the Sisterhood of the Magical Mom Pants

I have found that there isn't another tool as helpful during the day as my Magical Mom Pants (aka sweatpants to non-moms).  At the end of the day, as I'm tossing my Mom Pants into the laundry (or at the foot of my bed to wear again the next day) I am continuously suprised as to how helpful they have been to me all day long while tending to babies and pets and husbands alike.  The pockets are always full of all sorts of surprises; dirty tissues, pieces of food I picked up before the baby could put them in his mouth, small pieces of dog bone, random thumbtacks or paperclips.  There is flour and other types of food smeared along the thighs when napkins were out of reach.  Sometimes they are soaked from getting the baby out of the bath or covered in stains from the full cup of juice I took to the lap.

As I can guess, I am not the only Mom Pants wearing lady out there.  So, please join me in forming a Sisterhood of the Magical Mom Pants.

We the sisterhood hereby instate the following rules to govern the use of the Magical Mom Pants*:


1. You must occasionally wash the Mom Pants, especially after any of the following has occured:  wiping baby spit up on them, you pee in them a little while giggling at the kids doing something hilariously wise for their age, or you accidentally get baby poo on them.

2. You must forgive yourself for wearing the Mom pants in public.  Others may find it completely unacceptable to wear semi-dirty sweatpants to the grocery store, but when your kid needs baby tylenol and you're out of coffee...they can kiss your cotton-wearing behind.

3. You must also never think to yourself "I am fat" while wearing the Mom Pants.  You are a post-pregnant woman - You grew a human being for goodness sakes.  Fat is no longer an adjective for you, after pregnancy & motherhood, the word fat can be replaced with freaking amazing.  As in, 'Your momma's so freaking amazing, she sat on a rainbow and made skittles.'

4. You must never let your husband take off the Pants.  It's just embarassing and unsexy. 

5. You must not pick your nose while wearing the Pants. You may, however pick your child's nose and wipe it onto the pants in a pinch.  You can also wipe your child's dirty/wet/food-caked hands onto the Pants.

6. You will not need to document your time in the Pants because all of the stains, rips, and tears will be suffice for documention.  For example, the green paint smear near the left pocket comes from painting the baby's nursery, the bleach stain on the right thigh is from wiping your hand after trying to bleach the turds out of that cloth diaper, and the four inch rip up the right leg is from the dog pulling the Pants out of the laundry basket.

7. You must write to your Sisters of your adventures of Mommyland through any means possible; facebook, blogging, or email.  It is some of the most comforting conversations to just know you aren't the only half insane, stain-filled, pockets full of weird stuff Mom Pants wearing gal out there.

8. You should never pass along your Mom Pants to another Mom.  First, they hold special Mom Magic specific for you.  Second, it's kind of gross.

9. You must not wear the Pants with a tucked in shirt because sweatpants + tucked in shirt = you don't have extra material for nose-wiping and drool removing.

10. Remember: Mom Pants=Love. Love your pals. Love yourself.  Love your messy, crazy life with kids.

 
*inspired by the list from the book; The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares