The Mom Next Door Series: Stacey R

I am so happy to bring today's Mom Next Door Interview to you from my dear friend Stacey.  Stacey and I met through work where she eventually became my boss (because she's amazing) and was one of the people that helped me transition smoothly and confidently into full time sahmhood.  I was so nervous to tell Stacey that I was leaving work and whether or not she meant to - her words of support, encouragement, and understanding about taking a break from the world of grown ups and move to the land of chaos and children (hah) helped me so much.  (thanks for that Stacey).  

I have always admired Stacey as she is resilient, honest, and a dedicated friend, colleague, and above all Mom to her three kids.  Please take a few minutes to read today about Stacey and be inspired as I always am by her graceful march through all of life's beautiful and unfair moments.

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Who are you? I am a 45 year old, full-time working Mom who lives in Murrieta, CA with three amazing kids and one slightly crazy cat. My oldest daughter is 14 going on 18, my son is 13, and my youngest daughter is 11. Some of the details in the previous sentences may explain why I have no blog, website or anything other than Facebook!

What do you do for work? I work as a Director of Client Program Management for Scantron. I am fortunate to work from my home as a remote employee and travel just often enough to enjoy a night or two in a quiet hotel room. I consider myself very blessed to honestly say I love what I do and the people with whom I work.

How do you unwind ore re-charge?  Being a San Diego native, the beach is definitely my happy place. The sound, smell and sight of the ocean relaxes and rejuvenates me. Spa treatments are good too!

What do you feel like you are really good at as a mom?  I would say one thing I’m good at is keeping a sense of humor – you've got to be able to laugh at yourself and your kids too and enjoy the lighter moments in life.

What do you feel like you wish you were better at being a mom?  I can do a better job teaching and modelling the value of exercise as part of an overall healthy lifestyle. I’m afraid what I’ve taught my children is it’s easier and faster to drive somewhere than to walk somewhere. When I suggest we go for a walk, it might take a few minutes to persuade them to come along just for the exercise and fresh air without needing a particular destination. Regardless, one is a swimmer and one is in martial arts so it’s not too late to change!

Which chore is your least favorite?  Taking out the trash. I used to somewhat joke with my late husband that it is the man’s job to take out the trash. Now, my son fills the much-needed and appreciated job of trashman in our house.

What is the one "Mom Tip or Trick" that you can share that has made your life easier somehow?  Teaching my kiddos age-appropriate levels of independence and self-sufficiency. For example, all three of my children have been packing their own school lunch since they were in Kindergarten or 1st grade. I would make sure we had a variety of healthy and fairly easy items to pack in a lunch, and they would make their own selections. I can’t think of one time when they complained about their lunch because they made it!

What has become (at least for now) your parenting mantra or guiding principle?  Life isn't fair. Some things are beyond our control, not what we expect or want, but it’s often times in our best interest to adjust and keep going. I encourage my children to focus on what is in their control and think about how their behavior or attitude affects a situation. 

  

Who are the moms you look up to?
1. My neighbor, Amy, who is about to have her seventh child. I don’t know how she does it all.
2. My friend, Jen, who willingly chose single motherhood. I didn't sign up to be a single mom, but she did, and I admire her for that.
3. My friend, Vanessa, who has adopted two beautiful children when she and her husband struggled with fertility. From her stories, I’ve learned that strangers can inadvertently be rude or even cruel to adoptive parents, but she has a relaxed demeanor, not letting others’ comments get to her.

What are the small joys of being a Mom that you treasure most right now?  I really treasure the one-on-one time I have with each child. Sometimes these opportunities come in small increments of time, but whether it’s a few minutes or a few hours, I love having time to talk and connect with each child individually. One piece of advice I remember being given early on in motherhood was to foster an environment where your children want to talk with you because they know you will really listen. Start this when they are young and it’s more natural for them to talk about ALL kinds of things, and it will continue through the teen years when you want them to talk with you most.

the spookiest kids of all

So, first things first - I have sat down to work on this post multiple times and one of my little someones has inevitably needed me at that.precise.moment for some dire need (ie. getting them a napkin and cleaning up the blueberry muffin they smashed into the floor...) Perhaps if I could just get nursing completely hands free - that would really up my posting - but alas, I just cannot figure that one out.  

In any case, we are doing well over here - moving towards the end of the rotten first eight weeks of newborn land (only two weeks to go!) and we are getting into a somewhat groove of a party of five.  And to kick off our new family status - we got to celebrate the spookiest holiday of the year.  

In the beginning of the month, the kids brought home pumpkins after enjoying hayrides, corn mazes, and pumpkin patches with their grandparents (thank you!) So, no pumpkin patch for us this year (oops!) but we did carve out some time (heh; cheesy pun) for some jack-o-lantern fun - pumpkin guts and all. 

