Redland Adams, three years old

 Reddy, 

My littlest guy is three years old. Our sweet, funny little man is climbing up that toddler ladder and coming into his ownself. What a long while we waited to hear and understand what you had to say about the world - and man, oh man...is the wait ever over. Your speech cleared up right before you turned three and now all you do is chatterbox all day long! It is when, and where, and how, and why why why. It is 'watch dis', and 'look at that', and 'can I do it?' It has been such a joy to learn more about you through what you ask and want to tell stories about (mostly dinosaurs, hunting, fishing, sports, and nature).  

It consistently makes me laugh that you think being everyone's favorite little dude is normal. With all your siblings, every time we go anywhere where they have friends you are like an instant celebrity. Everyone is always high fiving you and playing with you and laughing at your jokes. The self confidence that you have that has come from years of this has really encouraged you to be brave and friendly. 

 

You are an outdoor kid (you spent most of your first year of life outside!) so you always prefer to be outside; jumping on the trampoline, zipping around on your Strider bike, or checking all our flowers. This summer you became a lightening bug catching expert. You don't like swimming in pools, but you love lakes or public pools that have walk in access. As long as you can touch the bottom, you are so full of joy in the water. The way you shriek and laugh while you jump and splash makes me so happy.

At three, you love dinosaurs (T-Rex best of all!) and superheroes (Spiderman best of all!) You would spend the whole day play fighting with Rusty; sometimes you are enemies and sometimes sidekicks - but there are always sound effects. You love sports (baseball, football, soccer, and basketball) and you like to dress appropriately for your big siblings' practices and games (cleats, tall socks, and mini jerseys. 

You want to be independent and do things yourself (getting dressed, getting snacks, opening yogurt so it dumps all over my kitchen, putting on shoes, etc) but you also like to baby brother it up (telling everyone you can't do something because your legs hurt or you need to sit down right now; hah!) You love helping me in the kitchen and you are always the first to volunteer to stir or mix ingredients, and lick the spoon (obviously.) You love chips and gum and cookies - but your favorite things to eat are super healthy stuff like fruits and vegetables; you love salads, yogurt parfaits, and sweet potato breakfast hash. You still like to have a "macheet" at bed/naptime which is just chocolate milk but we might always call it macheet now because of you. 

Each of your siblings brings out a different shade in you. You idolize Grey and he thinks you are Him and tells everyone so (#teenageboyslang) Gemma is patient and encourages all the YOU in you. Since you like dinosaurs, she'll play dinosaurs. If you want to color, she'll print you pictures. It's the teacher's heart in her and what a blessing you get that kind of support from her. Violet pushes you and expects independence out of you in play and chores. I am grateful that at least one family member in this house does not baby you - it will help you grow and learn! Rust loves having a little shadow to teach and play with. He is such a patient and generous big brother, I am so grateful you have him to watch and imitate. Olive is your little pretend twin (only 1 month over from being Irish twins?!) You play and fight and play and fight - literally over and over again all day long. You have funny little inside jokes together and sometimes you just look at her and giggle because she can be such a silly, bossy, wackadoo. 

You're in the rough boy stage; which can last anywhere from 18mo to 18 yrs. It's 1 part curious, 1 part brave, and 2 parts destruction. Luckily for you, we've already done this twice with your brothers so when you were sitting on the back porch breaking a water gun into a million pieces by hitting it with a hammer in an inquisitive and focused way  - Dad and I were just like, "huh...look at him go." (hah #bigfamilywisdom) If we've learned anything from being parents to boys, we've figured out that often times it takes breaking something for you all to figure out how it works and why it was important in the first place. That's why we make sure to allow for opportunities to break things that are replaceable like toys and papers and why we try build in a multitude of experiences in being gentle and careful with valuable things like people and animals and hearts. 

I think you and I may always have a little special knot - my only c-section baby + covid quarantine newborn closeness and my youngest son; it gives you and I an extra tether between us. You still always prefer me to be close to you; during the day, at bedtime, when we are out and about. You are my kid who get sick the most (finger sucker & c-section baby) so there is always a part of my mind that is reserved for general (unnecessary!) worry about your health. 

