home working on a project and completely hijacked your entire afternoon just so that I could get in an adult conversation and have another pair of eyes on the kids while I was feeling exhausted.  You've picked up, dropped off, taken out, and stopped by more times than I can count and mostly because I've asked at the last minute when I panic that I can't do it myself.

Rudy, thank you for being there with an outreached hand no matter how little notice I give you.  Thank you for being someone I can turn to when my life starts to unravel.  Its in these moments when I'm feeling ill prepared and distressed that you help me see I don't need to always have it together; that I have people around me that are ready and happy to help even when I let it get down to the wire.

love,
tab

Next Thank you (third) Thursday:  Someone who makes you better

thank YOU! Thursday: Someone who is present

Dear Karpy,
You are one of my very best friends.  There was a time that we shared the same home.  You were steps from me; down the hall.  Once I instant messaged you from my room, "I can hear you coughing."  And then I could hear you giggling when you read it.  Living with you (and Kate!) are some of my favorite memories.  ever.

We currently live 182 miles apart.  (Yes, I googled that).  Which is a distance that is soon to grow even more in about a month (yay for your new house!).

Despite the miles, we are still best friends.  You recently facebooked me, "I smell like tonion," after we met for lunch halfway.  You couldn't hear me, but I bet you knew I was giggling when I read that.  I'm glad we still think the same stupid stuff is funny.

The truth is, most of the reason we are best friends is because of you.  Because you are the kind of person that sends snail mail on half birthdays.  And the kind of person that leaves voicemails of your whole carpool screaming and congratulating me on learning our first baby was going to be a boy.  You're the kind of a person that brags about my kids while pointing to their pictures that are hanging up in your office cube.  The kind of person who plants a sunflower seed you got from my baby shower and periodically sends pic text messages of how much its growing.  The kind of person that asks what my toddler's favorite foods are so you can make sure to have them when we visit.  You're the kind of person that drives 3 hours to hang out for the afternoon and grab lunch.  

With you, Karp, no matter how far apart we live - both in physical distance or lifestyle - you make a point to be present in my life.  You are a presence in my life; in my family's life.

But the thing is, I know that I'm not the only one.  You are present in so many people's lives.  That's why you have so many friends and your summer weekends get swallowed up in weddings every year.  Its why we had to rent a whole cabin at Deep Creek for your bachelorette party to fit all of your closets girlfriends, all of whom consider you a best friend.  You don't just come and go in anyone's life.  You come and stay and set up shop and remember their favorite songs and call them - not text or email - actually call them, regularly!

Karpy, you are a present; a gift, to so many people.  I hope you know that.

Even more than that, I hope you know that you are family to us.  And I feel so fortunate to have you be present in my life.

akt fo lyfe,
i love you,
tab

Next thank YOU! third Thursday:  Someone you can turn to

thank YOU! Thursday: Someone who surprised you

Dear Mare, 

It's safe to say that we got off to a rocky start, some thirteen years ago.  Its a hard thing being two grades older than your boyfriend as his first serious girlfriend.  I imagine its even harder to be the mom of a boy who's first serious girlfriend is two grades older than him.  (Something I have to look forward to years from now, I'm sure).  But regardless of how it may have been then, you've surprised me.  We have surprised me.

You surprised me when you found a way to get on an airplane again so we could all vacation together.  You surprised me when you told the captain of our snorkeling boat that you were fine and we can keep sailing just so that we could enjoy the trip, even though you were so seasick. You surprise me when I say chocolate covered pretzels are my favorite candy in passing and they show up in my Christmas stocking.  You surprise me when you go along with all my weird little ideas about parenting without any question.  You surprise me when you recap how you told all your coworkers to read my most recent blog posts (hi, Marianne's coworkers!).

We surprise me when we simultaneously roll our eyes at our guys' obsession with hunting and all things camo.  We surprise me when we make trips together to New York or to the Italian restaurant to each eat 12 lbs of pasta or to the nail salon to celebrate our own little first day of trout tradition.  We surprise me because pop culture hasn't painted our relationship; mothers in law & daughters in law, with a very good rep in the history books.  

