Room for one more.

big news!
another Studerbaby is a'cookin!

due date: April 13, 2020
most prevalent symptom: intense hot flashes
cravings: all the fruit, grilled cheese sandwiches, milk
aversions: lettuce/salad, eggs

Mostly it feels dreamlike. We have been talking about maybe thinking of having one more, but also we are pretty comfy with how we are now. It was sort of a if it's in the cards kind of thing, but the shop wasn't closed and we had been pretty careless since January with nothing happening. I think I really did resolve in my heart that it was done. And then Keto got us all healthy this summer and surprise and hooray! a baby!

It took about three days for me to process the positive test and trying to wrap my head around how this was going to change all the ways our life is now. (Still haven't quite figured that out yet). And truly, we have been so busy with the start of the school year (for the kids and me) and fall sports that I have allowed myself to keep pushing any worries to the back of my mind like - oh, I'll think about that when I have time. (LOL). Anytime anyone has asked me how I have been feeling, I keep saying (honestly), "I feel pretty much the same - with the exception of the hot flashes - I think my body knows that I just don't have time for feeling bad right now." (hah, thanks body).

After a terrible initial reaction from all four kids, they are all now completely obsessed with the idea of a new sibling. We talk about the baby everyday. Rusty asked, 'hey mom, your baby come out yet?' and he keeps calling himself a 'big brother.' Violet is very interested in all the things the baby likes to eat, questioning every bite I take - 'Does that baby like that food?' and offering me a piece of anything she's eating so the baby can taste it. Gemma apparently announced it to the the entire lunch room the other day at school and Grey is hoping for a girl so that it can just be him and Rust as the only boys.

The kids knew for two whole weeks and kept it a secret (!) because I explained that we had to wait until I visited the doctor and we knew everything was good with our baby. All four kept their promise!! Since then, now they want to tell every random person we see ('Do they know the secret?') Reactions have varied, but overwhelmingly it has been with joy and support for us. Our parents were sweet and hilarious - they stared at us in disbelief. After the standard 24hr processing period - they are all over the moon, it's the mostly the logistics I think they are worried about (#SAME). Grey and Gemma's friends have been among the best reactions we've received to the news - the minor football team literally started screaming, running in circles, and patting Grey on the back. They have all offered up several names options already. The flag cheer team has doubled their hugs for me per game/practice and there are 18 prayers going up to the sky, one from each little cheerleader, for our baby to be a girl. Violet & Rusty's preschool teachers came running down the hall screaming and smiling when they told them (you are so sweet, Kayla & Janell!) and one of Brandon's coworkers who adores our kids screamed on the top of her lungs in elated surprise (one of his favorite reactions, Gail!). We've also got a lot of  "You guys are freaking nuts." and "Do you not know how this works?" but it is generally said with a smile and a hug.

I was probably the weirdest about it because I was expecting people to be judgey. I regularly receive so many comments out and about when I'm with the kids like "wow, your hands are full" and "that's a crew!" So this was the easiest babe to keep a secret because I was so hesitant to share. But everyone who knows and loves us has honestly been so kind, happy, and sweet which is what I should have expected from the start anyway - silly, Tabitha.

There are definitely things that will need to be figured out. Like the end of the school year for teaching, making sure prom is all planned since I am prom advisor this year, finishing up my college classes and research paper in the spring (!), inventoring the house and attic for what I still have for a baby and what we might need to get for the new babe, re-starting diapers (because we've been out for 4 months!), finances, vehicles, and a million other little things.

But really, as we've come to realize four kids later - it all shakes out in the end and is there anything better than a new sweet baby who needs snuggles and a thousand kisses in their loose neck skin and who smells like heaven?

sweet baby, 

you are so loved already. 

do your growing.

but know that we can't wait to meet you. 

momma. 

the last time

I have been famous for asking my friends and family with real bafflement, 'how do you know when you're done having babies!? I can't imagine not having a new baby in my home!"
You guys, I was not kidding at all.

But now, I finally get it.

We are in the very final stretch of awaiting Studerbaby#4 - he will be here by Friday, as he's getting evicted via induction.  At this point in pregnancy, as most mommas will agree, even three days feel much too long to have to wait - but alas, here we are getting things crossed off the to do list and counting down minutes.

No one is counting down more than the mumma, let me tell you.  It felt harder this time for me, whether it's because this is the oldest I've ever been pregnant or if the busy of life with three small kids under six and all of our activities and plans.  I don't know, but it felt like the longest and most uncomfortable and most frustrating pregnancy so far.

Truth be told, I don't 'do' pregnancy well.  I mean, my body does - we have no trouble getting pregnant and then it's a very 'boring' pregnancy in terms of how our little beans have grown(which I am so very grateful).  But mentally, pregnancy and I are not great friends.  I have inappropriate efficiency standards set for myself and pregnancy could care less.  I know I could make it so much easier on myself if I could just loosen up a little and chill - but it's just not in my nature.  So I spend the 9+ months frustrated and fighting against myself to run at standard operation, when my growing belly and pregnancy symptoms make it very difficult to do so. 

