all you need is love, but don't forget

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Brandon and I wear hats all day long.  The Boss hat, Aggressive Driver hat, Gardner hat, Telephone Operator hat, Mom hat, Dog-mom hat, Chef hat, Housekeeping hat, Diaper-changing hat, "oh-crap-I-forgot-to-feed-the-cats" hat.  Then there is the hat that is closest to our heads, but has all the other hats stacked on top of it.  Its the hat that's wrinkled and beat up but also the most comfortable.  Its the married hat.

Anyone who tells you that marriage is easy is a liar.  seriously.  Marriage is probably our hardest job of any of them.  Not because we aren't in love, but because its so easy to take it for granted and push it to the side while the pot on the stove is boiling over and the baby is cutting teeth and the dog needs let out.  Most nights we both barely make it to the bed before we're passing out with our glasses still on and teeth unbrushed.  So all of this neglect obviously builds up until there is a big blowout and you suddenly realize, "why don't I ever see you anymore?"  Sure we see each other as we're throwing the burp cloth after the baby had a monster spit up on one of us.  Or we glance over and half sigh/half laugh when the other announces that the toilet is clogged, but we dont' always see each other.  There was something that struck me as beautiful and true about the Na'vi tribe's greeting, "I see you" in the movie Avatar.  I know its kind of cheesy and from a movie, but I loved when Norm is trying to explain to Jake that saying "I see you" is more than saying hello; its the idea of telling someone that you see who they are, you see how they're feeling, and know whats in their heart.  I get that.  I love that.

So after a major blowout recently, Brandon and I have been making an honest commitment at seeing each other.  Life is hard and exhausting and although marriage is hardwork; its happy work.  We are re-installing our date nights and recently attended a showing of Rent at the Erie Playhouse.  It was great and was reminiscent of days in NYC (as much as a small time off-broadway show can be).  We also recently put the baby to bed early and sat out by a fire in the backyard and playfully fought over which constellations were in the sky. 

Um, scary kind of.
Last night we played, what Brandon called, a "writing game" that we made up questions we thought the other should know about us and quizzed each other.  Brandon got 9/10 right (!!) and I got an 8/10...I didn't know the brand of his fishing rod or his rifle...but I do now:)  Its all just silly fun, but its the kind of fun that reminds us why we work so well.  We obviously love each other, trudging through this life sharing the weight of a heavy backpack filled with house duties and carseats and dog treats ...but we're doing our best to remember to glance over more frequently to see each other;  to recognize that the load isn't that heavy when someone is helping you carry it and laughing at the same stupid jokes as you are.

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