But the thing that has surprised me the most is how we have helped each other understand the difference between a man's love for his wife and and his love for his mother - which sometimes is what feels like a competition for other women in our same relationship.  We have, over time, learned together that the love is totally different and incomparable; I could never take your place and you could never take mine.  And because we understand and respect that, we can get past petty arguments and get on with being the two most important women in the same man's life.  (By the way, Booboo's future girlfriends and wife will thank you for helping me learn that early on.)

So, let this post go down in the record books right alongside all those bad examples of mothers in law and daughters in law.  You should know how lucky I feel that my husband (and my best friend) has a mother like you.

 

love you, 

Queenie

Since we're now entering the summer months and things are getting a little busy over here, I'm going to spread out my thank YOU! Thursday writing project.  I'll still be writing (and offering a chance to link up) but will be doing so each third Thursday of every month.  What can I say, I like alliteration - hah.  thank YOU! third Thursdays :)

Next thank YOU! Thursday (third Thursday of June):  Someone who is present

thank YOU! Thursday: Someone who listens

To: Tasha

Also known as:  Uch or Tasha Lindsey Marie Antoinette

I was trying to make this something other people would be able to read and understand.  But its kind of hard to explain how my 6 year younger sister sometimes ends up being the more grown up one of us.  How the baby of our family usually ends up being the one who translates all of our secret languages and gets us to resolve our issues.  How even though our lives have been drastically different from the other's our whole lives so far (you in elementary school, me in high school...you in high school, me in college and studying abroad...you in college and studying abroad, me married with kids), you find a way to make the difference in our everyday dramas not seem so vast.

What it comes down to is that you listen.  You always make the time to just listen to me.  You listen to me complain about dirty dishes not being loaded in the dishwasher right by a husband that won't do like I asked.  You listen to me talk about baby boogers, my dog's ticks, and our bedtime monster problems.  You listen to me talk about saving money, organizing volunteer projects, and paying bills.  You listen to me talk about which font I like best, how I can't understand how people still take issue with gay people getting married, and why I think our house would be a good landing ground for alien spaceships.

When something makes me laugh, I call you.

When something makes me frustrated, I call you.

When something makes me nervous or sad or anxious, I call you.

I am always calling you, because you listen.  You'll listen no matter what I have to say.  And  you make me feel like whatever it is that I feel like I need to say at any given moment is important.  

I don't know if I am the one that does that for you- makes you feel like what you have to say is important -but I hope you have someone that does.  And if you don't, then I'd like to be the one.

So now that you, my baby sister, are on the edge of a new, big chapter in your life (she's graduating from college this weekend, ya'll), please listen, once more, to this, Uch:  You can do anything.  And whatever you think you should do in your life is the right thing to do.  You've got good guts, so go with what they tell you.  I am proud of you and will always be proud of you.

love you a million kit kat bars,

tab

ps. scf

ps2. Dujour means family

Next week's thank YOU! Thursday:  Someone who surprised you

thank YOU! Thursday: Someone that loves you just as you are

Dear KayaBella,
We have always been more different than we are alike.  I was loud, you were much less loud.  I pretend to be brave, you actually are brave*.  I am bossy, you are relaxed.  Most people think of me as a novelty, people know you are true and steadfast.

I can't imagine what it was like to grow up with a big sister at all, let alone one that was always trying to be the loudest, prettiest, and most popular.  I imagine I was more obnoxious to you than to anyone else that knew me.  You could have tried to quiet my megaphone mouth, or make fun of my usually ridiculous ensembles (let's not even talk about that poodle skirt) or ignored my attempts at trying to make people like me.  But instead, you've always celebrated all the things that make me, me.  Even though sometimes they are so different from what makes you, you.

A couple years ago, you randomly told me you had written a letter to the Lip Smackers people asking them if they would 'make a special lip gloss for your older sister because she loved it so much'.  You told me that you tried to explain to them that it was the only lip gloss that I used and if they could make a special one just for me, it would make us both so happy.  In any case, despite your valiant effort, they didn't make a special lip gloss.  When you were telling me this, you were laughing about the memory, but the thing is even though you must have written that when you were in elementary school, I had never known of it until now; until we're grown.  I think about you writing that letter occasionally and smile and shake my head.  I'm actually still wearing Lip Smackers and you might be the only person on the planet that would even notice.

Sometimes I wonder how many other times you've done something like that for me.  How you've cheered on my little 'tabitha flame.'  And how many times I haven't even known.

