the writing itch

Remember when I proclaimed I was going to try to finish a novel this year?  And then continued to blog about writing?  Well, just in case you were concerned, I'm still working on writing.  I am also being realistic though because it 'tis October and I'm not quite sure my novel will get finished this year...but I'm working on 'er again. Around August, I received a pamphlet in the mail from Pennsylvania Highlands Community College about their fall semester community classes.  (thank you to the previous owner of our home who signed up for the mass mailings!)  There were a bunch of classes that I was interested in ranging from Photography to Japanese at-home cooking, but I also  noticed a creative writing series that I just couldn't pass up.  So, I made arrangements with our parents to alternate Tuesdays to watch Grey and I signed up for the class.  I'm in school again!! yay!

Our instructor, Kristy Baxter, is a local author who writes Young Adult novels and is currently awaiting some submissions (ah, good luck!) She is hysterical and a deep sea of knowledge and experience in writing novels.  I have really enjoyed spending my Tuesday nights in the class surrounded by other people who are also writing; people who are also frustrated and excited about the stories in their head.  Our class is made up of different types of writers; some who went to college for journalism, some who have articles published, some who went to school for Spanish and was a teacher and never had a damn thing published in her life (that's me), and some who  are just trying to finish a story they started years ago for no one else to see but themselves.  It's thrilling to be around like-minded people -seriously, I strongly suggest if you're feeling uninspired and sort of a blah at the moment.  On my way home each Tuesday, my mind is humming with ideas and I can hardly wait to sit down at the computer and get my thoughts down.  It has made a difference in my writing and how often I'm writing...which is quite a feat.  

I have learned a lot in the past few weeks, but the top three biggest "aha!'s" came from:

1. WRITE, WRITE, WRITE.  keep writing until you get to "The End."  it doesn't have to be perfect the first time around; that is what the editing process is for.

This is important to me because I'm a blogger.  And there are no second or third drafts in blogging.  There's this one draft that goes out to all of you to read.  Granted, I do read it over two or three times before I choose to publish it, but I'm not doing any major changing (here's where I'm apologizing for the spelling/grammar errors that you all might want to slap me for).  So when I'm writing my novel, I have this intense feeling of pressure that whatever I'm writing in my story needs to be perfect before I can move on...thus the months-long break I took when I could not get past my main character's work place.  

2. Give yourself permission to suck.  Piggy-backing on important thought #1:  push through the parts that you know are just crappy.  Keep Writing!!  Look at it, resolve that it just sucks/its bad writing/its missing important stuff that you need to research, make a note of it and keep pushing through.

Again, the research on my main character's workplace has been holding me back from writing.  Since I know little about my main character's career field I am hung up on the research part of trying to figure out how much I need to know about it to make sure it doesn't sound unintelligent and fake in the book.  why don't you just change his job then?  asks the crowd...I don't know, I just can't.  In my mind, that's what he does and to force him into another job would feel phony to me.   So now I know its perfectly fine to say, I'll research this later cause I know that right now it stinks...leave a note and keep writing.

catch a theme there, I just need someone to be whispering to me all the time, "keep writing, keep writing, stop overthinking, keep writing, stop criticizing, keep writing..." hahha.  anyone up for the job?

Another thing I learned about was flash fiction writing...which is oddly enchanting to me.  If I start a monthly flash fiction writing group...would any of you join in?  Here are the rules:
1. our flash fiction must be less than 1000 words
2. whatever genre of fiction you like
3. link up on the last friday of the month, aka Flash Fiction Friday
hehhe.
I'm doing it.
you do it too.
let's read and write and be happy together.

a real life love story

Once there was a girl who was young and had long blonde hair.  And there was a boy who was also young with spiky blonde hair.  They went to high school together and despite the fact (or maybe because of the fact) that he was two grades younger than the girl; the boy tried shamelessly to get her attention.  Everyday they pretended to ignore the magnets in their hearts, until finally the girl flirtaciously blew a kiss to the boy.  The girl watched with delight as the boy moved his eyes all around the air until he threw up his hand and grabbed the girls floating kiss and smacked it on his cheek.  With a grin on her face, the girl realized, there he is.  That one is mine.







