The 32 pound comedian

Friday, October 24, 2014

This chick...

Granted, I'm only about a month into this gig - but it appears that the number of children (3) seems to be less of a challenge than does the ages of two of those children.  Grey at 4 and a half is a big help and usually very sweet and patient with all of us (little sisters included).  We are really lucky to have such a thoughtful son (...actually, I could use a lesson or two from him on patience at many occasions during the day in my sleep deprivation of the rotten 8).

It's common knowledge that a newborn in and of itself is sort of a tricky part - regardless of how many kids you have.  A newborn requires lots of time, lots of holding, lots of interruptions, and very little sleep.  And you can't really blame those little peanuts on account of them being so little and also so damn cute.  hah.

But around these parts - we not only have a newborn added to our mix, but we are also currently operating under the take-no-prisoners dictatorship of a two and a half year old.

This girl sets her mind to whatever she wants and that's the law of the land.  There's a whole lot of "Watch this/Look at this!" going on  At two and half, Gem is walking a tight rope suspended between "Hold me" and "I can do it myself" and let me tell you, the wind up there blows all day long.  We have long days of tested patience waiting for her to decide if she wants no help at all from us or if she is helpless - with a constant stream of toddler dialogue pouring out of her little pouty mouth.

It all makes for a mumma who needs extra cups of coffee and  halloween candy quietly poached from the cabinet.

Luckily for us; although exhausting - most of Gemma's antics are pretty hilarious these days (as all two and half year olds tend to be).  So if you're up for a few laughs today, check out some of our 32 pound comedian's current stand up routine -

She sings Kumbaya all day long, but changes the verse depending on the situation, for example at dinner time:
Gemma:  I don't like my chicken my Lord, Kumbaya.  Oh Lord, Kumbaya
or at nighttime
Gemma: Where is BigFoot my Lord, Kumbaya.  Oh Lord, Kumbaya

We were in a restaurant bathroom stall when the woman in the stall next to us passed gas rather loudly.
Gemma:  What was that noise?!
Mum:  Please mind your own business, Gem.
Gemma:  No, but what was that noise?
Mum:  Honey, go potty please.
Gemma:  That noise was a monster?
(the questioning went on until we left the bathroom).

Mum:  Gem, please stop flushing the toilet.  You only need to flush one time.
Gemma:  I have to do things.

Gemma came downstairs in the morning crying that Daddy wouldn't help her change her clothes and I thought she had had a bad dream about it.  
Mum:  Gem said she had a bad dream about you not helping her change her clothes! Haha
Dad:  That wasn't a dream, she came in too early and I told her to keep her jammies on
Gemma:  Dad, I want to change my clothes now
Dad:  Gem, not now, it's still morning - let's eat breakfast first
Gemma (looking at me and pointing at Brandon):  Did you see that?

Mum:  Please stop touching the sound machine.
Gemma:  I have to do things.

Gemma:  I can do this (claps hands) but you can't because it's too tricky for you.
Grey:  I can do that.
Gemma:  No, it's really tricky and I'm bigger than  you, so...
Grey:  Gem, I'm bigger than  you.
Gemma:  No, I'm two and half and I can do this (claps hands) and it's really tricky for you because I'm bigger and so, I can do this (claps hands)
Grey (to me):  Can you please take care of this?

Mum:  Gemma, is that scotch tape yours?
Gemma:  no.
Mum:  What's the rule?
Gemma:  not yours, don't touch it.
Mum:  yep, put it back.
Gemma:  I have to do things.

After velcro'ing her own sneakers
Gemma:  Look!  I'm magical.  So I get to hold the baby right now.  Standing up.

Talking to Violet
Gemma:  hi, baby!  I'm so proud of you!  I'll never drop you.  I promise.  Never, ever, ever.  I betect you from the bad guys.  Because I'm supergirl.

Gemma: (turns her head and sneezes away from Violet):  Look!  I didn't Bless You on her!

Mum:  Where are you going with the baby's wipes?
Gemma:  I have to do things.

Here's to the terrible (and hilarious) twos!


  1. A precious post!! I'm laughing over here :-D

    Love ya girl!! Hang in there!!

  2. haha, this is awesome! Our nephew used to say, "This is easy for me, but it's hard for you..." about everything - especially video games and lifting heavy things!

  3. Oh my gosh. The public restroom is a favorite. So funny! And I love her, "I have to do things"... She sounds like a very busy and important person.

  4. OMG!! What a great laugh we just had reading this. I guess this is our future.