Redland Adams, two years old

 My Reddy, 

My babiest boy is two years old and it both breaks and fills my heart. You are getting so independent and funny, but (just like every other toddler) so curious and testing all the limits. You have me swinging the gamut of motherhood within the span of a day: laughing, exasperated, exhausted, charmed. You, my sweet boy's boy, are successfully following in your brothers' footsteps of breaking all the things in our home, especially your momma's poor heart. 

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You are so cute that it is actually dumb and everyone comments on it. Something about your teeny tiny body and head walking around with the confidence of a teenager with that white blond hair and sly smile makes people swoon (me too). You have the sweetest chuckle of a laugh. You love pockets in your pants (it's just too much when you stand with your hands in your tiny pockets!) and you have started putting your hands on your hips when you want to make a point - it's too precious! 

It has taken you a long (LONG) time to talk. You are only now just starting to get out words that are decipherable, even though you've been understanding us for so very long now. It's a good thing you're number five, because otherwise I may have been worried about your speech progression, but I know now you just needed some time and patience to get there. Your body development went so fast (walking at 10 months, kicking, dribbling, catching, throwing, jumping so early) that your other skills needed plenty of time to play catch up. I have loved the opportunity to learn your secret language and growing with you in ways to communicate that aren't verbal. 

You are a go-go-go kind of boy but you will stop in your tracks if I pull out a picture book. You love sitting on my lap and reading all the books, otherwise it is full speed ahead; running, jumping, playing all the sports all the time.

You love chocolate milk in your bubba and you sign for it by tapping your middle finger and thumb together. Your favorite foods are salad, fruit, and breakfast sausage with ketchup. Most of all, you like being outside and let loose into wild freedom. You find ways to occupy yourself, usually just copying whatever Rusty is doing. You love using sticks as swords, trying to play sports (basketball, soccer, golf, and football) and chasing after the chickens and ducks. When you help with farm chores it is always a negotiation to get you to leave the farm, we have to promise you we will be back down later. You still suck on your fingers to self-soothe: the middle and ring finger so your hand is always in the sign for "I love you" while you are calming yourself or sleeping. You take a nap every afternoon (at your own request; sometimes going up to Booboo's bed and laying down with a blanket all by yourself). 

You are a true Covid-19 quarantine baby and it is most clear in the fact that your favorite people are the people that live in your house. You have only just started to tolerate other people (LOL). It takes quite a bit of kindness, graciousness, and above all patience to win you over and those family and friends who have done that over the course of the past two years (literally since they've known you) are now finally getting to see all the incredible silly, wild, passionate soul that bubbles under your untouchable exterior. It takes a big effort to get you to trust, but once you do - gosh, how lucky it feels to be considered one of 'your people,' 

You love each of your bigger siblings endlessly and know without a doubt that they would be willing to bend heaven and Earth if you simply asked. Rusty is your right hand man and (bless him) he is always patient and generous when you want to do exactly what he is doing with exactly what he is doing it with (ie. Spiderman, a sword, a soccer ball). Grey is everything you hope to be when  you get big. The way you already idolize him is wild and so much of you reminds me of your biggest brother when he was your age that I often feel like I fell back through time. You have the same mannerisms and interests as Booboo did; it is truly dizzying some days. 

You are just starting to realize that Livy can potentially be a playmate and it is both delightful and hilarious to you. I can't wait to see how the two of you continue to bond as you grow up. So thankful you two littlest ones have each other. You absolutely adore your baby cousin Wells; the way you dote over him and try to include him in you and Rusty's imaginative games has me smiling everyday. 

One thing is for sure though - you are your momma's baby, Red. It's been like that even from the very start, Bubie. You and me trying to figure out how we are going to work through a challenge together. 

there you and I were -  heading into my only c-section of six kids - and in week 3 of the full lockdown of the covid-19 pandemic no less. You came a week early of our due date because of fear of a prolapsed umbilical cord. 

there you and I were - you at 2 weeks old, strapped in the baby carrier in our bedroom as I bounced you back in forth while typing up my 12 page research paper to finish my teacher certification program.

there you and I were - you at 5 months, as I looked at my positive pregnancy test and said in a disbelieving whisper, "but I already have a baby."

 

there you and I were - you at 13 months, getting in some last snuggles as the baby of the family before I headed off to the hospital to have your baby sister.

there you and I are - figuring out how you can be both a baby and a big brother; you are so helpful and patient with me and your baby sister (such a good big brother it is truly astonishing!) but we also figure out how to make sure you get your time in my arms and on my lap and how often and how much you get to be the baby too

there you and I are - working out our own secret language and understanding so that you can communicate even when you aren't ready yet through words. You come over, look me in the eyes, and patiently say, "momma" and then take my hand and lead me to the thing you need help with

there you and I are - squeezed up close in bed together every night because you startle yourself multiple times a night and need comforted to fall back asleep

there you and I are - figuring out how you can be both a big boy and a little brother; you are so independent and capable but we also figure out how to help you understand you aren't big enough to do all the things your big brothers and sisters do (how grateful I am that you have such generous and caring older siblings)

So I'll take this momma's baby phase for as long as it lasts. I love being the one you seek out when you are proud, or unsure, or excited, or worried. I love being your favorite person in the whole wide world. I will always be there for you, even if I'm someday not the first person you are looking toward. I will always be looking towards you, my darling.

Reddy, 
you are such a gift to my life; to my mother's heart.
I love being your best girl in the whole world for now
you are certainly my best babiest boy in the whole world;
my littlest guy
love you forever bubie,
even when you get so big
(and even if I'm not always your best girl in the whole world)
momma.