it's been pretty hectic over here with the four kiddos, and greyson back to school and flag football practice/games, and a three month old who is learning so much and so fast, and an almost two year old (gasp!! how?!) and our gemmi ro who has all the drama of a fifteen year old squeezed into a four year old's body, and my part time working, and brandon's full time working....and life, man.
and honestly, it is so busy and plenty confusing and tiring - but so very very fantastic. I don't know if its the awareness that comes with another birthday (whoot whoot 33!) or the perfect amount of time dipped into the adult world that my new job provides me, or doing something that I love and inspires me so much (teaching), or just life, man...but everything feels so wonderfully chaotic.
Even with our new schedules, it has felt that Brand and I have been rowing in sync along the great river of married life with each other - and if you've been married or together a very long time (going on year 17 for us!) you'll know what I mean and how that feels (and also how it feels rowing slightly out of sync...or when only one person is rowing or no one is rowing, hahha).
As always, there are these dazzling momentitos that remind me so fiercely that this wild, so very messy life that we have is one that is beautiful; so beautiful down to the root of the root and the bud of the bud.
here are some of my current dazzling little moments, just so I can remind myself if/when this elation wears off in the near future.
- Rusty's smile as soon as we make eye contact and his cheeks, and the smell of his head, and that squishy neck of his, and I can still get him into his 3 month footie pajamas but just barely.
- Violet's new favorite phrase, "Holy cow!" and her legs are currently covered top to bottom in washable marker and she painted her own toenails (read full toes) and vasoline in her hair - and she's so much the epitome of a stereotypical toddler these days that it hurts my bones in the best way possible
- Greyson asking for a bigolesnug daily for the past week and how excited he is about football and his friends and first grade and how obvious it is how much of a big kid he is and how that's going to be okay because he's mostly a good kid
- Gemma Ro saying everything is 'impressive' and making the biggest deal over my outfits for teaching like I'm the fanciest person on the planet and how she takes such good care of both violet and rusty and how the smallest gesture of kindness can completely turn her whole attitude around like getting twirled or holding her hand while we walk.
- Brandon. so much.
- the fog breaking on the hillside before McNally bridge when the sunrise is beaming through so strong and I literally (not.even.exaggerating) spread my arms wide open and soak up the rays for thirty seconds on my way to work in the morning.
- green tea in my to go mug on my desk at work glancing over my day's lesson plan before the student's arrive
- the weather recently. goodness, autumn is everything that's inside my heart.
- slipping into our bed at night with the windows open and the fan running and knowing everyone is in their beds and sleeping soundly
sometimes I write in my gratitude journal in full caps: REMEMBER THIS FEELING!! :) :) :)
true story - once upon a time I responded to an email and the person that recieved my email meant to forward it to a colleague but accidentally pressed reply sending it back to me. at the top of the email she wrote about me:
She! uses! a lot! of! exclamation! points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not even kidding.
and i just replied to her and said, "I think this was meant for" (the person she addressed it to).
no harm, no foul - because the thing was, she hadn't met me in person yet, so she didn't know that: My regular voice is generally in exclamation points!
you gotta embrace your flaws friends. hold tight to the circus that is your life.
because at the end of the day, it's YOUR circus in all its bold, beautiful dazzling momentitos of weirdness.
today feels like a gratitude journaling full of exclamation points and full caps.
what are the momentitos that you are loving right now?