Baby's first chore

Let's just cut to the chase, we have a lot of people in this house and our approach to chores is one that everyone is expected to help because we all live here together sharing this space and making these messes. Our kids don't receive any allowance and there are no set daily/weekly chores. Our general stance is - you learn how to do chores as you grow up and can handle them appropriately and then you do them when asked or when you can see that they need done because you're part of this family. 

The kids also know that if they want to do something (watch tv) or we need to go somewhere - we all need to do some chores first. There is the general list of things that need done everyday that the kids are all aware that can be done. Things like emptying the dishwasher, switching wet clothes to the dryer, collecting the chicken eggs, vacuuming, and feeding the pets are all things that need done every single day. We do a lot of chatting about how when we work together, the chores get done faster- and how amazing it would be if they asked to do something and Mom/Dad said, 'well there are some chores that need done' and you kids just said, "we did them already!" hahhaha - that has actually happened and the pride on the kids' faces is brilliant. 

So, we start chores as soon as kids are mobile (crawling and walking). Children naturally want to be helpful, so building this teamwork attitude at a young age begins to foster the idea that we are a family and we all work together - even the smallest of us! Kids get pride out of being helpful and it gives them a sense of responsibility.  

Forewarning: most of the time letting kids be involved independently means bigger messes and much longer completion times - but it's about growing and learning, so put on your patience pants, mommas and daddas!

To teach/practice this chore - we use the phrase, "Can I have that, please?" and put our open hand out towards the baby. When the baby hands us the thing we asked for, we make a big smile and say "thank you!" 

We first introduce it as a game where we give it back and then ask for it again and then say thank you again and then around and around the game continues. This can be done with toys or books or just about anything. Once the baby can recognize the phrase, you can start practicing in non-game situations, like picking up toys and books or handing laundry from the hamper to a parent to be folded. 

The bigger siblings learn the phrase and hand motion too so the baby can watch and "help" as the kids do their bigger chores; like switching the laundry from the washer to dryer or emptying the dishwasher. 

Bonus: This is also a great tool to have when your child has something that s/he should not have. For example, none of our remotes have backs on them so the batteries are always popping out. When Red has a battery in his hand (which is inevitably moments away from going in his mouth), we can calmly use the phrase, 'Can I have that" and he will hand it over. I have found in my child raising experience, the more hysterical you react, or ripping something out of their hands, and the more your child realizes you don't want them to do the thing they are about to do - the more likely they are to do it or at the very least throw a fit about it. (hah!) But by remaining calm and just asking for the item, their attitude sort of becomes, 'eh, whatever.' 

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Now I'm not going to pretend that our kids love chores. They do not, and it's a lot of reminders and requests to get them moving some days. Rusty (4yrs) has shouted at Brandon and I, "Why do the kids have to do all the work and you guys do NOTHING?!" (LOL, I will bring that back up again when he's a parent someday.) But it is important to us that the kids know how to help and know that they are expected (and capable) of helping as part of their raising up. 

Here's a general list of chores that are expected of our kids regularly. They don't do all of these every single day, it works out to about 3-5 chores a day for each kid, but that alleviates the workload for B and I in a way that we get more time to spend as a family together. Our house is not spotless and the laundry never ends and the to do list is infinite all the time - but with a helping hand from each person that lives here, we can make it work enough that we can take solace that the kids will know how to be a grown up someday and that in that far off 'someday' our house will be spotless and we will be caught up on laundry and our to do list will be manageable....and we'll probably be sad about it. 

Each kid can do all of their own list independently (or mostly independently) plus anything from any younger kids' list): 

Red (1yrs)
handing us things when we say "Can I have that?"
Getting his own shoes when we say "Get your shoes"

Rusty (4yrs)
Emptying the silverware from the dishwasher and putting it back in the drawer
clearing his plates/cups from the dinner table to the sink
Switching wet clothes to the dryer (and checking the lint collector) and starting the dryer
letting the chickens out of the coop & collecting eggs
making beds
putting away his clean clothes to the right drawers
organizing/fixing up the shoes
picking up his own toy/book mess
feeding the dogs
watering plants
dusting flat surfaces
carrying groceries from the car to the house

Violet (6yrs)
Emptying the dishwasher and putting things back where they go (or putting things organized on the counter for things she can't reach to put away)
cutting and preparing guinea pig food
feeding/water/cleaning up after guinea pigs
putting dirty clothes in the washer and starting the washer
filling the dogs water bowls
cleaning mirrors/windows (Norwex)
emptying her own backpack (folder/lunchbox/library book)
matching socks
changing the baby's clothes for appropriate weather or bedtime
setting the table for dinner (plates, silverware, empty cups)
restarting the internet
washing eggs
putting groceries away appropriately

