The distribution of energy

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The distribution of energy in our home is grossly imbalanced, especially in the last 16 weeks as my energy has been mostly consumed by growing our third Studerbaby.

only 16 weeks, but my bump suggests 20+.  bleh, #thirdpregnancyproblems

Maybe it's been the dramatically shifting weather these past two weeks, but the distribution has seemed even more unfair - today especially.  I have been meaning to go through the kids' shoes for weeks now as Gem still has 2 sizes too small shoes out and about down here dining room table hasn't seen the light of day in weeks (..months maybe!?) covered in random items of things that belong upstairs or in the garage or have yet to have a home yet.

...and this past Friday while I was hurrying out the door with the two kids in tow to pick up a couple things at the store, I thankfully caught sight of myself in the mirror and audibly gasped.  "When was the last time I had a proper shower?"  Oh God, seriously, when?  There was no explaining to the kids at that point that we couldn't leave the house as they were already wearing shoes and trying to put their coats on.  Ugh, that last stretch to get out the door is some of the worst parts of the day - there was no turning back now.  And I kid you not, my friends, in that moment I was grateful for Walmart because at that moment - with two cranky kids and greasy hair, and yoga pants - I knew I would be accepted without a second glance.  It was not one of my finest moments.

Bud leaves in the early morning for work all day, I spend my day chasing these two among other tasks that allow us to maintain health, financial legality, and ya know, general living.  B gets home from work - we smile and speak in glances while we endure a dinner of unbelievable noise - how does so much noise and sounds come from two small humans? - and then say goodnight to each other as we each put a child to bed.  Because do you know what happens at 9pm?  WE FALL ASLEEP before the kids in their rooms.  For probably a solid 2 months, this has been happening.  Whoever wakes up at approximately 1am, will rouse the other and drag their nearly lifeless body into our own bed until we wake up to do it again.

It is the blur.  We are so deep in the blur; it's not even funny.

they're everywhere.  and with more mess usually.
There are good times too, obviously - moments of beautiful love.  Flickers of amazing, magical strings of light.

And then most of the rest of the day; we're trying to STAY AWAKE and remember what the hell it was that we were just doing.  And also trying to talk ourselves into completing a scarily daunting task, like I don't know, say vacuuming the upstairs or baking Easter cookies.

Let's get back to that energy distribution though, eh?
Mathematically and scientifically speaking - taking my very best guess and looking at all the observable data - I'm figuring the distribution of wealth energy (although same difference at this point) to look something like this:

Human Energy Distribution at Team Studer:
Greyson:  45%
Gemma:   35%
StuderBaby #3 (sucking from mother):  10%
Daddy: 6%
Mumma:  a measly 4%

This is currently what is happening right now:

lava floor and couch cushions as it's only 35 degrees outside.
But why don't I just turn on a movie, right?  As tempting as that is right now, I know that if they don't have tv after 5pm it means less difficult and earlier bedtimes.  And right now, sanity feels less important than putting the kids to bed and spending time with Brandon in silence and non-moving distractions.

If only I could guarantee I'll be awake for it tonight.
it's not looking so good, friends.


  1. Oh man- I definitely laughed at the Walmart comment... Hoping you get your energy back soon! I can't even imagine what you are feeling. But thank you for always being open and real. It makes you even more inspiring.

  2. Oh boy, do I understand this! I'm a bit better during the day (less falling asleep during Sophies naps, hah) but I am usually out cold by 9pm! Energy levels are totally depleted by that point!