It has also seemed incredibly obvious this time that I haven't been able to meet my own parenting standards for our other three little gremlins.  Ya know how us mommas go to bed every night and wonder if we loved our kids enough that day?  Well being pregnant and tired this time around has really highlighted that little worry in my mind each night.  Grey is so very active and there have been times when he's asked me to just play catch with the baseball and I had to flat out tell him that I was too exhausted to get up.  To stand in the yard for more than 3 minutes...you guys, it's crushed me to not feel like I was giving my best to the other three.  

I'm ready to be all in again - to be able to physically and mentally be all in for the kids and have more patience than I have after a full day of exhaustion and heartburn and lower back pain.  

For awhile now, we've been getting glimpses of what it will be like to grow up with our family, instead of continuing to grow more of our family.  Little flickers of life with kids who can tie their own shoes, and take their own showers, and that don't require a diaper bag.  Big kid personalities that leave us cracking up and proud and worried and excited for all the things they get to learn and experience on their own in the coming years.

We feel so very blessed and excited and in love about getting to do this all one last time, all the baby snuggles and top-of-head-sniffing and first words and steps and clothes that look small enough to fit on the girls' baby dolls.

I'm aware though too that each first for our fourth baby will feel a little bittersweet as it will be graced as the 'last first time.'

We've pulled the crib out of the attic for the last time.
We've made it to the final month of pregnancy for the last time.
The hospital bags are packed for the last time.
::gulp::
we'll head to the hospital to deliver a new baby with that giddy feeling of disbelief, relief, and pure joy for the last time

But finally, the 'last first time' finally feels like something that we are ready to put into a cherished little treasure box.  I'll miss it so much, I have no doubts, nostalgia runs thick inside of my veins naturally, and I am sure I will spend many nights in the future wishing back for the days of diapers and bubbas and crib sheets.  But I also feel a palpable excitement and confidence that we are at the last; the last of the homegrown babies.

Goodness, sweet boy.
we can no longer stand ourselves, we are all so ready to meet you.
the kids have been asking multiple times a day if today is the day you'll come out.
I get daily texts from your grandmas and my best friends that literally only say, 'baby?'
we cannot wait for your birthday, little man.
the amount that you are loved already is staggering.
you, my last little darling.
come see your family.
we love you forever.
already.
even when you get so big,
your mumma. 

Things to embrace on your 2nd+ pregnancy

When you're pregnant for the first time, everything is new, sometimes that newness is magical and sometimes that newness can be overwhelming and scary.  But regardless of how you felt about pregnancy the first time (loved it or endured it, hah!), there is a common thread among all first-timers:  being pregnant was new and thus, generally consuming of the thought, of the heart, of the worry.

Then you get a baby and it really is all consuming.  My husband and I recently looked back on the year we had our first baby and sat baffled out how we took little to no other pictures of anything else happening that entire year.  We had our first baby and so everything that happened that year was seen through the lens of that first and only child.

Then we got pregnant again, and it wasn't that it was any less special, it was just that we had a real human child that was demanding attention, so the pregnancy felt slightly less consuming, but also more difficult.  Because instead of just feeling worn down because well..human growing, we also had a child that expected their regular operating momma.

I'm in my fourth pregnancy (!) and if I'm being honest that's how long it took me to embrace the things on this list, but I understand some mommas are a little quicker on the draw than me (and hopefully most are!).

If I could talk to my 2nd pregnancy self, I would try to convince her of these five things.  But alas, here I am with babe#4 cooking and I'm grateful to finally be in a place where I can fully appreciate and enjoy these little bits of wisdom.

Five things to embrace in your 2nd+ pregnancy: 

1. Embrace cereal for dinner:  in other words, let yourself off the hook a little bit, momma.  Pregnancy brings with it a sort of forced slow down which can be so very frustrating, especially for those efficiency-craving mommas like me.  Up until this point, you've finally figured out how to survive as a family of how many ever of you as there currently are, which usually means a lot of juggling and hurrying to keep all the balls in the air.  But pregnancy can make you tap the brakes (or sometimes slam on the brakes) of your normal operating mode. Dust bunnies collecting in the living room , no biggie.  Those clothes can be folded tomorrow, or ya know what, pull them out of the clean laundry baskets as they're needed! Give yourself a little extra grace, ya know what your child will remember?  That you still made time for love, not that you had cereal for dinner a few times (actually, kids love cereal for dinner).

