How our week old daughter helped me heal

We finally got to meet our precious Gem on Monday, February 20 at 1:07pm- after a very quick induction (I started having contractions on my own that morning and was already dilated 4cm when we arrived for our scheduled induction). I held out on the epidural until about noon and then once I had received that, it was 1p until I felt like had to push. Everyone hot to their places and after only seven minutes of very intense pushing, we had a daughter.

Gemma Rose was a perfect angel at 8lbs 5oz and 19 inches long. Seven minutes of pushing seemed a miracle until the doctors had discovered that her size (including a 34cm head) and the speed of her delivery had left me with what they called "third degree tears" that took 45 minutes to try to get me put back together. Thankfully, the epidural took away all of the feeling during the repairs and I was left with staring at, adoring, and nursing our sweet girl while the doctors worked hard at putting things back where they belonged.

While she got her first round of check ups and cleaning up - she lay under the heat lamps with big wide eyes taking everything in silently. She was so alert and gorgeous. I kept saying to Bud, "omigosh she looks just like Booboo!" While b just stood there silently with wide eyes staring at our daughter who had instantly stolen his heart for eternity.

Our hospital stay was pleasant and filled with visitors and lots of resting. B played stay-at-home dad for Greyson and our pets while running between our house and the hospital. I have so many pictures and stories to share of the love Gemma received in her first week of life, but this first post is just about our first journey as mother and daughter...so you'll have to stayed tuned for more pictures later this week.

We got to bond and spend alone time in the hospital those first two days of her life and it took only the sound of her first cry to be completely smitten by her.

I could not have been more excited about getting us home so that our family could start the adjustment period of learning to be a 4 person crew from a trio.

The first two days home were hard as Gem and I tried to get into stride with nursing and my body adjusted to functioning without the help of hospital grade pain medicine. By Friday though I was experiencing a lot of pain 'down there' that I assumed was due to my third degree tear repairs. I felt almost like I was chaffing and found it hard to walk around or go upstairs. It was difficult and painful, but I could manage it and I did my best to muster through it thinking that it was just all part of the healing process.

I took relief in the sight of my two beautiful kids and Grey coming over to Gem in her swing, leaning down to hug her stomach, and say "I love you, baby Gemma"

Despite the fact that we had plenty of helpful visitors those first few days (who graciously brought food and gifts and did whatever I asked them to) I could barely move on Saturday. On top of severe pain in the nether regions, I was experiencing intense hot flashes and episodes of the chills. I couldn't find my appetite and standing up for any period of time exceeding a few minutes left me lightheaded and nauseous.

Determined to not be a baby about it, I tried my best to suck it up and chalked it up to the healing process of having just delivered such a heathy sized baby in a short amount of time.

Sunday brought along even more excruciating pain. By shear mothers intuition, my mom rescued me from a near fainting episode in the shower when I was overwhelmed with the chills and lightheadedness. It wasn't until late Sunday night when I could not physically get into a position to nurse Gem that I finally told Brandon that we needed to call the doctor. I wasn't able to feed my own child; that was the sign that something was seriously wrong.

Bud made the decision to go to the ER (pappy butch came to our house at 1a to be with Grey and the dogs) and after a quick check at my lady parts, I was immediately put on antibiotics for an infection and admitted to the hospital.

Currently, that's where we have been stationed; Gemmi and I, since early Monday morning. She has stayed with me to nurse while I have been pulled through the ringer to rid me of a serious infection of a hematoma trapped behind my stitches. Brandon and my mom have shared the duty of staying with us during the day as I have been limited to movement between my bed and the bathroom. After three IV changes, a surgery scare, two types of antibiotics, numerous doses of pain meds, and very uncomfortable and painful prodding & poking- I am now on the up swing and they are hoping to discharge me sometime on Wednesday.

It has been a very hard week and a half. But when I see Gemma's face, all I can think is; "worth it.". She has stayed with me out of necessity as she needs me to eat. But with all that it has taken to get me better, I have also needed her...to remind me that I have the strength inside me to endure only because I am her (and Greyson's) mother. I can do anything, because they need me to be able to do anything.

**to my readers & friends who are pregnant now and I just scared the living crap out of you: my situation is Not Normal!! The general surgeon said in his 6 yrs working, he has not seen anything like this. Do not let my story scare you about labor- the likelihood of anything like this happening to you is super slim- especially if it's your first baby.