Gemma (9yrs)
vacuuming
cleaning bathrooms
feeding chickens and goats
hanging clothes up in the closet
ironing (*still supervised, but mostly independent)
cleaning out the inside of a vehicle
sweeping with a broom (inside or out)
starting a fire in the fire pit
mowing the grass on the riding mower (flat yard only)
pushing a wheelbarrow by herself
starting water to boil for dinner 
getting dinner in/out of the oven
getting a bottle ready for the baby
changing a baby's diaper
changing bedsheets
mopping (Norwex)
sorting clean laundry by person who it belongs too
making read-able grocery lists while checking for needs/inventory

Greyson (11yrs)
making food using a recipe
cooking on the grill (*still supervised, but mostly independent)
mowing the grass on the riding mower (some very small slopes)
using the weedwhacker 
pumping gas
using tools for outside work appropriately (shovels, rakes, loppers, hammer/nails, electric drill)
carrying smaller siblings from the car to the house 
collecting all the garbage from various trash cans and transporting to the garage
packing his own bag independently for overnight/weekend stays
shoveling snow

Problems of monster proportions

We've been suffering through a bit of a monster phase the last few months.  What that essentially boils down to is that Greyson is waking up 3-4 times a night and finding his way to our room and asking us to come back to his room to sleep with him.  We've usually been able to sleepwalk back to his room, lay down in his bed with him until he falls back to sleep and then go back to our own bed for the first two times.  And then any time after that, say oh, anything after 3am, one of us just throws up our white flag and either spends the rest of the night in his bed, or we toss him up in our bed to sleep with us out of sheer exhaustion.  

We decided that we would not be co-sleeping parents right from the start.  Not that we think anything's wrong with co-sleeping, but we just knew it wasn't our thing.  Maybe its from our high school dating history and then our extended long distance period apart, but we still feel like its important and sacred to be able to sleep in the same bed with just each other every night.  Plus, Greyson is what you would call a sleep puncher.

And to make matters even more silly, our Gemmi girl has been sleeping through the night (On Becoming Baby Wise) since a sweet 10 weeks...so even though we have an infant in the house - she's not the one keeping us up.  Almost everyday for the past two months, we've ended up looking like this in the morning after Gemma's breakfast.  And although it makes for cute pictures (what is with that smirk, Gemma!), it does not make for well-rested, level headed parents.

The problem originally started because of our own doing...well, my own doing.  When I was 9 months pregnant and putting Grey down to sleep, I was so tired and huge that I would end up laying down with him in his bed and just falling asleep myself.  So Grey started to become accustomed to having someone lay with him until he fell asleep.  Problem #1.  

Then a few weeks ago he suddenly started freaking himself out thinking there were monsters in his room (or any dark space).  The mystery is that we aren't totally clear about where he learned about monsters (day care?). So if he heard a noise nearby (ie. dog's tail hitting the wall, wind against the house) he says, "What's that?!" with a pitiful look of terror in his eyes.  He also says multiple times a day, "no monsters in der, mumma?"  So what'd we do?  Google it of course.

Based off of the expertise of yahoo answers, babycenter, and random moms who've been through the same thing - we tried:  a)doing a monster check before going to bed  b)watching Monsters Inc and talking about 'nice' monsters c)giving Grey a flashlight  d)putting monsters in a garbage bag  e)making friends with monsters ("Mumma loves monsters, she gives them kissas")...all not in one day obviously but over the course of two months.  The main theme being that attempting to tell him that the monsters aren't real is pointless.  The monsters are real to him, so after all that, you know what happened?  He was still waking up in our bed.

Only now, he wasn't coming in crying, he was just coming in our room and getting in our bed.  So we were waking up in the morning realizing he was sleeping in between us. Um, danger town.  When I woke up with him literally straddling my skull (legs draped over my face and his head on my back), we knew we had made it to the breaking point.  

At the suggestion of Brandon's mom, we moved one of the dog crates to Grey's room, to see if that would make him feel more secure from the monsters.  We told Grey that Bully & Trixie scare monsters away and that monsters were especially afraid of dog barks.  And despite the dog's valiant effort (and eagerness to help)...

We still had a kid in our bed every night.  So, we used our last weapon of defense.  The only thing sweet enough that could make Grey brave to stand up to the monsters.  He would need to find the courage to defend and stand guard against those blasted monster tyrants.  The only one that could make Booboo a superhero was his baby sister.

