I've said to numerous people that the moment I held Grey in my arms, it was as though a part of my brain opened up and worry slid in. I think it comes with the territory of being a mother. All of a sudden I was nervous about strangers, and stumbles, obscure diseases, and food poisoning...hundreds of different scenarios that Greyson could someday come in contact with that I wouldn't be able to protect him from.
When he went for his 2 month immunizations shots, the nurses kept apologizing about having to do it, and all I could say was, "He will have worst pain in his life than this." Which only started another spiraling vision of "worst pains" to come; breaking a bone, losing a friend, losing a loved one, having his heartbroken. There are hundreds and millions of things I already wish I could spare him from the pain, but I am his mother and part of being someone's mother is experiencing the pain right along with them to lighten their load....not shielding them from it.
I read a beautiful quotation today that I want to remind myself of it whenever I feel worried as Greyson (and any of my other future babies) grows up.
"And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. It is that our job as parents is to send our children forth like arrows into the world where we will not be permitted to follow. We are the stable bows that remain behind in the Archer's arms. Our aim is to send them swift and far"
----from Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet