Stories in the Car: The time Mumma got her arm stuck and her underpants were showing

We have not had a working radio in our truck for about six months.  And this is the main vehicle we drive with our three kids.  This is rather annoying.

However, it does provide a very big opportunity to actually talk and listen to each other that I know we wouldn't be doing if we had the option to listen to music instead.  And, so the best way we have come to pass the time is for us to tell stories to the kids about our real lives when we were young.

The kids absolutely love listening to stories about their parents, our siblings, friends, and their grandparents from before they were born.  Nearly every time a story ends, the kids shout out,' tell it again!'

We don't plan for the stories to come out, they are just whatever odd little bits and pieces we have in our minds right then about days long gone.  Sometimes the stories are of lessons learned, sometimes they are priceless memories of loved ones that we have lost, examples of how blessed we have been to have such wonderful siblings and friends, and sometimes they are just downright silly.

...which is exactly like this one that I told them the other day while we were out running errands.

A long time ago, Mum was just a girl.  Like as old as Daddy's basketball players, and Aunt Kitty was a little bit younger than me.  And it was the day of a dance at our school where the girls got to pick which boy they wanted to take to the dance.  This is called a Sadie Hawkins dance.  So all the girls got to pick any boy we wanted to ask to the dance.

Grey:  I bet I know who you asked, Mum!  (whispering) I bet she says, Daddy, Gem.

That's right!  I asked Daddy because he was the nicest, funniest, and handsomest boy.  And also he was my boyfriend.  And Aunt Kitty had asked Uncle Juice and since Uncle Juice and Daddy were best friends, they decided they were going to come pick us up together.

So Aunt Kitty and I got dressed up fancy and we were so excited for Daddy and Uncle Juice to get there!  We were kneeling on Mumma's old bed and looking out the window staring at the driveway just waiting and waiting because we were just so excited!  Ya know, how you guys do that too; stare out the window for someone to come.

Grey:  Yea, like when Pappy is coming for karate!

Yea, like that.  So we were waiting and waiting and so excited and laughing like this:  "hehehehehhe!" about everything because we just couldn't even stand ourselves.  It was really silly.  And then because we were being so silly and goofy, Mumma's earring fell out and slid down the hole between the bed and the wall.

Gem:  Oh no, Mumma!  You was wearing earrings?
Grey:  Could you get it or was it lost?

Well, I slid my arm down in that space between the bed and wall but you know how its kind of a small space, right?  So I slid my arm down there and was feeling all around and I found it!  I found my earring!  But when I tried to pull my arm out, it was stuck!

Gem:  Mumma!  No!  I don't like this.
Grey:  Did you get it out?
Gem:  This is making me feel very sad.
Grey:  Was it hurting you?

Well at first I kept trying to pull it but my arm was still stuck.  It wasn't hurting too bad, but just a little when I was trying to pull it!  Well, you should have seen Aunt Kitty, she was laughing and laughing.  And since I had on a skirt to be a fancy girl at the dance, my whole underpants were sticking out because I had my arm stuck in that hole and my butt was up trying to pull my arm out!

Grey:  hahah!  Your underpants! hahahhah!
Gem:  Mummmmmmmmma!  Come on!

So Aunt Kitty was still laughing, and I was still stuck, and my underpants were still sticking out and Aunt Kitty kept teasing me that Daddy and Uncle Juice were there!  She kept looking out the window and saying, "Oops!  They're here!"  and then I would say nervous, "Ah!  they are?!" but she'd laugh and laugh and say "No!  Good thing because your underpants are sticking out!"

Gem:  I'm going to be mad at Aunt Kitty.  I don't want her to tease my Mumma!  You're my best mumma!
Grey:  Were Daddy and Uncle Juice really there?
Gem:  Aunt Kitty not nice for teasing my best Mumma!

So finally!  I got my arm unstuck and fixed my skirt and put my earring back in!  And then Daddy and Uncle Juice drove to our house and knocked on the door and Chum said, "Hello boys, what are you doing here?"  And Daddy and Uncle Juice said, "We're here to take the girls to the dance."  And when me and Aunt Kitty came out dressed fancy, Daddy and Uncle Juice said, "Wow, you girls look great!"  And we said, "You guys too!"  And then we went to the dance and laughed and danced and had fun all night!  The End!

Grey:  Can you say that part about Aunt Kitty teasing you about Daddy coming when he really wasn't again?
Gem:  No!  I don't like that part!

Mumma and Kitty circa December 1999

A day in the life of the coach's wife

I'm a Mum, wife, daughter, sister, friend and also a writer, family memory-keeper, volunteer event planner, Sunday school teacher, co-owner of a small business, and in-home chef.

But during the months of November through February, I am predominantly the Coach's wife.

