Around Here Week Ten: 03/04-03/11

A glimpse at what it looks like to live in our home just this second.

Intentional Hours Outside: 26 hours (of 1000)
Mother Nature shined down this week and offered up some beautiful weather for most days and I was so happy to feel that sunshine on my face, I seriously can't even tell you how much.  The girls and I were generally outside by 9:30a just to get our body moving and some freedom in our life.  When Grey got home most nights he was quick to ask, 'we can play outside today, right?!' and then we spent large parts of the evening on the trampoline or walking around the yard and even made it to one of our favorite parks one night!

Reading to the end a Man Called Ove by Fredrick Bachman with the Inspired Readers Book Club and started our next book Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin (we begin discussing on Monday 3/14, so grab your copy today and join us!) Nearing the end of Dear Mr. You by Mary Louise Parker and just savoring it so so much.  Finished Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and feeling so energized and excited about our plan moving forward financially.  Liberating!

Moving furniture...basically cardinal rule#1 when you're pregnant of what you're NOT supposed to do, hah.  But I had Brandon doing most of the heavy lifting as the kids spent the day with my parents last Saturday and we had the entire afternoon to move their bedroom furniture around to make for boy and girl bedrooms.  In the boys' room now we have a double bed for Grey (he loves it) and the baby's crib along with a dresser for Grey and the changing table/dresser for baby4.  In the girls room we have the bunk beds (de-bunked) and they are sharing Gem's big dresser.  I still have the closets to switch and organize and the girls are lacking a bookcase as the one that was previously in there straight up died when we tried to move it.  But in small projects, we should be all ready to go by June!  As Brandon declared upon finishing the moving of large items, "Ya see, this house fits six people just fine!"

Tracking my step count!  I finally remembered to charge my fitbit this week (thanks to a reminder from Ashley!) and was motivated to reach 10,000+ steps two days in a row. I need to keep that up because I'm walking in a 5K in two weeks with my friend Stacy! (we will definitely be the slowest participants, but it's about finishing, right?...right?!  hahahha, i can't wait!)

Giggling about Gemma who will not stop telling everyone that she had 'such a fantastic time on a date' with her Daddy.  She went with him to the Duke Andrews (elementary basketball league) banquet this week and was over the moon to be his 'date.'  They had spaghetti and she listened to him say a few words to the basketball players and she thought he was the 'handsomest and nicest' in the whole world.

Breathing in and out slowly to stay calm as I had a very cranky littlest daughter this week.  So very clingy and she wanted held all the time.  She fell asleep in the strangest places as she was really trying to put up a fight about naps, and was such a little soldier of destruction making messes three times her size.

Feeling excited for this little baby brother cooking away in there.  I had a doc appointment this week and that little guy is doing just fine swatting away at me at regular intervals.  The big kids love feeling him kick and Violet doesn't quite get it, but when I ask her what's in my belly she says, "Babeh!" (obviously, there's one in hers too she thinks).  With moving the rooms around and then also getting a huge lot of baby boy handmedown clothes from cousin Tausha (including the ones I gave her from Grey) I am feeling like it's really happening!  hah, I've made it to the third trimester now so it's time to put the green light on for nesting!

Getting over just a crap day on Wednesday.  It wasn't anything major, just a whole bunch of little things all happening at once on top of being hormonal and pregnant.  Thank you all so much for your cyber high fives and support.  We all have days that are just like that, just crap, and it's somehow easier to carry to know you are one of many people who are also having their own version of hard days.

Proud of these funny little kids who keep learning in leaps and bounds.  Being a stay at home mum, I feel like the learning happens so incrementally that it's hard for me to notice because I'm with them all.the.time and it's not until they surprise me with something brand new-never done before that I am startled again by how quick the grow up.  waaaah.  Grey learned the sight word 'said' this week and somehow that feels like it opens a whole can of beans in terms of reading.  Said is like a legit word (he already had like 40+ other words under his belt: can, up, down, he, we, little..) but SAID - that's like an actual book word and has me giddily excited (please excuse the former ESL teacher in me for being a weirdo).  Gemma can do the monkey bars all the way across all by herself! and Violet keeps asking us 'why?' in her tiny high pitched little sweet voice.  I don't think she actually knows what it means, but she does know that when she says it, we keep talking to her.  She also told me this week that 'Bullet' was in her belly and I said, 'what? Bullet?!" and she said, "and Tricky."  and then I laughed for about five minutes straight. how is our 17 month old making up legit jokes already?

Watching Zootopia! The kids and I headed out to the movie theater last night to see it and it was Violet's FIRST movie at the theater.  The movie was awesome from my perspective, Grey and Gem were a little afraid (there's a mystery about why some of the predator animals start going wild and biting/scratching/showing their teeth).  Violet did okay for her first try, but it will be a quite awhile until I take her again (hah).

