let's let that cat out of the bag

Saturday, November 28, 2015

finally you guys, I can get honest with you!  We are expecting Studerbaby number four!

I hope my blogging disappearance makes a little more sense now.  I am just now, at a little more than twelve weeks, drudging out of the exhaustive first trimester.  I mean, you guys, seriously.  Maybe I'm a super big crybaby or maybe it's fourth baby pregnancy with three other kids to take care of - but I've been dead tired for the past few weeks.

I was staring longingly at my laptop all like Adele, 'Hello, it's me,' but that's about as much energy as I could muster...literally glancing over at my keyboard and feeling guilty was as much as I could give.  #sadbuttrue.  So my apologies, dear friends. I thank you so much for sticking around.

Miraculously despite being up half the night with a sick son, today is the first day that I felt the weight of first trimester exhaustion lift from my shoulders.  You know that feeling, it's a real noticeable difference when you become a normal operating person again.  I was just saying to my sister the other day when I was still blanketed in tired that maybe my lack of motivation and tiredness was just the new me, that'd I'd never feel energized again.  I knew this was not true, as my fourth time through this, but you guys, after weeks, it can feel like that.  (so to all you first time mommas, hang in there! you'll get back to normal energy levels again!)

Now back to the matter at hand, ahem, the bun in my oven.
We figured out we were pregnant in the same way as we have for the past two pregnancies, Bullet told us.  As soon as he is aware which is usually about two weeks before I can even take a pregnancy test (dogs are amazing), he gets all protective and weird around me; constantly wanting to be by my side and sleeping right next to me.

We got the official notice in early October and kept it a secret until late October when we told the kids and grandparents by giving them a 'gift' with a Thing Four shirt in it.  Reactions were all surprised and very excited.  We went about telling our friends and family slowly from there, and we've been blessed to be met with joy and support from everyone.

There are lots of stories out there about people's reactions to big families, but we cannot be included in the group that gets met with judgement, and we are so very grateful for that.  It has been such a reminder to me how beautiful it is to raise our kids up in a community (both physically and metaphorically) of people that celebrate joy with us, with our kids.  It teaches them (and reminds us) to do the same when we see happiness and joy in our life - it is to be celebrated! not judged, or compared, or to make us jealous.  Shared joy is double joy, after all.  (thank you all for that).

Our studerbaby #4's due date is June 7th and we've started our official rounds of doctor's appointments and necessary steps to keeping this baby safe and growing.  I'm blessed again this time around to have my cousin Meg as our midwife.  I cannot explain what a comfort and relief it is to have her with me every step of the way.  She is amazing and so patient with any questions or weird texts I send her.  (thank you, Meg).  At my first consultation one of the nurses was going over the list of pregnancy reminders including, 'don't pick up more than 25lbs' as I was standing there holding Violet and Gemma was asking to be held next.  She and I made eye contact on that one and then both started laughing.  So she quickly followed that reminder up with, 'well, at least use good body mechanics.' #pregnantmomofthreeprobs

This is the first time in four times that it feels like we've made it to our family, at least what our family is in terms of homegrown kids.  It's the first time that the thought of not having a new baby in the house after this one isn't sad anymore, it's kind of thrilling and exciting to imagine our family as growing older together, instead of growing bigger in size.  For a long time, I was notorious for saying, 'I don't know how you know when you're done having babies?!' but now it feels like I know, it feels like this.  like contentment, like fullness, like the someone we've been waiting for.

photo credit:  Carissa Merriman
As in all things in life, who knows where it will take us.  Right now, we're attempting to operate business as usual and daydreaming about our fourth little baby who we hope is growing strong and healthy, and has the patience of a saint, because to join this Zoo Crew is going to be an adventure! Let exhibit A be this attempt at a Christmas card photo:

i choose love.

Thursday, November 19, 2015


it's me.
I'm still here.
it's just that sometimes when the world gets too big.
and too ugly
and too many lines get drawn in the sand.
that i tend to shrink back into my own little physical world.

not because i'm afraid,
but because I know that this is where I can affect real change.
right here,
this is where i can do the most good.
to my kids.
to my family.
to my friends.
in this little part of the world that I am physically in.

