I've been forgetting all this week that it is almost Mother's Day. Mostly because I'm not expecting any sort of special day for myself because I know there's no such thing as a day off from being a Mom. Not that I even want one (although ask if I do right before naptime or bedtime when Gemmi is fussy and Greyson is whining - you might get a different answer out of desperation!).
So even though today is Mother's Day I know that it will look and feel very much like every other day - I'll still have diapers to change and snotty noses to blow. Bruises to kiss and hugs to dole out. Sticky hands to wipe and requests for snacks and milk to fill.
In short, I have been feeling a little jaded about Mother's Day. Not at all like, 'Boohoo for Me' or lowering expectations - just more like feeling like I don't really need a day where we have to add this layer of non-routine to our life because that sort of just seems like more mess to clean up. I know that sounds bad, but its honest.
And then yesterday, when the kids and I were running errands, suddenly it dawned on me that Mother's Day has a greater purpose. You see, as we were leaving the shop - I had just scooped Gem up in a fit because she wanted to run wildly through the parking lot and Grey held onto the hem of my shirt saying again and again, 'I want a snack,' and my purse was sliding off my shoulder and I was in the middle of saying, "Okay guys, let's just try to get home now."
-when I heard someone sweetly say, "Happy Mother's Day."
When I looked up to say thank you - I saw that it was another Mother.
And I realized in her voice wasn't the sound of sarcasm or judgement.
It was the voice of recognition.
She was really saying, "We are in this together."
For all the days that I see other Moms struggling with a screaming child in the grocery store and I try to give a smile that portrays understanding instead of judgement but don't say a word. And for the all the times that I am red-faced and apologizing in church when the kids are kicking the pew. And for all the days I feel guilty that other mother's can seem to juggle motherhood better than me. Maybe on Mother's Day - we strip all of that judgement and condemnation and guilt away. And we see each other as Mothers.
Maybe Mother's Day is really about celebrating each other.
I see me in you if only because we each care about a child more than our own life.
No matter how different our version of 'care' may be from one another - I celebrate and commend you - another Mother.
So Happy Mother's Day to you Moms - from another Mom.
I feel honored to be in this group with you.
And I am endlessly relieved to know that I am not out here alone - smiling and crying my way through motherhood.
We are in this together.
I hope you get to enjoy this day with the knowledge of that in your heart.
Wedding Party Plunge
Friday, May 10, 2013
It will be our 5th wedding anniversary this year in October, so I am hoping to recap a few wedding details of ours to help pinterest beef up on wedding ideas - since there is just so little wedding pinspiration....HAH. This post's timing is based off of the fact that it's almost summer and also that some pinners are posting our beer Olympics with the caption of "co-ed bachelor/bachelorette" or "Wedding party" and it makes me happy to see that I'm not the only bride who wanted to get the whole wedding party together and making memories before the actual wedding night.
B and I have the most amazing friends, this is no secret. But when we asked our bridesmaids and groomsman to be in the wedding (and we had a BIG wedding party, 18; not including the two flowergirls and two ring bearers!) we realized that they were scattered from all the different parts of our lives and didn't necessarily know each other. So although each person is awesome - come wedding day, we didn't want there to be a whole bunch of awkward introductions and weirdness for lack of mutual experiences.
So we decided that the summer before our wedding, we would hold a party for just our wedding party to create some common memories. This way, when it was taking 100 years for Brandon and I to take all of our lovey couple pictures after the ceremony; we would know that our wedding party wasn't sitting in awkward silence on the party bus trying to make small talk. They'd already have some mutual memory to laugh about saying, 'Remember this summer..."
Since we were having a party in the summer, and since we were having the party at B's parents' house/pool, and since I think I'm very clever; We decided to hold a Wedding Party Plunge.
But in true Tab-fashion, I had some plans up my sleeves to put everyone into friendships - hahh. We spent the afternoon playing games* (no alcohol involved at this point) for our wedding partners to become familiar with each other. I'm the best. HAHAHAHAHhhaha.