In a big family, I think it gets tricky to feel singular when so much of life is part of a whole. You are fifth in the group - a solid life so far of being "one of the Studer kids" But, my boy - know that you are uniquely and wonderfully exactly what the world needs. You have your own sweet thoughtfulness with the flowers you pick for me or the whispers at night that you have a surprise for me tomorrow (and the surprise is a hug). You are very silly and funny in a way that no one else in our family is - your comedic timing almost perfect and you leave the whole dinner table laughing so hard we have food flying out of our mouths. I hope you find that being from a big family will always be a blessing to you, but you are just YOU too. And I will forever be grateful that YOU are part of US.

My Reddy, 

I love being your momma. 

You find a way to make me smile every single day. 

You are smart, and strong, and growing so big!

You are funny, and thoughtful, and give the sweets hugs around the neck.

I love you so much

forever and ever

even when you are bigger than me!

momma.

Redland Adams, two years old

 My Reddy, 

My babiest boy is two years old and it both breaks and fills my heart. You are getting so independent and funny, but (just like every other toddler) so curious and testing all the limits. You have me swinging the gamut of motherhood within the span of a day: laughing, exasperated, exhausted, charmed. You, my sweet boy's boy, are successfully following in your brothers' footsteps of breaking all the things in our home, especially your momma's poor heart. 

,

You are so cute that it is actually dumb and everyone comments on it. Something about your teeny tiny body and head walking around with the confidence of a teenager with that white blond hair and sly smile makes people swoon (me too). You have the sweetest chuckle of a laugh. You love pockets in your pants (it's just too much when you stand with your hands in your tiny pockets!) and you have started putting your hands on your hips when you want to make a point - it's too precious! 

It has taken you a long (LONG) time to talk. You are only now just starting to get out words that are decipherable, even though you've been understanding us for so very long now. It's a good thing you're number five, because otherwise I may have been worried about your speech progression, but I know now you just needed some time and patience to get there. Your body development went so fast (walking at 10 months, kicking, dribbling, catching, throwing, jumping so early) that your other skills needed plenty of time to play catch up. I have loved the opportunity to learn your secret language and growing with you in ways to communicate that aren't verbal. 

You are a go-go-go kind of boy but you will stop in your tracks if I pull out a picture book. You love sitting on my lap and reading all the books, otherwise it is full speed ahead; running, jumping, playing all the sports all the time.

You love chocolate milk in your bubba and you sign for it by tapping your middle finger and thumb together. Your favorite foods are salad, fruit, and breakfast sausage with ketchup. Most of all, you like being outside and let loose into wild freedom. You find ways to occupy yourself, usually just copying whatever Rusty is doing. You love using sticks as swords, trying to play sports (basketball, soccer, golf, and football) and chasing after the chickens and ducks. When you help with farm chores it is always a negotiation to get you to leave the farm, we have to promise you we will be back down later. You still suck on your fingers to self-soothe: the middle and ring finger so your hand is always in the sign for "I love you" while you are calming yourself or sleeping. You take a nap every afternoon (at your own request; sometimes going up to Booboo's bed and laying down with a blanket all by yourself). 

You are a true Covid-19 quarantine baby and it is most clear in the fact that your favorite people are the people that live in your house. You have only just started to tolerate other people (LOL). It takes quite a bit of kindness, graciousness, and above all patience to win you over and those family and friends who have done that over the course of the past two years (literally since they've known you) are now finally getting to see all the incredible silly, wild, passionate soul that bubbles under your untouchable exterior. It takes a big effort to get you to trust, but once you do - gosh, how lucky it feels to be considered one of 'your people,' 

You love each of your bigger siblings endlessly and know without a doubt that they would be willing to bend heaven and Earth if you simply asked. Rusty is your right hand man and (bless him) he is always patient and generous when you want to do exactly what he is doing with exactly what he is doing it with (ie. Spiderman, a sword, a soccer ball). Grey is everything you hope to be when  you get big. The way you already idolize him is wild and so much of you reminds me of your biggest brother when he was your age that I often feel like I fell back through time. You have the same mannerisms and interests as Booboo did; it is truly dizzying some days. 

