stories from Booboo & Miss Ro

It has recently been just non-stop hilarity over here from my two big kids.  For some hump day laughs, please enjoy these two little comedians.

chocolate milk at New Years

While brushing my hair

Gemma:  you looking beautiful, momma.

Me: Thanks honey for fixing my hair

Gemma:  okay, now I need scissors

Me:  Gem.  No.

walking towards the steps to go downstairs

Gemma:  It's okay, Momma, I'm just going to cut MY hair

Me:  Gemma.  I said No.  You cannot use scissors right now and you definitely can not cut your own hair!

Gemma:  I don't understand you.

Me:  Come back in here, honey.

Gemma: (stomping in room) I don't care!

While discussing his basketball birthday party (in APRIL; 3 months away)

Greyson:  and Daddy's whole basketball team is invited

Me:  Hah, okay, sweetheart

Greyson:  and you need to put on their papers for inviting  (breathless) You...can...sleep....over!!

Me:  Um, I don't think that's going to work, buddy.  There's too many, where would everyone fit?

Greyson:  The littlest player, Mark* can use my sleeping bag.  

Me:  And what about Gabe*?  He's so long, where will he sleep?

Greyson:  I have a great idea!  Under our bunk beds!

*names changed to protect players' identities  (hahha)

Greyson:  Mom!!  Gemma said a fairy stole her make-up

Gemma:  A fairy did take it.  He picked it up and flew it away with his wings!

Greyson:  What other colors are lions?

Me:  I think just orange, yellow, and brown.  I've never heard of a white or black lion.

Greyson:  There are white ones in Antarctica

Me:

Greyson:  there are!  

Me:  where did you hear that?

Greyson:  Daddy told me

Me:

Greyson:  you didn't hear us because we were sneaking downstairs talking quietly

Me:

Greyson:  okay, I'm telling a lie, but I know there are white lions in Antarctica.  I just know inside my heart.

Momentarily angry at her grandfather Chum

Gemma:  You are the child and I am the genius!

While I was attempting to scrub paint off of the carpet bedroom floor

Me:  Grey, this is a really big mess, buddy.  Why weren't you being more careful with the paint?

Greyson:  I was in a panic

Me:

Greyson:  Well, remember I'm an elf because of my ears are pointy.  And I was in a panic because I didn't know why I wasn't at the North Pole

Me:  

Greyson:  Okay, I'm not an elf, Mom, I'm just growing.

We have a saying around here when the kids start repeating whine-requests 30 times in a row that goes something like "How many times do you have to say it?" and the kids answer "One time."

So while we were getting ready for bed and I was feeding the baby

Gemma:  Momma, I.want.you.to.hold.me

Me:  sweetheart, as soon as Violet eats, I will put her in her bed and hold you forever and ever

Gemma:  Momma, hold.me

Me:  Gem, honey, in just a minute.  lay down and wait for me.

Gemma:  I.want.you.to.hold.ME!

Me:  that's enough Gemma Rose

Gemma:  How many times do I have to say it, Momma?  Five Times?  Yes, five times!!  Hold me, hold me, hold me,

Me:

Gemma:  hold me, hold me, hold me,.....

After nearly breaking his neck doing a front flip on the couch

Me:  Grey!  Are you okay?!  Why would you do that?!

Greyson:  (laughing hysterically) It's okay Mum, I'm just re-dick-lee-ous

Gemma:  (all sung)

Here are my babies

Momma, I brought you some besketti (play spaghetti)

And this is my Momma's happy valentines

with coooooooooookies 

they taste so nice

but greyson cannot have any

stop looking at me greyson!

I am playing with my babies

not youuuuuuuuuuuu

Here's hoping your Wednesday is filled with laughter - from all of us here at the Studer Zoo Crew, but especially this little darling angel girl who giggles and makes raspberries at her 'reedickleeous' big bro and sis all day :)

Moms! They're just like celebrities!

Moms may live out of the spotlight (like waaaaaay out of the spotlight), but they have a lot of experience living the glamorous perks of celebridom in so many ways.  In fact, some would say, they're just like celebrities!

Moms usually manage multiple projects at a time.
Just like celebrities who act, direct, and run their own clothing lines simultaneously - Moms are also balancing several ventures at once.  Moms are raising kids, taking care of households, holding down full-time or part-time jobs, writing blogs, participating in school board meetings, leading PTOs, fundraising for the peewee football teams, scheduling car pools, researching healthy toddler lunch options, and orchestrating elaborate Elf on the Shelf scenes....nightly...without an assistant.