Kayla, thank you for celebrating me.  Thank you for telling all your coworkers to read your big sister's blog (hi, Kayla's coworkers!).  Thank you for almost crying every time you Facetime with my kids because you love them so bad.  Thank you for letting my 'tabitha flame' shine all through our lives together.  Thank you for loving me just as I am...and even sometimes despite who I am.

And since I can't say it better than Dierks Bentley has already said, Ima have to borrow some of his lyrics, "though it sometimes means we don't get along.  Cause same, no we're not the same.  But that's what makes us strong."

your biggest fan,
tabithday

ps. scf<3

*for readers that don't know my sister, she's a National Guard vet, has jumped out of an airplane, bungee jumped, is set to do the Tough Mudder this month, and chopped most of her hair off for Locks of Love in high school when it was way more cool to have long blonde hair than not...just to name a few examples of my sister's bravery.

Next week's thank YOU! Thursday:  Someone who listens.

thank YOU! Thursdays: Someone who taught you something valuable

15 lessons on how to live a decent life
according to my Dad, Kevin J. Adams

1.  If you're going to do something wrong, don't get caught.

2.  Make things with your hands.  Like cement garden faces, and entertainment stands, and your own wine, and short stories, and cinnamon rolls, and little drawings at the end of letters to your family.


3.  Try to stay away from gossips and bullies.  If you can't stay away from them, don't get involved in their crap. 


4.  Nobody likes a whiner.


5.  Go outside.  If the sun is shining, your ass should not be on the couch.

6.  There's always an idiot at the party.  If you don't know who the idiot was, it was probably you.

7.  Ask yourself (and others) the uncomfortable questions.  Like do you think the world will end in 2012? And do you believe in aliens?  And why do you think we should let you go out with our daughter?  And who's the one person you've always been too afraid to apologize too?


8.  Always be aware of what's going on around you.

9.  Take care of your colon.  You feel a whole lot better when you're not full of shit.


10.  Sometimes things are scary at first, but if you just try it you'll see you might like it.  Like tipping hay bales while you're standing on them, or studying abroad, or eating grilled deer meat.


11.  Games make everything more fun.  Like the see-who-can-blow-out-the-candle-on-the-table-first-from-their-seat game while waiting for your food to arrive.  And the even-though-its-your-seventeenth-birthday-party-we-are-having-an-obstacle-course game.  And the try-to-stand-up-in-church-when-I'm-holding-your-leg-in-place-at-the-last-minute game.

12.  If someone lets you borrow something, return it in better shape than when you got it.


13.  Be open to learn about new things.  Like the stock market, and alternative medicine, and self-publishing, and meditation, and moving to Ecuador when you retire, and one-man helicopters, and new cellphone technology.

14.  Buy shoes because of how they feel, not because of how they look.  And everyone should own a good pair of boots.

15. People can't read your mind; if you want something, you have to ask for it.  And if you want them to know how you feel, you have to say it.


Dad,
When I was working on writing this, I kept thinking about all the times you've had me jump.  Like when I was a little girl, say 4 or 5, and you and I used to do our barn trick; the one where I'd go into the hay loft and you'd stand on the ground and when you gave me the 'ok, I'd jump out of the barn and you'd catch me; swinging me to the side of your body.  Well the story goes that once when you were getting Gram to watch us, I jumped out before you turned back to look at me.  By the grace of God or luck or some kind of weird x-men powers I have, I landed on my feet with my knees spread so that I didn't bite my own tongue off.  Lesson learned, don't jump until Dad says its okay.

And then when I was thirteen, and you and I went back to the dam and you told me I had to jump off the rock (thirty feet above the water) like it was some kind of rite of passage you made up for our family.  It took a whole lot of coaxing and a whole lot of treading water on your part, but after a solid forty-five minutes, I did it.  I walked all the way back home with black & blue leg (from jumping in crooked) but with a proud smile on my face.  Lesson learned, just close your eyes and jump if Dad says its okay.

We've had a trampoline since I was in middle school, you've jumped out of an airplane (on more than one occasion), I learned to swim because I "jumped" into the pool (and by jump, I mean you threw me in).

So, Dad, you taught me just about every valuable lesson a girl can learn...but I want you to know I got the big one.

