There are negotiations over rules about screen time and bedtime and homework. There are 11th hour clothes thrown in the washer when someone needs a jersey cleaned for tomorrow's game. There are eggshells to walk over because something happened at school with someone and you won't find out who, what, where, when, and why until 10:30p when you are half asleep but the teens are finally ready to talk. There are chargers in random places, and giant shoes ready to trip you all over the house. The daily greeting that starts to sound like a personal tolling bell, "what's for dinner, ma?"
It is some tough times; emotionally demanding, exhausting, and heartbreaking to watch them grow up and away from you (literally and metaphorically). But there are some very specific and weirdly incredible perks of being a mom of a teenager!
It is some tough times; emotionally demanding, exhausting, and heartbreaking to watch them grow up and away from you (literally and metaphorically). But there are some very specific and weirdly incredible perks of being a mom of a teenager!
1. Real Food
An official departure from the constant rotation of chicken tendies and mac&cheese (although they are still beloved). With teens, a much wider variety of meal requests make their way to the grocery list and thank goodness because both my tastebuds and my mind were very bored. Steaks! and sauces! and ordering in sushi! Adding spice! and Trying new cooking methods! It's iced coffees! and Receiving recipe ideas texted from my teens! Even more fun when you have helpers in the kitchen who don't make a volcanic mess (and even if they do they are old enough to clean it up themselves!) Sometimes I get surprised with little treats to try and wing sauces to taste. After years of hot dogs and goldfish, what a joyful surprise to have teenagers who are ready to try new flavors and recipes!
An official departure from the constant rotation of chicken tendies and mac&cheese (although they are still beloved). With teens, a much wider variety of meal requests make their way to the grocery list and thank goodness because both my tastebuds and my mind were very bored. Steaks! and sauces! and ordering in sushi! Adding spice! and Trying new cooking methods! It's iced coffees! and Receiving recipe ideas texted from my teens! Even more fun when you have helpers in the kitchen who don't make a volcanic mess (and even if they do they are old enough to clean it up themselves!) Sometimes I get surprised with little treats to try and wing sauces to taste. After years of hot dogs and goldfish, what a joyful surprise to have teenagers who are ready to try new flavors and recipes!
2. No Leftovers
Teens are very hungry (which makes for a whole other situation at the supermarket), but I have to be honest - it's nice not having leftover containers crowd the fridge only to be thrown out a week later. It has been a positive re-learning for us about food and energy as we teach our own teens about food as fuel. How a bag of chips and some cookies might taste good - but they'll be back in this kitchen in twenty minutes hungry again because their body needs a balance of protein and fat and carbs. Leftovers make the best 'snacks' because it gives them that balanced fuel and makes them feel fuller and not hangry. (At the first sign of grumpy teens, we get some food in front of them! 9 times out of 10 they are just hungry, honestly it's crazy). Sometimes the teens have their friends over and I just pull out any leftovers from the fridge and they happily load their plates with a smorgasbord of random things and consume it all like garbage disposals. What a joy to have no wasted food anymore!
Teens are very hungry (which makes for a whole other situation at the supermarket), but I have to be honest - it's nice not having leftover containers crowd the fridge only to be thrown out a week later. It has been a positive re-learning for us about food and energy as we teach our own teens about food as fuel. How a bag of chips and some cookies might taste good - but they'll be back in this kitchen in twenty minutes hungry again because their body needs a balance of protein and fat and carbs. Leftovers make the best 'snacks' because it gives them that balanced fuel and makes them feel fuller and not hangry. (At the first sign of grumpy teens, we get some food in front of them! 9 times out of 10 they are just hungry, honestly it's crazy). Sometimes the teens have their friends over and I just pull out any leftovers from the fridge and they happily load their plates with a smorgasbord of random things and consume it all like garbage disposals. What a joy to have no wasted food anymore!
3. Surprise chore help
Most kids hate chores, but you know what teens love? More responsibility and freedom and that can be a big advantage when it comes to chores. My teen daughter loves the chance to rearrange the living room and make it more 'aesthetic and vibey.' Girl - go right ahead if that means cleaning under those couches, vacuuming, and dusting. My teen son likes practicing driving, so he is more than willing to pick up hay from the storage shed, and then someday with a license he can run errands and pick up siblings from practices (I hear from moms of drivers this is a major bonus coming soon!). With teens in the house, I have grocery list writers who take inventory of the pantry and fridge as long as they get to add their favorite snack to the list (of course, please and thank you - small price to pay!) And chores now hold real weight - teens actually have plans they want to do. When they were younger it was about learning and being helpful - but there was no real urgency behind it; they didn't have anywhere to go and no real need for an allowance. But teens! They have friends to visit and clothes to buy and places they want taken which gives some real motivation for getting chores done quickly and correctly!