I can push out kindness and peace and love and from here it can,
ripple out to all corners of the big world.

i sat and cried, hard cried; tears streaming down my face with my hand over my mouth so as not to wake my two napping girls because of a line from law & order SVU this week.
in the show, a former child solider of the LRA had cried out in a church that God had forsaken him,
"Is He deaf to our suffering?"

and i cried, and cried, and cried.

so much suffering.
real suffering.

and that's not to belittle anyone's current state of suffering in the whole range of what constitutes as suffering that runs far and wide.

I know it's not the perfect way to go about life; looking at suffering through the lens that some suffering is greater than others.  But in the blessed world where i operate that many people's greatest suffering (mine included) on a daily basis is a slow driver in front of us when we are in a hurry-- the enormity of the disproportion of suffering presses down on my chest as a constant reminder to be grateful.

To always be grateful in this life of mine that, if I'm being completely honest with myself, is at worst, slightly annoying.

mostly, i resolve to never be so afraid of something bad happening to me, that it blinds me from seeing the people who are suffering from the bad thing that actually  is happening to them.

so i turn in.
to my kids.
to my family.
to my friends.
and we talk about love, and empathy and kindness.
and we show each other love and empathy and kindness.
and act out of love and empathy and kindness in all things that we do.

because this is the only way that i know how to spread good.
by doing the good.

it is not through shares, and likes, and comments.

it's in the loving.
it's in the compassion and empathy.
it's in the doing.

we can live our life in fear or with love.
and i choose love.

Seventh Blogiversary!

Thursday, November 5, 2015

It was seven years ago, that in our little townhouse in Erie, PA, a newlywed version of me sat down at the computer in the sunlight filled office/guest back bedroom feeling excited and nervous about what living life as a family meant for Brandon, me, and our solitary pet, Lola (well, and a handful of fish).  My first blog post was sweet and and a little apprehensive.  What I wouldn't give to sit next to that girl I used to be and put my arm around her waist and say, 'hey, you did good starting this,'   

A lot of things have changed in the seven years since I nervously pushed publish on that first blog post and then subsequently called my mom, sisters, and mom in law to alert them that I had posted something on the internet that they could read (hah): 
For one thing, I have published 707 blog posts, including this one
(For unfathomable to me reasons yet incredibly so) I have 1100+ on facebook, 600 blogger subscribers, and a huge amount of articles re-pinned on pinterest
Over 3.5 million pageviews (mostly due to my megahit: 25 Rules for Mothers of Sons article)

(I guarantee you that tabitha of seven years ago, blog post #1, is losing her mind about all of that right now, current tabitha will never stop blushing about all of that, because...how?)

Things have changed in our actual life too:
We have had three kids: Greyson, Gemma, and Violet
We have bought two homes, two vehicles, and a tractor
We have adopted two dogs
I've quit working for a paycheck and starting stay-at-home-mom'ing (ie. working but no paycheck)
We moved back to our hometown

And some things haven't changed at all:
Brandon is still my favorite person on the earth, bar none.
Lola is still making us laugh and an escape artist
We have fully embraced (seven years running!) a monthly act of kindness for our family to complete with our 12 Months of Kindness Project (facebook page, and instagram hashtag:  #12mokp ) 
We still always think about (worry?) about Living Life, all of life in all the ways the best way we can.

This blog has been a thread that connects all our episodes of life, each one building on itself over the course of each new stage and phase.  This blog has really been an anthology of me, all of the different versions and changes of me.  To go back and read my posts, is to be able to feel again former emotions that I had during that time.  This blog and my musings about whatever was happening in my life at the time is quite honestly like real life time travel for me.  Maybe I'm too much a romantic, but it's my love letter to myself, to this life.

Never in a million years when pressing that publish button seven years ago today would I have imagined that anyone would be checking in regularly to see what's going on in our life, or to read what I have to say.  And if you are, thank you.  thank you so much for checking in and caring and listening.  It somehow validating and also inspiring to know that there are friends out there on the other end of this microphone.  Because what is a friend but someone who knows you and acts of a supporter.  I am so grateful to have you, friend.  

So happy blogiversary to Team Studer.  And, friends, I think that's reason enough to have a little bit of your favorite drink or dessert after dinner tonight!

ps. transformation thursday from late 2008 to late 2015.

Meal Planning and our November plans

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Whew, it has been a week and half of each of us scattered through various stages of sick; blowing noses, and administering medicine, and giving hot baths, and making soup for everyone in the house (me included) has left me drained...so my apologies for falling off the face of the blogosphere (pity party over).