For our wedding partner pairs, I had purchased different colored handkerchiefs and we had the partners wear matching colors to distinguish them as a pair. In the case where one of the partners wasn't at the party (because they lived waaay out of town or worked that day - we enlisted the help of other family/friends to step in place). Then we started out with a few partner style games:
Water Balloon Toss: partners start by standing about 3 feet away facing each other. Toss the water balloon back and forth and with successful catch, you each take a step back.
Three-legged Race: Tie the partners inside legs together and have them attempt to skip/run/hobble to a finish line
After our partner games, we split the whole wedding party down the middle and had a spin relay race, because dizzy grown ups that have trouble running is maybe one of the funniest things on the planet:
Dizzy Relay: Have participants cross one arm to hold onto the opposite side ear and loop the other arm through the elbow of the crossed arm. Bend down and spin 10 times. Attempt to run around a marker and back to the start line to tag the hand of the next participant.
And then because I know that the only way to get rid of any 'we just met and its sort of awkward'-ness is to play three games that are so hilariously intimate that there is just no more room for awkardness afterwards. (these are our three favorite, non-drinking, party games. They're entirely inappropriate but absolutely hilarious.)
Neck Orange Pass: Place participants in a line, have them pass an orange from the front of the line to the back of the line using only their necks. If the orange falls, they must start back at the beginning of the line.
Knee Cucumber Pass: Place participants in a line, have them pass a cucumber from the front of the line to the back of the line using only their knees. If the cucumber falls, they must start back at the beginning of the line.
Toothpick LifeSaver Pass: Place participants in a line, have them pass a lifesaver from the front of the line to the back of the line using only a toothpick that is in their mouth. If the lifesaver falls, they must start back at the beginning of the line.
After all that is over, its almost impossible to be weird anymore. Plus everyone is hurting from laughing so hard that it was smooth sailing for the rest of the party. We all enjoyed dinner and loosened up.
If you noticed, the girls are all wearing matching shirts - my Mom surprised us all with tank tops that said "Tabitha & Brandon" and our wedding date in a heart. It also included the role that my girls had in our wedding (ie. Maid of honor, bridesmaid, MOB and MOG, and flowergirls)
As the sun started to set, the drinking started (as it normally does with us) and we set up Groomsmen versus Bridesmaid flip cup:
And a massive beer pong tournament that lasted long into the night:
And as they do, the fun and laughter grew naturally because we were spending time with all of our friends who now knew each other enough to let loose and enjoy themselves.
We closed off the evening with a fire and some music (a la Justin on the guitar) before falling onto my in-law's couches and floors to sleep (or calling in the DD's for a pick up)
It was really such a fun party and a great way to informally get our wedding party introduced to each other before they had to stand for us in the fall at our wedding. Because these were not only the people that will stand with us during our wedding day but because they had been standing with us all along. These were the people that had given us advice when we were having hard times and hugged and celebrated with us when B and I were having good times. Weddings are all about parties to celebrate the bride&groom - but the Plunge was a party to celebrate the people who had helped us get to the Wedding in the first place by supporting and loving us through our relationship.
Even now 5 years later, we love you guys so and depend on you to help us celebrate and look to you for guidance. Thank you for being there all the times before, and still today. We are so blessed because of all of you.
*perhaps its due to my past as a teacher and people feel easily persuaded to follow my direction. Or maybe its just because my voice is louder than everyone else's - but I never have issues organizing funny children's games and getting grown adults to participate. This is also why the Beer Olympics work. If you are nervous to ask people to participate in games, remember these two things: a) people are always eager to be competitive (even if the game is childish) and b) people make friends faster when they are put in alliance with one another for a common goal. Don't be afraid, people might moan about it for 1 minute and then everyone forgets about how silly it is and has a lot of fun - I promise!
B and I have the most amazing friends, this is no secret. But when we asked our bridesmaids and groomsman to be in the wedding (and we had a BIG wedding party, 18; not including the two flowergirls and two ring bearers!) we realized that they were scattered from all the different parts of our lives and didn't necessarily know each other. So although each person is awesome - come wedding day, we didn't want there to be a whole bunch of awkward introductions and weirdness for lack of mutual experiences.
So we decided that the summer before our wedding, we would hold a party for just our wedding party to create some common memories. This way, when it was taking 100 years for Brandon and I to take all of our lovey couple pictures after the ceremony; we would know that our wedding party wasn't sitting in awkward silence on the party bus trying to make small talk. They'd already have some mutual memory to laugh about saying, 'Remember this summer..."
