Spanish teacher in a small town

When I was a little girl, one of my favorite ways to pass time was to play teacher. My parents put a huge chalkboard in our playroom and we had an old fashioned student desk in there too. I would spend hours instructing my younger sisters, or make believe students on any kind of topics that popped into my head. Brandon is wary to hear if I've visited Staples, Michaels, or the Bookstore (the kids also know that 'Momma cannot be trusted in these stores). I get deliriously happy when I get new sharpies or post-its and if there were a fire, my planners are the thing I would grab from my classroom. (I have a daily planner for my regular life and a teacher planner for school life).

After graduating undergrad with a degree in Spanish, I taught English as a Second Language in Brooklyn, NY with Teach for America. My students were all different colors, from all different backgrounds; about 70% spoke Spanish as the primary language at home, and in grades K-4. Many of them were the translators for their parents; it wasn't just about doing well in their classes - their family was relying on them to be the bridge to a better life. I worked with students in small groups in my classroom giving them tools and patterns to recognize between Spanish and English. I pushed into classes full of kids and assisted general ed teachers on how to make it more accessible to language learners. I went home regularly with a heavy heart to know that my encouragement to kids about the importance to work hard in school was sometimes background noise to the loud sounds of their bigger issues at home. How can I explain to a second grader that he "really needs to learn how to read" when he hasn't eaten since his last school lunch?

Teach for America and teaching in Brooklyn was one of the things that most changed me on the timeline of my entire life. Working with my kids (still in contact with some of them) and learning first hand about the challenges that students face in their attempts at education - right here in our country! -have and will forever shape my beliefs and dreams about childhood and education and freedom. I truly believe that education is the answer to so many issues but that also education is so multi-faceted that to fix the system; you have to fix so many other busted and twisted pieces of the puzzle.

I care about your kids' education and that kid's who lives in the poorest part of our town's education, and that kid's who lives in the sticks in that middle state, and the kid's who lives at the southern border - because every single one of the kids are going to grow up to be an adult who lives in and votes and works and makes decisions in our country. If we want a safe, smart, incredible country - we should be educating kids no matter where they live and no matter how much money their parents make with the very best resources, teachers, and schools. full stop.

After teaching in Brooklyn, I went to the other side of education - testing/assessments and teacher training. Then I raised my own babies for awhile and now; by the ways of the universe, I am back in the classroom again.

I teach now in the (near polar) opposite setting of my classroom experience in Brooklyn. I am now a teacher in a very small (mostly white) town in rural Pennsylvania teaching Spanish to English speakers in high school. In every period of the day, I am usually the shortest person in the room and my kids still have struggles that keep me awake at night. Many of them are the same; hunger, healthcare, addicted parents - and then with the added bonus of hormones, boyfriends/girlfriends, and having after-school jobs.   And it's a different time, truly, only 10 years later - there is a new frontier of competing with the blue screen draw of cell phones and social media to contend with.

In a time where high stakes testing holds all the power (don't even get me started down that road!), and Math, Science, and ELA at the top of that concern - what importance does my subject as a foreign language teacher really have in today's world, right?

Well, you have come to the right place, because I take very seriously my responsibility as a foreign language teacher in a small town.

With the internet and access to all the world - you'd think that it would allow people to learn about new things, however it has instead allowed people to create strange bubbles around themselves that only include information that they already know and enjoy. In some cases this can be incredibly uplifting and supportive - for me, to be able to learn from and converse with other Spanish teachers for example. I am part of this strange little online community of other Spanish teachers who are teaching through comprehensible input and novels and Señor Wooly, which has allowed me to grow so much in the past three years in my practice.

But it can also mean that you can stay only within a strictly framed viewpoint that you already understand and agree with. The internet is tricky like that, right? It recognizes that you liked a video of a cat playing with a duck and suddenly you have ads for cat food and DIY duck coops popping up in your sidebars. My students have been living in that targeted cyber world since they became digital citizens - which could have been when they were in elementary school.  

I view my job as not only a responsibility to teach kids verb tenses and Spanish vocabulary for family members and clothing, but more so to offer a window into a new perspective. We listen to Spanish music and learn basic Merengue and Salsa dance steps. We celebrate Hispanic holidays to learn about how and why they celebrate and how we can make it special in our own way (more than just a day to have a 'fiesta'). We talk about how there are phrases that make so much sense in only one particular language; how that makes language so incredible and each one important. We try making and eating new foods and sharing them with classmates. We learn about the weather, geography, and customs of other countries and then talk about how odd our own customs might be to someone who didn't grow up here (I tell them how I struggled to explain Groundhog's Day to my host family in Costa Rica). We learn about the struggles of the past and current events around the world and many times the response from students is, "how didn't I hear about this?" 

My job is one part "did they learn the words and conjugations" and one part "are they getting opportunities to understand that the world is big and interesting and different but also there are commonalities between our differences." I want it to be fun and interesting and surprising because that is how you encourage the mind to ask questions and be curious and keep looking for new ways to understand the world and people around you. 

I am still growing and learning in my teaching too. I have a big dreams about taking students abroad in the summer of 2021 and I have just the group of Spanish club officers that will hold me accountable to making that happen! (thank you Olivia, Sarah, Jamie, Ryan, and Drew!)

And I don't think that my responsibility to children as a foreign language teacher is more important or valuable than other subjects. 

That's the thing - each subject, even if not tested, holds just as much weight and importance as any other. 

You amazing arts teachers giving kids tools to express themselves and introducing them to the brilliant artists and styles of the past, giving the opportunity to use their hands and voices to make something new for the world.

You fun and active gym teachers who give these kids (who are asked to sit in desks and be quiet all day) the opportunity to move and be competitive, who remind them that they can play no matter how grown they might think they are

You awesome English teachers who give kids books with characters who look, think, and worry like our own kids - who open up the whole world by giving the tools to have their voices heard in writing - I love you for that. 

You fantastic Math teachers who teach our kids to speak the universal language of numbers, who show kids that there is a solution to problems and all things can connect and make sense if you have the right tools and methods

and you creative Science teachers who let our kids experiment and make mistakes on purpose so they can try again until they get it right, how much of that bleeds into every little piece of living

and the elementary school teachers - BLESS YOU - who teach our kids to read and spell and use scissors and stand in a line and raise their hands. do you know how incredible the ability to go from learning to read to reading to learn is?! you are literal superheroes

and you preschool teachers, you potty training, coloring, mini science experimenting, teaching to share, making snacks, snuggling and hugging magical wizards, your patience and kindness comes from another planet. 

and the coaches who are teaching kids dedication, perseverance, collaboration, and hope

and the guidance counselors who are holding hands through each new next phase and stage 

and the social workers who listen and support and show up for our kids and the problems they are too young to carry

and the aids and paraprofessionals who build relationships with our kids that help them succeed

I don't know that anyone could convince me that there is more important work than that of working with, raising up, and supporting kids. This responsibility that we; teachers, coaches, school leaders, parents; all share is literally the tending to the future.  

I am grateful to each of you that is doing the hard work everyday of being the person that you needed when you were growing up. What you do for a young person today, matters for all of us tomorrow. 

just half more of summer before we are back at it, fellow teacher friends.

I am already cheering you on. 

i love you. 

A day in the life - July 2019

A photo every hour from Monday, July 8, 2019. Just a day in my life that was extraordinarily ordinary. Some days are better, some days are harder - but most days are about like this; little moments of wonderful, lots of moments that require patience, and many tiny regular moments that all together make up my life right now.

around 5:45am, after making Brandon's lunch for work and kissing him goodbye. I get to sit down at the dining room table and plan, brainstorm, and track in my planner. I started tracking on my monthly calendar pages various goals that I have for myself (like water intake, outdoor hours, step count, etc) about a year ago and I have loved being able to hold myself accountable each day and month; it is motivating and inspiring to me. I blogged, checked email, and added things to an online cart for camping items I am fantasizing about (not buying, just adding and thinking about them, hah).

