from my ancestors

We live in a time right now that feels so powerless; so out of our control. I have struggled this past year - two years? three years? few years? - feeling like I didn't have control over lots of things. That I was more scared, worried, and distracted than I was intentional, grateful, and focused. 

There's a lot that we have to manage and then we threw a global pandemic on top of it that just highlighted all the cracks in the façade that were always there but easier to ignore when the light wasn't shining directly at it. 

And then you're raising up kids and trying to be a good person and loving your family and friends and all the while wondering, "how am I going to hold this all together when I can barely hold myself together?" 

yeah. we've been living through some times. 

--

but, also...have we? 

have we been living through the craziest of some times? really really? 

because when I sit and talk with Brandon's grandma about what it was like to grow up 80 years ago, that was some freaking times, man. 

and when my sister reads me a letter from our great great uncle that is preserved on her ancestry.com profile - that was some freaking times, man. 

--

I watched a video recently of a scientist quoting what I assume is the James Taylor song - that the secret to life is to enjoy the passage of time.
That the impossibility of us even being alive;
our ancestors having survived and fallen in love
...our parents meeting and falling in love
...them procreating at exactly the moment they did for the exact sperm to meet that egg that made us, US happened at exactly that moment
...for all the growing and birthing, and living to have succeeded that we are here right now in this moment.
That is all actually statistically, ridiculously improbable. 

and yet. 

here we are. 

--

Sometimes when I think of the long line of people back, back, back all the way through my family tree I am stunned into deep gratitude and awe. Can you imagine? All of history, all of your ancestors who have conspired, worked, toiled, struggled, failed, and succeeded so that we could have this exact life. 

And then despite being a grandparentless grandchild - I look around at my life and see my grandparents; my children's ancestors everywhere still in my life. My grandparents all passed years ago - 16 years, 12 years, and 7 years; but they are still present in so many pockets of my daily life. The lives they led, what the taught me, how much their life meant in my life - still visible and valuable in the lives of my children who never had the opportunity to know and love them on Earth. 

from my grandma Helen

• my daughter's middle name: Violet Mary (the legend goes that my grandma and all her sisters were actually named Mary but they all went by their middle names which is why everyone knew her as Helen). 
• my propensity for baking
• the reason I own a hummingbird feeder
• taught me how to make perfect* french toast (quoted from my children)
• taught me to put hair in rags for super curl overnight

from my grandma Irene

• my middle name: Tabitha Irene
• my daughter's middle name: Olive Irene
• my propensity for storytelling
• taught me how to put little kids to sleep ("eyes")
• taught me to keep a tissue up my shirt sleeve all winter long
• shines through in the selflessness of our daughter Gemma 

from my grandpap Jim

• my facial bone structure
• my son's name: Red Adams (my pap was nicknamed Red because of his hair color. My maiden name is Pap's family name; Adams, and now my Redland's middle name). 
• my son's middle name: Rusty James
• my daughter Olive's red tinted hair 
• shines through in the humor, wit, and selective hearing (hah) of our son Rusty

from my grandpap Al

• taught me my favorite term of endearment for my kids; Sugarplumie
• taught me to cook the perfect* scrambled egg (quoted from my children)
• shines through the hand motions and sound effects of all my sons when they are telling a story

from my great grandmothers
two of the kindest compliments I've ever received came from comparisons to them:

• My dad told me once that I remind him of his grandma because I always seem to have enough love to go around for all the kids. (his grandmother had 21 children, one of them was his dad, my grandpap Jim). 
• My great aunt said to me once, "God sure knew the right women to give all the babies to - you and my mother." (her mom had 14 children, one of them my grandma Irene). 

--

and honestly, I'm not diminishing our freaking time, because for real for real - it is some freaking times. 

But, friends - may we remember that 

We are the middle names of our great great grandchildren. 

We are the cheekbones of our great nieces and nephews. 

We are making the recipes today that our grandchildren will teach to their grandchildren around kitchen tables we will never sit at. 

Stand tall, friends. 
our ancestors are behind us, bolstering us and giving us strength. 
we should live like the ancestors we will someday be 

those that are rooting and building for our family trees that have not yet sprouted. 

you are bigger than you. 

we are bigger than today 

both behind us and ahead of us. 

live that way. 

without fear or doubt

but with confidence, strength, and most of all hope. 

Around Here 14-15: 04/01-04/14

A glimpse into what it is like to live in our home just this minute.

Mimi and her ten Great Grandchildren! (she also has four grandkids too!)

Intentional Outdoor Hours:  30+ hours (of 1000)

We got a lot of dog walks in these past two weeks and I've been using them as some one-on-one kid time too. Grey and Gem have been loving to get a chance to just be with me and the dogs and chat all about school or their friends or the sports season. It's been nice for me too to listen to them ramble on as they tell me about all the little normal things that pop into their brain. Spring sports have helped up our outdoor time too between baseball and soccer practices as well as Fishmas was our first 7+ hour day outside. Hopefully this endless winter will tire out finally and give us some sunshine and warm soon. #gohomewinteryouredrunk

Reading and finishing our Books & Brews book club choice 4 Years Trapped in my Mind Palace by Johan Twiss. It was a sweet and simple read that was self-published (a deserved applause for that in itself!) I was most happy to meet up with my favorite nerds at a pizza pub and enjoy good food and conversation at our book club meeting. Next on the docket for book club is I'm the One Who Got Away by Andrea Jarrell. 