Finally, two days before Christmas, in the falling snow outside of her parents house, lit by a lamppost, they had their first kiss.  Electricity passed between them.  She went into the house and flitted up the stairs humming herself to sleep with every love song she could think of.  They made up little holidays and shared each others' desserts.  They stole kisses behind the locker doors and held hands down the hallways.  She painted his jersey numbers on her cheeks and he wrote her love notes.

Then they grew up a little bit and went to colleges five hours apart.  And she made friends and he made friends and they introduced each other to their new friends.  And she learned Spanish and he played basketball and they fell asleep with their cellphones next to their heads.  And they watched Prisonbreak together over the phone.  She sent him care packages and he answered the phone in the middle of the night when she woke up from a nightmare.  And they said more times than they could ever count, I miss you.

And then because they were far apart and because they were young and foolish; they decided to see if there was anyone nearby that could make them laugh and smile too.  So the boy tried to be with other girls but no one was as funny or patient as his girl.  And the girl tried to be with other boys but no one made her laugh or was as understanding as her boy.  So they said, I'm sorry and you are forgiven and they said sometimes it is hard, but the good is so good that the hard isn't that hard.

And then the girl moved even farther away to a very big city to do what she loves and the boy was happy for her.  And he drove six hours to visit her with his muddy boots and camo shirts and she took him to museums and broadway shows and they ate brunch in parks.  And he wondered where the trees were and she pulled him along the sidewalk because he walked too country slow in the big city.  She sent him love letters in the mail and he talked to her while she was walking home alone at night.  And they said, I miss you, more than once a day.

And then on Christmas eve (six years after their first kiss), the boy got down on his knee and asked the girl to be his wife.  And she said yes and laughed. 

And then they moved in together in a very small apartment in a very small town.  And they picked a pizza place and got a joint checking account and tasted each others' cooking.  And they realized that she likes to cook quick and he likes to cook slow.  And she frowned when he threw his wet towels on the bed and he frowned when she left her teabags in the cups.  And he had good places to hunt and fish and she missed the city, but not as much as she had missed him.  And they said; I like living with you even though its hard sometimes.

And then she wore a white dress and he wore a camo vest and they said; for better or worse, I will love you. 

And then they added some animals to their family to see if they could take care of life together.  And so they got a cat, and the boy stayed up at night to bottlefeed her because she was such a young kitten.  And then they got another cat and the girl taught the two cats to play nice together.  And then they got a dog and no one could do anything about him; but that dog loved the boy and girl very much, so they decided to keep him around because he was awfully cute and he scared away pesky door-to-door salesmen. 

And then the boy said, I think I might like to have a baby around here and the girl said, thats just what I've been waiting to hear.  So they decided to grow a baby and they were lucky to get a very handsome, healthy, smart baby boy.  That baby looks just like the boy and has a personality that is just like the girl.  And they said, what a good mix of each of us.  And the girl sings silly songs to the baby and the boy plays silly boy-games with the baby and they all laugh at the same jokes.  And the boy still leaves wet towels on the bed and the girl still leaves her teabags in the cups and now the baby eats dog food and the dog chews up toilet paper and chases the cats.  And sometimes they say, our life is too much!   And the girl cries and the boy shakes his head and they hug for a long time and say, I am glad I am not alone in this crazy life.

And today, on Valentines day (their eleventh together), the girl (who used to have long blonde hair but now has long brown hair) makes the boy (who used to have spiky blonde hair but now has kind of shaved, no hair), pot roast in the slow cooker for dinner because thats how he likes it.  And he brings her home flowers and chocolate because it makes her smile.  And they make cards out of construction paper to each other decorating them and signing them like they are from their pets.  And they read a book about love to their little baby with funny voices and smile at each other over his little head.

Because after all this time they see that love does not have to be grand in gesture to be grand in feeling.

hello, universe.