2. Embrace help offered:  There is a reason that the quote, 'it takes a village,' has hung around for so long.  You are amazing, momma, a superwoman, truly!  But you are only one woman, and it can be both helpful and meaningful to receive help from whoever it is that makes up your village.  Look around and you'll most likely find people who are eager to help - maybe it's by offering a playdate with your kid(s) so you can rest, meeting a grandparent at the grocery store so you don't have to solo-shop with kid in tow, or someone that asks, 'is there anything you need?'  Take their extended hand, friend. They love you, they love your kid, they love that baby you have cooking.  Don't be hesitant to accept the help because you think you are putting them out.  You get the benefit of appreciated help and your child gets the benefit of fun and attention and building relationships with people you trust and your village gets stronger!
Sidenote:  When you are capable of offering help to your pregnant family or friends in the future - offer the help you appreciated! Be a friend that you'd like to have!

3. Embrace the future:  be kind to your future self now.  Think back on those first few weeks of having a newborn and then try to imagine your current wild child there too.  Instead of being afraid of that future(hah), try to do some things now for that future tired momma you'll be.  Before your new babe arrives, try to get ahead on some lingering headaches (bills, appointment scheduling, and bulk item shopping), and throw together a few freezer meals or request them as 'gifts' from your village.

4. Embrace the uniqueness of this pregnancy:  Even though you've been through this whole thing before, it doesn't make it any less special.  Having a human child already can be quite distracting (I mean that it in the most loving way possible obviously), and so you might have to be extra vigilant in finding ways to document this pregnancy for both you and your baby in the future.  Do whatever seems to work best for you and you're own creativity.  Take occasional baby bump photos, mark down notes about how you're feeling and what you're craving in a baby book or notebook.  Talk to you current kid about their new sibling, let them be apart of the pregnancy too by letting them 'help you,' or read books to your belly, and make special artwork for their sibling's nursery.

5. Embrace the view:  look around the dinner table, stare into the sweet cheeks of your sleeping babies in their beds, watch how your spouse plays and rough-houses with your kids.  The sounds and the sights that you have in your home right now will soon be different. What is your normal now will be replaced with a new normal as soon as that little family member arrives.  Embrace today's normal in all it's wild, exhausting, loud, fun, and beautiful messiness.  A bigger family means the beauty and love in your family will multiply, make no mistakes, but it is an irreversible change.  Literally embrace your family today and cherish this snapshot of how it feels to be your family just as you are in this moment.

let's let that cat out of the bag

finally you guys, I can get honest with you!  We are expecting Studerbaby number four!

I hope my blogging disappearance makes a little more sense now.  I am just now, at a little more than twelve weeks, drudging out of the exhaustive first trimester.  I mean, you guys, seriously.  Maybe I'm a super big crybaby or maybe it's fourth baby pregnancy with three other kids to take care of - but I've been dead tired for the past few weeks.

I was staring longingly at my laptop all like Adele, 'Hello, it's me,' but that's about as much energy as I could muster...literally glancing over at my keyboard and feeling guilty was as much as I could give.  #sadbuttrue.  So my apologies, dear friends. I thank you so much for sticking around.

Miraculously despite being up half the night with a sick son, today is the first day that I felt the weight of first trimester exhaustion lift from my shoulders.  You know that feeling, it's a real noticeable difference when you become a normal operating person again.  I was just saying to my sister the other day when I was still blanketed in tired that maybe my lack of motivation and tiredness was just the new me, that'd I'd never feel energized again.  I knew this was not true, as my fourth time through this, but you guys, after weeks, it can feel like that.  (so to all you first time mommas, hang in there! you'll get back to normal energy levels again!)

Now back to the matter at hand, ahem, the bun in my oven.
We figured out we were pregnant in the same way as we have for the past two pregnancies, Bullet told us.  As soon as he is aware which is usually about two weeks before I can even take a pregnancy test (dogs are amazing), he gets all protective and weird around me; constantly wanting to be by my side and sleeping right next to me.

We got the official notice in early October and kept it a secret until late October when we told the kids and grandparents by giving them a 'gift' with a Thing Four shirt in it.  Reactions were all surprised and very excited.  We went about telling our friends and family slowly from there, and we've been blessed to be met with joy and support from everyone.

There are lots of stories out there about people's reactions to big families, but we cannot be included in the group that gets met with judgement, and we are so very grateful for that.  It has been such a reminder to me how beautiful it is to raise our kids up in a community (both physically and metaphorically) of people that celebrate joy with us, with our kids.  It teaches them (and reminds us) to do the same when we see happiness and joy in our life - it is to be celebrated! not judged, or compared, or to make us jealous.  Shared joy is double joy, after all.  (thank you all for that).

