Honest review of our 13th wedding anniversary dinner spot

My husband and I recently celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. We commemorated this special occasion with dinner at a local spot called Tabitha's. This is my honest review. 

After 13 years of marriage, my husband and I were looking forward to celebrating and considered many options before settling on a very small, mostly unknown little spot called Tabitha's. We choose this place mostly because it is very close to where we live - like within steps - and that since our anniversary was on a school night, this location would not require a babysitter for our children. Tabitha's allowed us to prepare a meal for our children before our dinner - let us right into the kitchen and everything! We made something simple and beloved: mac and cheese and hot dogs! After their meal, the children retired for the evening (or that was the attempt at least) so that we could enjoy our dinner - just the two of us. 

My main criticism is that Tabitha's doesn't seem to have enough staff. My husband and I greatly enjoyed the opportunity to cook alongside each other it was a very modern, hipster vibe to be the chefs of our own anniversary meal. But we really were expected to do everything ourselves. We even had to refill our own drinks and clean up afterwards. There were a few times that the kids requested snacks for a movie that was playing in the other room and after no staff supplied their snack - the children had the audacity to ask us! Guests! Have you ever heard of such a thing! Well, I just couldn't bear to see those poor children suffer so I got up and just fixed that snack myself!  I'm mortified to even confess that at one point my husband even got up to unclog the toilet for heaven's sakes! 

One benefit to Tabitha's is that there is absolute zero dress code. I mean one person wore only a diaper...well now that I think of it, he was very small, possibly a toddler actually. My husband and I were able to dress down, like way down, I may or may not have been wearing pajamas. Stretchy, comfortable clothes also allowed us to eat without the constraints of tight clothes, so that was great! 

The biggest benefit of all though was that all of the food, drinks, and entertainment were free for the entire evening which is almost unheard of in today's day and age. The food was divine, the drinks were exactly how we like them prepared, and the entertainment was mostly hilarious, albeit a little loud. There was a very chubby little baby that smiled and squealed if you made eye contact with her! There was a very tiny boy who could kick a ball quite impressively. There were four bigger children who were willing to complete menial tasks, not for tip money though, rather simply for the payment of watching a Halloween movie in an adjoining room. The biggest child even wished us a Happy Anniversary although it did kind of sound sarcastic considering he said it while half slamming the door as he made his way to close up the chicken coop for the night. Oh yes! That reminds me, another bonus - Tabitha's has their own chickens, ducks, and goats; a very farm to table vibe. 

My husband and I had the salmon, goat cheese risotto, and brussels sprouts. It was honestly delicious and that really saved the overall experience. I mean, we did have to share a few bites with some random kids that wandered over to our table uninvited throughout the meal - but there was plenty and we were able to get seconds so it ended up being fine to share a little bit with those poor hungry children (I bet their mother never feeds them). 

After 13 years of marriage and 22 years in total of being together - the company and conversation is almost always the best part of our dinner. We chatted and laughed and remembered. Another great bonus about Tabitha's was that we weren't rushed in any way to get on with the meal. We were able to sit at the table long after the food was finished just enjoying each other's company. And with no babysitter to rush home to, our only deadline was bedtime on a school night and only a few steps between the table and beds to get everyone tucked in. 

My most honest review would be that Tabitha's certainly isn't for everyone. My husband says it's his favorite spot though and he would know; he's been eating there for 13 years and has really seen how the meals have changed over the years. Poor guy use to smile and eat gratefully even though the chef was such a novice in the beginning years. It's also really economical for us to go there and they are patient with our loud, energetic children and can even persuade them to assist in the cooking and cleaning up process, so that's a bonus. 

We will keep going there despite the lack of staff, general messiness, and all those poor children who seem to be on the verge of starvation (although they are weirdly picky about food for children who are so hungry). 

We feel really lucky to have this spot all to ourselves - it's always crowded (but almost everyone there looks just like us!) It might not be the place for everyone, but it is definitely the place for us. 

Five out of five stars. 

Our Meet Cute: the Prologue

When we were young, our school district had two elementary schools that fed into the high school which spanned grades 7-12. B and I grew up on different 'hills' in the district so we attended separate elementary schools. I started kindergarten right as I was turning five, so I was one of the youngest of my class. Brandon started kindergarten two years later when he was a few weeks shy of turning six, so he was one of the oldest of his class. But that meant we were separated by two grades and elementary schools as we were growing up. 

We wouldn't meet until a year later when Brandon was in seventh grade (and I was in ninth!), but many of Brandon's friends were older than him, so when he was in sixth grade a friend of his; a newly minted seventh grader, was regaling (read: bragging) about being in the high school. This older friend was going on and on about how cool the high school was and how much better it was than elementary school. He described the lockers and the sports and all the upperclassmen and how he was popular and smart. yadda yadda yadda. 

