What do you drop?

Sometimes people will comment to me, "How do you have enough time to do that?" The 'that'referring to any number of things:  blogging, writing, family yearbook making, teaching CCD, The Hunting Daddies, volunteering, etc.  However they mean to say it, it generally comes off feeling like they seem to think I have more time than them.  And although I'm supremely blessed to be a sahm, that doesn't mean I don't tend to go overboard on jampacking my own plate.  Efficiency is an obsession of mine and I could probably use counseling but c'est la vie, right?

There are ways that I've tried to combat the overwhelming feeling that comes with juggling so many balls at once and keep me focused on getting as much in as possible without going a little nutty: 

• Things like instituting a chores schedule (Mondays: our laundry washing/drying and vacuuming & dusting upstairs; Tuesdays: folding & ironing, ebanking, etc).  
• I have a planner that is filled weekly and daily with tasks that I need to do or at least start to think about to make sure no aspect of the juggling acts swings too far out of control.  "Add money to Greyson's lunch account online," and "Plan upcoming weekend trip to SU for 10 year reunion"
• I am faithful to Monthly Meal Planning and doing only one big grocery trip a month (filled in with small trips for bread/milk/produce as needed).  
• We don't have any 'shows' and rarely watch any grown up tv, with the exception of AMC on Sundays at 9pm, of course.  
• I force my tired behind out of bed before anyone else is awake in the morning for at least a half hour to an hour and a half to get the day started without little hands pulling at me.  

..and yet.

There is a running list of things that ideally I'd like to accomplish each day.  Things that fit into certain criteria.  The house chores that are assigned for that day as per my weekly schedule: laundry, folding, ironing, vacuuming...  Then there's the food:  preparing, making, cleaning up.  The kid related stuff; reading books, playing games, teachable moments, hygiene...The adult necessities: bills, scheduling appointments, returning emails/calls, groceries...My own personal stuff: blogging, writing, volunteer projects, exercise, reading...

and however it might appear out there in the world
try as I might, I just cannot seem to get it all in.
ever.
not any day.
EVER.
something gets dropped because the hours in the day (or my energy) run out.

There are definitely things that I am more willing to readjust or drop all together when I inevitably need to make changes to the day's plans.

Nine times out of ten, it's my own personal agenda that gets prioritized and resorted (or dumped off the list all together).  For example, in August, I put an effort into getting the jogged miles in for both my and Bullet's benefit.  We got out on the trails behind our house and we did it!  We made it to our goal of 30+ miles in the month of August.  Which meant that the time I put in there replaced the time I have to put into something else on the list; ahem, blogging/writing which I did nearly zilch for last month.

I also put a big push into finishing our 2014 family yearbook in the last two weeks (I did it!! It's done!! only eight months later!  97 pages and filled with all of our adventures and favorite pictures! But it's done and ordered, thank goodness!!)  Which means I slowed down on the jogging toward the end of the month and continued my poor output on the blogging/writing.

I'm always trying to figure out ways to squeeze the most life out of my days, and this fall season will be no exception.  I'm hoping to do loads more writing - both on the blog and for my novel - and with the yearbook wrapped up and one kid in school (!!) that might be possible without dropping something else.  But as history shows itself, the hours in the day don't generally line up with the ambitions I set up in my mind.

I sometimes look at the women in my life and think, how is their house always so clean?  How do they do so many awesome projects with their kids?  How do they fit such great exercise and healthy eating into their life? How?  How do other people have it seemingly all together?

Every time I catch myself thinking enviously, I'm trying very hard to remember that 'She' is probably just like me, at the end of the night, laying in the bed and grumbling about all those tasks still left on her list that didn't get done today.  That she, like me, is probably trying to weigh the day overall:  "Well, I didn't get in any decent exercise, but I did read that extra book to the kids and we had a good laugh about it and also I finally cleaned the oven...so that balances out, right?"

Are we doing the same thing each night?
If yes, hi.  you're not alone.
Maybe tonight as we tally and count the day's productivity we can both try to remember that if we're doing our best with what the day throws at us and our kids got hugged and giggled a little today, then we're doing pretty damn good.

xxoxo

12 Months of Kindness Mid-Year update

Kindness and giving back is fundamental to our family and one of the ways that we try to keep that in the forefront of our minds and hearts is to commit to a task of kindness, (at least) once for each month of the year.  The important piece about 12 Months of Kindness is making sure that you plan out and/or track  your efforts each month.  Otherwise (as we've found in the past), it's easy to forget about your dedication by the end of the year...because you know, life.

Here is where we stand now at the mid-year point in our 12 Months of Kindness commitment.  First quarter of the year update.

January - it took us until March (!) for Violet and I to finish up our January kindness when we headed east to visit a high school friend who had recently had her first baby (hi Renee and Ava!) to visit for a little while and drop off dinner and dessert.  It was a great visit and I loved catching up and talking about all things newborn and new momma.

April - the kids and I put together a special care package to send all the way to the Democratic Republic of Congo to Raph, our WorldVision sponsor kid.  The kids worked hard on drawing colorful pictures and letters for him and we stuff that envelope full of pencils, erasers, toothbrushes, colored pencils, and stickers.

May - Gemma accompanied me to the Conemaugh Valley Senior banquet in May to award our family scholarship to two deserving twelfth graders.  We have students complete an essay explaining the positive impact they believe they've had while attending Valley and we've selected scholarship recipients for the last seven years! This year, Brandon and I selected Kaitlynn and Becca.  Our scholarship is one of my favorite kindness tasks and I so appreciate getting a peek into the lives of young people into our community and all the good that they do!

June - I led the efforts with the amazing help of the Conemaugh Valley Alumni Association to put on the second annual 5K and family fun run/walk in June.  This year we had a blue and white theme and a scavenger hunt for the family portion.  The 5K begins early in the morning, followed later by the family fun run/walk scavenger hunt.  We had several 5K runners even return to walk the trail again with their families.  As always, this event reminds me how lucky I am to have supportive people in my life ready to help and volunteer wherever they are needed.  This CV community has something very special and this event was another reminder of that.

If you're seeking some inspiration, check out my Kindness Pinboard here, or the 12 Months of Kindness Pinboard here that I collaborate on with Ashley from The Big White Farmhouse.

There are also amazing opportunities in your own local community if you keep you eyes and ears open for it.  I recently joined the Family Service Group - Johnstown, PA (thank you, Megan!) in which projects and ideas are presented each month that are geared specifically towards families with kids.  This month we are saying thank you to our local heroes (firemen, police departments, EMS teams, etc).

Also, you can check out:
12 Months of Kindness 2015 intro post
#12mokp (on instagram)

the end of the bubble era

this one's for all the mommas who are sending their first baby to school this year.

---
Grey got a letter in the mail yesterday.  It had his name neatly printed on the front in green marker and was decorated with stickers.  As I flipped it over to open it for him, my heart jumped to see a long, rectangular sticker with smiling cartoon animal faces that announced, "Welcome to Kindergarten."

Grey pulled the three pieces of paper out and I'm proud to report that I made it to the fifth sentence of the letter from his new teacher before my voice audibly wavered.

"You will be learning letters, sounds, reading books (voice shake), playing on computers and iPads, (clears throat), counting to 100, (another voice shake), and so many more fun things!"

I did finish reading the whole letter aloud but it was with red-rimmed eyes and with a voice on the verge of breaking.

I.am.so.excited.for.him.
I can barely stand myself.

I remember before Greyson was born, having a giddy conversation with Brandon that we were getting new names; Mom and Dad.  How thrilling and foreign that seemed to us then - and to think now sometimes Mum is the only name I hear called for me all day (and at a rate of about 12 times a minute sometimes).

And here we are again, getting ready to receive new names once more, this time; Greyson's Mom and Dad.  Ugh, even more jarring: Mr. and Mrs. Studer (of which I was recently called at vacation bible school by the sweet high school student who befriended Gemma each day.  It happened in front of Gigi and she immediately started cracking up hysterically and then looked at me lovingly and with the faintest expression of nostalgia and said, "I remember how weird that was to get used to").

I'm not sad he's going to school (despite what my watery eyes and flashes of panic will tell you), it's more that I can sense that this era in our life is coming to an end.
forever.

Gah, the bubble era.
This phase of motherhood in which all year long, our days and weeks stretch before us like unmarked trails in the woods.  Our days are ticked not by times on the clock but by the rumble in our bellies and the next fun thing the kids feel like doing.  The years have been tracked by seasons, celebrations, and traditions, we get through the year by happily leaping from one holiday to the next.  The years move steadily, but gradually as we count down days until the next big thing.

But now, we are getting ready to make the transition to years marked by two main distinctions:  the school year and summer.  How much does it speed up a year when divided only by two?  I can only imagine how time will be counted in blinks.

Safe in our bubble for the past five years, there has been one entrance and exit in our lives here; people, ideas, tv, movies, words, activities - they all passed our customs check first.  We prepared, delivered, answered questions, gave guidance, followed up, checked in, asked questions. If something did sneak by us, the kids felt comfortable, confident, and safe to bring it up with us.  The topics on which we have given explanations and answered questions have been hilarious, random, and unnerving.  But so far, we have been the main point of contact.

That's not to say that we've tried to limit the world to them (many would probably argue -myself included- we've tried to do the opposite of that), but we have tried to frame the world for them.  To provide a foundation for understanding the world; to encourage problem solving, to try again, to respond with empathy first.  Outside of our bubble, this is not always the case and I wonder, now on the brink of the bubble pop, did we do enough?  Is he prepared for a world that sometimes is not as beautiful and kind as what we try to see everyday?  Does he have enough foundation in our morals to stand tall in the face of unfamiliar harshness.
I don't know.
How I hope though.

no, sad is not the right word.
melancholy, then?
I think the most accurate description might be: preemptively nostalgic

it's the clear marking of time that slices away at my heart; it's always the distinction between now and then that stuns me.

Time passes a little bit each day, but its hard to recognize the transition from when you go, for example, from two kids who communicate to three.  Like all those weeks of Violet babbling and watching us has now slowly, gradually turned into her communicating; signing and pointing and trying to convey meaning to us.  The change is slow then one day it just is and there wasn't a moment to try to grab at the sand before it slipped by.

But this is one of those clear border lines, and my hands are empty but repeatedly grasping at air and every tiny thing in our day appears tinged in rose.

It's a blessing and a curse to be able to look at the present through the eyes of the future.  My mind naturally paints romance around the commonplace because somewhere the recognition is written inside of me that everything is more beautiful, vibrant, and meaningful when you look back on it.

So, in these last few days, of the unrestricted freedom of the bubble era, I'm trying my best to act out of gratitude and joy.  Late morning starts, meals outside, spontaneous afternoon activities, feeling undeniably grateful for this time that I was able to be at home with these kids, just us.  It was so short of a time, but also so long everyday.

Oh, Time,
you are both cruel and lovely.
I both hate you and love you.
Greyson's mom