Rustin James at six years old

 My Rustman,

Six years old and headed off to kindergarten this year. Aw man, buddy - what the heck happened to time? I am so excited for you to head out into the world and make your own friends and get on your own sports teams - you've been dragged along for so long now with your older siblings, I know you've been anxious to finally get started on your own growing up and out. But dude, I just want to keep you in my pocket a little longer because you are such a life-giving, hilarious yet wise burst of joy to my soul. 

My little Gemini baby - the sweetest, most authentic, creative, incredible sweetheart of my life most of the time....but sometimes with a Hulk-level angry streak that needs to be talked down from the ledge of vengeance (Rust, you are not alone on this - all the Geminis out there reading this are nodding their head in recognition). Your vocabulary is extensive and makes you so charming when it comes out of your six year old mouth in the right context. You have that curly hair, that sweet smile, and those eyes - aw man, the world is just not prepared for someone that looks like Hollywood but does not care at all about any of that bogus stuff. You just want to play and make friends with all the people and run around wild and free and not emerge from the woods until you are fully dirty, scraped from head to toe, and in need of a snack.

You are a night owl so our no-bedtime-summer suits you perfectly. You are always the last one to fall asleep and then also the last one to wake up in the summer mornings - sleeping sometimes until 11:30a or noon while everyone has been stomping and shouting all around you all morning. You don't care about missing breakfast either, because you just wanted a pb&j sandwich anyway - your favorite! You'd like to survive on solely pb&j, mac & cheese, and pumpkin roll if possible. You think "kid wine" (sparkling grape juice) and root beer in bottles are both hilarious and delicious. 

You have an imagination that is as big as all the world. You slip in and out of make believe with the smoothest of transitions - it is really something to behold. You still love pretend fighting in all kinds of styles (martial arts, superhero style, with play weapons or with imagined weapons). The fighting is enhanced by your wide range of sound effects and you can pretend so well that I need to observe close enough to see how your arms are both fighting your invisible opponent while your arms are also the arms of the invisible opponent fighting you back. You love a good comeback storyline, so most often your invisible opponent really has you in an impossible situation - just totally beat the crap out of you and you are nearly fake dead on the ground before you rise with one last burst of energy to defeat the enemy. It really is something to see you be fully immersed in make believe while we are out here in this boring reality. I have said for a long time that I think maybe you should grow up and be a stunt double in action movies. 

You and Violet are besties; we call you 'the meatballs,' still to this day even though you are both less tiny and round than you used to be when we gave you that name as toddlers. You two spend a lot of time together finding ways to play in a world of make believe - and since you are so easy going and imaginative that make believe world can be a land of all kinds of things: pretend school, pretend library, barbie dolls, baby dolls, superheroes, spies, and pretend city (you guys set up a place of work, a home, a gas station, and the babysitter's house). The messes you make (!!?!), I keep trying to remind myself that I can either have creative kids or a clean house. It makes me so grateful that you and Vi have each other - two peas in a pod - you rarely argue with each other and love each other for exactly all your weird, interesting, (wonderful) quirks. 

You and Grey have different personalities and interests, but the two of you like playing catch, fishing, and wrestling each other. You two will get there, the 6 year gap just feels very big right now. You and Gem are my two sensitive sweetie pies and if either of you need a shoulder to lean on- you come to each other's rescue. Roie will never let anyone hurt you, buddy - and I know you will do the same for her. I pray everyday that your two beating, giant, loving hearts will be safe from this too harsh world but powerful enough to make it softer for everyone else. You are really the most patient big brother to Red and Olive - how very grateful they are to have you to learn from. You are constantly giving up the toy or book that you are using because one of them want it now (only because they see how much fun it is because you have it!) You hug and kiss them, carry them around, help them when they are too little to reach something, and always have time to stop mid stride to tell them they are "so cute." 