And to really bring home his point of how cool being in high school was, his older friend said, "And there's this hot eighth grader named Tabitha Adams and she likes me so I'll probably have a girlfriend soon too." 

By the time the older friend left, Brandon was feeling pretty low and lame as an elementary kid with no locker, no upperclassmen teammates, and no older girlfriend. His mom could see how B was feeling left out after that conversation - so as Moms tend to do, she tried to lift his spirits a little bit.  

And legend has it, that after his friend went home, she said to B, "hey, ya know that Tabitha Adams girl he was talking about...I heard she actually likes you." 

11 years married to you.

him: when will we get a day to just lay in bed and not have any responsibilities and not have to feed anyone and we can just sleep and watch movies all day?
me: that's gonna be like....

we look at my growing bump for Studerbaby #5

both of us at the same time: ...20 years

coming in for a hug full of sighs and half laughs and nuzzling into the places that have been smoothed out over time to make for the perfect fit

him: well, I hope it goes slow.
me: me too.



i love this life.
i love you.
11 years married
nearly 20 years by your side.
you're my most favorite human.
(but these humans we make are pretty cool too).

two things about love.

our dearest kids, 

Daddy and I have been together for eighteen years.  

I have been kissing Daddy for over half my life!  

This is not all that impressive to you guys because Daddy and I have been kissing for ALL of your lives, but believe us - when you grow up, kissing the same person for over half your life is a long, long time. 

Now, we aren't claiming to be experts at love...but we do have a lot of the experience in the things that is needed to make one an expert.  For example, that 10,000 hours theory?  we blow that thing out of the water.  

And have great mentors?  yep, got those in our parents, grandparents, and lots of friends who have great love and inspire us to continue to work at it no matter what challenges pop up.  

And we encourage each other everyday towards the 'deliberate practice,' living out love in more ways than just 'showing up.' 

So, in those ways, we have a little bit to offer you, our babies about what we've learned about love. 

Mainly, it comes down to two, big things: The first is that there are ups and downs in love.  

period.  

let me say that again, there are ups and downs - no matter how much you love each other, no matter how amazing it feels in the ups - there will be downs.   

Understanding this has been liberating for Daddy and I, because when we've been in the middle of a down, we anchor ourselves in the knowledge that the up is in our future; that we'll get out of this rut or argument or whatever it might be that has us questioning everything about our relationship and get back to a place where nothing makes sense without the other.  

And, truly, knowing there are downs in the future has helped us to keep our ups humble.  When we're on an up (like we are right now), it can feel invincible - which is amazing and makes up for any of the down parts in the past.  it is the bit of life that makes everything better.  

But, the ups can also make the downs feel worse than they actually are.  So, knowing that the ups are part of a longer track that have lots more ups and downs up ahead, help us to cherish and soak in all that joy but with a sense that we've worked hard to get here and there will be more work to do in the future too.  There is no 'we've made it' in love; no ending destination - that's why they say, 'in good times and in bad,' because that is what love is - a long winding path of good and bad.

The other thing we've learned about love is that it takes a willingness to bend.  Lots of times on the ride, especially in the transitions to the ups, someone is going to need to be the one to adjust.  It shouldn't always be the same someone who is making adjustments - but someone needs to give a little.  Otherwise, if there is no bending, it breaks. 

It's doing the thing you don't feel like doing because you'd rather bend than break.  It's realizing and acknowledging and being grateful when the other person is doing the thing they don't feel like doing to bend rather than break.  It's not holding all those bends in a grudge inside your heart to throw out later.  It's sharing life's burden of constant adaptation with another person.  And in sharing that little bit, you also get to share the incredible gift of life's joy (doubled!) and life's sorrows (halved). 

So, babies, the thing about love is it's unpredictable in it's bumpiness but predictable in the way that there will be ups and downs, no matter who your riding partner is. And it's unpredictable in how much you will need to bend, and how often and how much and how often your partner will need to bend...but predictable in the fact that you will need to be flexible and so will your partner.  

your parents' love is not perfect, it is messy and hard and beautiful and safe and exciting and familiar...but not at all perfect.

our love is not perfect and never will be.

and our life is not perfect and never will be.

but we will keep choosing to love each other

because sharing this unperfect life together 

is worth all of it.

if you learn anything from our love, i hope it's that.

love you forever, 

even when you get bigger than us!
mum & dad

the romantic date

He had a work thing on valentines day, so She texted the day before and asked, 'valentines dinner tonight?' to which He texted back a gif of Phil Dunphy giving a thumbs up. 

She enlisted the help of the two biggest kids to make their own dinner and as She was preparing and He was helping one child fall asleep, She peeked into the living room and said, "um, we don't have any butter - do you think it'd be weird if I asked the neighbors to borrow some and I'll just send the kids over through the path with a flashlight?" and He said, "I don't like that idea because of that coyote that was just caught behind the house.  I'll just run to dollar general quick."  And so She quickly jotted down a list that included not only the butter but also seven more items.  

