Lu.

our Lulu was our first pet.  Brandon and I got her back in 2008 in our first shared home (our teeny tiny Punxsy apartment) when she was technically too little to come home with us yet.  B spent a few nights feeding her milk from a dropper when she woke up crying; she gave me the first opportunity to see B in Dad mode.

Lu has lived in every home that B and I have shared together.  She's been with us in Punxsy apartment, Erie apartment, our first home in Erie, the chalet we borrowed from my best friend's family for a summer in Blue Knob, to our home now.  Lulu was kind and patient and sweet with all four of our kids.  She loved snuggling up on the couch if anyone would sit still for a few minutes with a blanket.  She was such a good cat.

It has been a choreographed dance with the dogs and cats since we've had them all together. Bullet's breed (Belgian Malinois/Dutch Shepherd - which we didn't discover was his breed until six years later) has an extreme prey drive and Lulu has never backed down from him chasing - so it's been seven years of keeping them separated, checking doors and gates, making sure the dogs are exercised, etc.  It's been an effort to keep the pets away and safe from each other, but many times of the past seven years, we've found ourselves between them; the dogs' faces scratched and Lulu backed into a corner. It has been a constant feeling of anxiety for me making sure everyone is safe and separated and everyone is good.

It is with a heavy heart to share the news that our sweet Lu died last night.  We found her when we got home from the end of season baseball picnic.  The gate wasn't up and so she must have come up and the dogs were down and the three of them had a tragic encounter.  When we got home, Bullet and Trixie were standing near her, ears and tails hanging down like they knew something was wrong (we believe they probably fatally shook her in the kitchen or laundry room and then carried her over to the cat door to the basement, where they knew she was supposed to be).

Grey was the first to walk in the house, he saw her, turned around sobbing and called out her name.  It was terrible.  Violet and Rusty were already sleep, so B and I held and comforted Gem and Grey as they both wept for about a half hour before the four of us went outside to bury her and say our goodbyes.  It was awful, both as pet owners and as parents to heartbroken kids.

We're going through all the guilt and regret - we coulda, woulda, shoulda a million times and a million different ways.  I keep trying to remind us though that we were always trying to do right by all of them.  To keep them all in our family and all safe and loved.  We could have given the cats to someone way back when, and I think we would have been coulda, woulda, shoulda 'ing that decision.  Or gave Bullet away and we would have been coulda, woulda, shoulda'ing that too.  Is there a right and perfect way to do anything?  I don't know - I think we just have to try to do our best, love with our whole hearts, and try do right by those we care for.

We are hugging a lot today and stopping mid-task with tears in our eyes.  Pets make themselves real members of a family and she did with her snuggling up with a blanket, and her letting Rust chase her around, jumping up into the sink when anyone went into the bathrooms, walking along the bathtub between the shower curtain and liner while the kids were in there.  I often said Lu was the only one in this house who listened to her momma. She will be missed everyday and remembered with loving kindness.  She was a good cat, our first pet, and we loved her.

If you have any extra prayers and thoughts of love and peace - we'd appreciate to have you send them over to our kids.  When I told Violet this morning, "Something sad happened last night, honey.  Lulu went to heaven." she looked up into my eyes and asked, "Can she come back?" and I told her no, you don't come back from heaven and she said, "But I love Lulu." And Gemmi and Grey both woke up today saying, "I'm still sad about Lulu." and I had to confirm that we'll probably be sad about Lulu for a very long time.