The Mom Next Door Series: Heather A.

This week's Mom Next Door interview comes from Heather, a 31 year old working mom to Rowan who only recently had her life take an unexpected turn at a fork in the road that she never anticipated could happen to her.  Heather and I are alike in so many ways; we are plan makers, dogmoms, bloggers, and mums who stay up and worry at night about our kids. Over the last year, I have watched in admiration how Heather has picked up pieces and built a new beautiful, thoughtful life for her and her son after a major life upheaval.  She is a an example of the magic of Moms; the ability to persevere, dream anew, and rebuild.

I first met Heather at college where we shared mutual friends and it was only until we graduated and moved on in our lives and each started writing blogs that we found each other once again in the blog world.  I have enjoyed getting to know Heather again through her witty takes on life, parenting, and love.  Please peel a child or two off of you for a moment this morning and sip your coffee in peace while you read about our Mom Next Door this week; Heather A.

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Who are you and who is in your family?  Hi! I’m Heather.  I’m a 31 year old mama of a 19 month old 100% rough and tumble baby boy named Rowan.  Our family structure is a bit different, as I’m recently divorced. In our household it’s just me, Rowan and my grumpy pug, Wiggles. 

Heather and Rowan 

We live in Central PA, in my hometown, but only for the last year and a half. You see, after college, I moved righted away to New Jersey with my then boyfriend (turned husband), worked in Philly then moved to Baltimore. All 8 years, I was at least a two and a half hour drive from my family. However when my husband and I separated, I knew I had to come back. I needed help, not only with raising a tiny newborn (just 5 weeks old at the time), but I also needed loads of emotional support. I moved in with my parents for a year and a half, while I tried to wrap my head around the fact that my husband left me and I was now a single mom. The dark clouds of reality eventually began to lift, thanks to my incredible support network.  Recently, Rowan, Wiggles and I moved into our own cozy apartment that’s quite literally a stone’s throw away from my sister, her husband and my new nephew.

Tractor riding with Pap - Rowan's favorite activity

What do you do for work?  I work full-time doing sales and marketing for a community bank, and I do some freelance writing and social media management on the side. Plus, I have a little 'ole blog as well:  http://theirlifeunexpected.blogspot.com Rowan is in daycare full time and he loves it. Like every other working mama, I battle guilt, but I know that I have to work and he’s in a great place. It takes a village, right?

What would your pre-mom self be surprised to know about motherhood?  It’s truly a job where you’re never off the clock. There’s only so many books you can read to prepare yourself and these munchkins certainly don’t come with instructions. Your training is strictly on-the-job. You can throw all preconceived notions about how your child will act/eat/speak out the window. Remember when you judged those moms whose children tantrumed in Target, only ate PB&J and wore mismatched clothes? Remember how you thought your kid would never act like that in public/eat all his veggies/be perfectly dressed and groomed daily? You’ll eat your words, and they taste bitter. 

epic Rowan tantrum:)

Mothering is hard. The hardest, most important job ever. But the indentured servitude is paid for in snuggles, kisses and “uv oos” and that’s enough for me.

tiny Baby Rowan at only 2 months!

What chore is your least favorite?  Are there any fun chores? I mean, really?  For starters, I despise emptying the diaper pail. The smell. Ugh. I can’t even. I also hate, hate, triple hate putting on a fitted sheet. There’s nothing more annoying and awkward to me. Speaking of, does anyone other than my mother and sister know how to fold a fitted sheet?! I've looked up YouTube tutorials and had step-by-step lessons from both of them, and I still can’t do it. It makes much more sense, and takes way less time, to roll it into a ball. Problem solved.

Heather and Wiggles

Who are the moms you look up to?  Like many other women, I look up to my own mother. With my dad being a business owner, there were many times where my mom was going at the whole parenting gig alone. She instilled in my sister and I that kindness matters, nothing replaces hard work, always try our best and most importantly, she loved us no matter what. She’s one of my best friends, mentors and the best Nana to my son.

Baking with Nana

I also look up to my own Nana. Although she passed away four years ago, she was also a single mom, raising SIX kids. She worked all her life, endured domestic violence and ultimately ended up raising six kids alone. She taught me to always have a back up plan. Never count on a man to provide for you. At the time I thought she was jaded, but looking back, that was some of the best advice especially given my current situation. She was one of the strongest women I've ever known and I miss her all the time.

Heather, Rowan, and family participating in the Free To Breathe Lung Cancer 5K as "Team Nana"

Most difficult mom moment?  My most difficult moment was sending Rowan away with his dad for his first full weekend when he was just 6 months old. I sat in the parking lot and cried my eyes out, then called my mom to make sure this wasn't going to ruin his life. I was sure his dad would forget something...not hear him cry, not feed him enough or hold him the way he likes. That weekend was the longest weekend ever.