Around 6:40a, I went down to let the chickens out of the coop who had been clucking and crowing at me. I refilled their feeder and carried up their water container because it is empty after a few days. Every morning as I'm walking to the coop, I say to them, "Good morning, girls!" They love being free range and I love looking out the windows all day and seeing them waddle about the yard.

Around 7:30a, Grey was up first this morning, and uncharacteristically early because after our long weekend I made everyone go to bed last night at a decent time. I was just finishing up my blog post and I showed him what we were doing this time last year and the years before that. He knows I "write a blog" but he still doesn't get what that means. Someday I hope he and his sibs float back here and are grateful to find their mother's words and perspective from when they were growing up. 

Around 8:50a, as I am recovering from the past holiday and weekend of not tracking macros on Keto and I find that I am pretty hungry. There will be no intermittent fasting today! (hah). I made an egg, ham, and muenster sandwich on a Keto bagel with a little bit of mayo. The kids have already eaten pb&j toast, so while I eat, I start on the last chapter of my Book Love Foundation summer club book for this week - We Got This by Cornelius Minor.

Around 9:45a, I have the kids do some chores because the house is a wreck from all the camping this weekend - sheesh! the laundry! Three kids split the dishwasher (Rust gets silverware duty) and Grey chose cleaning the downstairs bathroom over the dishwasher. I still have to hand wash the roaster pan from the family reunion, the thermos from camping, and the crockpot from last night's beef roast.  

Around 10:30a, I go collect the chicken eggs because the girls need a little time in the morning to get their egg laying done. We hadn't collected over the weekend while at camp, so we had 15 eggs that I carried up in my shirt. We keep our eggs out at room temperature until we have about 2-3 dozen of eggs to wash. Once they are washed, then they go in the fridge.

 Around 11:35a, we make it to the Jim Mayer Trail for a walk with the dogs. I was feeling really guilty about the pups being stuck in the house all weekend while we camped - so my guilt motivated the ambition to take both dogs (nearly 100 lbs each) and all four kids to the trail by myself. It was an overcast day, so my fingers were crossed that it wouldn't be crowded (Bullet does not do well with strangers) and my wishing paid off - we only saw a handful of people biking/walking! The kids walked, picked up millipedes, made walking sticks, and splashed in a few run offs along the trail.  Bullet even got to swim in the river which made him the happiest boy ever. Good job, guilty brain!

Around 12:50p, we made it back to Sheila after our walk and everyone was ready for a snack. One of the most important things I've learned in my nine years of motherhood is that any event or activity will fall all the way to hell if you do not have snacks. Literally, it is the key component to success: must have snacks. The kids had veggies straws, chocolate chip cookies, and juice bags.

Around 1:20p, it's time for real food and the kids had lunchmeat sandwiches and yogurt at the kitchen table. They were being really silly and giggly and it was kind of making me nuts actually because Rusty is making messes and they are laughing about it. I ate a cheese stick, salt & vinegar Blue Diamond almonds, and half of a 85% chocolate mini bar - also drank a big bottle and half of water.

Around 2:45p, time to use the leftover coffee in the pot for afternoon iced coffee (I love this daily tradition so much). I had a ton of laundry to continue to switch in the washer/dryer and/or fold. The big kids were watching Hunter Street downstairs on tv and the little kids were cutting up craft paper in the girls' room and drawing.

Around 3:45p, I made the kids get into the garden with me to do some (much needed!) weeding. Everyone got a plant (or a row) that they are responsible to weed before they can be done. It was sunny but not too hot, just muggy. We have tomatoes, brussel sprouts, and zucchini growing...and maybe a few bean plants survived (?) B was home by now and headed down to the garage to change the oil in both vehicles and the tractor. 