You like the smell of my face lotion and tell me to tuck you in after I wash my face and put my lotion on so that it will be the last thing you smell. I love that, Rust. You are so sweet and notice the tiny, small things that end up actually being all the biggest things. I wish I could translate your facial expression most of the time - you almost always have the relaxed expression of someone about to laugh because they know the punchline; they are just waiting for you to realize it. I think maybe you understand the punchline of life, buddy. That we shouldn't be taking it too seriously, that with just a little imagination you can dream up any reality you want, that being with the people you love best of all and telling them you love them and that they are 'so cute' is important enough to pause whatever busy thing you were doing. You are a magical being, Rustman. You breathe life into my heart when I need picked up and that is not your responsibility at all buddy. It's just the truth - by simply existing and being exactly you - that is the power you have.  

I will forever be grateful that we kept you home this year and that I got to be home with you. Just me and you and all those babies. It was magical and healing for my battered, tired, weary soul. I can't say anything else about it because I will cry too much from gratitude.

Mr. Handsome,

I love you so much; you tender-hearted wildling. 

You make me laugh every single day with your wit and humor.

You are fearlessly and brazenly YOU and I hope you always are.
My Rustman, my sweetest boy, who we thought was the baby 

but turned out to be the most incredible, loving, and patient big brother.

I can't believe I get to be your momma.

I will be loving you forever and ever

even when you are so big and still so handsome

momma.

Around Here Week 29: 07/17-23

 A glimpse into what it is like to live in our home just this moment. 

from Abba

from Miss Hannah

Studerbabies Teddy Bear Picnic!

Studerbabies Teddy Bear Picnic

Intentional Outdoor Hours: 492+ hours (of 1000)
I'm actually pretty pumped that I'm already so close to 500 hours and it's mid-July. There have been yeas in the past that I only made it to just over 500 hours for the whole year. Anytime the kids start to get whiny or too messy - we go outside! Even if it is just to the back porch, we head outside and it makes everything exponentially easier for me and more fun for them. It really is the secret to spending summer at home with 7 kids 12 years and under and not completely losing your mind.

Reading How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong and 1000 Hours Outside by Ginny Yurich, although not too much of either. Between Studerbabies and trying to figure out plans for the fall - I feel like my brain (and heart) are in a million different directions and I can't get focused on reading. After a few paragraphs, my mind starts to wander.

Sneaking away to Pittsburgh for a night out. Brandon planned the whole thing (even organized the babysitters, we needed 3!) We had a hotel reservation overlooking one of the rivers, we enjoyed drinks and appetizers at a very cool little spot (Forbes Tavern), then fancy-pants dinner reservations where the food was so good, you had to literally close your eyes while savoring every bite (Monterey Bay Fish Grotto). For dessert, we ordered the Angel Food Grilled Cheese and we damn near licked the plate it was so good. You can take the country kids out to the city, but you can't take the country out of the kids. We slept in until 8a (!) before heading back home, but not before stopping to grab some Mexican food and margaritas (La Fiesta) because when on pretend-vacay, right? (thank you to Abba&Chum, Pappy&Gigi, and Miss Hannah&Gemma for watching all the kiddos so we could enjoy a night away!) 

Closing out the Roxbury volleyball season. We made it to playoffs but unfortunately only the first round. It is always such a fun season to be with our Cats team (two of them are my former students!) And playoff night happened to fall on our teammate, Randy's, birthday! He is our fearless captain who keeps us all together all these years (thank you, Randy!) and since it was his fiftieth, I printed out 50 mini Randy photos and hung them up all over the park to celebrate. We got team ice cream after our game too - we just love these summer Tuesday nights with you guys! 

Free playing and feeling grateful for Studerbabies Farm & Free Play. It was a great week - we had a Teddy Bear picnic event on Wednesday and Summer Night like an 80's kid on Friday night. I posted an introduction on facebook this week too and had so many encouraging comments and shares. I was so overwhelmed and surprised by the reactions, but it has my heart fluttering with ideas and maybe there is really something going on here that I need to keep holding on too. I have been feeling very reflective about my effort when my plan is still to back to the classroom in the fall but then I saw this great image from lizandmollie (a great instagram account, you should definitely follow!) and I felt better about keeping doing what I'm doing. 

art by Liz Fosslien

...But really starting to feel the pressure of the coming school year. Trying to figure out what will be best for all of us between the big kids in two different school buildings (1 in middle school and 3 in elementary) and the babies, and me back to work in a completely separate school district, and all the kids' activities...it's going to be a huge juggle logistically - but also the financial need for me to go back to work full time. It's all very overwhelming so I keep stupidly pushing it to the back of my mind, trying to reason that I'll deal with it once August gets here...and um, excuse me, Tabitha...August is about to be here. 

