Moms! They're just like celebrities!

Friday, November 14, 2014

Moms may live out of the spotlight (like waaaaaay out of the spotlight), but they have a lot of experience living the glamorous perks of celebridom in so many ways.  In fact, some would say, they're just like celebrities!

Moms usually manage multiple projects at a time.
Just like celebrities who act, direct, and run their own clothing lines simultaneously - Moms are also balancing several ventures at once.  Moms are raising kids, taking care of households, holding down full-time or part-time jobs, writing blogs, participating in school board meetings, leading PTOs, fundraising for the peewee football teams, scheduling car pools, researching healthy toddler lunch options, and orchestrating elaborate Elf on the Shelf scenes....nightly...without an assistant.

People are always following them around. 
Sure, by people, I mean a gaggle of tiny humans, but they are like tiny shadows stepping on Mom's heels all day. They're following Moms up the steps, through the supermarket aisles, and even opening shower curtains unannounced!  Moms are constantly surrounded by an entourage - sometimes the company is welcomed; a great way to make an entrance; no chance people aren't noticing us!  But occasionally, Moms would love a little privacy...I mean can a girl get a closed bathroom door around here or what?

They receive unsolicited perks, just for being Moms!
Free cheese slice at the deli counter, hello!  Moms occasionally see undeserved benefits just for being Moms in the presence of their children. Grocery carts returned in the parking lots, doors held while Moms struggle with car seats and hand holding, line skipping in the bathroom for small kids who can't hold it, and lots of extra napkins and clean, non-dropped silverware at restaurants (like an excessive amount).  The best perks of all come in the form of compliments, "You have a beautiful family,"  "Your kids are so polite,"  "Hang in there, Momma, you're doing a great job."

They receive unwarranted criticism from people who don't know them.
Moms regularly get the unwelcome and generally unnecessary negative attention too, usually described as "advice" from strangers.  "You know, my kids acted like that too until I _______________ (gave them more attention/less attention, removed/added something to their diet, put them in school/took them out of school, etc)."  "I never let my kids (eat that, talk like that, play with that, do that...)."

...Mom's are all like, 'Mind your own business please- you don't know me and my struggles.'  And strangers be all like, 'if you didn't want the attention, maybe you shouldn't have had the kids.'  And Moms be like, "that makes no sense."

Personal hairstylists and make-up artists
There is no shortage of people who are eager to help Moms look their best, these people even live in-house for 24 hour service.  Their methods and visions are generally a little unorthodox, and they're always happy to experiment with non-traditional tools (read:  markers, paint, and temporary tattoos).  But their ambition and persistence are unparalleled in the fashion industry.

They regularly receive rare and priceless gifts.  
These gifts are displayed in prominent areas of the Mom's homes; including refrigerator doors, kitchen sink windowsills, and featured picture frames.  These gifts come in the form of fingerpaintings, odd collections found in pants pockets, short-stemmed flowers of the garden poaching variety, front row seats to impromptu dance shows, surprise smiles on the face of an infant, and other regalia delivered with warm smiles and a "look what I got for you Mum! Don't you love it?"

They experience a time in their life in which their bed is like a revolving door.
There is just no telling who Moms will wake up to in the morning - sometimes they aren't even aware of when that person got into their bed.  It's not uncommon for a Mom to wake up to multiple people in her bed, all of whom are invading her personal space and were never formally invited in the first place.  All the while, Moms are feeling both ashamed and loving all the attention.  Ashamed because they know they should really try harder to commit to children that sleep in their own beds.  Yet simultaneously comforted in the fact that this stage of them wanting to be so near their Mom is terrifyingly short-lived and it's actually kind of wonderful.

There is some inside person that is always making their personal business everyone's business.
Moms are not unfamiliar with the moments in which they are in a crowded room filled with people they may or may not know, when someone in their entourage announces, "Mumma said..." followed by something she mentioned quietly to her spouse behind a close door in a moment of shame.  It generally includes gossip and/or a curse word.

Their late night parties can get out of control.
And by late, we mean late enough that sometimes Moms consider just putting on some coffee and calling it a morning.  Moms are up long into the night fighting off closet monsters, occupying infants who confuse night and day, rubbing backs, cleaning up messes(of the urine or vomit nature), donating life sustaining nutrients(of the breastmilk nature), and making mental checklists of both real (upcoming holiday plans) and unreal (unlikely threats to children's well-being) varieties.

They seem to always be in the company of the most beautiful people.
A Mom will be the first to tell you, that no one is more beautiful than the people they keep company with.  Perfect skin, long eyelashes, great smiles, and hair that looks good even with bedhead...granted though, Moms can be a little biased.

1 comment:

  1. I loved reading every bit of this. It's so accurate. Amen to the idea of going to the bathroom alone.

    The kids... oh your kids... They are so adorable. And that baby?!? She's so scrumptious! Someday we will meet and hug and all will be right with the world!