So the pots were bubbling and the oven timer was dinging and when the steak finally got tossed in the pan with the newly purchased butter, steam billowed out with a fierceness reserved for power plants.  The kids looked on in shock and asked questions like, "is our house burning down?" and "is that what you wanted to happen?"  She remained steadfast in her chef's tasks and cracked a window.

The kids ate their dinner which they helped create - chicken fries that looked like heart shapes if you really squinted and used your imagination about it, boxed mac&cheese, and boxed Red Lobster biscuits which was Valentines day treat enough.  

As He and She cleared the table from the kids' mess, they poured cheap wine into glasses and plated their food and whispered 'happy valentines day' across the table.  

And the kids ran between the rooms shrieking and sliding on the floors and pretending they were being chased.  And then She said, "hey! be more quiet we're having a romantic date over here!" to which the little boy laughed in the way that little boys who think girls have cooties laugh while saying, "OMIGOSH!" and the little girl said, "oooooooooooooooh, why aren't you kissing then?!"  And then the littlest girl woke up and gave everyone high fives for going pee in the potty and she hopped up on the bench to join the romantic date with plate full of chicken fries and ketchup.  And only once did they have to check on the littlest of all the babies sleeping upstairs with his stuffy nose. 

And in that house, on that night, and really everyday
there are loud noises
and toys in all the places they don't belong
and there is milk in the fridge and cereal and snacks in the pantry
and spoiled milk in hidden, lost bubbas and cereal and snacks deep in the couch cushions
and a child's name written in permanent marker on a bedroom door
and marks notched along the inside kitchen door frame as a homemade height chart
and there are booboos that need kissed and hair that needs brushed, and socks that need adjusted because they feel funny on toes
and there are books, lots of books; some that have the pages taped back together, and some that say, 'I see a red bird looking at me,' and some that can be read from memory
and there are pictures of two people who vaguely look like He and She but much younger, and much much more rested
and there are toilets that need flushed and mirrors that have tiny fingerprints on them and a faucet that has been leaking for the past two weeks
and socks that have no matches, and favorite blankies that must be found immediately lest a tantrum erupts, and chocolate candy that is hidden
and a big cozy bed that's meant for two but usually has at least one pet and a few children in it too.

and in every space between all that stuff
and all that mess
and all those giggles
and all those shared memories.

in that house.
in that family
there is love.


happy valentines day to you and your valentines.

and to mine,
forever and ever.
even when we get so old.
xxox

the nap

We had been running on low fumes for a few weeks, between the jobs and kids' activities, and the homework, and the regular chores, and holidays, and sweet baby Jesus the clutter.  And so one night during bedtime, I found myself staring down two huge hampers of dried, clean laundry in the girls' room.  He put the boys to bed, and while I folded laundry, the girls chatted themselves into sleep.

A little while later, he snuck out of the boys' room and stood at the doorway to the girls' room while I sat in front of an almost empty second basket of clothes surrounded by piles and piles of cleaned laundry.

'How's it going in here?' he asked groggily, clearly having just woken himself up after putting the boys to bed.
'Slowly, I'm so tired, babe."
"I know, me too.  I have to do the garbage yet."

and he was standing there in his comfy sweatpants and hoodie
with that face I've been looking at and loving since I was a teenager
and I was so very sleepy

so I patted the floor in this little open space among the laundry piles and asked, "come lay with me?"
"if I lay down I'm not getting up for awhile."
"yeah, this is definitely a nap that I'm proposing."

and then he smiled
and I smiled back

And while the sound machine crickets chirped, surrounded in little piles of folded sparkles and pinkish purple frills, we wound our arms together, laid down, and closed our eyes.

We woke up about three hours later, disorientated, a little sore in the neck, and with full knowledge that the garbage still needed taken out and the dishwasher needed run and all those pinkish purple frills need put into the correct drawers.

We untangled, and he stood and helped me up from the floor, and we did a little mini team huddle - complete with 'okay break!- and got to our respective before.bed jobs with a renewed sense of energy - spurred from our three hour nap and the comfort that comes from a conspiratorial escape from duties.

and so the moral of this story is..

my sweet darlings,
be with the one who can help you up from the floor
but who will also lie down beside you sometimes too.
love,
your mumma.