Making these yummy and quick no-bake energy balls for afternoon snack and these cake-mix cookies because oops I forgot we were out of flour.  We also had 'please make me meatballs', a family favorite over mashed potatoes and one of my favorite casseroles: chicken and zucchini because zucchini is my love language.

the real deal

yesterday afternoon, the kids were jumping on the trampoline and the sun was setting behind them and it was just too perfect of a photo to not capture it.

but if you knew the truth, i was so so frustrated and just plain mad when i was taking this.  it was just such a hard day, and i had straight up indignation sloshing about in my insides when i took this idyllic photo in time.

so many times when i talk to people (in both real life and through the internet) they confess that they think everything in my life seems so perfect and easy. i believe it's mostly because i have a tendency to try to (borrowing Jack Johnson lyrics) 'take the picture from the pretty side' to remind myself that above all else, i have nearly everything to be grateful for.

but when people, other moms especially, say things like that - it can be frustrating and overwhelming because, I can assure you a thousand times over...it ain't.  every.single.day i reproach myself at one point (or twenty points), "why are you not better at this?!" "this" being a multitude of things ranging from being a mom, to reacting to disappointment, to tackling mess and clutter.

usually days are sprinkled with hard things but mostly seems fairly ordinary with the little magical moments of gratitude that keep my head above water.

but yesterday, no.
it was the fight with my husband followed by uncontrollable hormonal cryfest before he left for work and then the clutter (dear God, the clutter ev.ery.where.i.look.), and the 27 week pregnant belly in my way and makes nearly every activity uncomfortable, and my inability to ask for help, and the vaccine that made my arm muscle so weak and sort of numb, and the four year old who threw a stage5 meltdown at gymnastics after i had a stare down with trixie, our dog, to come in the house so i could load all three kids up in carseats to get them there while the whole of the gymnastics parents watched (or at least it sure feels like that, doesn't it? everyone's watching and waiting to see how your parenting unfolds during public tantrums) and our one year old literally ran out onto the floor and commandeered the gymnastics equipment.  and the dogs got in a fight with each other after barking for thirty minutes at the quad riders in the woods behind the house that i had to break up by throwing rocks at them (honestly, yesterday, sweet Lord.) and the baby wanted held all day, and our five year old talks in a megaphone voice constantly, and i was tired and pregnant and constipated and yet also so hungry, and i had kind of a runny nose which the sneezing only led to peeing my pants a little every single time, and the entire time my inner voice rolls her eyes at me and shouts, "YOU know other people have REAL problems, tabitha!" which instead of making me feel better and grateful makes me feel worse because it's like, seriously "why am i so sad and mad about things that are dumb when my life is beautiful?! i'm the worst."

for reals, you guys.

and i know some of my amazing friends and family are reading this right now calculating in their minds the ways they can reach out to me with kindness and help -and because you have that autoreflex of taking a moment of pause alone: please know that is why we are friends and why i hold you so close to my heart and in my life.

honestly this post is in no way meant to be some kind of cry for help.

me writing this is just a way to get all of this out so that it stops stirring about in my guts and bringing me down, man.  because today isn't nearly like yesterday, but all that yuck is lingering and i need to shed it out of me little by little (warm bath, reading, being outside, and tackling to do list items has each already contributed to combating the blues!)

and this post is also to tell whoever else out there who might be feeling sad and mad but also battling that incredible guilt that comes with holding gratitude in your heart for a beautiful life that really has nothing to be sad and mad about: me too.

so much, me too.

ps. seriously! don't text me or call me or send me food! i love you solely for reading this post and long distance high-fiving me because you too sometimes.

xxxox

gratitude journaling

I have been feeling bleh.
like in a big way.
and really the fastest way for me to start feeling un-bleh is to take account of the things that bring brightness and joy to my days . so here goes.

1. sunshiney days
2. Greyson and his current interest in drawing and writing funny little notes and taping them all over the house.  this kid and tape!
3. Gemma, our resident snuggle master - always up for a hug and a giving us a free hula dance lesson and saying things like, 'hello sweet Violet baby, you look fantastic!'
4. Violet, miss independent, who stomps about with these little hilarious feet and her arm swinging to make her go faster and repeating everything we say, most recently "Hi Babe!"
5. studerbaby4 who gives me swift kicks to remind me to sit the hell down for a second
6. brandon, who works so hard and always remembers to give each of his girls a kiss and a hug before leaving and upon coming home
7. longer days
8. our new tiny laptop that is so lightweight and the battery life is out of this world and was super affordable (Lenovo IdeaPad 100s was only $179 at Staples!!) and seriously i love this little thing.  (Violet's coffee dumping on our old laptop was clearly a messy blessing in disguise)
9. random texts from my sweet friend Heather to check in and give each other motivation toward living debt free (we're doing Dave Ramsey at the same time to keep us accountable and excited!)
10. planning and daydreaming about the upcoming trip to Richmond, VA with my two best friends and our six kids!
11. coffee
12. chocolate chips that i sneak from the baking cupboard every afternoon during naptime
13. our budget and knowing where all of our money is going.  surprisingly and incredibly liberating
14. maternity clothes that fit and are comfy and are plentiful (thank you Taush!)
15. my book club (Inspired Readers)
16. charging my fitbit and tracking my steps again (after a four month hiatus)
17. our windchimes
18. grandparents who babysit almost always at the last minute because i forget to ask in advance
19. my sisters and the weirdest most perfectly timed texts and instagram tags that make me laugh when my days feel isolated
20. two children's books that arrived as a surprise thinking-of-you gift from my sweet friend Shelly who somehow thinks of me when she just had her fourth baby (! you are amazing and thoughtful!)
21. my crockpot
22. leftovers that make for easy lunch box packing for daddy
23. clean sheets on our bed
24. law and order SVU
25. evenings that have no practices and no plans except dinner at home and bedtime
26. working on the 2015 family yearbook
27. cold, cold water to drink
28. my goal to get 1000 hours outdoors this year because it is seriously sometimes the exact motivation i need to get outside and get moving.  it's making a difference in my life - for real.
29. birds singing
30. having time and motviation to write