thank YOU! Thursdays: Someone who believes in you

Dear Bud,
There are plenty of things that I could thank you for, like giving me this life that I used to doodle about in my high school notebooks...not kidding - l.i.t.e.r.a.l.l.y. daydreamed about almost this exact life with you while we were holding hands and sneaking kisses before you went to football practice.

circa summer of 2000

or I could thank you for giving our son that sideways smile of yours or how our daughter already has your charm and charisma at 2 months old.  I look at them and I see you and that makes me happy everyday.

Or about how you find ways to make me laugh even though I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, or about how you just shrug when I leave dirty pots sitting by the sink for days (days!!) because I hate washing them that bad, or about how you never forget to kiss me goodbye when you leave the house.  But I'm not going to focus on any of those other things in this post.

I want to say thank you for something maybe you don't think I notice.  But I'm telling you right now, I've always noticed.  I've always felt it.  And your unwavering belief in me has been a shield that has kept the wind from blowing out the little candle in my soul.

The thing is, I am a full time working mom of two and I also have big ideas in my brain and heart.  So while doing normal life stuff, I also write a blog and I make our family come up with goals for the year by category, and I make sure we do 12 months of kindness, and 12 months of dates, and I organize our annual beer Olympics and the alumni turkey bowl, and I read essays for our high school senior scholarship every May, and I try to write a novel, and I plan 2 week vacations in Thailand...

and after writing all that, it seems like I think I am very awesome.  But the truth is, I am second guessing myself at almost every turn.  I am over analyzing and over thinking and over critiquing myself at each step.  I am holding my breath, hoping that I didn't forget something.  And then I worry myself sick and sometimes cry.

But there you are, hugging me and reassuring me that it will be great.  And not just saying it to make me feel better, but saying it like you actually know it will be great.  One time when I jokingly told you I was going to audition to be an MTV vj you said to me, without even a hint of sarcasm, "Please don't.  I really couldn't handle it if you were famous.  It just seems like it would be crazy for us."  Like you had no doubt in your mind that if I auditioned, I would get it.  You believe in my success in every situation no matter how small or how outrageous.

You think I can do anything.  And because you believe I can, so do I.

thank you for believing in my greatest potential every single day,
i love you b.
yours,
tab



Next week's thank YOU! Thursday:  Someone who taught you something valuable