The geography of home

When I have lived in the country of my youth, the geography of home is the rolling hills and green lush of the Appalachia in western Pennsylvania.  It's the ability to walk in front of a window stark naked without the fear of being seen by any neighbors (although, our mom was always telling us to close the curtains, girls!)  Home is the windows down with the radio on and a hand rolling through the wind.  It's the slam of a screen door, the distinct scent that precedes rain and the only minutely different smell just before it snows.  Home is the night sky visible stretching from each horizon uniquely lit depending on the moon phase.  I have grown to love the sad song of the mourning doves and relish in taking hearty deep inhales of fresh cut grass or the lingering scent of someone's backyard fire.  Home is the sound of leaves and gravel crunching under boots and the taste of wild blackberries pulled off with stained fingers from the bushes back by the woods line behind the house.

But somehow, when I lived in the city, the geography of home was pliable and bent and curved into something comfortable and familiar for my new life.

Home became the steep stairs up from the subway to the glint of sunlight and skyline above to feel like you were emerging into life again.  It was the steady flow and rhythm of pedestrians on a crowded sidewalk in midtown on Saturday afternoons.  I came to love the melody of different languages and accents as they wove together in an original score for each day of commute as I walked along in blissful anonymity; the invisibility of living in a place along with a million other people.   Home is the individual heat signatures that my footprints left on the paths I followed each day on top of those billions of other footprints left before and since mine.  The lines my soles wore into the sidewalks each morning on my commute, past my morning hot tea and bagel shop; a kind greeting with the old man behind the counter, up and over the pathway, winding past the wall where graffiti messages were painted that felt like personal messages just for me, up the school steps and into the building to receive wide grins and hugs around my waist from my students.

If I have a home that is steadfast and true; one that doesn't adapt to my physical surroundings, it is the landscape of his arms wrapped around me and the nook in the space between his jawline and collarbone that seems as though it was carved out specifically for me at the beginning of time, or maybe has been so worn in after all these years of snuggling in as sleep slipped behind our eyelids.  It is the feeling of warmth and safety from his arm carefully weaved beneath my neck and down along my side as the steady rise and fall of his chest keeps my rested hand moving in time to his breath.  Home is the familiar, smooth motion of his hands pushing aside my hair so his lips can find the nape of my neck.  It's is the smell of him that gets caught in the seams of his white tshirts; a mix of chewing tobacco and cologne and whatever it is that makes him him.  A scent that smells so good even when it shouldn't.  Home is the sound of his voice from across the other side of the phone, the room, or the pillow.  His very nearness can transform any place into home, the background blurs and fades, and we're together and that's all that mattered anyway.

The only map of home I've ever needed are the lines on his face where smiles meant just for me are held.  Nestled there in the crook of your neck, that is my home.

happy valentines day.

(our sixteenth, this year.

and i still like you as much as our first!)

yours,

always.

What is love, anyway

It's easy to find examples of what love is, especially in today's world of gifs and memes.  Beautiful young couples tangled in each others limbs in the golden hour of evening on a blanket in a field.  Mini stories about an elderly couple who visit the same restaurant every week sharing a milkshake and still holding hands under the table.  #relationshipgoals - am i right?

"Love is beautiful with a hint of sexy."
"Love is enduring with a hint of adorable."
Yes, this is what the world teaches us about love.

Tomorrow is our seventh wedding anniversary,
and this is not what life has taught me about love,
not what we have taught me about love.

photo credit: Michelle Misner

Love is looking up at each other at the exact same time like we're listening to a frequency that only we can hear or decipher.
Love is knowing when to bite our tongue, and smirking because we know the other is biting their tongue.
Love is recognizing a mood from a facial expression.
Love is hands held, standing out in the dark with the snow up to our shins as we bury one of our pets.
Love is in the photos.
Love is knowing the stories behind the photos.

Love is forgiveness.
Love is making alternate plans.
Love is problem-solving.

Love is pulling myself out of bed while it's still dark and the whole house sleeps to make sure you have hot coffee and lunch for the day.  

Love is learning how to accept help, even if it's not the way I'd do it.

Love is learning about and being excited about the things that you love, finding a way to celebrate your passions as a family.

Love is holding the kids off with snacks until, sometimes 8:30pm so we can all eat dinner as a family.

Love is your proclamation every time I try to make lasagna that 'this is your best lasagna yet!' 

Love is your last kiss before you leave for work in the morning and your first kiss when you get home.

Love is your regular texts, 'we need anything?' while you're out.

Love is secret photos on my cellphone that you've taken of me and the kids, while I was reading or playing with them.  sometimes these are the only proof that I'm more than the photographer of our life.

Love is that toy bird that we randomly hide in each other's drawers and side of the bed as a joke.
Love is that caramel sea salt chocolate bar you passed to me like a secret in the kitchen the other day so the kids wouldn't see.
Love is the dishwasher run, a full gas tank, car keys put back where they go.
Love is sharing a cellphone charger, dessert, and who reads the bedtime stories to the kids each night.

Love is not like they say it is.
Love is not even like we say it is, sometimes.