Since we were having a party in the summer, and since we were having the party at B's parents' house/pool, and since I think I'm very clever; We decided to hold a Wedding Party Plunge.
We spent the initial part of the party being all weird and awkward (like everyone would have been at the wedding without the plunge) and easing into introductions and spending time with the people that everyone already knew from some other shared past. It was fun because it was good people and good food and summer...but there was still the element that not everyone felt totally comfortable.
But in true Tab-fashion, I had some plans up my sleeves to put everyone into friendships - hahh. We spent the afternoon playing games* (no alcohol involved at this point) for our wedding partners to become familiar with each other. I'm the best. HAHAHAHAHhhaha.
For our wedding partner pairs, I had purchased different colored handkerchiefs and we had the partners wear matching colors to distinguish them as a pair. In the case where one of the partners wasn't at the party (because they lived waaay out of town or worked that day - we enlisted the help of other family/friends to step in place). Then we started out with a few partner style games:
Water Balloon Toss: partners start by standing about 3 feet away facing each other. Toss the water balloon back and forth and with successful catch, you each take a step back.
Three-legged Race: Tie the partners inside legs together and have them attempt to skip/run/hobble to a finish line
For our winners, they received a choice of silly dollar store prizes like gold (plastic) medals, shape-sunglasses, or fake gold teeth grills.
After our partner games, we split the whole wedding party down the middle and had a spin relay race, because dizzy grown ups that have trouble running is maybe one of the funniest things on the planet:
Dizzy Relay: Have participants cross one arm to hold onto the opposite side ear and loop the other arm through the elbow of the crossed arm. Bend down and spin 10 times. Attempt to run around a marker and back to the start line to tag the hand of the next participant.
And then because I know that the only way to get rid of any 'we just met and its sort of awkward'-ness is to play three games that are so hilariously intimate that there is just no more room for awkardness afterwards. (these are our three favorite, non-drinking, party games. They're entirely inappropriate but absolutely hilarious.)
Neck Orange Pass: Place participants in a line, have them pass an orange from the front of the line to the back of the line using only their necks. If the orange falls, they must start back at the beginning of the line.
Knee Cucumber Pass: Place participants in a line, have them pass a cucumber from the front of the line to the back of the line using only their knees. If the cucumber falls, they must start back at the beginning of the line.
Toothpick LifeSaver Pass: Place participants in a line, have them pass a lifesaver from the front of the line to the back of the line using only a toothpick that is in their mouth. If the lifesaver falls, they must start back at the beginning of the line.
If you noticed, the girls are all wearing matching shirts - my Mom surprised us all with tank tops that said "Tabitha & Brandon" and our wedding date in a heart. It also included the role that my girls had in our wedding (ie. Maid of honor, bridesmaid, MOB and MOG, and flowergirls)
As the sun started to set, the drinking started (as it normally does with us) and we set up Groomsmen versus Bridesmaid flip cup:
And a massive beer pong tournament that lasted long into the night:
And as they do, the fun and laughter grew naturally because we were spending time with all of our friends who now knew each other enough to let loose and enjoy themselves.
 |
| MIA's Paper Planes was very big during our Wedding Plunge |
We closed off the evening with a fire and some music (a la Justin on the guitar) before falling onto my in-law's couches and floors to sleep (or calling in the DD's for a pick up)
It was really such a fun party and a great way to informally get our wedding party introduced to each other before they had to stand for us in the fall at our wedding. Because these were not only the people that will stand with us during our wedding day but because they had been standing with us all along. These were the people that had given us advice when we were having hard times and hugged and celebrated with us when B and I were having good times. Weddings are all about parties to celebrate the bride&groom - but the Plunge was a party to celebrate the people who had helped us get to the Wedding in the first place by supporting and loving us through our relationship.
Even now 5 years later, we love you guys so and depend on you to help us celebrate and look to you for guidance. Thank you for being there all the times before, and still today. We are so blessed because of all of you.
