hello, 2013, nice to meet you.

happy new year!

it is astonishing to me that today is the start of a new year - I know it is though because of all the fresh, un-scribbled, un-crossed out calendars I flipped today.

a brand new fridge calendar that holds friends & family birthdates, dentist & doctor appointments, and upcoming weekend plans - our January already filling up with birthday parties and trips to see friends.

a brand new planner that is so crisp and clean it makes me feel giddily tipsy.  I tried to write so neatly and organized for this first week, instead of my usual scribbling things in and doodling along the top margin.  I even marked off our dinner plans for each day this week in hopes that maybe I can finally (!!) make meal-planning a routine for our family.

I heard myself tell Grey tonight, "It's a new year!  That means a chance to start at the beginning again!"  Because for some reason even though we are light years away from where we've ever been before in our life, when January rolls around - it always feels like we're back to the beginning of the maze.  A chance to wind and twist through the seasons and the traditions of the year, maybe making the journey a little different this time, maybe trying to do it just the same as before, or maybe veering off into some corner that we haven't tried yet- but always back to the beginning.

January is full of ambition and enthusiasm for the whole year.  Resolutions full of good intentions, which like our whole list of goals last year totally bombed dive into oblivion, I've really taken a fresh look at my life and have streamlined my hopes for myself in 2013 into three main resolutions.  Goals that I hope will help me more of the version of me that I love best - the girl who shines out through occasionally, but not nearly enough because of the grime of life that so tragically often distorts the everyday joys of life.

Resolutions 2013:

1. Write a little everyday in someway.
Maybe it will contribute to more blog posts, maybe it will finally get me pointed in the right direction to finishing my novel.  Maybe it will just be a 3 minute poem or short story in my writing journal.  Or if push comes to shove, it might just be an entry in my gratitude journal.  But every.single.day I want to write creatively.

2. Meditate.
I want to be more mindful.  I want to be more relaxed.  I want to be more grateful.  I am very slowly making my way through Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children by Sarah Napthali and I read through a beautiful section about finding the time to be mindful when we are so busy.  The section goes on to suggest to attempt to be mindful and meditate during certain singular activities in our normal day.  So for example, as I'm loading the dishwasher; recognizing my breath, how my body feels as I lean down to put the plate in the bottom rack, how the water feels over my hands as I rinse out the coffee cup, etc.  I want to take a moment each day and be right there. Me in my life as it is now.

3. Make out with my husband.
everyday.  like open mouth high school kissing.  sometimes it feels like we wake up in the morning, quick kiss when he's rushing out the door, kiss again when he comes home, maybe a kiss on the forehead or cheek as we pass each other corralling the kids and then before long we both fall exhausted into bed.  But we're going to open mouth makeout every.single.day.  something about making out is so youthful and reminds me that even though this is the same man I've been kissing for the past 13 years - he's still that same boy who can make me blush with the touch of his lips.  (we've been testing this resolution out for a few days prior to new years...and we both approve and have high hopes for it make the distance).

So, there you have it.  My favorite version of myself is when I am the creative, mindful, and romantic Tab.  The girl that has words spilling out of her fingers and is grateful for dirty laundry because it means we have healthy, curious kids, and the girl who catches a glimpse of her boy giving her that Studer half smile and thinks, "good Lord, how the hell did I ever snag that guy and this insanely lucky life."

hello 2013, it's nice to meet you.
I hope in 12 months when we have to say goodbye, I can do it as a better version of me.