I got up this morning with a stuffiness in my sinuses that should send me right back to bed.  But alas, I am a mother that has a baby that needs to go to daycare and a pile of work that needs tackled.  So after letting the dog out, giving the baby his bottle, letting the dog back in, force feeding the baby some oatmeal, wrestling him into his clothes for the day, bundling his wiggling body into a winter jacket thats a little too big, and begging the dog to "stay," we trekked outside only to remember that the car seat is still in the truck and the truck has ice and snow all over the windshield because its left in the driveway while my dry, clean, warm jeep that is carseatless is in the garage.

Back in the house, off goes the baby's coat, a treat to the dog, and back out goes the mummie.  After falling through a 2foot high snowdrift, yanking the frozen truck door open, ferociously battling the seatbelt through the carseat, hauling said carseat into the jeep, and another ferocious battle with the seatbelt, we were finally ready to go to daycare.  After of course, re-wrestling the baby into his winter jacket, another begging for the dog to stay in the house  - we were off.  Backing out of the garage posed a harrowing near miss of backing into the doorframe since my husband had pushed the rearview mirror in towards the jeep to allow for a walking path in our too-packed garage.  After the panic attack that I almost wrecked our car without even leaving the garage, it was unbuckling the seatbelt, walking around to the other side of the car, putting the rearview mirror back in place, and then trying to calm the baby since he started screaming after seeing me vacate the car leaving him apparently abandon while strapped into the carseat with a ridiculously sized coat on.  Finally, I pulled out of the driveway. 

Now the only thing running through my mind is some choice words for my husband about how he should have switched the carseat because technically the cars fall under his jurisdiction within the realm of duties in our marriage.  And now we're late to daycare, which means I am getting to my work later, which means I have less uninterrupted worktime, which means more stress and it is ALL HIS FAULT.

And on the way, we got stopped because a train was coming, and I sat there and rolled my eyes because how typical is this?

And as I'm sitting there, blood a'boilin' and stressing about all the duties of being a mom and a wife and an employee, this train kept zipping by with graffiti covering the cars.  I know that some people find graffiti wildly offensive, but I'm not one of those people.  I think that its actually quite beautiful, except for the fact that its destruction of property, of course.  And then I was wondering where this artwork was actually coming from - who knows where this train has been before passing through here?  And maybe the graffiti was painted by some kid who is in a bad way and really doesnt' have any self confidence in school and is acting out because he doesn't think anyone cares about him.  When in reality, he has no idea how talented he is and how far his influence can reach.  Because he painted this beautiful artwork on the side of train without thinking twice, and now it has traveled here to stop a mom on the way to take her kid to daycare when she really needed a moment to just sit and enjoy something beautiful.  I don't know the artist, or the train driver, or the person who designed the train schedule.  But somehow on this day we are all connected.  The universe* stepped in and said - let me do something magical.  Kid - you are talented and people you'll never meet will enjoy your artwork.  Mom - calm down, relax, it'll be okay.

So when the train passed and we were left through; I took a deep breath.  Because in fact, I really should calm down and relax.  It will all be okay.

So, I decided to pass on the love.  When I pulled into the video store to drop off our [late] movie, another woman was pulling in too.  So I ran over to her car and said, "here, I got it," and she looked like she just about crapped her pants and then got the biggest smile on her face. Because it is butt-loving freezing here in Erie today and no one likes to get in and out of the car if you don't want too.  Then she handed me her movies and said, "Seriously, thank you so much!" So maybe my tiny, helpful deed today will influence her to do something nice and then that person will do something nice and so on and so on, until just maybe - if the universe is feeling extra magical today - it will find its way back to my graffiti artist and he'll have someone treat him nice today for no apparent reason. 

Hey Kid, that saying, "what comes around, goes around" works for good stuff too. 

[ps. my husband says thanks for taking the heat off of him.]


*please feel free to replace "universe" with your choice of higher power; God, Allah, Krishna, Buddha, the Goddess, Fate, Luck,etc.  I like to think They all work together anyway.