4. Up on trends
With a teen in the house, you will know what is cool and what is cringe. All the current musicians and songs, all the slang, all the brain rot. You might not understand it and need it explained - but hey - you have an in-house interpreter! Getting your teen to chat is very simple if you just ask them to explain something that is currently cool. My teens will talk on and on explaining lyrics or backstories to some phrase that was born from a reaction video but then turned into a meme song and then made its way to a sports interview and is now repeated by every young person. It's also pretty hilarious to use their slang in front of them and watch their face transform quickly to disgust (LOL). Makes me laugh every time I can take a cool word and make it cringe just by saying it aloud, ("Mom, please never say that again.") Does this make me old? Also, I don't care, it's funny.
With a teen in the house, you will know what is cool and what is cringe. All the current musicians and songs, all the slang, all the brain rot. You might not understand it and need it explained - but hey - you have an in-house interpreter! Getting your teen to chat is very simple if you just ask them to explain something that is currently cool. My teens will talk on and on explaining lyrics or backstories to some phrase that was born from a reaction video but then turned into a meme song and then made its way to a sports interview and is now repeated by every young person. It's also pretty hilarious to use their slang in front of them and watch their face transform quickly to disgust (LOL). Makes me laugh every time I can take a cool word and make it cringe just by saying it aloud, ("Mom, please never say that again.") Does this make me old? Also, I don't care, it's funny.
5. Movie and TV Show buddies
oh man, this is comfort at its simplest. On the couch, snacking, cozy, and totally invested in a storyline together. (watching a sports team counts too!) it's nothing and also everything.
oh man, this is comfort at its simplest. On the couch, snacking, cozy, and totally invested in a storyline together. (watching a sports team counts too!) it's nothing and also everything.
6. Extra hands
The unending benefits of having another adult-sized person in the house is astounding. Another person who can reach things from the high shelf and carry in heavy grocery bags. Another grown-ish person who knows how to preheat the oven and who changes the empty roll for a new toilet paper roll when it needs it. Grocery shopping with a teen is like a bonafide vacation compared to the days of wrestling toddlers into shopping carts and convincing 7 year olds they do not need four different kinds of cereal. If you have younger kids with teens, it's incredibly helpful to just have another set of hands available for all.the.things - for opening snacks, for filling sippy cups, for buckling car seats, for laps to sit on, or arms to hold. And when you advance to adding another driver in your house - well, my friend, you level up big time. One extra adult sized person in the house can sometimes be the difference between what feels impossible and possible.
The unending benefits of having another adult-sized person in the house is astounding. Another person who can reach things from the high shelf and carry in heavy grocery bags. Another grown-ish person who knows how to preheat the oven and who changes the empty roll for a new toilet paper roll when it needs it. Grocery shopping with a teen is like a bonafide vacation compared to the days of wrestling toddlers into shopping carts and convincing 7 year olds they do not need four different kinds of cereal. If you have younger kids with teens, it's incredibly helpful to just have another set of hands available for all.the.things - for opening snacks, for filling sippy cups, for buckling car seats, for laps to sit on, or arms to hold. And when you advance to adding another driver in your house - well, my friend, you level up big time. One extra adult sized person in the house can sometimes be the difference between what feels impossible and possible.
7. Inside Jokes
Not having to explain stuff inside out and upside down is a very cool level of parenting. When you can use sarcasm and pop culture references and the kids just get it and laugh (or try to convince you that you're embarassing) It's next tier when the family group chats are littered with emojis and gifs and you receive DMs of funny social media reels that made your kid think of you. Dinner table conversations and car ride radio control and late night chats are all the tiny moments that cement your relationship. That's not to say that there isn't disagreements and silence too, but not much feels cooler than having banter and shtick between you and your teen. It's almost like a reset; hey remember - even if we argue and can't see eye to eye on everything...we're cool still. Like, the teen adding your favorite song to the car playlist: Truce. Unspoken but understood - okay, kid, love you too - let's keep trying together.
8. Bonus Kids
One of the best perks of raising teens is their friends. What a gift it is to watch how my teens' friends make them laugh and smile and be silly; how they help them be their real selves through this muddy part of growing up. So often as the person giving unconditional love (moms & dads) we get the roughest part of our teenagers; the moody and grumpy and short-tempered version - because they know they can release all of those parts of themselves and still be loved by us. They have to save up all their polished and perfect and best selves for the world they are out there trying to impress - trying to figure out their path in. But the friends give a space for both versions of our teens- the grumpy and the silly; the sad and the happy. the truest version of them right now as they are. Their friends are most important to their development at this stage, and it is a gift for the chance to be in their orbit as an invested adult. To listen to them, to feed them, to laugh with them, to give them rides, to cheer them on, to encourage them, to get to know them, to be grateful for their parents who do the same for my teens. Truly, one of the greatest blessing of teenagers is their friends; my bonus kids.