We prefer to minimize mess by having the kids carve pumpkins topless - HAH.  Efficient Mum or Lazy Mum...it's such a thin rope to walk.    

After a few weeks of admiring his giant pumpkin which Greyson named "Big Jack," he was eager to carve out the same face in this year's favorite Halloween book:  The Spookiest Jack-o'-Lantern Ever!.  Brandon helped him, but he got to do some real life carving himself this year and was so proud.  Big Jack was the piece de resistance to our porch Halloween decor this year!

We also held our annual kid Halloween party at our house - it was our third annual this year!  I made a little paper chain countdown for the kids at the start of the week and by Friday morning when throwing the last chain in the garbage at 7am, I spent the rest of the day attempting to explain how time works and that our party did not start until dinner.  It was a long day.  

But f.i.n.a.l.l.y. Grey, Gem, and Violet donned their costumes; a skeleton, ghost, and ladybug respectively, and our friends arrived! It was  low key year, which was perfect but we were lucky to get to jump in leaves this year as it has been our first year with both enough daylight and warmth to go outside.

We played Pin the Heart on the Skeleton, iced cupcakes, played Flashlight Freeze Dance, and ate tons of pizza and cheetos (as per usual).  This year was so fun because the kids were all at the age where they didn't even really want any parental-led activities.  So we all sat around the dining room table chatting while they ran around the house and screamed like wild things.

Little Miss Violet slept the entire party and then woke up at the end to eat and start her own party.  Brandon, Lettie, and I spent our Friday night snuggling on the couch while the two bigger kids fell asleep early from all the playing and cheeto consumption.

Keeping with tradition, we headed to my parents' house for trick-or-treat night and had so much fun.  Grey was out-of-his-mind excited to visit each house and Gem was thrilled to get her hands on copious amounts of sugar - especially gum.  Good Lord, that girl and gum.

Violet was slightly less than thrilled - HAH - and she hung back with my parents to hand out treats to other kids.  B, Uch, and I walked through the neighborhood with our two little goblins laughing about how excited they were and also at what a bizarre national tradition this is - going door to door to get goodies.  It's hilarious and amazing. 

Brandon and I dressed up in whatever we could throw together before loading up three overly excited kids into the truck to head to my parents.  So, we spent the evening dressed as a Hunter and Fortune Teller.  Again, overly efficient or lazy...it's just such a hard call.

After just enough trick-or-treating to please them but keep them (mostly) walking on their own two feet- we headed back to my parents' house to devour 98% of the candy within a 30 minute timeframe.  Hey, whatever, man - it's a holiday.

The very next evening, we stopped to visit with Mimi and unbeknownst to us - it was trick-or-treating in her neighborhood.  So, the ever creative - Mimi whipped up some facepaint from her make-up and the kids hit the streets again, this time with their cousin, to score more bags of chocolate and sugar.  It was like the best two days ever.

We also tried to sprinkle in some kindness to our holiday.  We painted Teal Pumpkins to leave at Abba's house to let the trick-or-treaters that we had non-food options for treats (spooky tattoos). And we "Reverse Trick-or-Treated" to our neighbors, meaning we dropped off treat bags of candy and a Halloween craft that we made to them.

I am sufficiently Halloween'ed out this year and I'm joyfully moving on to my second favorite holiday of the year!  Although we do have a tiny hiccup that we haven't yet smoothed out...As the kids were helping me put Halloween decorations away, Grey told me that we forgot to put Big Jack in the box for the attic.  I explained that Big Jack couldn't get packed up for next year but that we'd find a good place for him in the woods and he will be food for the deer and other animals.  Then...

Grey (sobbing):  I don't want to put Big Jack in the woods!  I love him.
Mum:  I know Buddy, but pumpkins get rotten after awhile - we can't keep him, he will fall apart.
Grey (more sobbing):  I don't think the animals will eat him!  He's too scary, Mum!  They'll be too afraid of him.
Mum:  He is pretty spooky, but I think the animals will be brave.
Grey:  (continued sobbing):  I need your phone, I want to take his picture first.  I need to say goodbye to Big Jack.  He's my friend

After Grey hugged, patted, whispered to, and used my phone as a camera - he finally came back in and announced that he was in fact not getting rid of Big Jack and he's going to tell Daddy that too.  Big Jack continues to sit on our porch slowly rotting away looking ever more creepy as days pass.

Also, my camera roll looked like this:

the Mom Next Door Series: Erin S

Our Mom Next Door interview today comes from Erin S of Ohio, a mumma to her one year old and a full time working therapist to kids and teenagers.  Erin and I have been friends since meeting our freshman year of college at Susquehanna.  We spent a lot of time together, as we had so much in common; volleyball players, Spanish majors, and even studying abroad in Costa Rica at the same time.