Raw English

I find so much beauty in language and the way that words can be put together. I love reading more for the writing than for the reading. Sure, I like the stories behind it, but I am more mesmorized by the way that words can be put together to describe what something feels like so accurately that you can really feel it while you're reading. Or when something is written so clearly that you think, "I get that." I don't know how to describe it without sounding all new-agey, but here it goes...when I read something that I think is profound or beautiful, it feels like the writer and I found a way to connect. If I could see the writer face to face, I would want to say, "I read your words, and I don't know anything about you, but I know; I got it. What you had to say, reached out to me." Its like making a personal connection to a stranger. Isnt' that what youtube and blogging and facebook and all these new ways of communication are? Reaching out to each other; trying to prove that we are connected in more ways than is visibly apparent. That's why we sit through a seven minute montage of soldiers coming home and surprising their families with big, rolling tears streaming down our face. We're happy for strangers. We get it.

Well, that's what language also does for me. And I think there is something particularly beautiful about language that is being learned. When I was sixteen, I traveled to Honduras with a group of dentists and doctors to offer free services to the people in small villages around the country. While in one of the villages, I met a little boy that changed the course of my life. All day long, we played together: I would point to a pencil and say, "Pencil." He would point to it, "Lapiz." I would point to my hair, "Hair." He would point to his hair, "Pelo." All day, we giggled about playing this game and trying to repeat each other. When I came back, a junior in high school, I knew what I wanted to do - I wanted to teach language. So, a Spanish degree in college, a semester abroad in Costa Rica, and a summer school stint with Teach for America later, I was teaching English as a Second Language in grades K-4 at PS27 in Brooklyn, NY.
Teaching little kids is hilarious, frustrating, exhilariting, and inspiring all in one. But teaching little kids who are learning a new language is a whole boat to itself. I was fascinated and charmed when my kids would come up with adorable English phrases that were very literal English to try to describe how they felt. Like my sweet Harvey who got a chair that was too high for his desk and said, "my legs are feeling squishy" when he wanted to say, "My legs are squeezed under this God forsaken table." Okay, maybe he didn't want to say exactly that, being that he was only a second grader, but you see my point. Its the same for trying to speak another language and attempting to slip on something that is very English into your new language. Imagine the confused faces I got while studying abroad in Costa Rica and I called my little host sister "pumpkin" in Spanish. Please try to picture me explaining to my host mom and siblings that "calabaza" is a term of endearment in English and that I wasn't totally confused about vegetables.

Anyway, new language learners have an uncanny ability to get to the heart of what they mean by stating it in the most literal way possible. Thus, finally brings me to my point (I'm clearly not a first time English language learner with how much fluff I just put into finally get to my point..geez): My parents have happily welcome a foreign exchange high school student into their home until June. She is sweet and adorable and Italian. They are all getting along famously and I cannot wait to meet her and introduce her to Greyson. However, even though I have not officially met my new "sister" yet, she has already inspired me with her enchanting use of Raw English.

My mom forwarded me her essay that she wrote to be accepted into the foreign exchange program and besides being amazed that she is such a well rounded kid; one thing she wrote in particular struck me as lovely, perfect, raw English.

She wrote (in reference to her parents),
"They grown me up with the idea that the most important things in a person's life are freedom, independence, and adaptability. They hope this experience will serve me to mature and soften my flaws."

soften my flaws

Such a perfect way to say what it means.

I can't wait to meet you Franchesa<3 Welcome to our family.

100 things

My writing book suggested to help find inspiration; make a list of one hundred things that you love.  hmm..seems easy enough.  It encourages to write the obvious (chocolate) and not so normal (watching a squirrel run through branches).  It is supposed to be an exercise to help you include things that you love into your novel. 

I highly suggest making this list.  It was a great reminder to all the little things that I love about everyday life.  Those small, gratifying moments that are so simple but oh so sweet.  Here's my list to help you think about yours:

