The Mom Next Door Series: Jennifer C

Our Mom Next Door this week is someone that I am grateful to know both personally and formerly as a coworker.  We both taught in Brooklyn, NY with Teach for America and then we both joined up to work for the same company following our time in the classroom.  Besides her dedication to education for all kids - Jen is also one awesome momma.  She is a full time working, school board leading, boho-chic traveling, single momma to her munchkin-queen daughter Honora.  

It is my pleasure to bring you some of Jen's inspiring insight and voice to the Mom Next Door Series today.  Please take a minute to read her witty and meaningful thoughts on being a momma and balancing it all.

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Who are you? Jen C.; 33 years old living in Washington D.C.

Who is in your family?  Honora Junebug Jones, age 7 and a half (the half is very, very important)

What do you do for work?  mom with a paycheck I work on one of those big, scary college readiness tests as it tries to join the digital age

Which chore is your least favorite? Cleaning, especially dishes, vacuuming, mopping, changing sheets, and scrubbing the bathtub. Um, is everything an option? Blech. Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness never heard of Handybook: the money I pay a cleaning lady twice a month is worth (almost) as much as the money I earmark for the Anthropologie sale rack.

What has become (at least for now) your parenting mantra or guiding principle? Let it go. Oh, wait. That’s just my daughter’s mantra. I suppose my personal one is 'Relish the details': the sweet smell of detangler as we comb Honora's crazy curls; the apropos of nothing compliments she bestows on me; when she grabs my hand to cross the street.

What was the most difficult Mom moment you've had (so far)? Probably the first milestone of (pre) momhood: finding out I was going to have a baby. I had just moved to NYC as part of Teach for America’s corps, was in graduate school, and casually dating after a bad break up. I lived with two other girls who were trying to make it a la 'Laverne and Shirley' in Brooklyn; my apartment was above a Chinese restaurant (I am pretty sure was Mafia-run). I could barely get my laundry together for send out (even then I didn't like chores!)  I was attending happy hour regularly (read: every day) after going hoarse from wrangling middle school kids. I was not prepared and not planning (for a long time anyways) the munchkin queen (one of Honora Schmonora’s gazillion nicknames). But I have found that most of the things I don’t anticipate end up being the best. Honora is definitely the crazy amazing best thing I never planned; now, I cannot really remember life before her.

What keeps you up at night? That my choices – which I have agonized over with Excel spreadsheet lists and pros/cons docs tormenting me as I lather my hair (and get more lathered about executing a decision) – aren't right for Honora; that I am letting her down. That being a single mom isn't fair or right or good enough for her.

What would your pre-mom self be surprised to know about motherhood? How much you worry about someone other than yourself. Like constant worry. Did she brush her teeth? Do I travel too much for work, and she thinks I am abandoning her? Does this place have a kid’s menu, and will she eat food at this restaurant? Is that cup BPA free (and what is BPA and will it kill us if this cup does, indeed, have it)?

What would your pre-mom self be proud to know about you in motherhood? That I am killing it. Just kidding. Kind of ;) No really, I think 24-year old Jen would be happy to know I still can rock high heels, make an amazing pitcher of guava daiquiris, and prepare Annie’s mac ‘n’ cheese, all at the same time. Motherhood has definitely helped me step up my multitasking game.

What big projects, worries, or events have you busy right now?  I am on Honora’s school board. It’s so much work (but you should totally do it). It’s seriously my second job, after raising Honni and before my 9-to-5’er (no, for real – I Google drive and Doodle the heck out of the academic committee, which I lead). Education is a personal and professional passion of mine. When the opportunity to participate on the board of first year charter in D.C. presented itself, I was like, hey, sounds fun...? 

I should probably share now that I have history of over committing myself (Tab- sound familiar? ;) ) and also being a crazy perfectionist (although I would argue I hide my Type A pretty well; I appear to look laid back, but I am dying inside to do it right and my way every time). The school is moving into its second year, and we are replacing our Head of School. I am leading the search and hiring committee, and it’s pretty much consumed my life. But if not me, then who? And I would be losing a heck of a lot more sleep if I sent her to a school that didn't meet my (very) high expectations; this is important “stuff”, and I am 110% committed to making the school an amazing place for all our kids.

How do you unwind ore re-charge? In the past year, I have realized that as much as I love my daughter, as often as I am away from her for work, I need “me” time, too, and that doesn't make me a horrible, out-of-touch, hands-off mom. I like to get a babysitter and hit up Target or Whole Foods (Bougie Mom meccas), attend a meet-up of my foodie group (lots of recipe and restaurant trying out –yum), or going out with grown ups as we finish sentences with no interruptions lubricated with white wine spritzers.

What do you feel like you are really good at as a mom? My daughter is amazingly confident. I have tried to set up a home where “you can’t do that” is only saved for activities that will stain my white couch (and even then...), a place where she feels valued and acknowledged and fearless. She should have no boundaries on her dreams and encouraged to think even bigger. I am really proud of how she is so willing to take anything on, always gets back up if she falters, and has a real gusto for adventure and new experiences. I am so ridiculously proud of her, I feel like my heart will explode sometimes. For seriousness.

What do you feel like you wish you were better at being a mom? Stopping and really paying attention. My life and mind generally are going 1k/miles an hr. I feel like I miss so much with all that multitasking mentioned above and just generally being distracted with work, bills, driving here and there, etc.  

What is the one "Mom Tip or Trip" that you can share that has made your life easier somehow? Let it go. No, this is not another Frozen reference. When I am stressed or busy with 15 things (that darn multitasking), I tend to lose my patience over small stuff. Then I feel terrible and either a) apologize to the point of craziness (i.e., give in to chicken nugget dinner because I feel bad) or b) sulk in my room/ kitchen/ nook I can be alone and ruin my night (and her’s). In the moment, I try to count to five – no really, I do – and sometimes just walk away. It helps quell freak outs (mine, not her’s); if I flip, I just let it go. It happened. Moving on (in a positive way).

family vacation in Bosnia

What are the small joys of being a Mom that you treasure most right now? She is like a mini-BFF (or BFFFFFFF as she says). We always say “Mom first, friend second”, but she is becoming a little lady in such a fun way. On most days, she’s my first choice for a girl's day out (currently a good meal on a patio, some Target browsing, Super hero movie-watchin', and perhaps a gelato to cap it off). She’s a little Big kid rather than a big Little kid these days. I hope this sweetness and enthusiasm for chilling with me lingers through her preteen/ teen days.

What do you miss most from Mom days already gone by? I cry (a lot and in the privacy of my bedroom) about how big she is, and really, I am so afraid I don’t remember everything. I tried to not live behind a camera so I could really experience all the moments with her, but then I worry I don’t have enough pictures of the “fun times.” So, I guess, I worry that I might not even know how to answer this question! 

I will say I miss how she used to say French fry ("prench pry"), and how when we lived in NYC, she told everyone she was the queen of the forest (or the Brooklyn Bridge – depended on the day) as she wore this cute green tutu and curtsied around the living room with her halo of blonde curls. Ack, tearing up as I write this.

6th Annual Studer's Invitational Beer Olympics

A few weeks ago, we hosted our annual Invitational Beer Olympics - our sixth!- and it was another fun, hilarious, and awesome year.  I will say it again and again:  we could not host this event year after year if it wasn't for the generous and dedicated participants that set up, donate, play, and clean up that weekend.   (thank you guys so much).

We kept our participant list to a max of 32 people to give us eight teams of four.  This is our ideal number so that we have even competition brackets and still a manageable group; more than eight teams gets too be too difficult to keep everyone focused.

We were lucky to have The Hunting Daddies co-sponsor our event and purchase the kegs for the day, so that allowed our participating fee to be lower in price this year.  The Hunting Daddies were also the inspiration for our donation this year which the event raised $572 for Hunt of a Lifetime; an organization that arranges and pays for dream hunting and fishing trips for children with life threatening illnesses.

If you're solely here to see a highlight reel of all of the days' awesomeness and why you should host one yourself (or wish you came to ours! hah), please check out this amazing recap video created for us by Anchored Films of this year's events.  (Thank you, Anchored Films!)