*perhaps its due to my past as a teacher and people feel easily persuaded to follow my direction. Or maybe its just because my voice is louder than everyone else's - but I never have issues organizing funny children's games and getting grown adults to participate. This is also why the Beer Olympics work. If you are nervous to ask people to participate in games, remember these two things: a) people are always eager to be competitive (even if the game is childish) and b) people make friends faster when they are put in alliance with one another for a common goal. Don't be afraid, people might moan about it for 1 minute and then everyone forgets about how silly it is and has a lot of fun - I promise!
///
5 Replies
Recap: Screen Free Week 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
We made it. Well, mostly I made it. That's the real accomplishment here, let's be honest. We made it through our first ever Screen Free Week and lived to tell about it. I promised to cover our week in a tell-all post- so here it goes, embarrassing soul searches, cheats, and all!
The good.
It was a lot easier than I was expecting to be - like a.lot. Clearly, from my planned out maniacal themed days of the week post-its that I had plastered all through my planner last week, I was expecting the worst. And we literally did maybe one activity a day (if even!) because it was so much easier than we thought it would be. Grey asked to watch tv one time. ONCE! On Wednesday morning and when I told him the tv was still broken he said, "oh, okay."
No tv after dinner meant for the first time in a year (!) we didn't have to negotiate bedtime with Greyson. He was ready for bed at 8:30p every.single.night. (He still wakes up in the middle of the night to come into our bed every night but) there was no complaining, no bartering for later bedtimes, just a kiss and up he went to lay with whichever parent he picked that night. It was insanity.
The bad.
We cheated. Not the kids. We - the parents. We cheated a few times because we are totally lame and have no backbone apparently. I had to pin-lookup a recipe one day. By Wednesday, I was justifying glancing at my personal email just in case I needed to answer something urgent (hah! who was I kidding?) and refreshing my blogger page just to see if life was going on without me (um, duh) And Bud checked facebook on long drives (super safe?!?)
It took about 1 full day to realize that Screen Free Week had almost nothing to do with the kids and about 95% to do with ME and a measly 5% to do with Brandon. The kids hardly noticed and I was practically climbing the walls without screens in my life. (ugh, shameful).
The things we got to do just because it was Screen Free Week...that maybe we would not have taken the time to do otherwise:
.JPG)
The unexpected.
We, the parents, were thoroughly exhausted. What is the deal that once you put the kids to bed and don't have tv or computers to distract you that you just go to bed and (gasp) fall asleep? We were in bed and asleep almost every night by 10p. It was seriously great to get that much sleep, but we were also going above our normal activity level (both physical and emotional) by entertaining the kids more than normal - so we were super tired too.
The learned.
I have almost no ability to just relax my mind without screens. This is an awful thing to admit to you all - and clearly a big red flag that I need to get more serious about mediation. But honestly, without screens to help me just zone out (scrolling through pins or statuses, or flipping on the tv), it felt like my brain was running a million miles an hour. And although that was awesome for a few things (like getting a jumpstart on our maids of honor speech! and brainstorming games and plans for beer olympics) it was also making me very tired and have low-grade headache.
The things I missed.
instagram
writing my blog
reading your blogs
The Good Men Project
Googling anything that comes into my brain
The things I didn't miss (all surprising to me as they are daily regulars).
Pinterest
Facebook
tv (except Dawson's Creek on Netflix because I'm still secretly 15 years old apparently)
youtube
new movie trailers
The serious soul-searching stuff
So, brace yourself for some dramatics.
Monday was exciting and new. I didn't mind and it was sort of a thrill to catch myself about to mindlessly tap instagram and then stop myself smiling like, 'na, na, no - mumma.' Tuesday was more difficult and super tempting. I wanted to keep googling things from my restless brain, I was starting to wonder what was happening out there in social media land. This was the beginning of the realization that I don't know how to turn my own brain off without the use of technology. By Wednesday night I had moved into contemplating existential questions about myself and the true meaning of my involvement in social media. The conversation with Brandon went something like this:
Me: when I was blowing bubbles in the yard today and the sky was so perfectly blue and the kids and dogs were running all around to pop them I thought to myself - 'this is a moment that I would instagram on a normal day' What is that about? Why do I think I need to instagram my every waking moment?
B: um. you want to brag about your life?
