Around Here Week 20: 05/12 - 18

 A glimpse into what it is like to be in our family just this moment.  

photo cred: Gemma

5 year difference: Violet & teammate Lillian

selfie cred: Gemma

photo courtesy: Onara (chaperoning the field trip)

photo cred: Becky C

photo cred: Becky C

Intentional Outdoor Hours: 97+ hours (of 1000)
Spring sports, 3rd grade carnival day while subbing, and beautiful sunshine (despite the stomach bug) helped me earn hours this week. 

Reading and finishing Betting on You by Lynn Painter  and it was so cute! Now I'm passing it along to Gemma for a summer read (Lynn Painter also wrote Better Than the Movies which I read and loved earlier this year). Also still reading The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store by James McBride which is really good just a little slow so I keep popping another book in there too - especially to get through long days of subbing study halls (hah). 

Celebrating Grey for his confirmation on Sunday. Rusty and Violet sang a song and Gemma volunteered during mass - so it was a full family event! So thankful for his confirmation teacher Mrs. Troxell and Pastor Mark who guided Grey and his class throughout the last two years. The ceremony was beautiful and Mrs. Troxell said the kindest things about each kid (thank you). Congrats Grey, you are loved.

Feeling all the mother's day love. We hosted lunch at our house and everyone showed up with food and drinks in their hands to help carry the celebration. Shelly brought a mimosa bar! Abba brought the pasta salad, Heather a fruit salad, Mimi made her famous baked beans and no bakes, Kuma brought rolls & salad, Uchie brought the paper products (Thank you everyone!) The kids helped set up our succulent/mug station where all the moms got to pick a tiny succulent and a mug to take home! Later in the day, we got to talk to Gigi on the phone while she was in Shadyside hospital getting antibiotics for a liver abscess. We were hopeful that she would be able to come back closer to home this week to finish her treatment and start physical therapy. 

Stomach bug strikes! We had three kids out of school on Monday because of the stomach bug and then got called around lunchtime that Violet needed picked up after throwing up. Good grief. it was actually crazy. I muscled through feeling nauseous all day on Tuesday and then by Wednesday everyone was mostly back to normal-ish. 

Meeting with the varsity football coaches to check in about the golf outing plans. We met at The Crow's Nest and worked out a timeline, volunteer list, and I'm feeling really positive about the event. The coaches were so patient with my need for making all the lists and confirming all the details (#plannerbrain #sorrynotsorry) Thankful for these coaches! 

End of school mania! Violet had a field trip with her 3rd grade class to the Pittsburgh zoo. So grateful to have moms who send me pics of the day to see my girl smiling and being with her friends (thank you Onara!) Rust missed his field trip on Tuesday because of the stomach bug which maybe was good because the first grade field trip is a train ride and he definitely could not have handled the bumpy bus ride followed by a train ride that there is no escape from - hah! We got a notice that Rusty owes a library book (lol, Kate - please just expect a check because no clue where that thing is!? thanks for loving us even though we lose a library book a year). 

Kitty & Bryan PCT Update: 700 miles in and they made it through the desert of CA! Kitty and Bryan even took a little side quest this week to do some white water rafting! They made it to Kennedy Meadows and are taking a little rest there before heading next into the Sierra Mountains! 

Teaching and hopping around where they need me. I was off on Monday (originally to chaperone Gemma's field trip but that didn't happen because of the stomach bug - but I was glad to be home with all them puking kids). Tuesday I subbed at the high school in the morning (cafeteria study hall during state testing) and then at the elementary school for 5th grade ELA. Wednesday was at the high school proctoring state testing, covering for our track coaches! (Bio which was dissecting owl pellets - fun!) Thursday I was at the elementary school in 3rd grade on Carnival day! The kids were all sweet and had a great time. Friday, I covered Woodshop homeroom (hah!) and then I proctored the Keystone Alegbra exam twice (once in the morning and then make-ups in the afternoon) and it was boring as watching paint dry, but ya know...it's the best way to prove kids' learning....LOL. (Standardized testing is garbage. thanks for coming to my TED talk).

Sporting with lots of spring sports this week. Reddy and Coach Mom had our last 4U practice (thank you to all the parents who were so generous and patient while our little 4year olds had their first go at a team sport! hah!) Rusty, Violet, and asst Coach Mom had one 10U game (we missed one due to the stomach bug!) and Gemma and her 12U team had two games. Violet had two Sparks soccer practices and a Sparks game (thank you Feathers family for helping with transportation!) Grey had one school baseball practice and one school baseball game (he missed a pony league game due to the stomach bug too - he got dressed and everything; was really going to try to tough it out but it was a 'no' before we got out the door). Grey played in Pittsburgh for his Chaos basketball team on Friday night (thank you Conns for transportation and dinner!) B and I started our Roxbury summer league volleyball league this week with a game on Tuesday night! 

Making slider sammies (pizza & cheeseburger), kielbasa and haluski, take out pizza, buffalo chicken dip, take out subs. It was a weird week of food mostly because everyone's bellies were recovering from the stomach bug. 

--

And then,
heartbroken.

On Friday morning, we got an update that Brandon's mom (Gigi), who had been admitted to the hospital two weeks ago for a liver abscess and infection, was moving to the ICU due to some complications. B left to go be with his dad at the hospital. Later that afternoon, we got another call that the infection had been doing terrible, fatal damage to some of her organs and that we needed to say goodbye. I met Brandon, his dad; Rudy, and Uncle Juice at the hospital so that we could all be with her in her final hours. 

On Saturday, I broke each of my children's hearts one at a time.
"We were at the hospital yesterday because the doctors told us that Gigi wasn't going to get better.
She was very sick and so Daddy, Pappy, Uncle Juice, and I got to be with her.
We told her we loved her. We told her how much you loved her. 
And then Gigi went to heaven this morning.
I know you are sad, I am too.
We loved her so much and that's how sad we are going to be; as much as we loved her.
That's a lot of love, so it will also be a lot of sad.
We will probably be a little bit sad for the rest of our lives because we loved her so much.
But today we are going to be a lot sad. and that's okay.
We don't have to do anything today but feel sad and love Daddy and Pappy because they are the most sad. They are going to be okay though. We are all going to be okay because Gigi loved us and helped us become people who will be okay. 
And it's okay if you feel a little glad too because we know Gigi was sick and hurting. And that's how Daddy and Pappy feel, a little thankful that she is in heaven being an angel; not being sick, probably flying around and eating whatever she wants and watching us and going to the beach in heaven.
She loved you so much and she will always be loving you.
I'm so sorry, my baby."

Then we spent Saturday in the haziness of grief. We did bare necessity chores, we fell asleep crying, we visited Pappy and shared the burden of sadness, we got outside in fresh air a little bit, we just got through the first day without her.
It was terrible, but we did it. together.

thank you all for your messages and support. there's nothing to say or do right now that will fix this gaping hole we have in our chests.
And that's okay, the support we feel in the space around us helps cushion the blow of a reality without her.
And each day this hole will scar up a little bit and then we will spend the rest of our lives carrying around the scar of a love that was so strong and wonderful we were cut to the center of us.
A scar from grief is a beautiful reminder of the way you were loved by someone.
thank you Gigi, we will never fully recover from your love.
what a blessing it was to have grown and lived in the light you shone on us. 
we will carry these scars with unending gratitude.