6th Annual Invitational Highlights from Anchored Films on Vimeo.

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Now, if you are sufficiently pumped up about our event and would like to learn more - read on for a more in depth look about our event and games...

The day started as all Beer Olympics do; players and refs arrive to set up their pot luck contribution (roasters, salads, cookies, slow cookers line our garage walls) and then they get signed in with their participation fee, receive their tshirt, and sign our accident & release waiver.

After getting checked in, participants ease into the day by catching up with each other and playing a casual game of Sloshball in the yard (kickball/baseball but with beer). While the players are involved with Sloshball, the refs and I organize the teams for the days event - keeping only last year's champion team as the same.  Our reigning champs this year was Team Joker. 

This year, we decided to try something a little different; in the weeks leading up to the Beer Olympics, we chose 7 confirmed participants as Tributes that would not be placed on a team, but rather be up for selection through an auction prior to the start of the games.  Our Tributes were selected for their years of veteran beer olympic experience and special skills.  Each Tribute would be an asset to have on any team, but could bring a special talent to teams that might have been lacking a particular component like fast chugging, agility, or team motivation.  

On the day of Beer Olympics, teams of three were announced and then we had our Tribute auction.  Tributes were announced one by one along with their skills and an opportunity to show off their talents.  We obviously had selected entrance themes for each of them too - hahaha.  Teams had the opportunity to spend up to $15 dollars ($5 from each participant) to purchase tickets to place in Tribute bags for a chance to have them join their team.  

One by one, our tributes were auctioned off to teams until each team had a total of four players.  Team facepaint and hairspray were applied and it was time to get the games started!

Our first event is always a Beer Pong Tournament.  The first game is played like regular beer pong (house rules) and the winners move on to a winner's bracket while the losers from each first game move onto a loser's bracket for the next round.  

Every year, Beer Pong has taken a huge amount of time up for our event, so we decided that after the first round of Standard Beer Pong, we would play subsequent rounds using the Hungry Hungry HipPong version of the game from College Humor.  This decision turned out to be a big success and also kept the Beer Pong event to a more reasonable time frame.

Following Beer Pong, we play Dingbat relay which is always hilarious.  The game is played relay style with each player of a team chugging a beer than spinning around six times before (attempting) to run around a post to tag their teammate.  We were too busy filming Go Pro footage of the Dingbat relay to take any actual photos (see highlight film above)!

Following Dingbat relay, we play Do or Die Ice Cube Tray Canoe Race Tournament.  This is a funny event as some players don't mind it at all (and excel at the task!) while other players absolutely hate this event.  The first round of play is with an entire Ice Cube tray filled while subsequent matches are only filled with one row of the tray.  Only winners move on to the next round.

Next in the day's event line up was an opportunity to receive a few extra points for your team if you hadn't done so well yet in the games.  We offer a chance for each team member to participate in a keg stand (upside-down and right-side up) for +3 points to be added to your team score for each teammate who could successfully complete a keg stand (Boys for 7 seconds and Girls for 5 seconds).  --Our keg stands run out of a real live tap system (not a pumper) so the beer comes out fast which is why our keg stands are set at those times--  Drinkers are held up for their keg stands by other players while a ref counts aloud and another person operates the tap system.

Following the Keg Stand challenges, we go straight into Slippy Cup that is played in four heats.  A representative from each team plays in a heat:  drink, flip cup, slide down our slip n' slide, then drink, and flip another cup.  (The key for documenting who finishes in what order is to have the players sit down as soon as they successfully flip their second cup).

We finish out the first half of the day with the same event every year; Anchorman.  Each team receives a pitcher of 2quarts of beer and has to finish the whole pitcher.  Each team member takes a drink and passes the pitcher to the next player.  Once the pitcher is passed, it cannot be passed back; leaving whatever is remaining in the pitcher for the 'Anchorman' (last teammate) to finish themselves.  

After an intermission in which everyone fills their bellies with carbs and other delicious food contributed by the players and refs - we get back to the games and ease back into the evening portion of the day with a standard Flip Cup tournament including winners' and losers' brackets.