People are always following them around. 
Sure, by people, I mean a gaggle of tiny humans, but they are like tiny shadows stepping on Mom's heels all day. They're following Moms up the steps, through the supermarket aisles, and even opening shower curtains unannounced!  Moms are constantly surrounded by an entourage - sometimes the company is welcomed; a great way to make an entrance; no chance people aren't noticing us!  But occasionally, Moms would love a little privacy...I mean can a girl get a closed bathroom door around here or what?

They receive unsolicited perks, just for being Moms!
Free cheese slice at the deli counter, hello!  Moms occasionally see undeserved benefits just for being Moms in the presence of their children. Grocery carts returned in the parking lots, doors held while Moms struggle with car seats and hand holding, line skipping in the bathroom for small kids who can't hold it, and lots of extra napkins and clean, non-dropped silverware at restaurants (like an excessive amount).  The best perks of all come in the form of compliments, "You have a beautiful family,"  "Your kids are so polite,"  "Hang in there, Momma, you're doing a great job."

They receive unwarranted criticism from people who don't know them.
Moms regularly get the unwelcome and generally unnecessary negative attention too, usually described as "advice" from strangers.  "You know, my kids acted like that too until I _______________ (gave them more attention/less attention, removed/added something to their diet, put them in school/took them out of school, etc)."  "I never let my kids (eat that, talk like that, play with that, do that...)."

...Mom's are all like, 'Mind your own business please- you don't know me and my struggles.'  And strangers be all like, 'if you didn't want the attention, maybe you shouldn't have had the kids.'  And Moms be like, "that makes no sense."

Personal hairstylists and make-up artists
There is no shortage of people who are eager to help Moms look their best, these people even live in-house for 24 hour service.  Their methods and visions are generally a little unorthodox, and they're always happy to experiment with non-traditional tools (read:  markers, paint, and temporary tattoos).  But their ambition and persistence are unparalleled in the fashion industry.

They regularly receive rare and priceless gifts.  
These gifts are displayed in prominent areas of the Mom's homes; including refrigerator doors, kitchen sink windowsills, and featured picture frames.  These gifts come in the form of fingerpaintings, odd collections found in pants pockets, short-stemmed flowers of the garden poaching variety, front row seats to impromptu dance shows, surprise smiles on the face of an infant, and other regalia delivered with warm smiles and a "look what I got for you Mum! Don't you love it?"

They experience a time in their life in which their bed is like a revolving door.
There is just no telling who Moms will wake up to in the morning - sometimes they aren't even aware of when that person got into their bed.  It's not uncommon for a Mom to wake up to multiple people in her bed, all of whom are invading her personal space and were never formally invited in the first place.  All the while, Moms are feeling both ashamed and loving all the attention.  Ashamed because they know they should really try harder to commit to children that sleep in their own beds.  Yet simultaneously comforted in the fact that this stage of them wanting to be so near their Mom is terrifyingly short-lived and it's actually kind of wonderful.

There is some inside person that is always making their personal business everyone's business.
Moms are not unfamiliar with the moments in which they are in a crowded room filled with people they may or may not know, when someone in their entourage announces, "Mumma said..." followed by something she mentioned quietly to her spouse behind a close door in a moment of shame.  It generally includes gossip and/or a curse word.

Their late night parties can get out of control.
And by late, we mean late enough that sometimes Moms consider just putting on some coffee and calling it a morning.  Moms are up long into the night fighting off closet monsters, occupying infants who confuse night and day, rubbing backs, cleaning up messes(of the urine or vomit nature), donating life sustaining nutrients(of the breastmilk nature), and making mental checklists of both real (upcoming holiday plans) and unreal (unlikely threats to children's well-being) varieties.

They seem to always be in the company of the most beautiful people.

A Mom will be the first to tell you, that no one is more beautiful than the people they keep company with.  Perfect skin, long eyelashes, great smiles, and hair that looks good even with bedhead...granted though, Moms can be a little biased.

a love letter to worms

Dear worms,

You  may recognize these two kids' faces.

These two children belong to me.  I am writing to say thank you for your patience as you bring much joy to the daily lives of my kids.  

You see, Worms, the reason you recognize these children's faces is because they are always searching for you and they are usually successful.  You frequently hear the sounds of their shovels, diggers, and delighted shrieks as they ramble on and on about how they will "find us some worms today, baby!"