After an ikea shopping spree, we got him a toddler bed, re-arranged Gemma's room and currently have the two sharing a pale pink bedroom since early this week.  Grey was excited about his new bed (and his cool new blankets and moon nightlight), and about sleeping with his baby sister.  We were excited about the prospect of fixing our monster problem.  Disclaimer:  we have been lucky that the two of them don't wake each other up.  They've been in our bed together before and Gemma's whining or crying doesn't startle Greyson.  And Greyson wakes up whining and crying sometimes with Gemma feet away and she sleeps right through it.  So we were not concerned about room sharing backfiring and doubling our nighttime awake baby count.

So the proof is in the pudding, as they say. The first night, Grey woke up 3 times and all 3 times, we took him back to his bed - and since his new bed is too small for us to lay down in, we came back to our room every time.  Night 2, he woke up once.  Night 3, he woke up twice,  yet still progress. And then, night 4, he slept through.  That was last night.  When I woke up this morning I asked B if he had gone into Grey's room during the night.  He hadn't, and I hadn't and then we high five'd.  Was it the smaller bed?  Was it another person in the room with him while he slept?  Was it the new belief that he's 'protecting his baby sister?'  Whatever it is, we are grateful to not have our little man afraid anymore and getting the uninterrupted sleep he needs.

Next project:  turning Greyson's room into a playroom/guestbedroom/office.  

Zoo Booboo 2011

We made our annual trek to the Pittsburgh zoo with my family this summer the day after Jon&Ninny's wedding.

Since we were all in Pittsburgh already, it was a quick drive over and we spent the day watching booboo smile and laugh at the animals and run through the mist-ers until he was soaked.

It had been a little under a year since our last trip there and the difference in booboo's awareness was awesome to see.  He could walk/run to the different exhibits and make most of the animal sounds.

hahha, dadda lost hair and booboo grew some in 11 months!

It was super hot, hot, hot that day and a Sunday, so that made for a little bit of crowd, but Booboo loved every minute of it.  Since was more grown this time, he didn't only notice the animals that were fast moving (although he still loves the meerkats and Aunt Kitty claims he is getting on for Christmas...hi aunt kitty, can I remind you of someone:  Bullet.)  But he also enjoyed the lounging animals as well, like the resting deer (that he got to pet to Brandon's joy), and the basking tigers.  Last year we walked right by them because Grey was too young to even realize the non-movers weren't just part of the scenery.  This time we stopped at every animal because Grey was ready to point 'em out to us with big wide eyes and a surprised grin.

A moment to talk about cognitive development and its awesomeness.  Although, we (grown-ups) take advantage of having but when you start to see through a child's eyes, it actually pretty amazing when they gain this skill.  Object recognition is the ability to see an object - take into consideration it's shape, texture, what its doing, etc and make a guess as to from your past experience as to what it might be.  Adults have the ability look at thousands of things a day, and sometimes we just give it a quick glance and we can process what the object is...so my brain works like this all day (at the speed of about 1.2 seconds)
he's chasing bullet and laughing
he's probably trying to hit him with something 
quick glance 
something long and brown, rounded head 
it's a wooden spoon
move to get it off of him

It's been pretty fascinating watching Grey make his way into having full object recognition.  The reason that I even pay attention to this has to do with the fact that I was a teacher and that I notice Grey is still struggling with certain objects.  (so don't feel bad if you've never thought about this until right this second.  Now you'll be thinking of it constantly, so you're welcome - hah!)  We left the phase that anything that is remotely round is a ball (think cantaloupes and apples) around 11-12 months, but have now moved into any fruit that hangs from a tree are "apples".  Anything that flies in the sky (helicopters) are "airmanes" (airplanes).  Part of it is still lack of vocabulary and the other part is truly unclear object recognition; he thinks that apples can be both pear-shaped and apple-shaped - but its exciting to see him make connections and make a guess.  We got a laugh the other night when Grey saw a store cardboard box (that you would wrap clothing in for a gift" and said "pizza?"  thinking it was a pizza box.  (does that mean we need to cool it on the delivery pizza? hah)  In case you're wondering; children are still mastering object recognition up until they are nearing double digits, so don't expect your kid to know the difference between gourds and small pumpkins (um, do I?)

The below images might all look obvious to us as elephants, but if you think about looking at it from a child's perspective - they look a lot different.  They are different colors, facing different directions, different sizes, and in truth, most children have very little first hand experience with elephants (outside of television).  So now that Grey can see any or all of these images and give me his signal for elephant (which is currently lifting his arm and say "Brrrr"), it makes a momma realize how hard his little neuro-connections are working.

Well, we aren't yet at full object recognition...because Grey isn't going to do the elephant sound when he sees something abstract like this...so, we need to start visiting some museums I think:)