The thing no one ever really tells you about is that you spend the majority of your day being The Bad Guy.
"No, you can't have chips for breakfast.
You have to brush your teeth.
Put your dirty clothes in the hamper, not just on the floor.
Clean up these babydolls and sports balls!
Stop spraying your sister in the face with the hose.
If you can't take turns sharing, no one's going to be allowed to play with it at all.
No, you can't just eat Popsicles for lunch.
When you're done with your plate, take it to the sink.
That's enough tv time for today.
You have to practice reading every day.
We don't go to a restaurant to eat every night because it costs money, eat what I made.
Get in the shower....and yes, you have to wash your hair.
Yes, I have to trim your fingernails and toenails.
No, you cannot put your hand in the toilet water.
You know the rule is if it's not yours; don't touch it - so how did Daddy's keys get stuck in the barbie car anyway?
Yes, it's time for bed. "
I mean, I'm like the worst.person.ever. all day long to these kids.
 |
| straight mean muggin' all day long. Baby Rusty gets me. |
Sure there are these tiny blissful moments sprinkled throughout that the skies open up and I can clearly see how amazing this life is and how awesome our little humans can be and the world makes sense and I have a grateful and content heart.
but for the most part, I'm wondering how every single conversation I have feels like a negotiation. Being the bad guy all day long can wear on a person's soul, man. Like, how did I even become this person? I used to be fun and silly and carefree...and now I'm the least fun person living in this house. They think I'm the no fun police, and usually I kind of am because I'm responsible for raising humans
and...you guys, a lot of the time, fun is also a mess
and gosh, I'm so tired
like too tired to clean it up
too tired to fight about who's cleaning it up
too tired to give myself the internal berate that comes with this entire thought process, so I'm just stopping right here.
AND...
I'm even the bad guy to myself most of the day.
"Why are you always shouting?
Shouldn't eat that!
No time to sit down, look at this house!?
Good Lord woman, get your shit together.
What are you forgetting?
You're late!! AGAIN!!
Are you sure they're turning into responsible citizens of the world?
Are you sure you loved them enough today?"
I get it; someone needs to be the bad guy or these kids will grow up to be terrible, entitled, lazy, dumb adults. I get all that.
but it also doesn't make it feel any better to BE the bad guy all day, everyday; clinging to the hope that one day my adult children will return to me with arms wide open saying 'thank you Mum for being so horrible to us so that we could grow up and not be jerks.'
On the bright side, I do know that future exists because Brandon and I have each gone back to our own once-upon-a-time-Bad-Guy-Mommas and thanked them (and we'll say it again now, THANK YOU MUM and GIGI!) And they aren't Bad Guy Moms anymore, now they're more like the opposite of Bad Guy Moms and the extreme opposite when it comes to being a grandma.
But even though I'm sure it exists, that future image holds little weight in the right this second as I find myself in a stare down with a six year old who "doesn't need to wash his hair because it's fine and I'm not the boss of his own body." (in case you're wondering - my rebuttal is "I AM the boss of this house though and I say my children will be clean, so wash your hair or I will do it for you, do you hear me Greyson Rudy!?!")
#someoneholdme
also
#bringchocolate
Aaaaanyway,
sending love and positive vibes to all you Bad Guy Mommas out there. Whether you're fighting the little battles of preschoolers and elementary school kids like me - or you're on to the bigger, scarier battles of the teenagers. You go on with your Bad Guy Momma self because someday (oh, that glorious someday) they'll thank us and if we're lucky we'll get to be the Hero'est Grandmas EVER.
Now let's all hold hands and repeat the Wreck-It-Ralph bad guy affirmation, because #momlife
Oh Tabitha! I hear you!!!
ReplyDeleteMy boy is 7 and in some ways we've moved past this, in that it's not every second of every day (and I get to be at work during school hours).
But even with only one child, I remember those days at home (that I KNOW were a blessing, even when they didn't feel like it!) and asking all the same questions of myself, and really not liking myself an awful lot, and wondering who I had become and if I'd ever get to be "the old me" again!
Even though we still have the ritual evening Bad Guy Mum, it really has gotten a lot better and he is even showing signs of becoming the kind of man I know I'll be proud of.
Keep going! You ARE awesome and I've no doubt you'll love those wonderful kids even more as they get older (and you don't have to remind them of something EVERY second :-) ).