1. Brandon's neck smell
2. Booboo's slobbery, spitty, open mouth kisses
3. hoodies
4. hot tea
5. our bed comforter
6. books with beautiful writing
7. turning right on red
8. car seat warmers
9. hot showers
10. blue moon beer
11. sun on my face
12. the smell of fall
13. screen doors
14. swings
15. close-up pictures
16. facebook comments on my photo albums
17. laughing
18. my sisters' laughs
19. my mom's hands
20. my dad
21. toast & jam
22. rubber boots
23. chunks of chocolate/cookie dough/brownie/etc in ice cream
24. learning
25. watching movie trailers online
26. sharpie markers
27. sifting through books at the library with NO or FULL intent of buying them
28. fireplaces
29. roasted asparagus
30. ranch dressing
31. people that can pull off wearing bulky rings
32. Holy Cross church
33. clapping or keeping the beat along to music
34. "peace be with you" at church
35. public transportation
36. the cheers & noises at live sporting events
37. marching bands
38. the feel & tingle of someone unexpectedly reaching out to touch you while they're telling you a story
39. the phrase "kindred spirits"
40. spending time with Stephanie Morem
41. zodiac signs
42. the stars on my son's ceiling from his nightlight
43. christmas lights
44. the sound of gravel under boots
45. spooning
46. laying in B's nook
47. a fresh, clean calendar
48. spell check
49. learning new functions in excel
50. photos set to beautiful music
51. books on my night table
52. paperbackswap.com
53. re-discovering this writing notebook after so long
54. waking up a few minutes before the alarm goes off
55. Bullet's tracks all through the snow in the backyard
56. teaching at PS27
57. my study abroad experience in Costa Rica
58. getting the mail
59. receiving Christmas cards
60. physically crossing things off of a to do list
61. long, untangled, beautiful hair on a woman (or me!)
62. my Lisa's gram's boiled icing
63. occasionally, a glass of milk
64. watermelon
65. JUMPING into water
66. hot tubs
67. watching Law & Order SVU on marathon while staying in a hotel
68. pizza
69. margaritas & guacamole from Pequenas in Brooklyn
70. dancing wild
71. thank you prayers
72. a good cry
73. worn in sneakers
74. HGTV
75. movies that make me want to google their reviews after watching them
76. Wegmans
77. covering up with a blanket
78. muting TV commercials
79. actually, just being in charge of the remote
80. quick & easy cooking
81. recycling
82. string cheese
83. my own handwriting
84. organizing & planning events
85. being in charge/bossy
86. starbucks chai lattes
87. short fingernails
88. men's cologne
89. using a q-tip almost immediately after getting out of the shower
90. blush
91. a full gas tank
92. traditions
93. watching people change their minds about something they never saw from another point of view
94. meaningful lyrics
95. being thought of as funny
96. champagne
97. the way I say "sham-pag-nay" in my mind while I spell champagne
98. the notion that things exist that we don't know about yet
99. falling in love
100. empathy

exercise for the left and right brain

As previously posted, in my process of writing my novel; I discovered some left and right brain exercises to get my mind prepared for some serious creative writing. Last Tuesday, during momma's night off; I got a chance to flex my brain muscle and was quite impressed with myself.

I used some suggested exercises from Your First Novel (my new favorite book) and took to my writing station for a "workout".

Left Brain exercise: First Liner. Copy the first line from any novel and then keep writing what YOU think should happen next. Write for 10-15 minutes without stopping.
Payoff: I started with a line about a guy noticing a girl in a bar (hahha, it actually came from a pretty raunchy romance novel) and ended up with an interesting start to a story about how this man recognizes the woman from a missing person's ad he read the day his wife kicked him out of the house a few years ago. This might sound cliche, but as my hand was moving, the story started to unfold in my mind - not all at once, but each sentence I wrote was like a sneak peek into another part of the story. My mind started racing about how interesting that this man might feel a connection to this girl who was missing/lost because he first saw her on such a significant day in his life (the day his wife left him and he also felt "lost")...hmmm.
Feelings:  great!  It was a lot easier of an exercise than I initially thought it would be and I was proud of how quickly a story could come out of my brain from thin air.

Right Brain exercise:  Self Praise for your book.  Write future quotations that will adorne your book cover of all your rave reviews.
Payoff:  A whole page filled with interesting and positive quotes from the New York Times book review and my favorite authors.  Things like, "Studer's writing is a breath of fresh air to this genre."  and  "inspired!" and "Such a fascinating idea, I'm a little jealous I hadn't thought of it first"
Feelings:  I had both an uplifting feeling that so many "people" had nice things to say about my book (hah, that's a little schizy) but also felt really self conscious praising my own work, kind of like the same way that most people hate writing a cover letter...it just feels awkward and arrogant.  I can see the benefit of pumping yourself with confidence, but it sort of highlighted the fact that I can't be sure that anyone will say any of that about my writing.  ah.