We aren't at the beautiful with a hint of sexy beginning anymore.
(hah! at all)
We aren't yet to the enduring with a hint of adorable finish either.
We're in the middle.
We're in the part that counts.

and I choose you because i love you.
or maybe i love you because i choose you.
or maybe the act of choosing and the act of loving are one in the same.

in any case, i'm glad every single day that we're in this life together.
happy anniversary, b.
seven year itch, my ass.
xxoxox

Exploring the world and scratching off as we go

This post is sponsored by Uncommon Goods.

It's wedding anniversary month over here and I've been feeling really nostalgic lately (more so than usual, hah) thinking about all the years and memories that Brandon and I have shared together.  It's our seventh wedding anniversary this year, but we've been together since December 1999 (shout out to the 90's!), so we're actually working on year sixteen as a pair.  That's a whole lot of life together.

I was recently contacted by Uncommon Goods to take a look at their Gifts for Men ideas(check them out here), and I was delighted to find their scratch off national and world maps.

I knew it would be a fun way to celebrate our anniversary and all the places we have visited together. You see, many, many years ago (were we still in high school?) Brandon and I created a "together bucket list" that included places all over the world we wanted to visit and also included "visit all 50 states."

Well, after sixteen years together: six of which were long distance, seven of which were married, three kids, two rented apartments together, two owned homes together, two dogs, a cat, and a handful of fish (hold the partridge in a pear tree please), we've been slowly (ever so slowly) working our way on exploring the world together.

We started with our national map and felt compelled to set rules for how we would go about scratching the states off because we're big time nerds and serious about intention.  I mean, it seems sort of like cheating to scratch off all of Texas when we've really only been to Austin.  But Brandon reasoned that if we were only going to scratch the states off by how many cities we've visited, could we even scratch off our home state of Pennsylvania?!  So our rules for scratching in USA were as followed:

• We had to have visited together (sorry Arizona, California, Louisiana, Connecticut, and Tennessee!  Not yet!)
• We had to have at least slept over one night for the visit to count (drive-bys and airport lay-overs don't count)
• Even if it was in only one city in the whole state, it counts as a state visit!  We want to get to all fifty after all :)

After laying out the ground scratch rules, we set to uncovering the states below the top scratch layer all the while chatting and reminiscing about the places that we've traveled together.  

Chicago, IL 2008

Oahu, HI 2009

We are both born and raised in PA which naturally lends to scratching a fair amount of the our northeast USA map.  (although we really need to get to the north-northeast:  Maine lobster? yes please).  Also, this is a public apology to Delaware! In that whole mix of visited states and it's the only one not scratched!  I promise, we will visit soon - any readers from Delaware with some suggestions of places to visit that is little-kid friendly!?

Punxsutawney, PA 2007

When we were all finished scratching and talking, we stood back and felt both parts proud and excited for the future.  Somehow seeing it all visually gets us feeling inspired in all the places yet we can plan to go and show each other and our kids.  Northwest, we need you in our lives big time.  It's slow going with three little kids and work and commitments, but our USA scratch map, a 'work in progress' (direct link here) makes us feel excited and inspired to keep branching out farther and discovering new places with each other.

We pressed on to the world map (direct link here), and we were still talking about each of the places we've traveled together.  It was the same rules as for the national map:

• We had to have visited together (sorry Canada, Honduras, Costa Rica, Nicaragua!  Not yet!)
• We had to have at least slept over one night for the visit to count (drive-bys and airport lay-overs don't count. Sorry, South Korea!)
• Even if it was in only one city in the whole country, it counts as a country visit! 

Since we also have the national map, we decided that for the integrity of the world map, USA would count even though we are still majorly working on visiting states.  It's also a good visual for our kids who are trying to figure out how we fit in the world as Americans.  So all of our USA was scratched off on our world map, but what I liked about the Uncommon Goods world scratch off map  was that the state lines were visible, and if you only choose the world map alone, you would still be able to track your USA state visits within the whole world map view!

The memories went on as we scratched off the different countries we've visited together.

Ayutthaya, Thailand 2011

Negril, Jamaica 2008

Our world map is hardly what someone would consider well-traveled, but we look at as inspiration for all the places we can explore together in the future.  Maybe with our babies as they grow older, or maybe in some distant far off time when our babies are grown and it's just the two of us again (can you imagine?!)

Documenting our travels together has been on our married to do list for the past seven years!  I am so glad that I took a look at the Uncommon Goods Gifts for Men page (check it out here yourself) to finally check this one off of our list, and just in time for our anniversary.  As we worked on our map, I kept thinking of so many of you readers that I know travel as much or more than us.  I'd love to see and be inspired by your maps!