Our studerbaby #4's due date is June 7th and we've started our official rounds of doctor's appointments and necessary steps to keeping this baby safe and growing.  I'm blessed again this time around to have my cousin Meg as our midwife.  I cannot explain what a comfort and relief it is to have her with me every step of the way.  She is amazing and so patient with any questions or weird texts I send her.  (thank you, Meg).  At my first consultation one of the nurses was going over the list of pregnancy reminders including, 'don't pick up more than 25lbs' as I was standing there holding Violet and Gemma was asking to be held next.  She and I made eye contact on that one and then both started laughing.  So she quickly followed that reminder up with, 'well, at least use good body mechanics.' #pregnantmomofthreeprobs

This is the first time in four times that it feels like we've made it to our family, at least what our family is in terms of homegrown kids.  It's the first time that the thought of not having a new baby in the house after this one isn't sad anymore, it's kind of thrilling and exciting to imagine our family as growing older together, instead of growing bigger in size.  For a long time, I was notorious for saying, 'I don't know how you know when you're done having babies?!' but now it feels like I know, it feels like this.  like contentment, like fullness, like the someone we've been waiting for.

photo credit:  Carissa Merriman

As in all things in life, who knows where it will take us.  Right now, we're attempting to operate business as usual and daydreaming about our fourth little baby who we hope is growing strong and healthy, and has the patience of a saint, because to join this Zoo Crew is going to be an adventure! Let exhibit A be this attempt at a Christmas card photo:

The 5 Emotional Stages of the Last Month of Pregnancy

Currently in my third round of the last month of pregnancy, I have observed (and am experiencing) the highly volatile swing of emotional states that rightfully comes after growing a human for 36+ weeks.   I theorize that there is a trend to those emotions of the last month and have highlighted them here as helpful checklist for both pregnant women and the people that love them to bring awareness and acceptance to what might come in those final weeks before your blessed newborn arrives.

Keep in mind that these emotions do not have any definitive length of duration and are certainly not static in their ordering.  Women in the last month of pregnancy can move through the emotions at any rate and flip back and forth between the stages within less than a moment's notice.

The 5 Emotional Stages of the Last Month of Pregnancy
(entirely unofficial and pretend)


1. Anticipation - You feel like you can finally see the light at the end of this long tunnel called pregnancy!  Your due date is nearing and you are full of energy and motivated to finally get those last items completed on your to do list.  When people ask you how much longer you have, you happily respond, 'Just a few more weeks!'  Every slight feeling of  off-ness sends your wishful heart into excitement, 'Maybe this is it!' you imagine enthusiastically.  You make plans for the upcoming weeks in pencil only with a heart full of hope that you'll just be too busy with a newborn to actually attend any of them.

2. Jaded - The excitement has worn away now and it feels as though these last final weeks are somehow longer than all the other months of pregnancy combined.  You grow increasingly weary to answer, yet again, that your due date 'still isn't for another few weeks, but thank you very much for commenting on how that seems impossible to you with what my belly looks like.'  Almost all items on your to do list are done, and then some.  Braxton-Hicks become annoying reminders that you are still not ready for actual labor.  You start the unhelpful act of Googling 'How to Naturally Induce Labor' and 'Wives Tales for Bringing on Labor.' You call friends and family to make firm plans for the upcoming weeks just to distract yourself from the constant feeling of waiting around.

3. Bitterness- You wake up one morning after a sleepless night of constant bathroom breaks and inconsistent, albeit frustrating, pressure and pain in your back - to realize that now you're mad.  Angry that there is not a thing you can do about getting the child out until they are damn well ready to be born; a huge reminder of what being a parent is; running on someone else's schedule.  Thoughts of your non-pregnant body and mind feel like they are from another lifetime ago.  You come to realize that simply thinking about how long it has been since you have been able to do certain things; sleep on your stomach, paint your own toenails, hug someone straight on comfortably, infuriates you;  how foreign having control over your own body seems!  If you sneeze and pee your pants a little one.more.time, you will certainly lose your flipping mind?!  You roll your eyes, grind your teeth and, eat 12 cookies just in spite of yourself.

4. Hopelessness -  And then the waterworks start as your speaking to the person that happens to be the closest to you at that moment...and by closest I mean in physical proximity; this could be your spouse, your mom,  the doctor's office secretary, or the man at the check out counter.  Through streaming tears, you ramble on about a variety of irrational thoughts; "maybe this baby will never come out, I've been pregnant for so long and I miss my old self, I can't wait to finally see the baby's face, how will I be able to manage another child, I'm a bad mom for feeling upset about still being pregnant."  The person listening to this generally will stare at you with saucer eyes and if you're lucky, they will follow up with an encouraging, "even though it doesn't feel like it - you're doing great.  Now how about a warm bath?" (well, that might be creepy coming from the check out counter guy, but you get the idea).

5. Tolerance - This emotional state is generally brought about by the sudden realization that your life as it is right this moment (newborn still on the inside) efficiently operates like a well-oiled machine and that will very, very soon come to an end.  It comes on in moments like when your entire family sleeps in until 8:30am and you quickly remember that this will not likely happen again for quite some time.  Or when you find the kids eating breakfast and happily watching Team Umizoom while you get a few interrupted minutes to pound out a blogpost (hello!).  It's the thought (however fleeting) that, "Okay, fine.  It's not so bad and I can handle this for a little while longer.  I mean, the baby IS coming soon, regardless.....right?"