You are just starting to realize that Livy can potentially be a playmate and it is both delightful and hilarious to you. I can't wait to see how the two of you continue to bond as you grow up. So thankful you two littlest ones have each other. You absolutely adore your baby cousin Wells; the way you dote over him and try to include him in you and Rusty's imaginative games has me smiling everyday. 

One thing is for sure though - you are your momma's baby, Red. It's been like that even from the very start, Bubie. You and me trying to figure out how we are going to work through a challenge together. 

there you and I were -  heading into my only c-section of six kids - and in week 3 of the full lockdown of the covid-19 pandemic no less. You came a week early of our due date because of fear of a prolapsed umbilical cord. 

there you and I were - you at 2 weeks old, strapped in the baby carrier in our bedroom as I bounced you back in forth while typing up my 12 page research paper to finish my teacher certification program.

there you and I were - you at 5 months, as I looked at my positive pregnancy test and said in a disbelieving whisper, "but I already have a baby."

 

there you and I were - you at 13 months, getting in some last snuggles as the baby of the family before I headed off to the hospital to have your baby sister.

there you and I are - figuring out how you can be both a baby and a big brother; you are so helpful and patient with me and your baby sister (such a good big brother it is truly astonishing!) but we also figure out how to make sure you get your time in my arms and on my lap and how often and how much you get to be the baby too

there you and I are - working out our own secret language and understanding so that you can communicate even when you aren't ready yet through words. You come over, look me in the eyes, and patiently say, "momma" and then take my hand and lead me to the thing you need help with

there you and I are - squeezed up close in bed together every night because you startle yourself multiple times a night and need comforted to fall back asleep

there you and I are - figuring out how you can be both a big boy and a little brother; you are so independent and capable but we also figure out how to help you understand you aren't big enough to do all the things your big brothers and sisters do (how grateful I am that you have such generous and caring older siblings)

So I'll take this momma's baby phase for as long as it lasts. I love being the one you seek out when you are proud, or unsure, or excited, or worried. I love being your favorite person in the whole wide world. I will always be there for you, even if I'm someday not the first person you are looking toward. I will always be looking towards you, my darling.

Reddy, 
you are such a gift to my life; to my mother's heart.
I love being your best girl in the whole world for now
you are certainly my best babiest boy in the whole world;
my littlest guy
love you forever bubie,
even when you get so big
(and even if I'm not always your best girl in the whole world)
momma.

Reddy Adams 18 months old

 Reddy,
My sun/son up to sun/son down little boy; pedal to the metal, curiosity through destruction, sticky handed, just dumped out all the things, tiny, boss baby. When I wrote 25 Rules for Moms with Sons it was because of sons like you - who break all the things during the day, including your momma's heart, spirit, and sanity (hah) and then mend them right back up with a snuggle at bedtime. 

It's funny how a mother's mind plays tricks on her. I've been through this toddler stage four times before and somehow when I turned around from emptying the dishwasher and saw that you had transferred all the dry dog food to the water dishes and mixed it with potting soil and a sneaker - I was surprised. Why would I be surprised? I have experience in this stage - the turn your back for a moment and three new messes have been created by the toddler stage...and yet. You are not one to back down from a challenge, so it seems you're going for most destructive toddler of all our kids (it's that Aries sign - just ask your biggest bro Booboo). So Dad and I are hanging on for dear life and taking lots of deep breaths and reminding ourselves over and over, "This is just a stage of growing up." 

You've been walking since 10 months and then running shortly after that. You can also climb to the top bunks, jump, walk backwards, hang from the chin up bars, and open dresser drawers to empty all the clothes. You understand everything we say and can follow directions like "get your shoes," and "go pick a book to read." 

You like to play outside best of all - catching chickens, jumping on the trampoline, or going for walks in the woods. You are most happy with some kind of ball or stick in your hand. You love playing catch with a football, kicking a soccer ball, or dribbling and shooting basketballs on the mini hoop in the kitchen. You also love to play fight with your brothers - wrestling and playing with pretend swords and guns. You and Rusty fight invisible monsters all day to keep me and baby Olive safe. You want to do whatever Rusty is doing and follow him around copying his every move and sound effect. 