Besides the scratch off maps, Uncommon Goods truly has unique and inspiring gifts that I've been writing down to remember for upcoming birthdays and the holiday season.  and they are not only a great place to look for gifts, but also they're a company that you can feel good about supporting.  A privately-owned retailer based out of Brooklyn, NY that feature hand-crafted products that are created with the environment, people, and animals in mind.  Most of their products are created here in the USA and about a third incorporate recycled or upcycled materials.  They are also a B Corp business meaning that they meet the rigorous standards meant to solve social and environmental issues including wage levels, giving back to the community, and environmental impacts.  You can check out their Gift Ideas for Men page here and their Gifts Ideas for Women page here and their Personalized Gifts page here.

As for us and our travels plans for the near future?  We are keeping it stateside in the next few years because of financial limitations and also #bigfamilylittlekidsprobs But we're thinking of doing another family road trip adventure soon and going Northeast (I wasn't kidding Maine Lobster) to spread our state wings a little more.  I also have a inexplicable jonesing for New York/Adirondack exploring.  We've also set a goal to visit DisneyWorld in the next two years (!) and Alaska in 2019 (!!!)

Here's to continuing to explore and discover with my favorite guy in the whole world.
Where you go I will follow.
Where you are, I am home.

is there more fun to be had than countdowns?

...but is there anything more fun then squeezing every last drop of anticipation out of an upcoming event by counting that thing down?  Over here at Team Studer, we're going to go with Nah, there isn't.

We love us some countdowns, we do countdowns for anything and everything in the upcoming future that us parents accidentally mention too early which then causes our sweet, curious children to ask incessantly on the half hour daily "Is it time now?"

And so, as we now have sufficiently stuffed ourselves with delicious turkey and thanksgiving merriment - it is time to move into the holiday season.  Which means our favorite jolly elf friend, Marco arrived again at our house on November 30, under the tree in a sparkly box all the way from the North Pole with a note from Santa.  best.day.ever.

We have been talking Marco up for the past few weeks actually, because Grey could barely stand himself in how much he was hoping Marco would come stay with us again.  He's mentioned quite a few times (read: approximately 7500 times) which of Marco's antics are his favorites (underwear in place of stockings -obviously; potty humor never goes unappreciated in our house).  So, with Greyson's favorites in mind and a little help from Pinterest - I've created another 24 days of Marco Mania in our house for 2014.

If you're a regular around here, you already know that we do Elf on the Shelf a little differently than the book goes - so Marco has spent his last two days here with us in the arms of my kids most of the time.  He's sort of like just another person in our family and we find him all over the house participating in our normal routines; at the dinner table, watching movies with the kids, and snuggling up at naptime.  Marco is our Christmas Countdown helper and someone that helps our kids to remember kindness, patience, and love is what the season is about.

While I was thinking about Marco and his tricks a few weeks ago, I got to thinking about how much effort goes into the whole countdown.  Every night, setting up these little scenes and making sure I have the accessories for each on hand for the right day.  I mean, it's not elaborate or anything but it is an effort and such a fun way to make it through the crazy weeks leading up to the season....and I got to thinking....Sheesh, what if we put this much effort into something special for Brandon and I every night?

And thus, our grown-up advent countdown was born.    This is not revolutionary - see this beer advent calendar, this sexy one, and this lotto ticket one.  But it is for us because we are notorious for putting our alone time dead last (like laster than last).

So - Quick, funny story -
B texted me last week "I have a surprise for you tonight" and I literally thought, "oh, I hope it's a chance to get an uninterrupted, unnecessarily long hot shower when he gets home and we go to bed early."  not.kidding:  this is my current fantasy with three kids under the age of 5.  super sexy.

Anyway, the surprise was actually our first solo dinner out at a fancy-ish restaurant in a reeeeeally long time (i'm talking like months...a year?  oh God).  So, I put on a dress and heels (!!!), ya know the whole nine yards, Gigi&Pappy watched the kids (thank you!) and just the two of us got to go to a restaurant where the floor wasn't sticky and there were no kid's menus.  it was delightfully disorienting.

Then the waiter comes over and starts telling us the specials using phrases like "pan-seared" and "resting on a bed of arugula" and I kid you not, I was smiling so wildly that I was near the point of giggling.  The 'Shouldn't laugh in church but now I can't stop' sort of stuff...all because I was honestly holding back moans of ecstasy at the sound of grown up food that I wasn't in charge of making and that no one was going to try to steal from my plate.  It was ridiculous. There must be a stay-at-home-Mom specific version of Stockholm's syndrome...no?

Okay - Back to our grown up advent calendar
It's super duper fancy and elaborate.

just kidding.
it's on post-it notes
and we had one rule: we aren't allowed to buy anything new to complete the activities.

The point is to set aside time after kid bedtime to do something together that we don't normally make time to do.  Some of the activities are short & sweet:  hand massages for each other, or slow dance to our wedding song - and some more time consuming like a game of scrabble with wine or our favorite Christmas movie and popcorn.