Each morning, Coach and I sneak out of bed without waking up two of our kids who have found their way to us in the middle of the night while it is still dark outside.  He gets ready for work while I start coffee and pack food that will serve as his breakfast, lunch, and pre-practice snack.  A quick kiss and he's out the door for work while I attempt to get things prepared for a long day with three kids under five.

Then its breakfast, home preschool lessons, nursing the baby, breaking up fights over who started being rude first.  It's laundry, and lunch, emails sent for an upcoming event to benefit the high school, and multiple glances at the clock.  Gemma catches sight of a college basketball game on the television as I flip channels to cartoons and she shouts out gleefully, "Let's go Valley!"  Greyson insists I watch him play basketball in his room while I feed the baby as he provides commentary on who he is pretending to be the entire time (Look, Mum, Dante has the ball!  Nice shot, Jake!  Drew from downtown!)  Gemma provides the halftime show as 'the little kids get to play on the court.' Once the baby is burped, I am enlisted to stand in as a 'bad team' (the "Yellow Jackets" or the "Shade") as Grey giggles and calls out his 'friends' names all of whom play on Daddy's team.

Early afternoon sets in and I'm overjoyed to receive a text from Coach that he has a minute to swing by to pick up Grey to go to practice with him.  "Make sure he's ready though, I'm going to be cutting it close" says the text.  Grey is ecstatic and dresses head to toe like the teenage players do and even packs his Spiderman backpack with a change of clothes so he can shower after practice.  He wants so badly to be like those big boys.  'Mum, do I look like a real player?' he asks as Coach swings in the door, swiftly changes into his practice clothes, smacks kisses on his three girls and he and Booboo march out into the cold for practice.  I'm down to two kids!  

I get Gem bathed, feed the baby again, bathe the baby and get in some playtime and snacks with our two sweet, silly girls.  Gemmi gets some much deserved choose-her-own movie on the iPad while I fold clothes and iron Coach's work/game shirts.  Gemmi announces, 'I want my Daddy' before falling to sleep on the couch.  I move her up to her bed and I'm down to one kid.  Violet hangs out with me in the kitchen while I start dinner at 8p so it will be ready by quarter of nine when the boys should be getting home. 

At 9p I wonder where they are and finally call to check at twenty after but it goes to voicemail.  At 9:40p they finally make it home, Grey still wide awake and dinner in the oven staying warm.  A player wanted to stay after to run through some workouts and a parent had called on the way home.  I finish feeding the baby for the last time today and Coach gives her a kiss and puts her to bed himself while stopping in to kiss Gemma while she sleeps soundly.  

Dinner starts at nearly 10pm and even though he knows its late Grey still begs to play basketball before bedtime (we don't but promise to tomorrow).  Once Grey is fed and in bed, Coach and I talk about his work day, practice, and which players are doing well and which are not.  We talk about the team we play tomorrow and who will start and why.  

I sit and listen in complete pride that those teenage boys have my capable, dedicated, and loyal husband as their coach.  I also feel entirely grateful that my husband has those talented, hilarious, inspiring teenagers in his life.  That we have those kids in our life.  

I clean up, Coach takes out the garbage, organizes stuff for work tomorrow, and gives the dogs much needed attention while catching a college basketball game and rewinding it to call out to me, 'Babe, come watch this.'  We both wearily make it up to bed before 11:30p.

And today, we'll do it again, but it's game day - so later tonight, I'll feed the baby right.before.we.go and then I'll get three kids bundled and loaded into the car by myself and drive twenty-five minutes to the gym talking and telling stories so the kids don't fall asleep on the way there.  

I'll remind Gemma that we can't see Daddy until after the game even though he's close enough to call out to, I'll take pictures for the senior day program I'll need to make in a few weeks, I'll sell 50/50 tickets, I'll  allow the kids to buy a vending machine or concession snack (or the equivalent of dinner tonight, oops!).  I'll keep a running tab in my mind at how much longer I have until I have to feed the baby again and double check that I packed my nursing apron in the diaper bag.  

I'll cheer enthusiastically for players who are not my own kids,  I'll be able to guess what Coach tells a player he just pulled from the game, I'll bite my tongue when I hear negative comments about Coach from the fans behind me who don't know who I am, and I'll recognize the clench in Coach's jaw after a bad call and know it will be a point of discussion later tonight when we get home.  

We'll wait in the gym lobby, saying goodbye and 'good game' to all the players as they head out to their cars to go home.  We'll talk to the AD and her kids and joke with the custodial staff and security guards as Greyson and Gemma run circles and Violet starts to get a little fussy as she'll be well ready for bed.  

We will be the very last cars to leave the parking lot, driving separately home for the twenty-five minute ride hoping the kids will fall asleep before we get to the driveway.  And then we'll stay awake chatting about the amazing moments in the game, and the frustrating moments, and whether or not things could have gone differently.  I'll ask about the post-game locker room chat and we'll talk about how things will go at practice tomorrow and who we have next game.  We'll try to get to bed before midnight.

