Gemma Rose at four years old

Dear Gemmi Ro,

at four years old, you are the pixie dust to our lives.  it's as if we can see an actual sparkling trail you leave as you twirl, skip, flitter, and float about the house, the way you move sometimes, it appears maybe you do have little fluttering, invisible fairy wings that keep you hovering a few inches off of the floor...

...or maybe those are your high heels that you proudly click about the house pretending to be a 'grown up' with your painted fingernails and smudged on lipstick talking about how you and Daddy are getting married.  Goodness, do you love your Dad.   You ask him to dance and buy you gummy bears and daily pick out his morning suit and tie.  I look at you two with giggles and send out little prayers to the days when you're fifteen and you're breaking his poor little heart into a million pieces.

You are our family snuggle master, always ready to squeeze into tiny spaces on the couch next to anyone and share their air.  You have no preferences as to who you are sitting with - me, Dad, your brother or sister or our pets.  You're always pulling over the blankies and getting 'all snugly and cozy.'

I call you my shadow and have to remind you about twenty times a day that sometimes mommas need space.  I can't turn around without bumping into you.  You are very helpful and so eager to do things independently.  You've mastered feeding the dogs and getting them water from the bathroom sink.  You like making your own waffles, using butter knives and scissors, and making scribble notes in notebooks that you leave all over the house claiming that it's your work.

And girlfriend, can you ever talk.  From the moment you wake up until the moment you finally close your eyes, you have so much to say.  The stories and questions are endless and Dad and I find ourselves repeating (especially at mealtimes), 'Gemmi, please be quiet for a couple minutes." The other day at lunch I said, "Gemmi, why are you talking all the time?" to which you answered, "I love to talk Mum. And eating.  And snuggling.  So if we could eat lunch on the couch with a blankie and talk too.  That's like the best day ever in my whole life."

Talking about getting bigger and being a grown up is some of your favorite discussions.  You can't wait to drive a car and have a purse and buy stuff and be a mommy, and, obviously, marry Daddy.  But if somehow that conversation leads to ME being older (ie. your kids' grandma) then you half yell, half cry telling me that it will NOT be like that because 'you're NEVER getting old mom! and i'm never living in a different house and i don't want to talk about this ever again!" thank you, my sweet four year old gemmi ro...i will hold on to you saying this when you are eighteen and counting down the days until you get to move away.

You currently have your first bonafide crush of your life.  I'm counting it as legit because occasionally you'll completely out of the blue, wonder aloud if he's thinking about you and send little whispered wishes out into the universe that he'll come to rescue you when you're in danger.  by the way, your crush is the fairy prince Cornelius from the animated movie Thumbelina.  this has been going on for three weeks.

We were listening to the music channel on tv yesterday, having a good ole fashion, no holds barred dance party, when 'Sorry' came on and you caught sight of the picture of Justin Beiber and whipped your head around to me with big round eyes.  I burst out laughing immediately, recognizing this face as my own tween self and said, "what?" to which you pretend fainted onto the ottoman saying dramatically, "He's SO handsome!"  Good Lord, do we have trouble coming.

At four years old, we are already catching glimpses of tween Gemma, in all your hair obsessed ('does my hair look crazy'), best friend jealousy ('I don't want her to play with anyone else but me!') and i-want-a-boyfriend talk.  This week, you've even pulled out the line - 'You're ruining my life!' even though you don't quite understand the gravity of the statement but you definitely know that it means someone (me) is doing something you really don't like (asking you to clean up the mess in your room).  Your current favorites movies/shows are Thumbelina (um, hello Cornelius), Teen Beach Movie 2, Disney Descendants, Princess Sophia, and Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse.  You've requested a 'make-up' party for your birthday, so we're doing movie star make-overs with a photo booth, you are over the moon about the three new lipsticks and the glitter cupcake icing you got to select for the party.

Gem, you have this life that bubbles up and out of you in the brightest and most honest way.  You act out tenderly and maternally to anything smaller than you, mimicking me as you push back Violet's hair, kiss her on top of her head and whisper, 'you're a good baby.'  You make up the words to books and little songs that mostly include words like:  lovely, fantastic, and magical.

You love to have us watch you doing your made up dances and gymnastics routines, your pretend songs and dramatic reenactments of your favorite love stories, but only us.  Right now it is only reserved for immediate family as you suffer from severe stage fright if you know people are watching you, going so far as to break down into tears.  You demand a spotlight, baby, but I'm kind of glad that you just want to share your full sparkling spirit with us for now.

You are truly like a little pixie with your long eyelashes and your xylophone voice, and your rotating wardrobe of mainly dresses (the twirlier the better!).  You can't be bothered with whether you know the right words for your lip sync routine, or if you know what letter is called what, or what the rules to any game is.  You only care if everyone is smiling and if there is 'hot gum' for you, and if everyone is being family and hugging and if we can please talk some more and be happy together.

Oh, gemmi, you are so much like me and also so very different from me.  it's like I know all the words to the song, but the melody is different; which makes it both so beautiful and mystifying to watch you grow.

Roey, girl.  we are so very proud of you.
i love you forever and ever.
even when you keep getting so big,
mumma