One of the best perks of raising teens is their friends. What a gift it is to watch how my teens' friends make them laugh and smile and be silly; how they help them be their real selves through this muddy part of growing up. So often as the person giving unconditional love (moms & dads) we get the roughest part of our teenagers; the moody and grumpy and short-tempered version - because they know they can release all of those parts of themselves and still be loved by us. They have to save up all their polished and perfect and best selves for the world they are out there trying to impress - trying to figure out their path in. But the friends give a space for both versions of our teens- the grumpy and the silly; the sad and the happy. the truest version of them right now as they are. Their friends are most important to their development at this stage, and it is a gift for the chance to be in their orbit as an invested adult. To listen to them, to feed them, to laugh with them, to give them rides, to cheer them on, to encourage them, to get to know them, to be grateful for their parents who do the same for my teens. Truly, one of the greatest blessing of teenagers is their friends; my bonus kids.
9. Glimpses of the past
There are a lot of perks to having teenagers, but there is also a lot to miss from when they were younger. (don't rush it, parents of younger kids - you'll get to all these perks in good time!) Even though they are taller than me, and they have new voices and mannerisms. Even though they eat us out of house and home and make jokes we don't understand. It is still possible to catch glimpses of that little kid I knew so well. My little girl hides in the corners of her smile that unwraps when she notices me in the bleachers of her game. My little boy hides in the curve of his cheek right under his eyelashes while he sleeps. I miss those little kids; knowing what they were thinking all the time, the unrestrained hugs and affection, the simple delights of a child with no pressure from the world. But even in this teenagers, I still get glimpses of those little kids once and awhile and I will always be grateful for that reminder that once they were little and I was the most important person in their life. (and no matter how grown they get, they will always be the that to me).
There are a lot of perks to having teenagers, but there is also a lot to miss from when they were younger. (don't rush it, parents of younger kids - you'll get to all these perks in good time!) Even though they are taller than me, and they have new voices and mannerisms. Even though they eat us out of house and home and make jokes we don't understand. It is still possible to catch glimpses of that little kid I knew so well. My little girl hides in the corners of her smile that unwraps when she notices me in the bleachers of her game. My little boy hides in the curve of his cheek right under his eyelashes while he sleeps. I miss those little kids; knowing what they were thinking all the time, the unrestrained hugs and affection, the simple delights of a child with no pressure from the world. But even in this teenagers, I still get glimpses of those little kids once and awhile and I will always be grateful for that reminder that once they were little and I was the most important person in their life. (and no matter how grown they get, they will always be the that to me).
10. Glimpses of the future
There are a lot of perks to having teenagers, but there is also a lot of headaches and heartaches and frustrations too (I don't want to rush it, but I am hanging on to my horses somedays over here!) But I catch glimpses now and then of the adult who I will get to enjoy someday. It happens in the conversations in the car, and the snacks shared without words, and the sigh of relief shared after we accomplish a big task together. How wonderful it will be to come to know the adult who I don't need to parent but who I can just appreciate. The heavy lifting of parenting will be done. I'll still be the momma - so I will never be done worrying. And I will never tire of being available to answer questions or offer advice when asked. But the consequences and the rules and the 'I-am-still-the-boss-of-you' parts will be finally passed on to the adult that they will have become. They will be in charge of self-governing and it will be my new role to just enjoy them. I will get to watch their life unfold and know deep in my bones that I helped cast them out into that life. ("You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far." - Khalil Gibran) My hope of hopes is that we will be adults who choose to spend time together cushioned by safety, comfort, and generous grace as we each figure out how we will evolve as adults in the world separately but alongside each other. And I will still be loving them forever and ever.
There are a lot of perks to having teenagers, but there is also a lot of headaches and heartaches and frustrations too (I don't want to rush it, but I am hanging on to my horses somedays over here!) But I catch glimpses now and then of the adult who I will get to enjoy someday. It happens in the conversations in the car, and the snacks shared without words, and the sigh of relief shared after we accomplish a big task together. How wonderful it will be to come to know the adult who I don't need to parent but who I can just appreciate. The heavy lifting of parenting will be done. I'll still be the momma - so I will never be done worrying. And I will never tire of being available to answer questions or offer advice when asked. But the consequences and the rules and the 'I-am-still-the-boss-of-you' parts will be finally passed on to the adult that they will have become. They will be in charge of self-governing and it will be my new role to just enjoy them. I will get to watch their life unfold and know deep in my bones that I helped cast them out into that life. ("You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far." - Khalil Gibran) My hope of hopes is that we will be adults who choose to spend time together cushioned by safety, comfort, and generous grace as we each figure out how we will evolve as adults in the world separately but alongside each other. And I will still be loving them forever and ever.
Wow I did not plan on sobbing this afternoon but man, this was a beautiful take 🥹
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