Our next event is a player favorite; Bong Races which are played as a Do or Die tournament.  Our QuadBongs were diy-ed by Brandon's dad using PVC pipes, plastic tubes, and wood (all purchased at a local home improvement store).  We've used our QuadBongs in all 6 Beer Olympics!  (Ref tip:  Have players step back and put their hands behind their back when they finish to help decide winners easier).

This year, for our 8th event, we played (our first time) Survivor Flip Cup which turned out to be a great addition.  Although we play multiple versions of Flip Cup throughout the day, it is always a good game as it seems to be an equalizer for all players; those that can drink a ton and those that can't.  Thanks to the Canfield Beer Olympics for the inspiration for the game!!  We had a representative from each team play at a table (8 players, each from one team, at a table that played flip cup all at once); last one at the table to drink & flip was 'kicked off the table and another round started - until there was only one player left at the table who received the most amount of points.  This was a game that made it possible for one team to win a huge amount of points if they were able to have a team member make it to the final round on each table!

Things at this point are fairly hazy for all the participants.  Dance parties explode out of nowhere...people are adding chili, nacho cheese, heaping piles of onions, and Doritos to top their hot dogs & sauerkraut, and it takes a lot of effort to get anyone's focus to the game at hand. 

We give the teams one last chance to get some extra points before the final event with Chug Off Challenge.  Teams are able to challenge another team to a chug off and the winner receives an extra 5 points to their overall score.  

Finally it's time for our last challenge of the day - an obstacle course that involves all four teammates. We have changed up the obstacle legs over the last years and this year was no difference.  It included a 'tire run,' rolling down hills, a golf/frisbee section, and even a potato sack hop.  This event somehow always ends up happening after dark and this year my camera battery had run out.  So unfortunately no pictures!  The teams are ranked in order of speed and then given points based on their obstacle performance. 

Scores are then tallied up and nominations for the awards ceremony finalized by the refs while the rest of the participants continue to eat, drink, and be very very merry (ie. dance parties, spraying each other with water bottles and laughing hysterically until they literally fall to the ground). 

Our awards ceremony is always hysterical and received with immense amounts of enthusiasm.  It's a known fact that everyone likes to be recognized and we hand out awards for all kinds of skills, talents, and mishaps that were observed during the day.  Our awards range from 'Crybaby' (biggest whiner to the refs) to 'Puke n' Rally' (first to throw up but keep playing), to 'Shark' (someone who doesn't look like a competitor but sneaks up on ya), to 'Zophagus' (fastest chugger).  Our highest awards include "MVD: Most Valuable Drinker", "Rookie of the Year," and this year we included "Tribute 2015 Nominations" for participants who displayed superior performance throughout the day.

After the awards are distributed, teams are then announced by ranking; beginning with our last place team up to our first runner up team until...finally we blast Queen's We Are the Champions on the stereo to announce our new Beer Olympic Champions for 2014:  Team Olaf  (congrats Team Olaf!) in which they receive the first sips from our Studer Torpedo and the chance to defend their title as champions at the 2015 Beer Olympics.  

Before photo:  Team Olaf

After photo:  Team Olaf and the Studer Torpedo

Here is the root of the root
and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky
of a day called Beer Olympics:
It is all about the friends, charity, and laughs.

if you don't have those things - you won't have a successful Beer Olympics.  And we have been lucky to have those things (and people that understand those things) for six years running.  Thank you all so much for making Beer Olympics one of our absolute favorite days of the year.

How we talk to our very young kids about alcohol

Last night at dinner, my two and a half year old daughter asked her grandma what she was drinking at the restaurant (it was a chocolate martini) and when her grandma told her "it's a drink for grown ups," my daughter responded, completely unphased, "Like beer?" shrugged, and then went back to chasing her brother around the restaurant table annoying all of the other patrons like normal.

Inspired by a post I recently read at Rage Against the Minivan, I want to write about how we have chosen to Talk Early to our kids about alcohol.  As early as toddler/preschool age level in our case!  