It is with love of the purest kind that they seek you out, to hold you in their hands so that you can wiggle and tickle their palms.  Thank you for being so accepting of our relocation program (not that you have a real choice), but I believe you will find your new home in our kid-selected "Worm Box" comfortable and full of all of your favorite things; mainly dirt.



You can rest easy in our Worm Box, as these children who so lovingly hunt for, transport, and place you in your new home, also stand guard to scare away birds from the Worm Box.  They are your protectors; I found them shouting in unison, "Get away from our worms, Birds!" with a fervor that is usually reserved only for religious extremists and people suffering from severe road rage.

If my children gleefully discover you in any location that is not our home; and let's be honest here, they're always looking so this is a very common occurrence, they proceed to display you to anyone nearby with honest pride for all that is you.  It matters not if these fellow humans are complete strangers, family, or friends they just made 2 minutes prior and have a clear fear or distaste for creatures of your nature.  

My children are so infatuated with you that they incorrectly believe every single human on the planet should also want to hold and admire you too.  If the human politely declines, my children will force them to hold you anyway, gently placing you on the person's most stable body part (knees, feet, hand outstretched in the "ew" position).  There may be a moment of jostling at this time, but that is brief before you are carefully placed "back with your family" in the dirt.

The two reasons I would like to say that I love you Worms,  are these:   First, you provide extended periods of attention and happy independent play for my children.  You are like a rare phenomenon that occurs in my days where I can quickly accomplish multiple tasks that having children hanging on or 'helping' is very difficult.  Things like mopping the floor, using the restroom, or sneaking chocolate from my secret stash without sharing.  I am so grateful to you for that.  

Secondly, you bring out the most beautiful and sincere compliments that my children offer up to each other.  Gemma toddles over with worm in hand to announce in awe, "Wook, Booboo found dis." Just yesterday, Greyson announced aloud at the playground, "Gemmi, you are the greatest worm digger in the whole world!"  and then proudly told his Dad at dinner the same thing and adding, "She found two worms at the playground! Can you believe that?" He had never been more proud of his little sister in her 2 years of life.

There is truly no greater compliment in our home right now than "Great Worm Digger."

You are such a small creature, Worms, but know that to us - you are a very big deal.

Love always,
The Studers

Bigfoot & Us

While growing up, I always dreamed of becoming a mom and raising little kids.  I'd try to imagine what their sweet faces would look like and even blissfully daydreamed about their sticky little hands and how giggling and tiny feet would fill my future home with happiness.  But no matter how much you try to imagine the future; I know now that it is almost never like you thought it would be.

For example how I could not have guessed my current daily interaction with all things related to Bigfoot.

Every.single.day we talk about Bigfoot in our house.

Sometimes we tell stories that involve Bigfoot, we seek out shows and kids' movies that include Bigfoot  (or anything close to him - there's more than you imagine:  Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer, Scooby Doo), we ask the Librarian for books about Bigfoot, or we pretend we are Bigfoot.

It is all about Bigfoot over here.

It started a few months ago.  Grey was watching a prank show with his Aunt (hi, Uch!) and someone in a Bigfoot costume was getting ready to scare his friend.  The show started feeling especially spooky, so Uch changed the channel before the reveal that it was all just a joke.  Which was actually turned out to be more scary than just watching the whole thing.  oops.

So for a few weeks, Bigfoot was really scary.  After lots of talking, stories, and reassuring, Bigfoot started to change from scary to fascinating. And because we just kept talking about it, now Bigfoot is a full fledged family friend.  Even Gem knows and speaks about BigFoot now and when she hears a noise outside, she says, "Bigfoot outside?"

So I spend my days making up little stories about Bigfoot, and pretending to be Bigfoot, and wondering aloud what BigFoot might be doing at any given moment.

How strange the path of motherhood is, no?

10 Real Physical Dangers of Raising Toddlers

Everyone knows that the biggest danger of parenting any child is a broken heart.  Like smashed into smithereens broken heart.  And for lots of things.  Seeing your child in pain, listening to them cry it out, hearing them whisper "I love you" as their heavy sleepy eyes close.  Oh my, there's just so much that breaks and tears and shreds and stabs a parent's heart.

But not many people talk about the other kinds of pain that come with parenting kids, mainly toddlers.  These little beings that spend their day blurring the line between the distinction of human child and animal.  They have little control over their limbs, almost no depth perception, but somehow can orchestrate a mess that even if you were trying your very best, you as a grown adult with knowledge of trajectory and science, could not replicate to be as catastrophic.

