The case of the headless rabbit

Saturday, February 27, 2010

We had a very bizarre night- I got up at 3:30am to go to the bathroom and Bullet, our 7 month pitbull-lab mix, was fidgeting around and clearly needed a bathroom break as well.  So, I took him out to the sunroom, put on his leash and sent him outside.  He went to the bathroom and then proceeded over to a poop pile and start munching (ugh?!).  So, I started calling him; he glanced over nonchalantly, and then went back to his midnight snack.  Of course, I was exhausted, frustrated, and furious- so I slammed the door and marched back to our bedroom, resolving in my mind, "If that dog wants to eat his own poop, he can stay outside." 

So once I'm back in bed, I am laying there with a million thoughts in my mind about how to get our dog to stop eating poop, which then turns into, "Why I am up at 3:30am worrying about this while my husband is laying next to me snoozing?!"  So, ever graceful- I sit up in bed and yell, "Brandon- wake up!"  hahah.  We had a long conversation then (yes, at 3:30am) that covered topics about puppy training, to my inability to ask for help, to things we still need to get done before the baby arrives. 

After about an hour, I go back out to the sunroom to let Bullet in where he is crying and fussing.  As I'm taking his leash off, I notice something right outside the glass door leading to the deck.  At closer inspection I realize it is a decapitated rabbit.  So, back in the house I go to get Brandon.  One major bonus to marriage- the husband has full responsiblity of dead animals.  So, at 4am, Brandon is fully dressed and on coroner-detective-animal disposal duty for the headless rabbit.  Meanwhile, I'm inside scolding Bullet and interrogating him, "Did you eat that rabbit?!?!!!" 

Brandon comes in and announces that he thinks the rabbit hasn't been dead for long; certainly less than a day.  So begins our own Law and Order episode about what happened to the headless rabbit.  Of course, the main suspect has now gone back to sleep on the floor after being yelled at by his mummy for a half hour.  (This was all very dramatic, especially since it was 4am).  Initial conversations went like this:

tab, "Do you think Bullet killed that rabbit?!?!!"
B, "I don't know, I was in bed."
tab, "But do you think he could catch it on the leash?  Seriously, do you think he killed it?"
B, "Tab, I don't know.  Please stop asking me the same question."
tab, "He just ate the head?!!? that's weird.  You think he just ate the skull of a rabbit!?!!"
B, "He eats his own crap."
tab, "But just his head, that's totally creepy."

Clearly, thrilling dialogue.  Then I turned on my laptop and Brandon's exact response was, "Oh God, what exactly are you going to google?"  As many of my friends know, I have somewhat of a passion for googling any question that pops into my mind, ranging from "My dog eats his own poop" to "Mermaid sightings."  I am fairly certain in some database somewhere my google searches are red flagged...seriously.  Anyway- I went directly to google and typed in, "What eats rabbits?"  Answers were not that helpful and pretty obvious (tigers, foxes, owls, hawks, wolves, etc).  So, I decided to be a little more specific with, "I think my dog killed and ate a rabbit"  More responses with slightly more help.  One person's response to a similiar inquiry went something like, "Don't worry about your other pets (cats), dogs know who is supposed to be at your house.  A wild rabbit isn't 'supposed' to be there and that is why they attacked that animal...etc"  Okay, a little more comforting...

But I was still stuck on the issue of the rabbit being headless.  Bullet is in love with chewing things up (see post entitled, "Things Bullet has eaten") and when he chews them he does so practically beyond recognition.  This rabbit was perfectly intack with the exception of missing a almost looked surgically removed- it was such a clean break.  At minimum, Bullet would have chewed off a leg or something.  At most, there would have been shreds and a bloody massacre on our deck and in our yard.  I just wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep thinking my dog had eaten only the rabbit's head.  So then what else would be the reason for a headless rabbit?  Occult animal sacrifice (unlikely), Creepy sociopath kid who tortures animals (more likely, but probably not), Aliens ( was 4am, okay?)...

Which led me to google, "I found a headless rabbit in my yard."  And please believe this is the real reason I google all my will ALWAYS find someone else who has asked a similiar question.  Astonishingly, I pulled up at least 5 internet stories about headless rabbits found in yards (make mine #6 for the next person to search this phenomenon). Overall, the posts generally suggested that a hawk got to the rabbit, pulled its head off, and left the rest. 

Brandon and I have both seen a hawk in our neighborhood before, so this is where we rest our 4am Headless Rabbit Law and Order episode.  Our dog is no mindless killer eating rabbit heads whole; he only wanted a proper burial for a furry friend which he knew his daddy could provide.  We rest our case.

1 comment:

  1. This is the best blog post I have ever read. Poor bunny...