No 100 small things for 2022

At the prospect of a fresh new year since 2015, I have been creating 100 small things lists. They have brought ambition and focus to my years and I have loved them - honestly, that's the kind of nerd I am. A list-loving, big-dreaming, determined-to-do-all-the-things, ambitious nerd. 

But.

this year, I didn't make a 100 small things list. and I feel good about it. I'm not sad or disappointed. I haven't even grown out of the list making; I hope someday to find my way back to that particular style of new year list goal making. 

the last three years have really been a whirlwind for us - I know for all of the world too - but in the last three years, we had both of our moms go through major health concerns, had two babies back to back, I took a year long leave of absence from my job, and um, the global pandemic too. 

it's been a strange path of scary, exciting, change, growth, and learning for all of us - definitely me. 

to highlight my sentiment - I was in the attic the other day grabbing the valentines' decorations box and was shocked to see how far I have lost control of the attic. 

Because not so many years ago, the attic was the one place in the house that was neatly organized and labeled. Mom was allowed up there and everything had a place and everything was in its place. 

Fast forward to being pregnant for two and half years with all kids home in a global pandemic lockdown and the expectations dropped way, way down for attic organization. It was more like - 

"what?! you have no pants that fit, child who grew overnight?! Go up in the attic and drag that box down and when I swap them all out, just throw everyone's grown-out clothes in this tub and shove it up the attic steps...I'll deal with it when I'm not pregnant and the coronavirus is over" 

LOL...when the coronavirus is over. 

hah...funny. 

Aaaaaanyway, when I was up there the other day stepping around the tub of shoes that one of the kids dumped out looking for a pair that fit in a last minute panic; I just shrugged and moved on. 

Because in 12 years of motherhood, I have FINALLY come to understand a very essential piece of parenthood knowledge. 

if you have kids who are not yet walking or talking - the mess and disorganization does not count. 

PERIOD.

end of story. 

there is no discussion on this. 

you are in survival mode, baby. 

it's easy to forget that when your kids get a little bigger.  

heck, I forgot it until I had our last two. 

when you have kids who are not yet talking or walking - it is feeding times and diapers and naptimes and teeth coming in and another round of germs because you have a finger sucker, and growth spurts, and doctors appointments every three freaking months, and droopy necks to clean after every feeding, and all-the-things spilled, and good Lord the baths and lotions and wrestling into jammies, and the waking up in the middle of the night because of a zillion random reasons... 

who in the hell has time or energy to organize the attic boxes?!

plus we have the big ones which now translates to practices, and homework, drop offs and pick ups, and sleepovers, and playdates, and birthday parties, and hormones, and why.are.they.hungry.all.the.time !?

and then all the adulting on top of that: work, meetings, volunteering, paperwork, appointment making, bills, bank accounts, pets, dishes, laundry, grocery lists, meal planning, checking in with parents and friends, and watering the plants (hah, but for real, that's a thing). 

and don't even play when it comes to holidays - HAH. a whole new layer of madness. 

So as 2021 was coming to a close and I was gazing into the fresh new year, 

I took a deep breath and smiled. 

because although this is a chaotic, messy, wild life. 

it is a good, good, great, beautiful life. 

and more than anything, I need a dig out year. 

I need a take-it-easy-girl year. 

I need a reflect and look around and up year. 

I need to live right now in this present moment 

instead of making all the big plans for sometime soon but not right now. 

so in case you needed permission for that kind of year too - here it is. 

same, friends. me too. 

and if not and you are all "Let's go! 2022! New year, new me!"  - know that I am cheering you on and so inspired by you. Because there is almost nothing I love more than big dreams and plans to get there! 

it's just in my current moment, I am living the come-to-life big dreams of my literal seven year old self who married a cute boy and had six babies and a handful of animals. (self-fulfilling prophecy people!! also a real thing!) 

 

so I'm going to snuggle down into this life just as it is and soak it up for all its worth.