You communicate through sign language, pointing, and grabbing our hand and showing us. Your vocabulary is extremely limited in terms of what is distinguishable (yes, no, hi, bye, dad, mum, 'wow', and 'boom boom' when shooting a pretend gun). But you do try to talk and you make so many language-type sounds - we call it your alien dialect because it does really sound like it's a real language, we just aren't fluent in it. You sure get your point across though and the pediatrician says not to be worried as you're the fifth baby and demonstrate no other red flags. I can't wait to understand all you want to say (you speak in alien all day - you have plenty to say!) and I know you'll get there, so I'm trying to remember to appreciate all your babble just as it is right now because I know that some day eleventeen is gone and I miss her. 

You love sweets, especially chocolate - but will eat almost anything. You are our 'seagull' and you gravitate toward anyone with food; mouth open waiting for them to share. You love salad with dressing, dipping sauces (ketchup, bbq sauce, etc), and all kinds of 'grown up' food that our other kids scrunch their noses up at. You take one nap (most days) and you sleep in our bed at night, usually horizontally; kicking Dad and I in the neck. We are experienced in parenting though so we know this is a phase, but dude - I would be lying if I didn't say that I could use a good night's sleep. Dad set up a toddler bed in our room and laid with you in it the other night. He actually fell asleep (#parenting) and instead of doing the same- didn't you just crawl over the top of him and climb up into our bed and fell asleep. hah! 

                

You bring out something in each of your siblings, as they do in you too. Grey is your mentor and cheerleader - teaching you and marveling over how quickly you pick up anything sports related. Gemma is your nurturer - you know she is going to get you whatever you want and will baby you if you need it (even if you don't!) Violet is your audience who gives you the most laughs and encouragement when you're doing something funny or (usually) naughty. Her giggle will be the soundtrack playing in your mind while you figure out your own humor. Rust is your right hand man, how grateful I am that you two have each other. You are lucky to have such a patient big bro willing to play beside you and take all the beatings that come with a little boy that is just figuring out his own strength. Rusty has been bitten, slapped in the face with play weapons, and pinched more times than I can count, but he always forgives you as you figure out how to play safely.  I hope you remember Rusty's patience with you as Olive grows up learning how to control her actions. 

You still suck your fingers when you need to self-soothe. You do the 'rock on' hands and you're small enough for everyone to think it's still cute. You do enough big kid things though that lots of people (us included) forget that you are really only a baby. Especially since you are such a sweet and caring big brother to Olive. You are only 13 months older than her, but you love and care for her without any jealously - it makes me so proud. You kiss her and ask to hold her. You help put her binky in when she accidentally spits it out and you share space in my arms or in my lap with her. She is so lucky to have you, bubie. Thank you for being the best big brother and friend to her.  

The other week we were at a varsity football game and you were playing over near the ramp to the bleachers. I was closer to the fence with the stroller so you and your siblings had a 'home base' to return to when they needed money, or their coat, or to just check in. I could see you, but you were in your own world practicing walking up and down on the ramp. I watched and laughed to myself as person after person passed by you smiling and saying, "Hi Red" while you lifted your hand to them like "hey" so nonchalantly. As the fifth kid to siblings who are all involved in activities, nearly everyone everywhere we go recognizes you....and you're just like, 'what's up.' Dad and I are so grateful that your brothers' and sisters' friends are so kind and patient with you - you have so many examples of how to grow up to be a decent person.

You have a lot of expectation riding on your shoulders from your older siblings which I hope you will learn to see as a blessing and not a curse. There are many of us, but there is still enough room for you to be your own person; exactly you. You both fit with us and widen the scope of who our family is and we are better as a whole for it.  

Life with you, Reddy, is so good. You are funny and wild and the embodiment of 'snips of snails and puppy dog tails'. A bouncing ball of bruises, scrapes, dirt, and energy. Because of your wonder and joy, we are all more aware of the everyday magic of life. You forced a pause button into our fast paced life with school aged kids. You encourage us to pump the brakes and look around - you are such a strong reminder that we are living in the good 'ole days right now.

Reddy, 

You are a wonder, a tiny boy wonder. 