In the past two weeks, I, personally, have been steadily exchanging emotional stages 2-5 with terrifying speed.  Like, by the half hour.  Just yesterday alone, I did a lap of stages 2-4 within a matter of two hours.  Luckily this morning (for now at least), I am settled in stage 5 and I'm enjoying my two little gremlins and the prospect of a semi-productive day ahead.

Thank you to my husband, Mum, Mum-in-law, and sisters for putting up with sheer insanity.  Seriously, they are being brave to call me; they don't know which crazy version of myself they will encounter on the other end.  Thanks for still calling to check in anyway!

And to my two kids - I love you.  You will almost never NOT think I'm crazy in your lives anyway, and that's fine - but right now, I really am being crazy, I'm promise I'm trying to keep it together and be a rational mum for you, but even still I know things have been a little out of sorts around here.  So thanks for all the snugs, kisses, hugs, and patience that your little 4 and 2 year old selves can muster.  I mostly can't wait for this baby to be born so she can meet both of you.  What a lucky girl to be getting the two of you for family.



****************************************************
This list was written in good fun and for humor.  In no way do I mean to accuse pregnant women that they are actually crazy (au contraire:  you're a superhero!).

If, however, you feel like you are depressed or are having thoughts that you cannot handle on your own, please speak to your doctor or a professional immediately.

You can also visit some of these sites for more information about depression and pregnancy:
American Pregnancy Association:  Depression in Pregnancy
Women's Health:  Depression During and After Pregnancy
Parents:  Coping with Anxiety and Depression during Pregnancy
Postpartum Progress

My problem with the waiting

During quiet time yesterday, I laid on our bed with wet hair after a shower and called my Mom to announce, "Ugh, I just feel done."

Pregnancy seems deliberately just a little bit too long.  Like that final month is the really in place just to get the Mom mentally prepared to choose the alternative of being pregnant; getting the baby out, raising a newborn; zombie-level exhaustion.  Right now, I want that.

After nearly 38 weeks of growing a human, I want control back over my own body.  I want to meet this girl, I want to completely disrupt our life as we know it to make room for  this new person who will make us all very in love and very, very tired.

The problem with the waiting is that I'm a planner.  I make checklists, and countdowns, and mark off calendar dates - and although technically I have a "date" to cling to for dear life - everyone knows that it's more unlikely for your child to actually be born on that date than not.

So in these final weeks, I experience this horribly hopeless rollercoaster of excitement with the slightest feeling of off-ness.  Is this it?  Maybe this is the start of it!  And then minutes or hours later, the feeling is gone and hope has now been replaced with frustration and impatience.

Meanwhile, I keep reminding myself that I need to focus on the due date; still another 15 days away.  I know I need to focus on mentally making the distance, and yet, I cannot push down this endless reserve of hope that she'll come sooner; both so I can finally see her sweet face and also not be pregnant again(..for awhile at least).

selfie found on my phone

We finished our baby-prep checklist weeks ago, and so I've been tackling other projects with the sentiment of well, might as well do it since I have the time right now.  Things like getting the kids fall/winter clothes switched out, cleaning out and inventory'ing the deep freezer, tackling the kids' toys and book clutter.

Although that means I'm being super productive, it still only gives off a minimal sense of accomplishment.  I want this baby out of my body and in my arms.  Period.  No amount of items checked off my to do lists compare to that goal and it's entirely exhausting and frustrating.

After my phone pity party with my Mom yesterday (thanks for the chat, Mum!) I contemplated for a full two minutes a way to occupy the kids while I just spent the rest of the afternoon laying around feeling miserable, and then metaphorically brushed myself off and go to work.  If I'm being honest with myself; laying around almost never makes me feel better, and the fastest way to feeling better (at least for me) is to get items checked off lists.  (and let's be honest - I'm a little hopeful it will somehow inspire labor to start - we've all read the stories about women who get the urge to clean and then go into labor, blah blah blah).

So I changed all the bed sheets, and made dinner, and baked blueberry pie, and worked on pages for our upcoming new board book (!) for The Hunting Daddies, and vacuumed the downstairs, and enlisted Brandon and the kids in bathing the dogs.

Last night after baths and while the kids were getting settled into bed, I sat in the rocking chair feeling grateful for the final weeks of two.  Gem has completely changed in the past few weeks into a full blown little girl, cracking us up with the little thoughts and behaviors she blesses us with regularly.  Grey has stepped us his helpfulness in the sweetest way and shown so much patience with his sister.

I know these last few weeks have purpose:  for our baby to get her lungs strong and put on some extra plumpness.  For our current two kids to get used to me being distracted and for them to practice learning to play together independently and figure out their own forms of conflict resolution.  For more items on our to do lists to get check off while we have the time and energy now.  For my mind and spirit to be mentally ready (anticipating with joy actually!) do to the impossible task of getting this girl into the world.