Phone free for two days due to water damage. Ugh. I was holding both Liv and Wells and my phone slipped out of my hand and directly into a big bowl of water that the kids had been using for water balloons (I mean, come on!) I got it right out and dried it off, put it in rice, and it continued to work for like five hours until it just died. I didn't mind being without a phone (although Saturday was tricky because of kids at different sporting events), but as a mom of six with kids each with activities and practices, and a cheer coach on the verge of the season, and relying solely on my phone for photos....yeah, I needed to find a solution quick.

Visiting the vet for the pups. They are all up to date on their vaccinations and we will continue Bullet on his old man pain meds as he is in his 'twilight' years. He is definitely slowing down, but his bursts of random energy just like he's always done are still present (although he def needs naps afterwards). Trixie's surgery is scheduled for later in August for her belly. 

Taking a dip at the Fiores house after Gem's basketball tournament - whew! How grateful to have lunch and a swim with them because it was hot as Hades outside. Our body temperatures were probably unsafely high until we got into that water - no kidding! Thank you for coming to the event to support our Gemma and then always opening your home (and heart) for us. Love you guys. xxo

Sporting a lot and all over the place this week. Grey had football conditioning on Wednesday morning and baseball practice two nights this week. Then he played in the VEA baseball tournament with two games on Saturday. Gemma and Violet attended open gym for basketball on Tuesday and we picked up Vi's friend Giada to go with us. Then Gem had basketball practice on Wednesday to prepare for her 3v3 basketball tournament at Hoopsfest in Altoona on Saturday. What a cool event - it was really amazing with basketball courts set up all over the street and parking lots with teams ranging from U8 to 40 years and over! It was an awesome day and Gem and her team learned so much. They played up in a U12 league (Gem is 10), so although they took some beatings - it was a great learning opportunity and Gem and one of her teammates, Leah, were young enough to play in that same level for the next two years yet! We are looking forward to it now! On Monday night, we had equipment handout for fall sports for the youth league - so I got to meet and greet a bunch of my cheerleaders and hang out with my co-coach, Brittany all evening. Looking forward to the fall season! 

Making fridge leftover clean out, bbq chicken tostadas on the Blackstone grill, breaded & grilled pork chops, chicken cordon bleu casserole, and frozen pizza. When we got home on Saturday from our basketball and baseball games, I was so touched to see that the grocery fairy visited us and left a pile of groceries on our porch(thank you Heather!! You are so thoughtful and it is so very appreciated - lucky to have you in my life always supporting me and this crazy life!  

Keto check-in bleh bleh bleh. I need to get my act together!

Around Here Week 28: 07/10-16

 A look into what it is like to live in our home just this moment. 

Intentional Outdoor Hours: 470+ hours (of 1000)
I don't think I've mentioned it in the last few posts - but just in case anyone forgot, I am deeply grateful for our back porch. Snagging lots of hours outside in the glorious summer days. Our back porch hammock is the best (my favorite reading during naptime spot!) and the kids love playing wiffleball in the back yard (they use old pieces of siding as the bases - LOL). B grilled up steak and veggies for dinner one night and we stood around the picnic table eating it all with our fingers like barbarians while the kids ran back and forth between the wiffleball game and/or the trampoline until like 10p. Oh no bedtime summer, I love you. 