Me: oh God - is that it? I want to brag? What does that say about me? About the fiber that makes up my soul?
B: I don't know. I think its a pretty normal thing to want to brag about your life.
Me: Do you not care that I just said aloud without any hint of joking, 'the fiber that makes up my soul?'
B: no. that's pretty normal tab-talk
Me: uuuuuuughhhhh. Why do I even blog then?
B: okay drama queen, go to bed.
The dramatics passed in my sleep and by Thursday - all the way through Saturday - we were accepting of our no screen status (with the addition of gmail checks and blog refreshes of course).
But by Sunday we were back into the glazed look and DearGod-when-will-this-week-end phase. We almost caved for the kids just to catch a moment of peace. After a seemingly never-ending ballad of 'Fa, fa, fa, fa, fa!' from Greyson and Gemma putting her entire foot into the dog's water dish - B mouthed to me, 'movie?' I caught a glimpse of the clock and saw that it was nearly Gemma's naptime and said with full dramatic flair, "B - if we don't stand for something, we'll fall for anything." to which he rolled his eyes and laughed because it really made no sense in relation to Screen Free Week but it sort of felt like a substantial enough pep talk for the both of us to make it through the rest of the afternoon without caving.
So the short of it was that we survived a week without screen (well, mostly without). The kids day a whole lot better than us (so much so that it's sort of embarrassing that I thought it was going to be more for them than for me). We learned a lot about ourselves and our own tendencies to plug in more frequently than we are generally conscious of and we'll be implementing a few changes into our daily routine (at least initially) to see if it helps make a difference in our lives - like no tv after dinner and before kid bedtime.
It may continue to get more difficult for the kids as they get older and have a real interest in screens (their own facebook, their own 'shows') but for now - our kids thought the week was a piece of cake, while we struggled and were more reflective about ourselves than we ever expected. All in all - it was a great and challenging week that we will participate in again....in a year :)
Anyone else participate? Anyone else as dramatic as my Wednesday night of self-reflection? hahha, let's hope not.
The good.
It was a lot easier than I was expecting to be - like a.lot. Clearly, from my planned out maniacal themed days of the week post-its that I had plastered all through my planner last week, I was expecting the worst. And we literally did maybe one activity a day (if even!) because it was so much easier than we thought it would be. Grey asked to watch tv one time. ONCE! On Wednesday morning and when I told him the tv was still broken he said, "oh, okay."
No tv after dinner meant for the first time in a year (!) we didn't have to negotiate bedtime with Greyson. He was ready for bed at 8:30p every.single.night. (He still wakes up in the middle of the night to come into our bed every night but) there was no complaining, no bartering for later bedtimes, just a kiss and up he went to lay with whichever parent he picked that night. It was insanity.
The bad.
We cheated. Not the kids. We - the parents. We cheated a few times because we are totally lame and have no backbone apparently. I had to pin-lookup a recipe one day. By Wednesday, I was justifying glancing at my personal email just in case I needed to answer something urgent (hah! who was I kidding?) and refreshing my blogger page just to see if life was going on without me (um, duh) And Bud checked facebook on long drives (super safe?!?)
It took about 1 full day to realize that Screen Free Week had almost nothing to do with the kids and about 95% to do with ME and a measly 5% to do with Brandon. The kids hardly noticed and I was practically climbing the walls without screens in my life. (ugh, shameful).
The things we got to do just because it was Screen Free Week...that maybe we would not have taken the time to do otherwise:
- took three days off this week from work to be totally focused on the kids and having fun with no particular vacation or event planned otherwise
- made a sock puppet that Grey named "Ni-jo" and who has made our kids laugh at least once a day since
.JPG)
- made pancake bites and meatloaf cupcakes
- created art on the windows with contact paper
- read the book A Bear and His Boy
so many times that Grey knows all the words, including "running around like a maniac!" which makes us all laugh every single time
- read the book No, David!
so many times that Gemma now says, "No, no, no!" as she flips the pages when she's playing alone
- caught up on our March Kindness to make cookies for the local Fire department (because we hadn't done it yet!) and delivered them
- hosted my first ever Mom's group event at the Quemahoming Dam and spent the afternoon running after kids and talking to a real life grown up Mom (hi, Angie!)
