As my 40th birthday approached, I knew that I had to do something special. It's a milestone birthday and it felt like a big deal. But I didn't want a party; I love planning, organizing, and throwing parties - but I spend most of my time running around making sure everyone else is having a good time (which is my version of fun, hah!) So a party FOR me, would not be fun. But I did want to see people - mostly all the people that helped me to get to 40 years; who helped me become me.
So instead of a party, I came up with the idea to walk a mile each with 40 of those people - the people who supported and cheered me on through my 40 years. I would need to figure out how we could make that happen during the summer with everyone's busy schedules - but I was determined to find a way to make time for just a mile with 40 people who were dear to helping make me Me.
First, I made a list of 40 people and then texted them out a heads up image (above) to let them know that at some point between June and August 26 (my birthday) I was going to schedule a mile with them. I only had two people that really needed to be a specific mile number; I wanted my momma to be the first mile and Brandon, my husband, to be Mile 40. Other than that - I figured whatever worked out in terms of time and location - we could get everyone in somehow.
Over the summer months, between practices, vacations, day trips, and all.the.things - we figured out a way to piece together a mile with 40 people. I kept track all along, watching for times that we would naturally be together already or when we had a break in the schedule to travel a little bit. My family leaned in to make sure I had time to get to walks and the kids would be covered if needed. It was a team effort, but I did it! We all did- we found a way to make it work and that was the best birthday "party" I could ever dream of.
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Mile 1 was with my Mumma because she was the one that got me started on this journey of life. Breath 1 with mumma and Mile 1 of my 40 with my mum just felt right. We walked together on our annual extended family vacation; while the rest of our family played with my six kids I took a mile to walk alongside my mom.
Mile 2 was with my daughter Violet who was 8 years old at the time (recently turned 9!) She's one of the middle kids, so it was nice to let her be first for once. We walked through our neighborhood and chatted and laughed and held hands.
Mile 3 was with our youngest son Reddy who is 3 years old. We did our "tree stand hike" which is actually only about half a mile, but he can walk it on his own two feet at 3 years old, so I figured I'd make up the distance in later walks. Our walk was in the drizzling rain and we held hands almost the whole time. (Since then, sometimes even now he will ask me if I want to take a birthday walk with him which now just means a walk together just the two of us).
Mile 4 was with my cousin and bestie Heather who planned to bring us spiked slushies until I told her I was doing Whole30 and so she showed up with fancy water instead. That's exactly like Heather; showing up with the support you need and loving you through all your crazy. My cousin turned bestie turned godmomma to my Olive. We walked the local high school track and went round and round as we talked and were there for each other as we got out all the challenges and blessings of motherhood.
Mile 5 was with our youngest baby Olive who is 2 years old. We walked around our local high school while the rest of the kids rode bikes. Our walk was part holding hands and part me carrying her because a mile on tiny leggies is pretty far! She was squishy and sweet and pointed out everything in her toddler jabber...basically all the very best things about a 2year old.
Mile 6 was with my little sister Kitty (and godmomma to my Gemma) and was a lot more than a mile (close to 4 miles). We walked around the local track talking non-stop about everything from our jobs to zodiac signs and enneagrams, to books we've been reading, to laughing hysterically about some obscure shared memory. To hear the two of us have a conversation is dizzying because neither of us ever finishes a sentence out loud; we just finish them in each others' minds.
Mile 7 was with my friend and 'sisterwife' Ninna and was longer than a mile (2+miles). What a wonderful emotional release chat we had together about parenting and marriage and being daughters and sisters and all.the.things that feel heavy when we hold them inside. My ninna; small business partner, wife to our husbands who are metaphorical twins, and raising all these outdoor, rough and tumble kiddos. love you Nin.
Mile 8 was with bestie and 'brotherhusband' Jonny (and godfather to my Greyson) and we did the Treestand+ hike that is 1.1 miles. Jon came to our life through Brandon who met him through basketball and then played together at college. They are two sides to the same coin and I have many memories from my twenties and thirties that I can't remember which of the two said the thing (it really could have been either of them). It is always grounding to chat with Jon as we have pretty much opposite opinions on most things but always find a way to bring each other closer to the halfway and then we laugh and make fun of each other and share a best friend (B).
Mile 9 was with our son Rusty who is 7 years old and we did the Treestand+ hike too. Rust is still good about holding hands and we talked the whole way about everything that popped into his brain which included everything from flag football to legos to being hungry and wanting a pb&j when we got back.