I can't believe I get to be the one to snuggle you and kiss your booboos

and read you books and balance you in my arms with your baby sister.

you are exactly what our family needed when we didn't know we needed you.

thank you for being just exactly you.

I love you forever and ever

even when you are bigger than me

my babiest boy, 

I will be loving you, 

momma

Screen Free first year

 Red is (unbelievably!) almost a year old. 

Recently one weekend morning, I was doing some grading at the dining room table on my laptop and Red was playing nearby on the floor near the sliding glass windows. It was a cold morning and there was a considerable amount of snow outside. I paused and watched Red for a few minutes without him knowing and I watched in fascination to see how much he was learning just by playing on his own. 

He put his hands on the cold glass and looked outside. He caught notice of the sunlight on the aloe vera plant and crawled over the various shoes and boots to reach the plant to reach out and touch its spiky leaves. As he was touching the plant, the mini fridge next to the flower pot kicked on and made a buzzing sound. Red stopped and tilted his head as he recognized a sound had started but didn't quite know where it was coming from. He looked in the direction of the plant/fridge and said "Ba!?" and after no response he looked towards me to see if everything was okay. I smiled at him and he turned back to the plant for a moment. Then he crawled near the table toward a bouncy ball and pushed it away from him and then crawl/chased it through the dining room. 

In those brief moments, it was clear how much learning he is doing just by plying on his own.  Babies  don't need entertained - every single thing is new to them. The sunlight coming through the window at  different time of day then normal is new.   Hearing a familiar sound from a different part of the room is new to them. 

Two weeks later, I started reading Balanced & Barefoot by Angel J. Hanscom and I cannot stop thinking about how important it is to give all kids, including babies, opportunities for free active play - especially outside to help grow their bodies, muscles, minds, and imaginations. Because we are already  pretty outdoor conscious family (thanks in huge part to 1000 Outdoors Outside and Screen Free week for the past 6 years) Red has sort of accidently ended up having a Screen Free first year of life. 

At no point did we ever offer Red a screen because there was so much more to do and learn for his little mind and body. He has had a lot of opportunity for adult face-to-face interaction, child/sibling directed play, and free time where he has been allowed to just explore and play on his own.  

He went on his first outdoor walk at 3 days old (it was just down the driveway in his momma's arms) but has spent numerous hours on various trails and in the woods. He's been camping, swimming, and sled-riding (he hated it, hah!)  He's visited a local waterfall (twice!), napped outside while the bird sang him lullabies from the trees, and he's handfed lots of animals (dogs, goats, chickens, and guinea pigs). 

He's learned to caterpillar scooch, then crawl, then stand, climb stairs, and now walk. He's felt the sunshine and wind on his face, grass under his toes, and squished mud in his hands. He's eaten snow, some bark mulch, and licked a pine cone. He's crawled and wobbled over uneven terrain, fallen, ducked under low hanging obstacles, and learned to recognize ledges. He has grown and learned in a natural way in a natural environment where he was able to explore and play freely, even at under a year old. 

    

Red has experienced a full sensory first year. Literally, everything that has been introduced to him this year has been the first time he has ever experienced it. He was taking sensory input through all his five senses and is using that input to make sense of the world. 

He has no favorite "characters" - he wouldn't recognize a Paw Patrol dog or know the opening song, but he knows the difference between our two very similar looking dogs. He knows basketballs go in hoops, books have turning pages, and the most fun place to play in the house is in the dogs water and food dishes (ugh).  

Our other kids have had a similar first year, but it feels the most screen-free it's ever felt with Red.

Maybe because we have been focused on increasing our overall family outdoor time so much, 

maybe it's because there's so many of them now that it's a natural progression to have plenty else to do than watch screens anyway, 

maybe it's the Studerbabies farm that encourages so much outdoor time - 

but I think it's just our realization over the past six years of observing how meaningful and impactful being outside and having time for active free play has been for all of our kids. 

Reddy-pop, 

You are joy personified. 

You have brought newness to everything for all of us this year. 

I can't wait to see how you continue to grow and shine. 

You are so deeply loved; most kissed and snuggled baby in the history of the world!

I hope you & your dreams grow as tall as the trees. 

love forever and ever

even when you do get as tall as the trees

momma.