As time has gone by, it hasn't gotten much easier, but I've built up enough confidence in his dad that I know he’s happy, well cared-for, and most importantly, I know they need their time to bond as father and son. And though he cries “Mommy!” at every drop-off, I know he’ll eventually settle down and have a fun-filled weekend with his dad.

handsome Rowan

What keeps you up at night?  That Rowan’s therapy bill will cost more than my paycheck. Just kidding...Half kidding. But seriously, divorce can emotionally wreck a child and that worries me something fierce. Although Rowan has never known his parents to be together, I dread the day he can talk and ask why daddy isn't here. Or why he only sees him once in a while. I worry that my divorce will become Rowan’s emotional baggage, when it shouldn't be. 

Rowan stopping to smell the flowers

The best I can do is keep lines of communication between him and his father open, make sure he gets to his regular visits and for Rowan’s sake, make sure his dad and I get along the best we can to prevent unneeded stress on all of us.

First trip to the ER

What are your small joys about being a mom?  Far and away, snuggles and toddler smooches are my most favorite. Watching him learn and grow is also just so amazing that it’s difficult to put into words. I remember hearing other moms talk about their kids’ accomplishments and thinking them to be trivial, but when it’s your child learning a new word or skill, it’s the proudest of all moments.

typical mealtime - pudding face :)

Grandmas & Kids to NYC 4th annual trip

We usually make our annual Grandmas & Kids trek to NYC in the fall, but had to bump it up this year since our third little studerbaby is due in September and I'm figuring tri-state visits will be out of the question between newborn tending and basketball season.  

I plan our adventures using Tripit and this year decided that at the ages that the kids are, it would be both fun and possible to visit Coney Island, the High Line, and make a stop at Knoebels on the way home.  It was such a great trip this year - the best yet? - and I am continually grateful that I have this weekend to share the city with my country-raised kids and that is solely due to the fact that I have a Mum and Mom-in-law willing to make the trip with us each year.  I could not do it without their support and help!  (thank you!!)

We drove out this year again (second year now after two years of 7hr one way train rides the first two years!) and we try to leave by 6am to keep the kids snoozing for most of the ride.  We make a stop around Reading, PA for some breakfast and then get back on the road to head to our New Jersey hotel.

The most important thing about our hotel for the kids is that it has a pool, and our stay at the DoubleTree Hilton Hotel Nework Airport delivered on the pool requirements.  We checked in and freshened up a bit from our 5hour drive.  The grandmas are great for packing snacks and hotel treats on our trips.  Our room is fully stocked with snack bags, fruit, water, and granola bars for the weekend.  It really helps save on vending machine snacks (my kids get hungry approximately every 3 and a half minutes) and also are easy to transport in the diaper bag when we head out on our adventures.

From the hotel, we took the shuttle to Newark airport where we hopped on the Coach USA bus to Port Authority NYC for $28 (round trip adult and kids ride free).  Where we then got on subway to make the very long trip out to Coney Island in Brooklyn for the afternoon.  It was a long day of traveling with three kinds of transportation:  car, bus, subway; but the kids did great (and grandmas did too!)

After the very long subway ride all the way to the end of the line and an extreme meltdown from Gemma (she didn't want to neither walk nor ride in the stroller), we finally made it to the New York Aquarium in Coney Island.  The aquarium is still undergoing some renovations from the devastation of Hurricane Sandy, but the kids loved the exhibits and we all enjoyed dancing and cheering at the sea lion show.  Since we visited on a Friday afternoon after 4pm, the entry fee is a donation of your choice, we made the visit extremely affordable.

Afterwards, we headed out to the boardwalk and the kids went bonkers over the sand and water.  I was startled by how clean and beautiful Coney Island looked, which I'm assuming is because of all the clean-up and reno that needed to happen after the storms last year.  Last time I was in Coney Island it was sort of dirty and littered - not somewhere I'd think someone could lounge peacefully near the ocean.  But when we arrived it was lovely, clean, and not very crowded at all. 

 

The kids ran up and down the beach chasing seagulls and even stood knee dip in the water joyfully giggling.  

We had dinner on the boardwalk at Nathan's to pay homage to the famous Coney Island hot dog (although our own Johnstown Coney Island hot dogs beat Nathan's dogs; no contest.)  The kids had a blast on the kiddie rides at Luna Park.  After another visit to the ocean, we hopped back on the subway for a long return to Port Authority to catch our USA Coach bus ride back to Newark to quickly fall fast asleep in our hotel.

On Saturday, we headed back into the city for our favorite brunch of NY bagels and cream cheese.  Then we walked the High Line from the most northern point at West 30th Street and 10th Avenue down to Chelsea Waterside Park at West 23rd Street.  The High Line was pretty but it was a really hot day and we were so grateful to get to the water playground to cool off.  The kids had a blast splashing, digging in the sand, and transporting bottles of water to and fro. 

We stopped at the Chelsea Waterside Dog Park before taking a short walk (with another playground and ice cream break along the way) to Chelsea Market to window shop and get back onto the High Line.  Walking back north on the High Line was more pleasant than the morning because it had cooled off significantly and the sun had started to set.  We loved the High Line water feature at 15th Street!  By the time we had trekked back up to the 30th street exit, the kids were zonked out in the stroller.  