Reading How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong, The Secret History by Donna Tartt, and 1000 Hours Outside by Ginny Yurich

Packing up cousin camp and already missing our cousins. It took two trips to get everything loaded up and taken home, but we did it before check out time! Last thing to get loaded down was the paddleboard while we buckled soaking wet swimsuit kids into the vehicles. The kids' first question when we got home from camp was, "When are we going camping next?" LOL, good grief - to be a kid! 

Catching up on a bunch of regular chores we've semi-neglected the past few weeks of summer fun. The guinea pig cage needed cleaned, the laundry was piled to the LITERAL ceiling after cousin camp, the chicken waterers needed scrubbed down at the farm, and the Beer Olympics totes needed moved into the attic. Feels good to check those things off the list, but never fun to actually do them - hah! 

Making note of the stark contrast in how I feel mentally/emotionally when I don't take my B12 vitamin. It is scary how quickly I can slip into awful, negative self-talk and feeling overwhelmed if I experience a B12 deficiency. My dad says that my grandma was the same way, so I am trying to do better to taking it each morning before I have my coffee. I am such a happier wife and mom (and person!) when my brain isn't so clouded with self-criticism and spiraling. (also, nature helps - double boost!)

Finishing up Rusty's last week of Kinder camp! On to the real deal next!

Celebrating a (very) belated birthday for Grey. He likes to wait to have his party in the summer (April is still too chilly) and so, at his request, we loaded up Lucille the 12-passenger Studermobile and our truck- and the flatbed truck that Uncle Kevin brought- with TWELVE 12-year old boys (teammates from all stars) and headed over to the Que to camp for a night. Several of the boys had never camped before but they all did great and had a good time. On the way over to the Que, I told them, "There's only one rule - behave in a way that you believe I would invite you back." And they really did follow that rule, because we had no issues or injuries or bullies! It was really a great time, just tiring because twelve constantly hungry-goofy-loud-energetic kids is a lot no matter how good they are. So happy to have been able to get them all together though - great birthday for Booboo and doubled up as great team bonding! The rest of our kids were elated to join them at camp for a little while on Friday while we made several trips with B's truck to transport all the bikes and camp supplies home. (Big thank you to Miss Hannah who stayed with the rest of the crew on Thursday night). 

High fiving the two biggest girls after their salon appointment with our cousin Mandy. They got trimmed and hair dye and they are loving it (me too!) Thank you Mandy - we are all so happy with how their hair turned out. And thank you Pappy who was salon chauffeur that morning so that I could stay with the birthday crew at the Que!

Visiting with our besties the Fiores at their house. They invited us over for yummy dinner and swimming and catching up and it was exactly what we all needed after some busy weeks of summer hustling. Thank you! love you guys so much! 

Taking an actual nap in the middle of the day with Brandon on Saturday because were just just totally wiped out. Cousin camp, baseball tournaments, birthday party, the Beer Olympics, and all the summer madness of six kids at home all day everyday. The exhaustion hit us big time on Saturday afternoon and when the babies took a nap, we told the kids to fend for themselves and slept for a solid 2+ hours in the middle of the day. Glorious.

Sporting with the close of the West Suburban tournament (Grey's team battled out of the losers bracket to earn second place!) B and I had a double header in our co-ed volleyball summer league and the kids were all so well behaved for all six games (we even stopped for ice cream on the way home to celebrate!) Grey had two mornings of football conditioning and I attended the football boosters meeting on Wednesday night and set up my group text for Majors cheer! Fall sports are already right around the corner and as much as I don't want to rush summer, I can't deny that I love me some football season. 

Making Hawaiian meatballs with pineapple over rice, Copycat Olive Garden chicken in the crockpot, and frozen pizzas. I made buffalo chicken dip for Grey's party along with two pumpkin rolls. We had walking tacos for lunch one day too. 

Keto check in and fully back on track after two and a half weeks of wishy-washy wagon. I am doing fasting until noon everyday (just because it's actually not too hard and makes me feel energized) and then Keto/low carb for the rest of the day. Feeling so much better when I follow the intermittent fasting along with low carb. The Que Classic released their info for their 5K in September and I'm considering thinking of doing it - but I will def need to start walking/jogging again before then.