Birthday reflection exercise

It's nearly my birthday, 36!, and every year I find a way to make it weird on all the people that love me and want to celebrate me (hah, sorry). I just really feel that birthdays, at least for me, are meant to be for internal reflection. The only person who deserves to be celebrated on my birthday is my mumma who did all the work that day 36 years ago - Thank you Mum! Love you more. 

So, every year around my birthday, my husband and family has to endure as I go through a few days that have me all weepy with gratitude and quiet with contemplation while I keep telling them to stop making a big deal out of it. (poor Brandon, I love you for putting up with me, babe).

Mostly for me, my birthday is a yearly reminder to be grateful for this life that I get to live. 

There are days that are so long and challenging that I find myself grateful to sink down into bed at night with relief that it is just over. But most days, I cannot believe I get to live this life filled with so much beauty. 

All the tiny regular moments through the year, 

sips of coffee

catching Brandon's eyes across the dinner table

hots showers

a warm day with a cool breeze

the sound of turning a page in a book 

the weight of my babies in my arms

they all collectively add up to this incredible life that I get to live each day. 

The people who show up for me and the people who need me to show up.

The places that I usually find myself and the places I got to explore. 

The laughing and crying and hurting and rejoicing. 

I feel so undeserving but deeply grateful to get to be the one who walks this single, unique, ordinarily extraordinary life. 

My life isn't perfect, but I remain focused on the ways that it is wonderful and all the ways that I can choose to make it better or be grateful for what I do have. 

It comes down to perspective and how you frame your experiences and memories. 

These are some things that I find myself reflecting on each year around my birthday. We get this one year in this one precious life. I want to make them all count. 

1. What lessons did you learn this year? 
Sometimes you learn the hard way, sometimes you learn to be more efficient - both count. 

2. Are you living your daily life in a way that is reflective of the kind of person you want to be remembered as some day?
I often imagine my children and my future grandchildren remembering me or telling stories about me when I am very old or gone. I want to work towards living a life right now that their stories will be the kind of a person I want to be remembered as. That I made time for them and others. That I laughed and smiled. That I made food that felt like a hug. That I found time to be silly and have fun and snuggle. That I behaved as though mess and the loudness and the chaos didn't matter as much as the togetherness. That I was patient and looked at them and listened to them and read a lot of books.....for these stories to be true - I need to live this way right now. 

3. If you had to describe the You you were this year, what words would you use to describe him/her?
She was one part overwhelmed, distracted, and worried and another part ambitious, determined, and patient. It was a strange year of life last year. A challenging year at school, a scary year for health of a loved one but then that half of the year drove the other half towards being intentional on doing better; being more aware, taken advantage of health and youth and the beautiful expanse of summer free days of possibility. 

4. Who did you admire this year? Who do you want to be more like? Why? How?
Reflect on who you were surprised by or who impressed you this year. Who made you think, I want to be more like that. Maybe it was a small, kind gesture from someone you know personally or maybe it was something big on a large scale that inspired you from someone you simply read about. Think about what it was that inspired admiration; is it something that you already have inside you that just needs to burn a little brighter - or is it something you want to change or add to yourself? 

5. How were people supportive to you this year? How can you be supportive to others in the same way you felt supported this year? 
Think back to the people who were in your corner this year - how did you know they were there for you? Did they show up? Did they reach out? Did they lend a helping hand? Do you show support to people you love in the same ways that gave you support? How can you do better? Who needs you in their corner? 

6. Reflect on the titles you held this year. 
Spouse, parent, child, sibling, aunt/uncle, grandparent, friend, job title, coach, etc. Which of these were easy and fulfilling? Which were challenging? Do you need to re-prioritize this year? Do you need to change any? Do you need to add any? 

7. Reflect on the things you accomplished this year. 
What did you volunteer to do? What were you forced or pressured into doing? How many times did you say Yes? Why? Was it worth it? How many times did you say No? Why? Was it worth it? Where in your life should you try to say No more? Where in your life should you try to say Yes more?

8. In what small moments did you fill most like your true self? 
When you are your true self, who is with you? Are you alone? What were you doing? How can you make more moments for you to be your true self throughout the year, months, weeks, days. Are there daily routines that bring peace of mind that you can continue? Are there moments where a routine or tradition can help bring you peace of mind this year? 

9. You will never be this young again in your life, what can you do this year to take advantage of this youthfulness that you still have? 
What are things your mind, body, and health allow you to do right now that you can't guarantee as you get the privilege of growing older? Will you take better care of your body this year; healthy whole foods? exercise? moisturizer and sunscreen? meditation? get a check up? Will you learn a new skill; knitting? a musical instrument? calligraphy? a recipe from an elderly family member? Will you expand your horizons; travel? learn a new language? take up a hobby? participate in a local sports league? volunteer your time for others? 

10. Plot this year on a big imaginary scale with all other years, where does this one fall? 
Maybe looking back it will be one of your favorite years and you know already you'll look back and think, 'oh to be that age again!" Or maybe it belongs in the worst/scariest/most challenging years category. If it was a hard one, that's okay - sometimes life is like that, but look at you - you persevered and for that you can be grateful; even if just because that year is over.  If it falls in the rating of Meh, how can we make that different next year. You get one year this age and that's it! We should be living in a way that no years turn out to be just 'meh' years!