my baby is one.

Earlier this week when I was googling how to switch a child from formula to milk, I stumbled upon this article in babycenter about how parenthood changes your life.  And then because Booboo is one (tomorrow!!) I started bawling my eyes about some of the items on the list because having your first baby turn a year old is kind of an emotional thing for a momma.

(excerpt from the article)
Writer and mom; Rebecca Woolf, lists her most notable post-baby observations

Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.
You respect your body ... finally.
You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

and the one that really tipped me over the edge:
You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.


(I know, I'm crying again too.)


I usually have a million words to explain how things make me feel.  But all the words I can come up with about being a mother has been, its so weird.
Its so weird that I know how to do mom stuff; like administer baby tylenol and change a diaper in the dark and grocery shop while entertaining a baby in the cart.
Its so weird that even though this child is so annoying sometimes; he smiles and I instantly feel happy and grateful.
Its so weird that my entire day sometimes hinges on whether or not he eats.
Its so weird that when he's awake I can't wait until his nap, and if he oversleeps; I can't wait until he wakes up so I can play with him again.
Its so weird how I am proud that he can recognize the cartoon picture of a duck on his formula can and then say "ca ca" because its a bird (which is the sound he thinks birds make thanks to the 20lb crows in our backyard).
Its so weird that its been a whole year that he's been alive when sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday we were going to the hospital.
Its so weird that its only been a year that he's been alive when its hard to remember our life without him.

happy birthday, my baby.

I am going to try really, really hard not to cry on your birthday every year.
but I can't make any promises about that.
let's just say, I won't do it in front of your friends..k?

I love you, my darling.