Mile 10 was with our oldest Grey who is 13 and was the Treestand+ hike. It was so classically teenager; he complained about doing it (it was too hot) but then finally agreed (grumpily) then we walked in literal SILENCE the entire time because #teenager and then the whole time I was on the verge of guilt-tripping him into being nice to me but talked myself off the ledge because #teenager and he needs someone who will just love him through the grump. And then when we were almost home, a baby fawn was there and walked right toward us (less than 10ft away!) and it felt like exactly the walk we both needed together.
Mile 11 with cousin Lisa who is an example that I have always wanted to emulate in marriage and parenting (did you know that? you do now- xxo) We walked around the campground that we were staying at for our annual cousin camp event. Her kids, my kids, and more cousins spend the long weekend biking, swimming, jumping, kayaking, paddleboarding, and hammocking while the adults make food, clean up food, stoke fires, and relish seeing all these kids laughing, smiling and creating memories.
Miles 12 and 13 were with my best friend/college roommate/my kids' honorary aunties Karpy and Katie in Vero Beach, Florida where we were for our Girls' trip. I walked with each one separately and both times we walked the beach, talked nonstop, and they were perfect. Besides our miles together - we also spent three days lounging on the beach, giggling hysterically, swimming in the deep blue sea, and eating meals together. What a gift you two have been to my life and the way I can feel the most ME when I'm with you is the rarest of blessings. (I love you).
Mile 14 with our daughter Gemma who is 11. We walked down through our neighborhood all the way to our local micro-coffee shop for coffees and macarons. This girl is such a daily blessing and I know she never gets enough one-on-one time; so to do my walk and have a mini coffee date with her at her favorite spot really felt special.
Mile 15 with my baby sister Uch (and godmomma to my Grey) at a local stretch of the Appalachian Trail. It was gorgeous and green and she took me all the way back to the rock formations that were like tunnels and it was lovely to my nature loving soul. Most of all though talking with my babiest sister who knows my heart and champions my secret wishes is the most valuable time I ever spend.
Mile 16 with my dear friend Loni on the Quemahoming road where we walked and walked and talked and talked for so long we forgot to turn around before it was nearly pitch dark (hah!) Our walk was nearly 6 miles and probably more dangerous than it should have been on the return because it was so dark - but always worth the conversation together!
Mile 17 with Brandon's mom Gigi up and back between her house and the fire station two doors down. Less than a mile, but Gigi - the pancreatic cancer survivor (of 5 years!!)- found a way to get at least .2 miles in with her daughter-in-"love" and I am so grateful for that.
Mile 18 with volleyball teammate of 9 yrs and dear friend Randy at Roxbury Park where we play summer league volleyball together every year. Randy has played volleyball alongside me through 4 pregnancies (7 months pregnant with Violet one summer!) and high fived me on the court probably a billion times. From a stranger to a teammate to a close friend - how unexpected and lucky life can be.
Mile 19 with cousin and sweet friend since we were BABIES Stefanie in her neighborhood in Pittsburgh when we took a family day trip out to visit. Stef is godmomma to my Violet and I am godmomma to her Mallory and she is part of most of the memories that I have in growing up - I used to spend weeks in the summer at her house during peak teenage boy-crazed drama (oh man, those days!) Life is wild between our totaled 9 athlete children - but it was so good to make time to catch up for the walk.
Mile 20 with my Aunt Dar who I have always looked up to and wanted to be like. We walked around her neighborhood. We decided twice that we weren't quite ready to be done because the conversation was so good and weather so perfect for a stroll, so we just kept taking new routes! Aunt Dar has always been such a support to me through my journey through growing up and then through motherhood; giving me little stories of my grandma (her mom). My grandma didn't live long enough to see me become a mom, but with Aunt Dar's stories, handmedowns, and support - it feels like she's still here in a way.
Mile 21 with Jenn V who shares my love of reading, planning, mom'ing, organizing, and raising our hand for the all the volunteer positions (hah!). We walked early one morning before our sons were done with football practice (her son is the center for my QB son since first grade!!) Always inspiring and good chats with Jenn and I am so grateful that she is on standby constantly for me from anything to book debriefs, picking up kids, or finding cleats at the literal last minute when we forgot ours.
Mile 22 with Ang K who has been my Gemma's coach since third grade and has always been such a cheerleader for her and has now become one of my favorite adult friends. We walked the track under the lights and walked for over 3 miles chatting about all the things and more. Before kids, I never considered all the friends I still had to meet through my children; but Ang K is one of my favorites that I only found because of my Gemma.