It's our Daddy that gets quoted in the newspaper, and our Daddy who gets congratulated or blamed after wins and losses.  It's our Daddy who proudly wears a blue jacket that has the word 'Coach' embroidered on the sleeve. And our Daddy who rides the bus to games, attends weekend practices on his only days off from his full-time job, and who answers calls from parents, players, and notes from teachers about his players' behaviors in class.  It's our Daddy who stays late after practice to give personal attention to players who ask for it or need it, who shows up late or leaves early from birthday parties, and who's basketball schedule determines where, when, and how we make plans for most of the winter months. 

Our Daddy is the Coach, but it is our entire family who is committed to the Blue Jays.  

And quite honestly, we wouldn't choose to have it any other way.

let's go valley!

The Eleventeen Period

we are currently residing in the Eleventeen Period.

A time where someday we will look back in awe and captivation at how interesting and simpler it will seem through glasses smudged like the camera at the dmv where our teenagers will receive their first driver's licenses.

The Eleventeen Period is full of movement, and voices too loud, and belief in magic.  It will be remembered fiercely for its lack of personal space and the inability to arrive anywhere at the time expected.

It is a period where time itself is suspended.  

• Getting older is circular; you can grow bigger and smaller.  Mommy, when you grow little and I'm big, I'll let you play with my babies.  (Gemma Rose)

• The idea of forever or 'your whole life long' is unfathomable.  But how many years will we need to have bedtime?  Forever.  For your whole life you'll go to sleep at night.  No, Mumma, are you telling a lie?  (Greyson Rudy in a conversation with Mum)

• Distinction between kid and adult exists but no distinction within.  When will you get a baby in your belly, Abba?  (Greyson Rudy to his grandmother)

It is a period where everyone has the potential to be or do anything as well as the next person.

• There are no limitations of fear or embarrassment.  Do you think your Uncle Jonny can sing?  Mum, everyone can sing.  (Greyson Rudy in a conversation with Mum)

• There are no connections to or concerns about societal expectations.  Daddy, you look beautiful like a princess girl.  You need some more lipstick though.  (Gemma Rose while giving her Dad a makeover)

• Where beauty truly lies in the eye of the beholder.  Mumma!  You look so beautiful, i love this dress!  (Gemma Rose when she sees her Mum in a floral robe)

It is a period where there is no place more safe, no people more fun and important than inside our home and with our family.

• There is almost no limit on the vast amount of arbitrary thoughts that absolutely need recounted to loved ones.  Mum, I was looking at that football in the yard and then thinking maybe if someone loved football so much they could stack up footballs and more footballs all the way up to build a football house. Wouldn't that be cool? (Greyson Rudy to Mum while he stared thoughtfully out the window)

• That being away from one another is cause for concern and a need for reassurance.  Will you come back?  Will Bullet come back too?  I'll be so worried.  (Gemma Rose when Mum was taking Bullet to the vet)

• That words and acts of affection are given freely and without restraint.  Dad, I love you so much! (Greyson Rudy to his Dad every day without provocation).  You the best Mummie ever!  (Gemma Rose after receiving a hershey kiss from her Mum after lunch)

The Eleventeen Period will last for what will feel like eons.  Forever we will feel stuck in the days of Eleventeen - wishing for just minutes of time that would allow us a shower, or meals that don't include a defcon five clean-up duty afterwards.

And then one day, our children will count straight to twenty without any mention of eleventeen

...and it will be over.

What happened to eleventeen? we'll ask each other with frantic eyes.  How could eleventeen have slipped out the backdoor without either of us noticing; leaving to never ever return to us.  Did eleventeen enjoy her stay?  Did we do a good job of appreciating and acknowledging her before she vanished before our eyes?

Like most time periods, Eleventeen glistens in gold when you look back on her.  It's the living through her with your head down and heels dug in while you nearly collapse under the weight of the 'did they eat enough real food today?  Will we ever be on time for an appointment?  How many days in a row has he worn those dirty clothes? when you lose sight of Eleventeen's beauty.

It's easier to look back and be grateful than it is to look around and notice the beauty hiding under the legos that were left on the floor or the magic in that moment as a reluctant child finally closes their eyes to sleep while you rub circles on their back.

*****
Dear Eleventeen,
Please, please, please help me see the beauty and magic in the endless questions and the endlessly sticky hands.  Help me recognize the greater need of 'hold you' for a few seconds longer than the need to unload the dishwasher before the dishes pile up in the sink.

Even though I complain and sigh about you so often, I do love you so much Eleventeen.  Please don't go soon.  You are welcome here for as long as you wish to stay.
I appreciate you,
tabitha