But have no fear!  The kids were back up for our room service pizza party at the hotel followed by a visit to the indoor pool (it was freezing though!) My mom got in and swam with our fish-baby Gemma while Gigi hopped in and out and came to sit by me with towel blankets on the sidelines.  (Way to take one for the team, Abba!)

On Sunday we said farewell to Jersey and headed East toward home, but made an stop along the way at Knoebel's Amusement Resort to tire the kids out a little and to break up the long car ride.  Knoebel's was amazing and comes with a high recommendation from the Studers.  Parking and entrance into the park is free (!!) and we bought $40 worth of tickets for the kids to have more than enough fun on the kiddie rides.  They rode and played to their full hearts content that afternoon and it was a wonderful way to break up the long ride home from the city.  

The grandmas even rode a 'spooky house' ride with each kid which - as suspected - did not go over well with two little scaredycats.  But it was them that had insisted and we all had a good laugh about the 'spooky guys' and Gem still talks about the spooky house and that she 'don't want to do it' again.  

It was really such a great weekend and maybe the best Grandmas & Kids trip to NYC yet!  Thank you to Abba and Gigi who go along with my scheduled weekend of city exploring and stroller-pushing.  I would not be able to do this trip alone.  We are so lucky to be able to do this all together and I am so grateful that the kids get to experience a little piece of their city-loving mumma every year.

Keeping it real, yo.

since we've arrived home from a wonderful vacation this past Sunday, it has been one hurdle after another over here with appliances and machinery in our life.  Ya know those weeks?  When one thing breaks, they all seem to go?  It's be like that here.

First, after driving home with the kids in the truck from the pet store with some new fish tank rocks as our tank desperately needs cleaned; we made it all the way back to our road and the truck started acting funny.  It seemed like the gas wasn't working then the battery and engine lights came on and then that's it.  It was just done.  Thankfully for kind neighbors, the kids and I hitched a ride up the rest of the road and our quarter-mile driveway home while the truck sat vacant and depressed in a neighbor's driveway.

On Tuesday, we were able to at least get it up to our house and had a cousin take a look at only to discover we needed to fix our cigarette lighter fuse to run the diagnostic test on it.  After messing with it all evening, B forgot to take the key out of the ignition overnight and killed the battery.  So then we needed to get the battery charger from my dad-in-law and after an overnight charge; it fired up this morning as we were going to run it out to the shop to get fixed this morning.  That is until we put it in reverse and it shut down and wouldn't start up again.  So...yea, it's still sitting in the driveway d.e.a.d.

trying to jump the truck yesterday for a half hour with zero success.

but that's not all folks, oh no, that's not all.
Also, our cable box needs replaced; for unknown reasons over vacation it has lost the ability to use the Guide and On-Demand functions.
Our Central Air is out and after turning it on before leaving for our volleyball game this week, we came home to a 90+ degree house as the heat kicked on instead.
Our tractor isn't working right and the dandelions in our yard our knee-high by the fourth of July.
and,
B accidentally broke the garage door this week.

the moral of this story is to steer clear of us for a few days as we are having a very negative effect on machinery this week.
Also, does this mean Transformers are real and they don't like us?

So, yesterday, 27 weeks pregnant and nearly 90 degrees in our house with no vehicle to go to a pool, we watched a lot of tv and sat stationary for a long time.  I had this brilliant idea to set up an indoor tent for the kids and play camping with them.  Since we hadn't gone for groceries yet after coming home from vacation (!!) we were down to hot dogs and popcorn for lunch!  Moments later, popcorn was spilled and crunched into the living room floor and the kids decided they didn't like hot dogs that day.  So, yea.  it was time for quiet time.

And instead of cleaning up the popcorn, organizing the huge pile of toys the kids 'cleaned up' by putting them on top of the bench, or actually doing anything productive at all; I sat chugging water in front of an SVU marathon for an hour and a half.  Whatevs, man.  Just keeping it real.

And if I'm being totally honest, all this stuff is pretty freaking annoying and inconvenient, but it's not that big of a deal.  Vacation last week recharged my batteries, my mom surprised me yesterday by stopping by with chocolate and a foot scrub, we had dinner and the kids swam at Gigi&Pappy's last night, tomorrow is my favorite holiday of the year, and we have healthy, mostly happy kids.  I mean, what is there really to complain about?

I think weeks like this are put in place as a chance to take stock of the things you depend on (sometimes unnecessarily so, hello cable box), remind you to slow down and pay attention (hello, accidentally killing the truck battery), and mostly as a prime example that sometimes you just need to not be so hard on yourself and go with it.  The only way to dig out of these problems is by slowly enlisting help and getting them fixed one by one.  It just is what it is and being frustrated about it is a waste of energy.

Now excuse me while I welcome the AC guy to our house and ensure him that our wildly barking dogs are indeed upstairs and apologize repeatedly while Greyson asks him 3600 questions about what he's doing.  Meanwhile, I need to monitor Gemma while she uses an excessive amount of cleaning spray to 'clean' random surfaces all over the house.

It is far from rainbows and unicorns (far, FAR from it), but it's our chaotic, happy mess of a life.  And it suits us just fine, even when it's annoying like this week.