Mile 23 with my Dad walking the treestand+ hike at our house. He showed up that morning to work on our patio fire pit and had Grey help so he could learn how to do it. Which is the most Dad thing ever - shows up to fix things and pass on the knowledge of how to do it for the future. Dad and I chatted and ate wild apples off of trees and then had the kids meet us before the hike was over because no one ever wants to be very far from Chummie because he's so funny and silly.
Mile 24 with my teacher bestie Renee at Windber Rec where we chatted about books and good wholesome food and the upcoming school year. Renee has so often been my saving grace at school; she runs student council, always participates in my wacky ideas for Sunshine committee, co-founded our teacher & student book club (NSHS Project Lit) and is always ready to brainstorm ideas on how to get the education system working for the benefit of all kids.
Mile 25 with our Aunt Pam at the Richland track before Gemma's basketball summer league game. About a quarter of a mile into the walk, the skies opened up and absolutely poured on us. It was so hilarious and if we were normal people we would have just stopped - but Kuma (that's what my kids call her) and I are not normal or quitters - so we laughed hysterically and took it as a metaphor for life that you keep on going even in through the rainstorms.
Mile 26 with Mallie; my high school and current friend as we attempt to raise kids and chat all the deep chats about parenthood and life. We did the treestand+ hike while our kids all played the longest game of hide and seek at our house. Mal was a part of so many of my high school memories and then life scooped us up and put us on paths that led us all over the globe and to people who helped shape who we would become. And then somehow we both found ourselves back in this small town trying our best to raise kids who will be whole and make a positive difference. I am so grateful for our friendship that went from silly, carefree teenagers to parents who hold wishes of a beautiful world for our kids in our hearts.
Mile 27 with my childhood/teenage very best friend Ang S (who was also matchmaker for me and Brandon in high school!) We walked at the Richland track one evening that we were able to sneak away from our combined 10 children ranging from 17yrs-2yrs. Parenthood has kept us busy raising up kids and crossing paths on fields, courts, and fundraisers throughout the years, but we never forget to text on birthdays and openly cry with joy at each others' and our childrens' successes. Laying on my bedroom floor on the phone wrapping the cord around my hand while talking to Ang about the most recent Dawson's Creek episode when I was 15 years old is a core memory. I pray everyday that my daughters will find their Ang to get through high school.
Mile 28 with neighbor and friend Joanna through our neighborhood and up to the Hunsberger's farm for a total of almost 5 miles. Jo is a friend who was brought to me through my Violet when she became besties with Jo's daughter Giada. Those two little peas in a pod brought our families together and now her older daughter, Sophia has become our Olive's favorite person. Since Vi and G brought us all together, we've shared dinner, holidays, late nights listening to 90's classics, and porch visits on the way home from practices together.
Mile 29 with dear friend Elena who is also my constant inspiration in all things education and community and leadership based (which sounds really boring when you say it aloud but if you know us then you get it - hah). We walked long distance (her in New York) over the phone talking about all things education, motherhood, and memories from living in Brooklyn in our twenties. Elena is the amazing heart and soul behind the educational consulting company Lantern Coaching.
Mile 30 with my friend and favorite real life Mary Poppins, Miss Hannah. We walked mile after mile around the old elementary school. Hannah has been in our life since she was a sophomore in high school after she took our Gemma under her wing at a vacation bible school week. She's been our kids' favorite babysitter, the godmomma of my Redland, turned fellow educator. We got to catch up on our lives without all our kids hanging off of us.
Mile 31 with Brandon's grandma Mimi who at 85 years old was able to get in .3 of a mile with me. We walked up around her street at her house while we stopped to talk to neighbors and admire people's flowers and landscaping. I have known Mimi since I was 15 years old and she has always considered me a granddaughter since that first time Brandon brought me around to his family
Mile 32 with my brother in law Kevin (goddadda to my Redland). We walked around the Westmont track with his hunting backpack on so he could train for his upcoming elk hunt while we got our walk in (hah!) Kev is good man and I am so grateful that my baby sis picked him. So much of Kev's mannerisms and facial expressions are part of Wells and Heathy that I will forever be grateful to him; the dadda of my nephews (sunshines of my life!)
Mile 33 with childhood best friend Krista at the Jim Mayer trail where we talked about current life and memories and raising kids and being daughters. Krista and her family live part time in PA and part time in FL and as moms and small business owners (realtor in Tampa, FL and Paracoat Technologies in PA) we have seen each other so infrequently over the years that it kills us both a little inside. Krista grew up on the same street as me and was present for almost every memory I have from age 6 to 14 and then through most of my big moments through high school too. Krist, whoever I was going to grow up to be, your friendship and our shared laughter was a very big part of that.