Spending time with family for Easter and Mimi's 80th birthday! We are always blessed on holidays to have so many people who want to share food and time with us. I keep that sentiment in my heart during those moments when I think we're running around too much because gratitude is how I believe life maintains its brilliance. We got up super early to see what the Bunny left us and then got decked out in our Easter best to head to 8am mass (for posterity's sake: Greyson STILL hates pants and it was a fight that morning with him to get him to put on pants to go to Easter mass.  My child has worn only mesh shorts and baselayer for two years straight unless he is threatened by me because it's a holiday mass, i'm not exaggerating. #Lawdhelpme) After mass, we headed out to Kuma and Buck's for brunch and birthday celebrating for Mimi who turned 80 on Easter! 

Celebrating our biggest kid on his eighth birthday! Grey was pleased as punch as he is every year to spend most of his birthday weekend at fishing camp. On his actual birthday we had a surprise brunch out to eat with Aunt Uch and Kevin followed by baseball practice with baseball donuts and a hilarious unharmonized version of happy birthday from his teammates (haha). I made pumpkin roll for his 'cake' and then I got to join him at his school for lunch too! It's shocking every year to come to the realization that we are now parents of this oldest age child - to so easily be able to go back in time in a blink and remember his face in the hospital, our first little babe who made us parents. Eight years we've been at this gig and still have no freaking idea what we're doing (LOL). So grateful that we have this boy though that is so gracious with leading us through each new age and stage.  I mean, I want to smack him thirty times a day, but the dude sure puts up with his own share of our parenting 'winging it' attempts. Gosh booboo, we love ya. 

Starting spring sports seasons in the coldest weather ever. waaah. After having to cancel two soccer practices because of cold and rainy/snowy weather - we finally had our first practice a week later than originally scheduled. Chum and I are coaching our little red team and they are so sweet and hilarious -but actually really catching on to the game, rules, and the idea of passing. Grey's baseball games have been frigid but their team is doing well. Grey adores his teammates and get so invested in the season that he's in that it's all he thinks about (#justlikeDad). He has been repeatedly disappointed by cancelled games due to weather, but no worries, he likes throwing a tennis ball up against the wall at home thirty million times in a row #pleasehurrywarmweather

Raising chickens and deciding on a chicken coop design! These ten little chickies of ours are growing like weeds and we are all ready for them to be moved into their own home OUTSIDE! We've been taking them out when the weather cooperates enough and they have been cute getting acclimated to the free space and stretching their wings (they love hop/flying!) 

Wetting lines for Mentor fishing day and Fishmas! The boys' favorite season of the year. Grey learned to fly fish this year and caught on like (sorry for the pun) a fish to water. He is such a fisherman deep in his bones. I asked him if he had to pick between baseball and fishing -he picked fishing no question and then I said what about football and fishing and he thought about it for a few seconds and said, "oooh, that one's tough, but yeah, fishing.  HAH. And our son loves baseball and football, so his passion for fishing is off the charts. That child can't sit still to save his life, unless he has a rod in his hands. The boys spent two weeks in a row at fishing camp (#Greysdreamlife) and the rest of us stopped out and enjoyed the incredibly beautiful day we had on Fishmas. Nicest day we've had yet in terms of sun and warmth. It was bliss and we were all totally fine getting sunburned because we're dying for some summer. 

Teaching and being able to see the end of the year in sight! We finished up our novels in Spanish 2 and Spanish 2 Honors; as a final project the students did RAFT writing assignments based on different characters in the books. I loved (and laughed) through many of them as the students got super creative with design and hashtags. It feels both a relief and overwhelming that it is the last nine weeks of the year - still so much to do! - but also - yay! Moving on to our novels for Spanish 3 (Fiesta Fatal) and Spanish 1 Honors will be starting Capibara con botas!

Making who knows what?! We've been running on concession stand food and cereal. HAH. 

Father's day at the Que

We celebrated Father's day at our favorite local spot, The Quemahoming Dam (I included it in my no bummer summer list!) with our Dadda, my Dad (Chum), and Brandon's Dad (Pappy-) - plus Abba, Gigi, Aunt Uch, Kevin, and Aunt Kitty! We reserved a small pavilion (it's only $25!) and spend the day enjoying the beautiful weather, grilling out on the charcoal grill for a delicious picnic dinner, swimming in the dam, fishing, skipping rocks, playing on the playground, and even kayaking.  It was honestly such a perfect day.

First, the gratitude that I have that my children know the joy and comfort of all the people that love the very most in one place at one time runs so so deep.  I know it is a blessing beyond belief that we are surrounded with family and friends who first love our babies, but also like each other enough to spend whole days together in harmonious peace (even whole vacations together!) This gift is never one that escapes me and for one that I am so truly grateful for.  

Secondly, we have such good Dads in our lives.  

Brandon, who will forever be the single greatest thing I have ever given my children; a man who loves them, and encourages them, and celebrates all their weird little quirks, and who in deliberate and obvious ways so very much loves their mother.  

Chum and Pappy, our Dads, who have taught us each nearly every important lesson of our lives.  And then, graduated to grandfather status and just straight kills it.  These kids of ours are so blessed with grandpas that not only teach them so much, but go out of their way to create special little activities that are unique to them and to each child.  Like golfing, and quad riding, and fishing, and always being up for a game of soccer or catch in the yard.  

And so many Dads we know; our friends and family, the kids' uncles and godfathers.  I will never reach the end of my gratitude for the examples of good men that my children have in their lives.  (thank you to all of you good, decent, and kind men in our life).