Tonight?  I'm taping The Voice to watch while we enjoy a beer together on the couch when he gets home from practice :)

Is your family fans of countdowns too?
Yes?  How are you counting down the season?

the Coach's Wife

We have made it to the last game of our daddy's very first season as varsity boy's basketball coach at Valley.  It has been a learning experience and adjustment period for our whole family over the course of these last few months.  When B took the job this past summer, we were so excited.  Lots of people congratulated us, more told us we were crazy, and a few gave us a sarcastic 'good luck!' We knew to expect long winter days while Dad put in a full day at work and then the rest of his evening at practice or a game.  But there were lots of unexpected surprises that came with the season too.

This was the first year in five years of marriage that we had to set up a fake Christmas tree because we just could not squeeze in the time to go get a real one between work, practice, and games.  We daily adjusted dinner time, and bedtime so that we could eat together as a family.  Over the months of basketball season, I spent two to three evenings a week, wrestling my preschooler and toddler head to toe in winter gear and getting all of us in the truck to drive to home and away games, at least 20 minutes away.

Our kids learned lots of new things.  Like how to stand silently and respectfully for the National Anthem - which is now sung before nearly every time we play basketball at home.  We learned how to wait patiently until the game is over before we get to talk to Daddy and how to find ways to entertain ourselves during 32+ minutes of game time.  Greyson learned new words and phrases like; foul shot, box out, hustle, and 'Drain It!'  Gemmi happily shouts out 'Go Blue Jays!' and copies the cheerleaders' hand motions.

There were moments that will be held in my memory as 'Daddy's first Coaching season.'  Like, after the first win, when the kids and I picked up Chinese take-out and surprised Daddy with a late night celebration when he got home.  Like the several actual fights with Grey about letting me wash his 'basketball clothes' after he wore them for four days in a row (not even wanting to take them off for bed).  At the Portage away game when the kids put on a legit dance presentation at half time.  It was being the very last people to leave the gym at home games; walking the length of the parking lot to brush off our car and praying the kids would fall asleep on the ride home.  It was the feeling of relief at the sight of family and friends in the stands when arriving to the games with my two gremlins.  (thank you so much Gigi, Pappy, Mimi, Abba, Chum, Uch, Rebecca Hagerich, Jordan Heider, Stacy, Corey & Lila Stahl, Uncle Juice, Jonny, Ninna, Kuma, Morgan, Ricky & Wendy Stahl, Barb & Jess Verno, Beth Furman, and Paula & Maddie McCleester for spending time with my kids during basketball season).

Although, the biggest lesson we learned this first basketball season is that this is not just something that Daddy does.  Caring about the Blue Jays is serious family business.  We eat, talk, and sleep basketball.

Most of the conversations I have with my husband are about his team, upcoming games, strategies, and issues.  I hear him laugh about the funny, immature jokes his players tell at practice and see the to-the-bone-marrow pride when he speaks about the team.  I know the players' names, knicknames, and tendencies; who has surprised him, who has inspired him to work harder and see things from a new angle, who has changed over the course of the season.  There is a light in him that comes from being with his team and assistant coach that wasn't there before, and for that, I am deeply grateful to the Blue Jays.

photo credit:  Christa Statler

It's a funny thing to be on this side of athletics.  Brandon and I have been athletes all the way from childhood to college.  We know what it is like to be a player; to stand again after a brutal loss, to be filled up with hot pride at a victory hard won.  We are both quick to point to sports as being a main contributor to the way we do things as adults.  How we bounce back from disappointments, how we recognize an opportunity to learn, how we cheer on colleagues and friends - as we know a win for them, is in turn a win for us as well.  This is the stuff of character building.  So it is no surprise (least of all to me), that my husband takes this very seriously.

photo credit:  Christa Statler

The only information that I can offer about my husband's daily coaching choices is this:  my husband is invested in each of his players. That's it; he is invested.  He cares about the W, but more than that, he cares about  the men his players will be in five years; in ten years.  He's coaching them to get back up from a 60 point loss (the first game of the season) and try again.  He wants them to later in life be able to push all the way to the end even if you're down and fans start leaving the gym early, because you know what - you can win in overtime (Meyersdale game).  He wants for them to make the connection that the way they interact and speak to their teammates, the refs, the other coaches, the fans, and their teachers is a reflection of not only of themselves but everyone associated with them; their family, their teammates, their coach, their community.  It is more than basketball.  It has always been more than basketball to him.

Before taking the job, someone trying to dissuade him said, 'Remember, you have two little ones of your own at home to guide too.'  What that person may not have realized is that my kids get the privilege of seeing first hand what it means to follow a dream.  That there may almost never be a 'good time' in life to take on a challenge, but if you care enough about it - you can find a way to make it work.

photo credit: Christa Statler

And even more; something I see so clearly now, my two kids spend their days talking about and trying to emulate an entire team worth of teenagers that they may not have known otherwise.  If these boys, The Blue Jays, are the role models that my children try to copy - then I am considering myself a very lucky mother.