Mike 34 with my brother in law Juice (goddadda to my Gemma) doing the treestand+ hike at our house. We chatted and laughed about getting older and how much has changed since high school together. He has been best friends with Brandon all through high school and that automatically signed him up as a honorary uncle and goddadda for life (even if it is the exact opposite of his life). Our kids absolutely adore him and he spoils the living heck out of them.
Mile 35 with my high school bestie JP at the White Woods Nature Center in the city Indiana which was about half way between us (she lives about 2.5 hours north of us in PA). Remember your most awkward years of being a person (it was probably 7th grade) and then try to remember who loved and laughed with you through that terribly embarassing era of your life; my person was JP. Everything we said, did, laughed at was so incredibly cringe (as the kids say) but gosh did our friendship get us through it mostly unscathed. And we still found a way to see each other through high school, college, marriage, and now parenting. To be friends with the person who saw you buy your first foundation powder compact at 13 years of full blown teenage awkwardness to now raising daughters who are about that age is truly a dizzying and beautiful gift.
Mile 36 with dear friend and bonus momma to my son Becky at the high school track after the football booster annual ice cream social. Beck is the mom of my son's best friends (twins!) and has been such a cornerstone to raising our oldest son. Her boys play on every time my Grey does (football, basketball, and baseball). She's picked up, dropped off, had for sleepovers, fed, and packed extra for my Grey so many times I lost count. She's a fellow educator, pup owner, and hunting wife/mom; we just get each other and need other so often on this journey - how grateful I am to have her.
Mile 37 with my internet bestie Shelly on a long distance call between PA and Washington state! Shelly and I have been supporting each other, chatting, and following along with each other's lives since 2012 when we found each other's family blogs. We've never met in person (!) but I probably know more about her life and kids than I know about some of the people that live in our community. It is a rare and wonderful friendship that we have and the meaningful messages and comments we share with each other have sometimes been validation in motherhood that I have needed to get through the hard moments. I walked around the track at Purchase Line during a football scrimmage while she walked around her house (trapped inside from the wildfire smoke in WA) while we caught up and laughed about all things motherhood and teaching.
Mile 38 with my soul sister Stephanie on a long distance call between PA and Hawaii! Steph and I met during Teach for America Institute (an intense experience in itself) and then continued to be friends in New York, then worked for the same educational company after TFA. Our sister souls sing the song of creativity and justice and inspiration and light and learning and growing and being true to your heart song. Once we sat in a bookstore in New York drinking take out coffees and reading passages aloud to each other from zodiac books for hours and just this summer I found a bookmark that she wrote wishes for my future from 2011 that spoke to my heart right now in 2023. Steph is incredible and is the mind and heart behind Savor the Space., a business and life coach for female entrepreneurs.
Mile 39 with my dear friend Taryn on a long distance walk & chat over the phone in the dark on the eve of the first day of school for her kids (she lives in Pittsburgh)! Our life has run parallel lines from childhood through high school through college through parenthood through reading all the same books (there should be a name for this friendship we have, T!) She is godmomma to my Rusty, mom to one of my daughter Violet's best friends, and wife to one of my husband's best friends. Our life has somehow run side by side rollercoasters through so much of the same woods - I don't know what the universe means with that mirror journey, but I am so grateful that I can look across the tracks and have you going along with me, T.
Mile 40 with B; the handsomest man and my favorite person on the earth. You get my mile 40 and all my miles left to go in life. Thanks for loving me in all my best moments but more so for loving me while I am a blubbering, anxious, maniacal, big dreaming and scheming, ignoring you for the books I'm reading, thinking everything means something, falling asleep in the middle of my sentence, tea cups all over the house, bossy McBossgirl. Pairing up with you was the very best thing I ever did, I know that deep in my bones even when I'm rolling my eyes that you forgot where your keys are every single day.
Thank you to everyone who found a way to walk a mile with me - but more importantly to walk this LIFE with me. I am Me because you encouraged me along the way. thankyou, truly.
Oh Tab. This was so fun to read! I am so grateful for you and our decade long (!!!) friendship. I can constantly feel you cheering me on from the east coast.
ReplyDeleteI love that you started your miles with your mama and ended them with your man. It seems like the perfect symbolism of your past and your future.
I wish I could have joined you on your walks with your sisters. They seem so amazing and I think we could have so much fun together! I laughed out loud at your description of a walk with your teenager (so accurate it hurts) and loved thinking of someday walking with my girl to our favorite coffee spot when you were describing your walk with Gemma. And finally, Gigi is truly SUCH a warrior. So glad that she is here, and well, and still making memories with your beautiful family!
I hope your 40th year is as AMAZING and FUN as you are!!!