Around 4:40p, I tried to teach Rust (again) to use the peddles on his bike. It is frustrating for both of us. He can do the rotation about twice before jarring back on the brakes. I want to have more patience but I'm bent in half moving his feet around singing "around and around and around we go!" like a psychopath.

Around 5:50p, the kids were jumping on the trampoline and I got to finish We Got This. B had come up to see if I will come down and hang out in the garage while he changes the oil...I do sit for a few minutes with him while he's under the truck with oil all over his arms and hands, but I start thinking about the laundry that I could be doing, and the dinner that needs made, and then Rustman needs a drink anyway, so - love you, babe, but bye.

Around 6:30p, I put in dinner for the kids which consists of all the leftovers from this weekend's family reunion. I put the mac&cheese into muffin bites in hopes that it would inspire them to eat more because we have a huge tupperware still left over (update: it didn't inspire them). And we have left over chicken nuggets that I put into wraps for them with shredded cheese and Ranch. 

Around 7:45p, the kids were driving me bonkers. It's too much silliness and then I found an empty juice bag in the couch cushions and I start yelling. Literal garbage is laying in our house and they keep walking by it!?!?! It's becomes a whole thing. I send Gemma to her room for giggling too much (most amazing mom ever) and give Grey a whole lecture on how if he wants to be treated like a big kid, he needs to act like one. Rust has to take the juice bag to the garbage because I know it was him (lol!) and Violet gets reminded that she needs to stop whining because she ain't no baby child - you are almost five! Ugh, I get to the end of all of my mom lectures before I realize I'm probably an insane person and I tell them they are not allowed to watch tv until they put together a 100 piece puzzle of Chewbaca.

Around 8:45p, after helping the kids finish the puzzle, B and I sat down to dinner while the kids watch more Hunter Street. We had baked garlic & Parmesan salmon with asparagus and it was amazing. The Smirnoff sparkling seltzer helped too. hah. We got to talk about our days, and work, and what's coming up in the week, and I got him updated with all the new possible camping supplies I added to the online cart today.

Around 9:30p, after putting Violet to bed, I found Rustman asleep snuggled up to Gem on the couch. She and Grey are "sleeping downstairs tonight!" and I carried Rusty upstairs to his own bed and then I laid down next to Gem on the couch for a little and then sat next to Grey and try to understand this weird show and asked questions to which he answered, "Mum, it's like kind of hard to explain this is like the third season and you missed too much." B finally came in from his oil change marathon.

Around 10:45p, after turning on the dishwasher, and switching the last laundry load, and washing my face and moisturizer, and kissing everyone goodnight - I snuck to our bed to read some of Miles Morales Spiderman by Jason Reynolds before B came to bed. Truthfully, I made it one paragraph until my head bobbed and I hit my face off the page.

Not very fancy, but it's exactly right parts boring, wonderful, challenging, and simple that make this one precious life extraordinary.

Keto: Month 1

So...we are doing Keto. Hah. That's so annoying and I hate being all like, "oh, sorry, can't eat that - we are eating Keto." but this where we've come and this is who we are. hah.

Brandon and I started eating Keto on June 1 and we committed to try it for a month, just to try to reset our eating and food choices. This is not a new thing, we do weird stuff for short periods of time because we're weird and we like challenges.

Prep:  So we set a one month goal of Keto and went for it. I did most of the research - reading up on blogs, following Keto instagram accounts, watching youtube videos, and pinteresting recipes. But it was so helpful to have B totally supportive and doing it with me. We use the app Carb Manager to track our food (it's free!) and it keeps track of all of our macros which I think is the biggest reason we didn't get the "keto flu." We were really serious about sticking to the Keto macros of 70% fat, 25% protein, and 5% net carbs from our caloric intake each day. We also drink tons of water - at least 48-56oz a day which I think helped us.

Initial thoughts: The first two days were strange - we were pretty hangry and our brains felt a little off (kind of like buzzed from alcohol) and then by the end of day three we started to feel good - great even. It helped too that I had already bought food that was Keto approved and we had it on hand. These foods really came in handy those first 2-3 days when our body was trying to adjust: avocado, cheese sticks, eggs, lunchmeat & cheese, and almonds.