It takes only a quick pin-search of my blog and you'll find that the top hit on my site is about the Beer Olympics.  Followed closely behind by all my other posts about being a mom to little kids; which don't necessarily seem like they go together in any capacity.  But I'm here to tell you - they can, and do!

Our very young kids have attended parties where alcohol is present and have sat at the same dinner table while their parents enjoyed a glass of wine or beer.  Alcohol is not a secret at our house, but something that our kids see regularly.  But more than that - and this is the really important part - it is something that we have talked about together as a family.

We have had conversations together about how drinking alcohol is a grown up activity and dangerous for kids; like many other things we talk about with our preschoolers (see below).  We have explained that beer and alcohol can make a kid really sick if they drink it; that they will likely throw up.  We also talk about how when grown ups drink too much beer or alcohol - they get sick too and throw up.  We have discussed with them, as preschoolers, that beer and alcohol can make grown ups feel confused and sleepy which can make it hard for grown ups to make good choices.  (TV and movies offer no lack of examples of intoxicated actors making poor choices - even the G rated movies usually have some comic relief actor who behaves drunkenly!)

And so we keep talking about it.  And talking about.  And talking about, in hopes that it is clear that drinking is not something that is a secret, or mysterious, or exotic.  It is something we can ask questions about, we can notice, and we can talk about now and forever together.

When brainstorming about writing this post, I sat with our kids to test their understanding about the concept of grown up activities versus kid activities.  So we created together two lists:  One for the things that only grown ups and parents do and the other a list of things that only kids do that grown ups and parents don't (or at least don't do regularly)....keep in mind, my kids are only 2 and 4 years old, so this list is extremely basic.  I asked them their thoughts and they supplied the items in the list* 

Grown ups & Parents Do (but not kids):

• Drink beer
• Use tools by themselves
• Not wearing diapers
• Chewing Snuff (tobacco)
• Smoking cigarettes (we don't smoke, but they see other grown ups that do)
• Saying curse words
• Going to work
• Drinking coffee

Things Kids Do (but not grown ups or parents usually):

• Playing with toys
• Climbing on furniture or doors/walls
• Getting carried and held
• Wearing a diaper

*I cleaned up the language a little to make it more clear for readers- ie. 'bang a hammer' (4year old description) to 'Use tools by themselves' (Mum's cleaned up version for the blog) and 'hold you' (2year old description) to 'getting carried and held' (Mum's cleaned up version for the blog).

As parents, we know that it is important (obviously - but I gotta say it aloud, right, internet?) that everything should be kept within moderation; alcohol and cursing alike.  And it's vastly important to us to not only explain to our kids about moderation, but be models of moderation as well.  

We want to be as transparent as possible to our kids that there are certain things that grown ups do that are dangerous or inappropriate for kids to do...yet.  Just like lots of things (riding a bike without training wheels, driving a car, etc) there are activities that kids are not yet ready to do, but will be ready someday in the future.  

And although drinking alcohol or smoking are a little more awkward of a conversation to have than say why they can't drive a car yet - it's still an important discussion to have.  The more we approach the uncomfortable topics with explanations and confidence (just like we would with why they can't drive a car) the easier it seems for them to accept and learn about it, rather than making it taboo.

Our list of 'grown up' activities will no doubt expand as they get older and become more curious about various (less G rated) activities, and we will tackle those awkward yet insanely important conversations as well when the time comes.  And someday in the future - we hope to have been as clear as possible to our kids on how to approach all of those 'grown up' activities with awareness, knowledge, and safety.  The goal is to take the mystery and scariness out of topics and situations so that they can see them with a clear head and make a decision for themselves when that day comes.

Footnote: our kids have not attended the Beer Olympics for two years, and will continue not to attend as the event is not an example of moderation.  But rather a raucous - albeit safe!!- event that is entirely for grown ups.  Instead, they spend the day with their Pappy and Gigi doing little kid activities like swimming and visiting amusement parks.  We talk about the event together though and they see pictures of the day in our family yearbook.  We answer their questions if they have them (which usually is about who was the winner) and remind them that they get a fun day of kid stuff to do while we spend the day with other grown ups doing grown up things.  Again...the key being we talk, talk, talk about it.