Good luck tonight, fellas.  You will always be considered part of our Blue Jay family.

photo credit:  Christa Statler

love,
the coach's wife.

our big secret project OR that time we started a publishing company

Gulp.

What's that thing the late, great, Mandela said?

Well, that about sums up our experience over the last few months as we built our own publishing company:  The Hunting Daddies

Let's start at the start, eh?

If you're a regular reader around here, it's no big secret that we are a hunting family.  I've written about how hunting and fishing .dictate a great deal of our lives with avid outdoorsmen surrounding me at every turn:  husband, Dad, dad-in-law, best friends, cousins, and the guy in line behind me in the check-out line at Gander Mountain last night.  We live in midwestern PA and as James Carville explained about Pennsylvania, "Philadelphia in the east, Pittsburgh in the west, and Alabama in the middle,"  we're located firmly in the 'Alabama' part.

So it really should have come as no surprise when Greyson came right out one day and asked me if I would take him, 'in the woods to sit in a tree stand to use the grunt call.'  He was barely three.  I just laughed at first and shook my head, "oh boy, here we go again - another redneck."  And then my teacher-brain started thinking about how impressive it was that he used the correct vocabulary words in the right context.  Shortly after, I got to googling- I wanted a book that was similar to our other board books that included vocabulary words with the corresponding picture for specific content.  We have one for basketball, football, and musical instruments.  Up until this point, Grey was picking up vocab based off of what he heard our family and friends say.  And I wanted a tool to have on hand that when Brandon said he needs to fix a 'fletching', we would have a picture of one handy instead of googling it.  Alas, I could not find a board book that fit my needs.

Our best friend Jon was living us during the week this summer, so he and Brandon just kept doing what they normally do; taking the kids with them to set up the trail cams, and going for walks in the woods, and teaching the kids to make turkey calls...all the while the wish for a vocabulary books kept rattling in the back of our minds.

Until, finally one night at dinner, I was all like, "Let's just make a book ourselves?"

And so then we did.

Well, it wasn't that easy, but basically that's what went down.  We wanted something that didn't exist so we took the very big, mostly scary, completely unfamiliar steps of making it happen.  

After the initial, 'Wait, are we being serious about this?' conversations, we got started on making it happen.  We all organized the vocabulary words we wanted for our first book, Jon drew the pictures, I learned Photoshop on the fly, we discovered we needed to become our own publishing company (as confirmed by this woman's post), we applied to be a small business, we spent lots of our own money, Linds and I excitedly called each other basically just to squeal, we set up a website, Lindsay navigated the world of online accounting and state taxes, we started social media profiles, we held our breath,  we waited, and waited and waited for our federal EIN, we held web-meetings, created a logo, ordered business cards, jumped through legal hoops, we messed up, we tried again, we googled, we drank beers, we laughed, and above all we learned.

And then after all that (and surely more of that to come), we arrived where we are today.  Somewhere in the middle of astonished and terrified.  The idea began as a way to get educational materials to our own kids about the stuff we already spend the day talking about (hunting, fishing, and other outdoor activities), and now after nearly 6 months into this adventure- we've found it's morphed into this awesome thing all of it's own.  

Through social media, we've been so lucky to meet other families that are just like ours (#huntingfamilyfriday).  Regular hunters and fishers who spend their weekends and evenings in the woods or at the creek with their family and friends.  That's what it's always been about for us - sure our husbands love tagging a monster buck or catching a legend-worthy steelhead - but those moments are few and far between, it's more about the memories that are made while spending time with your family away from distractions. 

So, here we are today, at the next big canyon of unknown.  Our first board books have made their way half-way across the globe and we are ready to start selling.  We are busily working on our next book and already discussing ideas for future avenues that at the start of this - we never would have dreamed of.  It's exciting and I'm so happy to get to finally share the news with all of you!

Soooo, that's what we've been up to for the past few months - hah!  So glad that cat's outta the bag, friends.  

If you'd like to check out our book for sale (will be shipped no earlier than Thursday 12/19), please find My First Bowhunting Book here:  http://www.thehuntingdaddies.squarespace.com/products/myfirstbowhuntingbook

If you want to learn more about The Hunting Daddies, check us out:

our website

facebook

twitter

instagram

Thank you so much for your patience over the last few months, I know my posts have been inconsistent so thank you for hanging around as we figure this all out.  I have no plans to leave our family blog, so stay tuned for regular updates and occasional posts on our adventures in publishing with The Hunting Daddies.

xxxox.

moral of this post:  Dream BIG, jump, figure it out on the way down.