Trying new things: Once we were in Ketosis, we started to expand our menu options. I learned about fat bombs and now we always have a batch in the freezer (great for the end of the day when you need a little boost for your macros - or the perfect mid-afternoon energy boost). We made Keto bagels, tried Bulletproof coffee and La Croix/Bubly. Brandon became a master at making zoodles (zucchini noodles), we fell in love with cauliflower rice, and we made tortillas out of fried cheese (mind blown forever).

What I missed: the only thing I was missing during the month was being able to just eat something that was already there. And this is coming from a huge bread and chocolate lover! (I still eat chocolate, just 85% dark chocolate). It is pretty annoying to have to actually MAKE something to eat; you can't just eat whatever is sitting there already. But I don't miss bread, I don't miss fruits (!), I don't miss potato chips - nothing. I just miss not having to do work for food (hahhahha).

The truth: Towards the end of the month, I started feeling a little anxious about going back to eating "normal" again. This month of Keto has literally felt liberating. I cannot begin to explain how much of a prisoner I felt like to food before this. I know that sounds really extreme, but truthfully I felt so hungry all.the.time. I could not get satisfied; I would eat breakfast and then a half hour later I would find myself needing a snack. My portion sizes were out of control because I constantly felt famished and then I was speaking terribly to myself in my mind - but I was so hungry! On top of the hungry I was so sluggish. I didn't have energy or motivation to do much of anything - certainly not exercise, but even tackle a big chore/task. I really didn't feel like that sparkling ball of Tab in my soul; I was so tired and so hungry and so hatefully unmotivated. How long had I been feeling like that? 10 years? my whole adult life?!

And on Keto, I am satisfied. I don't know - I cannot explain this and I am no nutritionist or doctor at all. But I don't have that hungry-sluggish feeling AT ALL. It is nothing now to have a coffee in the morning and feel great until noon when I have a proper brunch. And it tastes so good and I can feel the energy rising up in my body and then I'm good to go until a late afternoon snack. It is honest to goodness freedom. I feel awake and energized and satisfied. Any weight that has been lost is NOTHING in comparison to the freedom of not being hungry and tired all the time. It's the reason I am still doing it now, I don't want to feel like that again. The taste of carbs could not offset that crummy, bloated, exhaustion state.

So what happened? In customary male vs female weight loss; B lost about double the weight that I did. He lost a total of 15 lbs in the month and I lost 8 lbs. Despite the minimal weight loss that I had, I definitely like the person that is in my mirror reflection better now. I also had a lot of non-scale victories in this month; I fit into summer pants that I couldn't when I bought them last year, and I purchased the pair of shorts that came in my Stitch Fix and wore them!!! (big deal bc I haven't worn shorts in public for about 10 years). We didn't do any actual measurements of our body but I did take pictures the first of the months and you can see small changes.

If I'm being honest, it was about the weight at the start of this. I didn't like the girl that was looking back at me in the mirror and knew I needed a change. But now after getting this feeling of freedom from food, the weight just feels like a bonus to actually feeling better. Like my real self can shine through because the fog of hunger and exhaustion isn't blocking the way all the time. I'm still tired at the end of the day and fall into bed with desperate relief - hello, mother of four - but it's a tired that comes from getting stuff done all day and spending time with the kids playing and exploring; actually participating in life!!

Again, I AM NOT A NUTRITIONIST, I'm not even close to an expert on Keto, but this has worked so far for me. I still have a long way to go; I daydream about the day that my 1month 'after' photos will be my 'before' photos - but it takes baby steps...small good choices each day; each meal! As much as the weight coming off feels good - the being awake and energized is more valuable to me; as a mum, wife, and me as my own person. I want to feel like I have the energy and stamina to participate in this one, great, beautiful life. And Keto has helped me.