When I think maybe life is too hard or scary or big - I will always hear you saying its okay, Dad.  Lesson learned, I shouldn't be afraid to jump into every little bit of my life.

love you more than fish love the sea,
tab

Next thank YOU! Thursday:  Someone that loves you just as you are.

thank YOU! Thursdays: Someone who believes in you

Dear Bud,
There are plenty of things that I could thank you for, like giving me this life that I used to doodle about in my high school notebooks...not kidding - l.i.t.e.r.a.l.l.y. daydreamed about almost this exact life with you while we were holding hands and sneaking kisses before you went to football practice.

circa summer of 2000

or I could thank you for giving our son that sideways smile of yours or how our daughter already has your charm and charisma at 2 months old.  I look at them and I see you and that makes me happy everyday.

Or about how you find ways to make me laugh even though I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, or about how you just shrug when I leave dirty pots sitting by the sink for days (days!!) because I hate washing them that bad, or about how you never forget to kiss me goodbye when you leave the house.  But I'm not going to focus on any of those other things in this post.

I want to say thank you for something maybe you don't think I notice.  But I'm telling you right now, I've always noticed.  I've always felt it.  And your unwavering belief in me has been a shield that has kept the wind from blowing out the little candle in my soul.

The thing is, I am a full time working mom of two and I also have big ideas in my brain and heart.  So while doing normal life stuff, I also write a blog and I make our family come up with goals for the year by category, and I make sure we do 12 months of kindness, and 12 months of dates, and I organize our annual beer Olympics and the alumni turkey bowl, and I read essays for our high school senior scholarship every May, and I try to write a novel, and I plan 2 week vacations in Thailand...

and after writing all that, it seems like I think I am very awesome.  But the truth is, I am second guessing myself at almost every turn.  I am over analyzing and over thinking and over critiquing myself at each step.  I am holding my breath, hoping that I didn't forget something.  And then I worry myself sick and sometimes cry.

But there you are, hugging me and reassuring me that it will be great.  And not just saying it to make me feel better, but saying it like you actually know it will be great.  One time when I jokingly told you I was going to audition to be an MTV vj you said to me, without even a hint of sarcasm, "Please don't.  I really couldn't handle it if you were famous.  It just seems like it would be crazy for us."  Like you had no doubt in your mind that if I auditioned, I would get it.  You believe in my success in every situation no matter how small or how outrageous.

You think I can do anything.  And because you believe I can, so do I.

thank you for believing in my greatest potential every single day,
i love you b.
yours,
tab



Next week's thank YOU! Thursday:  Someone who taught you something valuable

thank YOU! Thursdays: Someone you could never thank enough

Dear Mum,
There is not enough words in my brain to be able to say thank you to you; my mumma.  I've always been grateful that somehow I was dealt the supreme gift of getting you as a mother, but I think women worldwide would agree that it takes being a mother yourself to really recognize the depth of gratitude for a mom.  You know how sometimes when we are at your house and I will say to Grey, "This is MY Mumma" and I point to you...the truth is that it is almost too much for me to get that out without crying.  You're my mum which means a part of me is still a child; a part of me knows that when the going gets too tough, I have someone who will put my needs above her own without hesitation.

As a mumma myself, all day long I do things for my kids; mundane things like wiping their noses and asking them if they have poop in their pants.  I do annoying things like scrub marker off the wall and change their bed sheets.  I do scary and hard things like cut their nails from their squirmy hands and stand outside their bedroom doors while they're crying because its naptime.  I do things that make my heart feel like it will burst like hold them in my arms while they sleep and give them a million kisses because they just woke up and are feeling especially loving...and with every single one of these things I do as a mom every day I think, "someone used to do this for me."  That was you.  And I know I will be spending the rest of my children's lives; with each new age and stage, remembering how you were always there for me; pushing me to be the best version of myself with both tender and tough love when I needed it.  And because I want the best for my kids, truly know that as I raise my own, I will be copying you.

I love you more mumma,
tankaphabelle

photo credit:  Michelle Misner Photography

Next week's thank YOU!  Thursday:  Someone who believes in you

thank YOU! Thursdays: introduction

The thank YOU Thursdays writing project started brewing in my mind this past month while I was going over our list of random acts of kindness goals (writing thank you notes to our family and friends) while watching NatGeo's new show "Doomsday Preppers."  Strange, I know.  But I got to thinking about what I'd want to say to the important people in my life if all the 2012 hype was going to turn out as true.  How I have all these honest and gracious things to tell so many people in my life, but never get around to actually saying them because a) its too embarrassing to bust into tears trying to get out the truth about how much they mean to me b)I believe they already know how grateful I am even if I don't actually say it or c) any other number of excuses that really mean the same thing as 'I don't make the time to tell them.'