Meal Planning has been on my mind lately for a few reasons, one of them being we just finished up our month of no-dining-out (100 small things task #74), so I'm taking it as a sign that I need to blog about it again.  I did a post a while back about how I got started if you want to check that out again.

I think there are stages to meal planning:
1. feeling overwhelmed at the thought of planning meals ahead
2. planning meals simply so you aren't scrambling at dinnertime every night
3. planning meals because you see money savings
4. planning meals to save even more money by not just buying meal ingredients but using the things you already have available
5. planning meals because it's the only thing that makes sense

Whatever stage you are at, know that it takes slow steps and consistency to continue on the meal planning journey.  And the most important thing to keep in mind is that YOU have to do YOU.  There is no method that suits everyone.  Meal planning isn't supposed to be another thing to add to your already filled parent plate - meal planning is something that is supposed to be helpful!

Here's how it works for me right now, as a stay at home mum to three little kids.  And after three years of meal planning, I have a stronghold in stage5 of meal planning:

Recipes: About ninety percent of my monthly meal planning recipes comes from pinterest.  The thing about pinterest is you can find anything your heart desires on there.  and lots of times, anything your heart desires is the opposite of helpful.  My kids aren't picky but they prefer certain types of food and many times its food that doesn't include a lot of spice and fanfare.  Simple, yummy, type stuff.  This helps me streamline the kinds of things I'm pinning to my meal boards because I know some things are just not going to fly with family meals.

While planning out the meals, I make sure to comb through the pantry, canned food cupboards, and the deep freezer to do an 'inventory' of things that need used.  In this way, I'm able to save even more money by using food that we have on hand but lots of time, gets pushed to the back of the shelves until they expire.

Shopping:  We do one big shopping trip at the beginning of the month for supplies for the month of meals that are planned.  I keep the running grocery list on a full sheet of paper as soon as I start noticing we need certain items during the month.  Throughout the month though, we obviously need to replenish daily used items (bread, milk, eggs, lettuce) and so we'll have to double up on those things throughout the month.  Otherwise, everything else is purchased at the big shopping trip (we get 90% of our food at ALDI).

Planning:  I only plan for five meals during the weekdays and then with leftovers or dinners at the grandparents houses, we usually can make it through the whole week with no trouble.  I mark down the meals in my planner because it's convenient and kind of my favorite thing.

We are meat-eaters, so I work to spread out various types of meals throughout the week.  Based on meat sales/prices help to determine what we will be eating over the course of the month too.  I try to stretch different types of protein too (beef, pork, poultry, seafood like shrimp and salmon)

I only plan out our main dish and go pretty loose on the side dishes.  We stock up on frozen veggies, those Knorr side dish, and anything else that might seem delicious as we do our big shopping trip to supplement as side dishes on the meal plan day.  We also have salad as an option at every meal because the momma must have salad all the time (we keep dried cranberries and croutons on hand for salad toppings!)  Lunch is for leftovers or throw-togethers (sandwiches/salads/soups,etc) and Breakfast is sometimes quick (waffles, cereal) or a chance to try pinterest yumminess.


So for the month of November, here is what our month of meal planning looks like:

Monday:  Cheesy Veggie Chowder
Tuesday:  Slow cooker Cream Cheese Taquitos
Wednesday: American Goulash
Thursday: Loaded Chicken & Potato Casserole
Friday: Breakfast for dinner! French Toast & Sausage

Monday: Homemade Pizzas
Tuesday: Please-make-more Crockpot Meatballs
Wednesday: Broccoli & Wild Rice Soup
Thursday: Chicken & Stuffing (with broccoli)
Friday: Shredded Deer Meat

Monday: Ranch Porkchops
Tuesday: Tater Tot Enchilada Bake
Wednesday: Slow cooker Chicken & Gravy
Thursday: Crispy Shrimp Pasta Alfredo
Friday: 'fancy' hot dogs

Monday: Open-face layered tostados
Tuesday: Crockpot french onion dip subs
Wednesday: Veggie loaded Fried Rice
Thursday: TURKEY
Friday: Leftover Turkey Burritos

Monday: Turkey Pot Pie

What stage of meal planning are you at?  Do you have any family favorite recipes to share?