Erin has always inspired me and she continues to do so by her passion for what she does and her dedication to her son.  I am so glad to include her candid voice in our series as she talks about the struggles all Moms experience but don't always admit; like pumping in the work place, worrying about the right time to expand your family, and making time for your spouse.

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Who are you? I'm Erin, a 31-year-old working mama living in Northeast Ohio.

Who is in your family? I live with my husband, Justin, our just-turned-1 year old (literally, yesterday!!) son, Owen, and our two dogs, Renny Grace and Hammer Time (middle names only used when in trouble or when M.C. Hammer is stuck in our heads).

What do you do for work? I work full-time as a therapist (soon to be licensed psychologist). I do individual and group therapy with kids and teenagers struggling with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and family issues.

Which chore is your least favorite? As a full-time working, breastfeeding mama, I'd have to say pumping. Pumping stinks! It's inconvenient, noisy, and uncomfortable. I've also had coworkers knock on the door while I'm pumping AND even try to unlock the door not realizing I was in there!! Embarrassing! It's worth it since it benefits Owen, but I'm looking forward to the weaning process to at least lower the amount of pumping at work!

What would your pre-mom self be surprised to know about motherhood? My pre-mom self would be surprised that I wasted SO.MUCH.TIME. before becoming a mom. I surely had time to finish his nursery (which still needs curtains) before he was born. My house could have been cleaner, I could have exercised more, etc. If my pre-mom self operated on the same waking hours as my mom-self and took advantage of spare moments as often, I would've surely solved all the world's problems. Alas, now, I have an Owen to take care of...sorry, world!

How do you unwind or re-charge? It's officially football season again, so Steelers games are a big way for me to unwind. I'll also have the occasional glass of wine or beer, watching my recorded TV shows, and reading. Two things I'm loving lately: 1) Downton Abbey (no spoilers please!) - just started watching on Amazon Prime, and Justin and I are hooked! 2) Tina Fey's book, Bossypants. I couldn't stop laughing! For a good read on the "To expand your family/To not expand your family debate" read this book! As for re-charging, I try to plan trips back to Central PA (where our families are from) and/or to see friends to reconnect. I always feel recharged when I connect with "my people."  In an ideal world, I'd also carve out time for date nights with Justin, exercise (or at least family walks with the dogs), and crafting. 

What do you feel like you are really good at as a mom? Honestly, no matter how stressful the day has been at work or how worried I am about a medical procedure or shot Owen has to get, I feel that I'm pretty good at being consistently, unconditionally attuned when I'm interacting with Owen. I'm not perfect at it, but I feel like I don't let my stressors affect how I talk to and play with him.

Who are the moms you look up to? My mom is especially inspiring to me because she worked full time and maintained a strong connection with her kids. She taught me that it's possible to be a dedicated and good mother and still have a career. Her work--life balance was especially impressive when my dad moved out when I was 13, and my mother became a single parent to my brother and I (and put us both through college!!) - all without a partner! I can't imagine parenting without Justin. My mom rocks.

What was the most difficult Mom moment you've had (so far)? Owen was hospitalized once after an ER visit to rule-out possible seizures, which ended up not being seizures (yay!). The process of finding out they weren't seizures was so nerve-wracking. He had multiple procedures that were very difficult to watch in a very short span of time, and only one parent was allowed in the room each time (I wasn't going anywhere; and, luckily, Justin preferred being out of the room). Watching him cry in pain, discomfort, and fear was the most heart-wrenching experience I have had to date as a mother.

What keeps you up at night? Family planning. My husband and I both appreciated (and still appreciate) having siblings growing up, but figuring out the financial, spatial (we live in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom home), and timing issues is difficult. I also feel like that clock is a-tickin' in terms of my age, so balancing all of those considerations weigh on my overly analytical, anxious mind quite a bit. 

I also worry about the time I spend away from Owen due to work. I love my job, but wish I could work a 20-30 hour work week to have more time with him, especially now when he's so little. This worry has affected the number of dates Justin and I have gone on since Owen was born (drumroll please....). We have gone out only 2 times in the last 12 months! I just feel so bad not spending every.minute.I.can. with Owen during the hours we're home with him. He'll only be little so long...

What are the small joys of being a Mom that you treasure most right now? Oh, so many things. The feeling of his hand on my cheek. The smile of recognition when I walk into the daycare to pick him up. The times when he really wants his "mama" over anyone else. The nights nursing him to sleep. Watching him learn new things! He's picking up some sign language recently and he uses brushes and combs to "comb" his hair and my hair sometimes. There are just so many little moments to catch and enjoy. I love being his mama.