So, out of this kind of spiraling brainstorming session, I was inspired to create a writing project around getting out all the gratitude I carry around silently in my heart for the people in my life that have loved, supported, laughed, and helped make me...me.  If the end of times is upon us (and you know I have some experience about this...as I was a contributor in my dad's published book on the subject:  A Family's Perspective on 2012 by Kevin J. Adams) I'd like to say what I've been meaning to say all this time.  And what better way than in writing that they can read it and come back and look at it  forever...and being able to side step that whole crying in front of them while trying to get it out thing is a bonus.  This way, I'll just be able to sob about it alone staring at my computer screen - fun!  hahhha, but kind of not kidding; sometimes a good cry is really rejuvenating.

So, here's the plan for anyone interested in linking up on Thursdays to say thank you to the important people in your life:
1. the week before I'll post "who" we'll be writing our thank you for, so you'll have all week to think about and start writing your thank you letter.
2. there are no rules about the tone of your letter - if you'd like to be sarcastic, or ironic, or funny, or silly, or heartfelt, or mushy - go for it.
3. write it like its the last chance you'll get to say it; so say it all.  December 2012 is creeping up pretty quickly (hehhe)
4. link up!

Let's start a revolution of gratitude - Let's not wait another minute to let the people in our lives know how grateful we are for them - Let's cry alone in front of our computers!!...Because we don't want to end up writing in to this blog because we aren't going to wait until its too late.  Here, I'll get the ball rolling: Thank YOU to all of you that are going to join me on this project.  See you next week!

Next Week's (the 1st ever) thank YOU Thursday:  Someone you could never thank enough

a friend like kate

dear Grey (and any other future babies),

As your mom I dream for a lot of things for your future.  I hope you are generous, and passionate, and kind to those that others are not.  I hope you ask questions, and belly laugh, and let your heart guide the way.  Most of these things come from inside of you, and your dad and I will do everything we can to help make those things shine.  But there is one thing that I wish for you that I cannot teach you and does not come from inside of your own heart.

I hope that you are lucky enough some day to have a friend like I have; a friend like Kate.

A friend like Kate is someone that can make a three hour drive home from college fill like 20 minutes (when you can't wait to get home) or feel like 3 days (when you need time to talk). When everyone around you looks at your life and says, "You're so lucky," a friend like Kate knows how its more than luck.  A friend like Kate cuts right to your heart and says, "I know you dream of many versions of life for yourself, but whichever you choose will be the right one."  A friend like Kate says things often that make you think, "finally; someone gets me."  A friend like Kate suggests interesting books to help you learn more about yourself and funny movies when you need to just laugh and relax.  And when you feel like no one cares about the things that you do, a friend like Kate tells you about the organization she works with that helps grieving families.  A friend like Kate is what people call "kindred spirits."

A friend like Kate finds ways to help in just the way you need it; sometimes she gives you a place to stay when you're in the in between and other times she shows up just when your car breaks down and you need to haul suitcases, and sisters, and babies around the city.  Sometimes she says things like, "Bring your dog over too," even though her husband is allergic, and she doesn't have pets of her own, and its probably one of the worst ideas in the history of humanity; she says it because she wants to help make things easier.  A friend like Kate never says things like, "I feel sorry for you" or "I know how hard this must be for you," because she knows you don't need reminded how hard things are for you.  Instead, a friend like Kate makes plans and playdates and sleepovers and lists called "Things we need to do before the summer is over." A friend like Kate helps get you through the hard times by sprinkling happiness in your life.

A friend like Kate loves you for exactly who you are today.  And loves whoever it is that you decide to be tomorrow just the same.  A friend like Kate is a cheerleader for your life even if your life choices are different from hers.  A friend like Kate is family without having to be family.

A friend like Kate is someone I hope you are lucky enough to find someday.  Because a friend like Kate makes it easier to be exactly who you are.

love,
your mumma


ps.  thank you to my friend named Kate for always making it easier to be exactly who I am.