And despite knowing all this...at the end of the day, she is still in there and we are still without her out here.  And that is endlessly frustrating at this stage of the game.

Our preparations for baby #3

Our new baby sister is due to arrive this month, and we can all hardly wait to meet her.  We've been busy the past 9 months getting ready for our third child, being as intentional as possible to try to make the transition from two kids to three goes as smoothly as possible.  We care a lot (A LOT) about our kids being siblings who are friends and who feel accountable to one another - and we know that those bonds are created from the very start.  

So here's what we've been doing to intentionally prepare for our third baby!

Bedtime stories:  we've been rotating in our favorite sibling books into our bedtime reading over the last few months as reminders of how much fun, how confusing, and how great having brothers and sisters can be.  Our favorites are:  Chloe, Instead by Micah Player, Peter's Chair by Ezra Jack Keats, The New Baby by Mercer Mayer, Maggie's Monkeys by Linda Sellers-Wells and Abby Carter, and If Big Can, I Can by Beth Shoshan.

House arrangements:  We have a three bedroom house, which means it is time to make room for a newborn!  We announced to the kids that they would be sharing a room and getting bunk beds in June (a full four months before their sister is set to arrive).  We wanted to make sure that our two biggest kids felt like the move was all about them - not that they were being kicked together for the new girl.  The bunks have been a H.U.G.E. hit (they're obsessed) and we have settled into a new comfortable bedtime routine with them in the same room together.

This also gave us a chance to tackle some toy clutter to make sure all their 'big kid' toys could fit in their room.  Most of the toys are all together mixed (we try not to distinguish things as specifically 'girl' or 'boy' toys) and we left most of the floor space wide open in the middle for playing, dancing, and ninja fighting moves.  

 

As in years past, we also pull out the baby equipment weeks in advance to get everyone comfortable with the new items that will take up space in our house. The baby swing has had a home in our living room for the last month and half and the bassinet is up in our bedroom as well.  The kids were enlisted in helping to bring down (from the attic) all of the baby's stuff so they could ask questions about it, help set it up, and even help dust/clean them off!

The kids helped unpack our baby hand-me-down clothes we talked about how small everything is and how they used to fit in the clothes when they were tiny.  Greyson helped me pick out our new diaper bag online (he chose a red&blue one) and the kids helped organize the baby's bookcase of board books and soft toys.  They both helped Daddy vacuum and clean the truck and we installed her car seat last week so that Grey and Gemma have the next few weeks to get used to the new backseat arrangement (Grey's booster carseat in the middle between the two girls since he knows how to buckle himself).  

With all the normal preparations that need done to get ready for a new baby - we are trying to include them as much as possible (even though it takes twice as long) so that they feel like we are ALL getting ready for her. 

The nursery is all set and ready to go as well.  We left the guest bed in the room as a way to, hopefully, include the kids in upcoming bedtimes or nursing.  I'm hoping the kids and I can all be together (especially during the upcoming basketball season) in the baby's room reading books while she nurses before bed and then the two big ones and I will move over to their room for bedtime afterward.  (Update on the success -or not- of this to come post-baby arrival!) 

Grey was happy to make a family portrait for his new sister too so that she'd know who was in her family and who would love her forever.  It was the perfect addition to her room.  He was pretty proud of it. 

Baby Care Practice:  We have been periodically showing the kids how we will need to take care of our new baby when she comes home with us with the kids.  They have practiced diapering, swaddling, and even wearing the baby bjorn and pretend vacuuming (hahha!)  The kids know that their baby sister will mostly eat and sleep at first and she won't be able to do a lot of things; that we'll need to teach her as a family how to do everything!  The Baby Care Practice with the kids was even the inspiration for our Baby Raising Competition to celebrate our new sister! 

 

Both Grey and Gem have been practicing books that they can 'read' to our new baby sis as well.  We've talked about how she can hear us in my belly, so they often will come up to my belly and whisper hilarious little things to her like "Hey Baby Sis, what are you doing in there?" (Greyson) and "Hi Baby, Come Out Now!" (Gemma).  They like kissing my belly and telling her they love her.  This is one of the kids favorite things for me to tell them right now (usually on car rides):

Me:  "After our baby sister gets born, you will come to the hospital to visit her and she will be so happy to hear you!  She'll think, 'Hey!  I know that voice, that must be my big brother!  He was reading to me when I was in my Mom's belly!' and she'll say, 'Hey!  I know that voice too, that must be my big sister!  She sang to me and gave me so many kisses!"

Grey:  "What will she say when she hears you and Dad?"

Me:  "She'll probably think, 'Oh, I know those voices.  That's my Mumma and Daddy and they are here to take care of me.  I love my family!"

Grey:  "What about when she hears Bully and Trixie bark?"