So here's my top 10 of the physical pains we've endured as raising our toddlers.  The nose bleeds, the fat lips, and the bruises in the shape of a tiny mandible all included below.

1. Hair-pulling
It starts out in infancy out of sweet, precious curiosity.  It continues from there but with less wonder and more out of sheer disregard for anyone else's body.  I've had hair pulled by hands, teeth, and stepped on by feet.  And this is not just localized to head hair.  We have our arm hair pulled both by accident and on purpose.  My husband has also suffered through leg and chest hair pulling as well.

2. Biting
We've both been bit by accident when putting food into our little one's mouths, as they didn't realize (or care) if our fingers were out of the way before they chomped down.  Then as our daughter grew, we discovered she was a 'biter,' and would target shoulders when she didn't get her way.  Our poor son was once bit so hard on the stomach (after a disagreement with his little sis) that it immediately bruised a deep color of purple.  Thankfully she's seemed to grow out of it and now only grinds her teeth like an angry lioness at the first sign of conflict as a reminder to us all of the danger we could be in.

3. Stomach pummeling
This is Hollywood's go-to move for child on parent abuse.  You know the image; parents peacefully asleep while children sneak in and go full WWE on their parent's unprotected midsections.  It looks so idyllic, doesn't it?  This sort of stomach pummeling doesn't only happen in the morning before waking - it also happens anytime you find yourself in the horizontal position.  They'll sneak up on your unsuspecting relaxed pose, stand on the couch armrest, and take a flying leap directly landing on your gut (or worse - see #10).

4. Book corners to the face
This is a phenomenon that I can't explain.  The accuracy in which picture book corners with hard covers have barreled into my face is mind-blowing.  I am thrilled my children love listening to stories, but in the sheer delight of hearing another story, these books are strongly suggested with a shove in our direction with horrifying speed.  Somehow after a book corner makes contact with my face, I'm ashamed to say, my character voices just aren't up to par.

5. Head butts to the lip
In their defense, this is almost always by accident, but goodness does it hurt.  The forcefully thrown back head usually occurs from a child's extreme happiness or excitement, in which they throw their head back with joyful giggling only to make a direct contact with your unsuspecting face.  The vast array of strange unfunny things that cause a child to do this is wide and diverse - which gives it the constant element of surprise.

6. Disease
Our flu season lasts from October to April in our house.  We spend these months with tissues and hankies within constant reach.  If one of us catches something, the rest are sitting ducks.  We like to try to timeline our sicknesses; like Mum is 4 days in while our youngest is a day behind, our son just got it, and well, sorry Dad, you're the next in line.'

7. Shoulder dislocation (or at least soreness)
There is a scientific equation that I've discovered since becoming parent.  It's goes something along the lines of:  item that child is holding in backseat will always be dropped thus being the catalyst to insistent whining until said item is retrieved.  This requires a parenting move where the parent (driving a moving vehicle!) then rotates their shoulder to an unpleasant position to flail about aimlessly on the backseat floor to attempt to retrieve the fallen item.

8. Assault by feet
First, there's the kicking; during the diaper change, or when trying to remove themselves from a hug they've deemed too long, and the ever popular no warning direct kick to the shin in a drive-by sprint around the room.  There's also the stomping on various body parts by accident or entirely on purpose depending on their mood.

9. Lower back pain
It's the up-down-up-down-up-down-hold you motion throughout the day.  It's the two kids on your lap while reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar for the fourth time in a row.  It's the sitting next to the toddler bed for 45 minutes rubbing their back when they're sick.  The kneeling and reaching at the edge of the bath tub.  It's the always needing more yoga and more time at the chiropractor.

10. Crotch shots
The problem with an adult crotch is that it is almost exactly eye level to a growing toddler.  It's like an impossibly easy target for punching from a child's point of view.  It also always warrants a dramatic response which makes it even more hilarious.  There's the standing assault, but also the flying from across the bed/room/couch to land with dangerous accuracy directly in the nether-regions.  It's like a pain magnet; look no farther than every.single.episode of America's Funniest Videos; without fail there are videos of children punching their Dads in the crotch.

Somehow though, as is the great paradox of parenthood, none of this pain or suffering ever amounts to much of anything.  It is all swept under the rug with the bat of an impossibly long eyelash or the surprise kiss of a tiny, sweet face.  Like all parents, I'd choose the beatings every time over the alternative of not living with these wild, maniacal, perfect, toddler ninjas.