- Learned the Grey is big enough to pull Gem in the wagon himself and learned that Gem loves being pulled around in the wagon
- took these pictures of the kids on the trampoline with their faces painted on Friday afternoon
The unexpected.
We, the parents, were thoroughly exhausted. What is the deal that once you put the kids to bed and don't have tv or computers to distract you that you just go to bed and (gasp) fall asleep? We were in bed and asleep almost every night by 10p. It was seriously great to get that much sleep, but we were also going above our normal activity level (both physical and emotional) by entertaining the kids more than normal - so we were super tired too.
The learned.
I have almost no ability to just relax my mind without screens. This is an awful thing to admit to you all - and clearly a big red flag that I need to get more serious about mediation. But honestly, without screens to help me just zone out (scrolling through pins or statuses, or flipping on the tv), it felt like my brain was running a million miles an hour. And although that was awesome for a few things (like getting a jumpstart on our maids of honor speech! and brainstorming games and plans for beer olympics) it was also making me very tired and have low-grade headache.
The things I missed.
writing my blog
reading your blogs
The Good Men Project
Googling anything that comes into my brain
The things I didn't miss (all surprising to me as they are daily regulars).
tv (except Dawson's Creek on Netflix because I'm still secretly 15 years old apparently)
youtube
new movie trailers
The serious soul-searching stuff
So, brace yourself for some dramatics.
Monday was exciting and new. I didn't mind and it was sort of a thrill to catch myself about to mindlessly tap instagram and then stop myself smiling like, 'na, na, no - mumma.' Tuesday was more difficult and super tempting. I wanted to keep googling things from my restless brain, I was starting to wonder what was happening out there in social media land. This was the beginning of the realization that I don't know how to turn my own brain off without the use of technology. By Wednesday night I had moved into contemplating existential questions about myself and the true meaning of my involvement in social media. The conversation with Brandon went something like this:
Me: when I was blowing bubbles in the yard today and the sky was so perfectly blue and the kids and dogs were running all around to pop them I thought to myself - 'this is a moment that I would instagram on a normal day' What is that about? Why do I think I need to instagram my every waking moment?
B: um. you want to brag about your life?
Me: oh God - is that it? I want to brag? What does that say about me? About the fiber that makes up my soul?
B: I don't know. I think its a pretty normal thing to want to brag about your life.
Me: Do you not care that I just said aloud without any hint of joking, 'the fiber that makes up my soul?'
B: no. that's pretty normal tab-talk
Me: uuuuuuughhhhh. Why do I even blog then?
B: okay drama queen, go to bed.
The dramatics passed in my sleep and by Thursday - all the way through Saturday - we were accepting of our no screen status (with the addition of gmail checks and blog refreshes of course).
But by Sunday we were back into the glazed look and DearGod-when-will-this-week-end phase. We almost caved for the kids just to catch a moment of peace. After a seemingly never-ending ballad of 'Fa, fa, fa, fa, fa!' from Greyson and Gemma putting her entire foot into the dog's water dish - B mouthed to me, 'movie?' I caught a glimpse of the clock and saw that it was nearly Gemma's naptime and said with full dramatic flair, "B - if we don't stand for something, we'll fall for anything." to which he rolled his eyes and laughed because it really made no sense in relation to Screen Free Week but it sort of felt like a substantial enough pep talk for the both of us to make it through the rest of the afternoon without caving.
So the short of it was that we survived a week without screen (well, mostly without). The kids day a whole lot better than us (so much so that it's sort of embarrassing that I thought it was going to be more for them than for me). We learned a lot about ourselves and our own tendencies to plug in more frequently than we are generally conscious of and we'll be implementing a few changes into our daily routine (at least initially) to see if it helps make a difference in our lives - like no tv after dinner and before kid bedtime.
It may continue to get more difficult for the kids as they get older and have a real interest in screens (their own facebook, their own 'shows') but for now - our kids thought the week was a piece of cake, while we struggled and were more reflective about ourselves than we ever expected. All in all - it was a great and challenging week that we will participate in again....in a year :)
Anyone else participate? Anyone else as dramatic as my Wednesday night of self-reflection? hahha, let's hope not.
///
4 Replies