Me:  "Yep!  She'll say, 'Hey, those sound like my crazy pups!  I can't wait to get kisses from them!'  But we'll need to teach her how to touch the dogs nicely, because she won't know that you have pet them gently.  Will you guys show her how to do that too?"

Big Brother/Big Sister Class:  the kids got to attend an awesome class hosted by the hospital that our new sis will be delivered.  They got name tags and a tour of where they'll come to meet their sis.  We even got to see a real newborn in the nursery and check out the belly button and all her bracelets and what they are for.   

The nurses had us try formula (Grey drank it down like a champ!) and we diapered and swaddled baby dolls.  It was a lot of fun for them to meet other soon-to-be big bros/sisters too.  The nurses took their pictures too and they will be hung in the nursery when our little sis comes to place inside of her bassinet so that "your new baby will be able to see your picture even when you have to go home after visiting!"  (commence me openly tearing up in the class - hhahaha!)

Birthday talk:  With a four and a 2 year old, is there a greater celebration than a birthday?  No.  So we talk a lot about how when our new sister gets born it will be her birthday.  We have been counting down the weeks in our make-shift countdown charts to color the fruit/veggie size of our baby sister for that week.  Grey likes counting how many more weeks though until 40 when it will officially be our sister's birthday!

Aunt Uch has been enlisted to take care of the kids while we are at the hospital and she is in charge of bringing the two big ones and a little cake in to meet her.  We are planning on singing Happy Birthday and having our own little family celebration together for her very first birthday.  We regularly talk about who has a birthday next and now they know that the answer is Our Baby Sister!

Remembering when our first two were babies:  We have also tried to focus on when our first two were babies.  They love looking at pictures in our yearbooks and in their Text Message books from Aunt Kitty when they were babies.  They love hearing stories about what their Dad and I said when we first saw them and what they looked like when they were first born.  Grey likes to ask, "Why did you love me so much when I was a baby?"  To which I answer, "I love you so much even now when you're big and when you get as big as Daddy too because you'll always be a baby to me."  He actually recently told a friend at church that "My Mom will call me her baby even when I get as big as you!"

Celebrating the things they can do as big kids:  We try to notice and celebrate the kids in the things that they can do now that they are bigger.  We have always encouraged our kids to be independent as they are ready (dressing themselves, taking on chores like feeding the dogs and folding washcloths, etc) and we like to announce when we see our kids doing things that they have learned to do better as they get big.  We talk a lot about choosing to be helpful and how it's exciting and fun when we learn to do things like a big kid.  Grey has some frustration watching his sister do things that he can do too (he prefers being able to do things that she can't yet), so we have to make sure to point out the things that they are each learning how to do separately by age and by preference.

We have tried to still keep doing things that our kids can do now that may be a little more difficult to do when the new baby arrives.  We have made recent trips to the zoo, local parks & playgrounds, and trying to spend lots of time together as just the four (and a half!) of us.   We know in the first few weeks of the baby, we will be surrounded by friends and family, many times with the kids going out on adventures with their grandparents while Mum and the new baby get rest (we are so blessed for this) and there will be an adjustment period of a lot of coming & going.  So right now, we are trying to focus on all the things we can do in the last weeks of just two.

Discussions about family and taking care of each other:  We are always pulling out Preschool Cartoon talk when discussing our family - saying things like, "Because we are a family and we take care of one another."  and "You are being a great big brother/little sister by sharing/helping/giving space/speaking nicely...etc"  We have been including our baby sister in this  talk for the last few months as well, saying things like, "Our baby sister is so lucky to have a big brother and sister who will help teach her new things!  What do you want to teach her?"  

We have also been intentional about talking about ways our lives will be different (and how they are already different) with a new family member.  The kids know that I have less energy and lap room(!) with our baby sister growing in our belly and that they need to be careful with me during wrestling matches.  They are both fairly helpful with cleaning up (when asked) and helping with chores - Grey likes to say during this "Mum, Look at what great kids you have!"  When we talk about chores and helping each other, our standard response is, "Because we are a family and we all have to work together."

We talk a lot about Hard Days and how we all get them (even Mum and Dad) and how when someone is having a hard day we sometimes have to give them space and try our best not to tease them.  That there are ways to talk to each other kindly that is much easier than screaming and whining.  I just read about a Calm Down Codeword which I hope to incorporate in our family immediately to help us prepare for Hard Days with our new baby sister too.  

----

We have wanted very much to try to make the arrival of our new baby sister as intentional as possible for our young kids.  We wanted to feel like we are awaiting the arrival of something inevitable; another person in our family; to make it feel like a person who has been missing yet is coming home to us.  Like finally we are getting this person that we've all been waiting for!  

Until then though, we will keep talking about her and being grateful that she is part of our family already - and soon she'll actually be out here in the world with us!  As we tell our kids, "How lucky we are to have our family!" 

Baby Raising Competition: A third baby celebration

There are lots of things my third baby won't get that her siblings did:  lots of new clothes (we love handmedowns!), parents that aren't shared with two other kids, a crib that doesn't already have bite marks all over it, board books with clean, unchewed corners and no pages missing....