I had a great time exercising my brain.  I did one more exercise - 100 things - Now its on to the research!

YOU keep writing too!!

Tabitha; human, wife, mom, writer.

About two years ago,  I woke up from an unusual dream and had the urge to write.  Not just write it down, but develop it into a story; like a legit novel.  With all of the creative energy flowing like a geyser, I got to work on writing about six pages of a novel right way...how Stephenie Meyer of me, no?

And then life started happening; I got pregnant, we moved, we got a dog, we had the baby, you get the point.  But if you know me, generally "life" doesn't stop me from finishing a to do list.  So if I'm going to be really honest (and as a blogger, I think that's sort of the blogger's code), I got to the point of being a little afraid.  I can write on the blog and say whatever I want, because I am just writing about my life.  It is what it is and there can't be any harsh critiques of how I live my life.  But this writing, this is coming from inside of me.  The writing is a reflection of talent (or not).  The words are my own ideas strung together to  snag a stranger's interest. That's a whole lot of room for negative reactions and bad first impressions.  Put to the point - that's pretty scary.  So its been over a year since I've done any writing towards "my book," whether it was life or just plain fear that has kept me away - I've stayed away. 

But just recently, I discovered my first writing and really became engulfed in the words again and was like, "geez, I wish this joker of an author would finish this because I'd like to know what happens." hah, newsflash scaredy cat - it's you.  Add to that, my mom is on my case to keep writing (thank you, mum for pushing me!) So, I have set a goal for myself that is pretty ambitious; to finish the novel in the year 2011.

To jump into the undertaking of writing a novel without any prior training or experience feels awfully arrogant of me.  I think that is also holding me back, that voice inside of me that keeps saying, "you're not a writer, Tabitha."  So I found myself breathing heavy and frantically flipping through the pages of writing books while on my mum's first night off.  When it got to the point where I was holding several writer's manuals in b&n, I literally thought, "You need to get out of here; this is dangerous."  I'm talking about that giddy, breathless feeling that I only remember having when cute boys were coming over to ask me to slow dance in middle school.  Seriously, I'm THAT nerdy.  The moment I started researching how to write a novel I started to immediately feel more confident.  The books that I selected (see links) are amazingly helpful and insightful.




And now that I have some writing reference books within my grasps, I am ready to start the writing process again.  Only this time more equipped and better organized. Your First Novel has great starting chapters on how to prepare your left & right brain for writing (soo creepily obsessed with it).  And The Writer's Little Helper has amazing tools for pushing your writing to be even greater.   strongly recommend either (or both!) to anyone thinking about starting to write. 

I am going to try to commit to write Tuesdays and Thursday nights and Sunday mornings.  At least for a little while.  Little by little I am hoping to be able to finish my book by the end of December!  I am still scared and nervous, but mostly I feel excited for the challenge.

As Your First Novel says, "The best remedy for the fear of writing is writing."

FAQ
Q:  What is your book about?
A:  Sorry, I can't say because the backbone of my book is fairly unique, so for the sake of making a good first impression, you'll have to find out when its all finished and you read it.

Q:  Okay, fine.  Then what's the genre?
A:  Fantastical romance...I might have just made that genre up.

Q:  Oh goodness, more vampires?
A:  No.  No vampires, or werewolves, or time travelers.

Q:  Anything else?
A:  The point of view is from a man named Ben.

Q:  Where'd you get this ultra secret book idea?
A:  Actually, I had a dream about my late grandma and I attribute the idea to her.  She came to me in a dream and inspired me; just like she always has.

Q:  Do you need help?
A:  Yes, actually.  I need help by having people reminding me to finish the book.  In the future, I'll need early readers that will give honest feedback.  I'll keep you posted, if you're interested.  Until then, keep hounding me to write, please!

Q:  Will you blog about your writing?
A:  Yes, but I think more about the writing process.  I am seriously so inspired by all the tips I'm getting from these books.  So, if you were ever thinking about writing - let's do it together!!