Gemma Rose, thirteen.

 Dear Gemmi, 

My gorgeous girl (you know the voice we say that in). A real teenager now and so full of all the very best parts of girlhood. Every day you fill our home with outbursts of laughter, hearty eye emojis, and dance moves. But the best part of girlhood is through shared connection: eye to eye, sharing the daily updates from our lives, randomly bursting out inside jokes, and little pick-me-ups throughout the day: a candle lit, the laundry already switched, a hot drink delivered. 

My Roie, everyday I can't believe I get to be your mom. I can't believe I get to be your mom. I can't believe I get to be your mom. 

You love specialty coffees, yogurt parfaits, and snack plates, but are always willing to try new foods. You have so much rhythm and a spontaneous dance party is always just on the brink of breaking loose if you are around with a speaker nearby. Music blasting and you twirling and moving like you've been trained in contemporary dance all your life. You love Meghan Trainor for all her self love lyrics (I Want to Thank Me, and Been Like This). But you also listen on repeat to love songs that make you heartsick for all the great loves and breakups of your future. Your obsession for romcoms can easily compete with mine and you dive into tv series and movies that have you floating through the house with big ideas of love and grand gestures. You've especially loved Gilmore Girls, New Girl, My Life with the Walter Boys, and The Summer I turned Pretty. 

Now that you have your phone it has been so fun texting with you and seeing the Youtube shorts you think to send me. Most of them making fun of mom and daughter relationships with you captioning, "but why is this us though" with a crying laugh emoji. Your text exchanges almost always include a "love you" , or a random lengthy update, or a perfectly selected gif.  Maybe that's not a huge deal - but after texting with your brother and his one word responses for two years  - I can assure you texting with you has been a delightful revelation! 

As a sister, you are top tier. You consider Grey; buying him his favorite ice tea if you get to run errands and texting him to make sure he knows the schedule. You attend his games and are so proud to be his little sister - but always trying to stay on the right line of 'not embarassing him' (hah). You help Violet with her hair and give her outfit suggestions and share food. You find ways to connect with her even though you are so different from each other. Rusty, Reddy, and Olive are babied by you quite a bit - knowing they can look at you with puppy dog eyes and get you to do just about anything; from making them something to eat to doing their chores for them. You shower them with hugs and kisses and compliments and they will grow to be so self confident in your adoration. (thank you for that).  You are always willing to 'stay home with the babies' and it feels like a new level in parenting when I can run to the grocery store without buckling car seats and carrying both bags and kids! You are a great big cousin too and fawn over your little cousins always asking if Aunt Uch needs a babysitter. 

You are an awesome teammate and friend. You talk through the whole game - giving positive affirmations when a teammate does well or shouting encouragement when the going gets tough. You encourage teammates to run off the field or court; to keep their heads high; you dole out high fives constantly. Lots of people are always telling me and dad about how good of an athlete you are, but we are most proud when parents and coaches from the opposing team have regularly come up to us to say, "I love how your daughter talks during the game - she is such a force of positivity for her team!" You have the heart of a leader through the manner of believing so much in everyone that your teammates have no choice but to believe in themselves and rise to the expectation you have inspired in them. 

Already, by seventh grade, you are involved in a lot of things and you love being given responsibilities and trust. You played defense for the jrhigh soccer team, you played forward for the jrhigh basketball team, and you're preparing for a 14U AYSO soccer season, and a 15U travel soccer season. You attend confirmation year1 classes and volunteer opportunities at church, you take yearbook photos, you are a member of jrhigh student council, and you assist the trainer during Varsity football season. After a home playoff game, you cleaned up the bleachers without anyone asking- earning you a personalized thank you note from the superintendent. Your teachers send you to complete little errands or trust your notebook as an example for students who were absent the day before. If me and dad need a chore done, we rely on you (too often!) because we know you'll do it as good (or better) than we would. 

You love being the one asked to help, 

you love to do the helping and meet or exceed expectations, 

you love being the one to come up with the idea on how to help. 

and, GIRL. 

It is sometimes so dizzying to look at you and see a mirror - not just in the way we look - but in the way we find validation for our worthiness. 

I want to celebrate that in you because you ARE so trustworthy and responsible. 

The world actually does need you and YOUR (very specific Gemma Rose) help. 

But I am also determined to find a way to let you know that you don't need to be helping to prove your worth. 

My baby girl, 40+ years and I am still trying to internalize that to be true. 

One of my greatest hopes for you is that you learn that so much sooner than I have. 

That you can know deep in your bones and full in your heart of how incredibly valuable and worthy and amazing you are without having do to a single thing. 

Because, my gemmi - you ARE incredibly valuable

and worthy

and amazing

exactly as you are,

laying in your bed under comfy blankies watching 18 hours of romcoms 

or sneaking out your stash of sweets in the pantry hidden where your siblings can't find them

or blasting music and dancing around the backyard shaking your booty like a 1990's music video

or face mask drying with your hair in curlers sipping chai tea

or room covered in a clothes explosion (honestly, how?!) asking to borrow my sweater

or mud on your face and straw in your hair chasing down the goats in the yard

you are valuable and worthy, my darling girl.

always, always, no matter what.

love you forever and ever
and ever.
never being done of ever.
through space and time and tears and laughs.
forever loving you, Roie girl.
Mum