==Although there are lots of things she will get that her sibling didn't too:  a big brother and big sister who can't wait to meet her, parents that are far better experienced in parenting, a mother who has watched two other children grow too fast and will hold a little longer and cherish all the small moments a little more consciously. ==

Knowing all this makes me feel both a little bad for her (on all the things she won't get) but also grateful for her (for all the things she will get) and as I was filling in the initial pages of her baby book, I flipped to the page that announced at the top "My parents had a party in honor of me" and I thought, 'No, somehow she will not miss out on this one thing.'

We definitely don't need any more baby 'things' to prepare for this girl - we have bins and bins of girls clothes until she and Gem are about 7 (thank you Kate & Tausha!) and all the blankies, swaddles, bottles, slings, and strollers a new mom can care to dream about.  But I did want to have a party in which we could celebrate her impending arrival.  A way to bring our family together, include our young kids and her future cousins, and for it to be fun!! (and funny if possible).



The inspiration for the party came from 'practicing' with our kids about baby related activities (diaper changing, swaddling) and the thought (hope!!) that we will be experts this time around with our third.  Plus, we love competitions and making grown-ups play funny games - thus was born our Baby Raising Competition party to celebrate our newest addition.

Our Baby Raising Competition:

We invited our close friends and family to our house on a Sunday afternoon - boys and kids too! to spend the day together in honor of our new girl.

Our Baby Raising Competition included a delicious spread offered from our amazing guests.  (thank you, all!)  That's what happens in our family - you tell everyone not to bring gifts and they all show up with food, dessert, and diapers!  (we are so, so blessed).

We all lounged around and ate and completed a few little activities at the start of the party.  I had a  Guess how many M&M jar set up (simplest game ever), and some fill-in-the-blanks for our new girl (inspired by this pin) for her to read someday when she's a teenager and needs a reminder how much she is loved.

And then it was time for the Baby Raising Competition to Begin!  We had our guests pair up with a partner to complete a set of Baby Raising related activities to earn points (tallied on our poster size scoreboard).

Our first game was Blindfolded Pudding Feeding:  Feeders were blindfolded and knelt in front of their partners who had to sit on their hands.  The top three teams were selected for having the least amount of pudding on their faces and/or bodies (we supplied napkin bibs to protect shirts).

Our next event was Baby Food Taste Tasting:  the partners each had a chance to test five different baby foods and give a guess as to which fruit/vegetable it was made of.  We didn't blindfold them so they were able to see the color & texture which actually didn't seem to offer much help (hah!)  Teams were given +2 points for each correct baby food guess.

Then we had partners Fill in the Missing Words to our Favorite Nursery Rhymes.  I selected four of my personal favorite songs/rhymes I sing to the kids and we had the partners complete the papers to earn points for each correct word.  Greyson and his partner cousin Ariel were the only ones to get a perfect score!  Way to go Booboo!  (hahha, he had a little bit of an advantage obviously).

Afterwards, I had all the teams watch as I slowly went through the steps to swaddle one of Gemma's babydolls.  Afterwards I asked if anyone had any questions, (no one did), and then I announced that our next event would be Grown Up Swaddling using a moving blanket to which laughter erupted from the crowd.  Partners needed to decide who would be the 'baby' and who would be the Swaddler and the event was timed.  Teams had to follow the exact steps of swaddling for it to count as a complete swaddling.  It was absolutely hysterical.  (Brandon and his partner Aunt Pam won this event!  Yay Daddy!)

Finally, we finished out the competition with a relay-style Baby Raising Obstacle Course:  At the start of the timer, the first partner was asked to diaper a baby doll, put the baby in a carseat, run a set of hula hoops, and then crawl under the trampoline.  The second partner then had to remove the baby from the car seat, change the baby's diaper again, place the baby in a front carrier, and push our play vacuum along a long line.  The obstacle was completed with a 'family' photo finish!

After a close competition, our winners of the Baby Raising Competition were Aunt Uch and Kevin!  (ahem.)

The day was a fun (and hilarious) way to celebrate our third baby's upcoming arrival.  I am so grateful to have family and friends willing to spend a beautiful summer afternoon playing silly games that make me giggle.  I can't wait to show this baby girl how her favorite people in the world spent a day swaddling each other and tasting baby food in her honor someday.  Oh how she will laugh and also think her family is a bunch of weirdos.

We closed out the evening with more lounging, chatting, and laughing.  We are so lucky to have family and friends that help clean up and take extra food home (thank you!!) So as always, parties are easy to manage when people show up early to help and leave late to help.  (honestly so blessed).  And we had very sleepy kids that night after so much fun and playing all day.

Dear baby girl,
We love you, darling, so much.
We just can not wait for you to be here with us.
love you already
and then forever and ever after that,
your family