The 32 pound comedian

This chick...

Granted, I'm only about a month into this gig - but it appears that the number of children (3) seems to be less of a challenge than does the ages of two of those children.  Grey at 4 and a half is a big help and usually very sweet and patient with all of us (little sisters included).  We are really lucky to have such a thoughtful son (...actually, I could use a lesson or two from him on patience at many occasions during the day in my sleep deprivation of the rotten 8).

It's common knowledge that a newborn in and of itself is sort of a tricky part - regardless of how many kids you have.  A newborn requires lots of time, lots of holding, lots of interruptions, and very little sleep.  And you can't really blame those little peanuts on account of them being so little and also so damn cute.  hah.

But around these parts - we not only have a newborn added to our mix, but we are also currently operating under the take-no-prisoners dictatorship of a two and a half year old.

This girl sets her mind to whatever she wants and that's the law of the land.  There's a whole lot of "Watch this/Look at this!" going on all.day.long.  At two and half, Gem is walking a tight rope suspended between "Hold me" and "I can do it myself" and let me tell you, the wind up there blows all day long.  We have long days of tested patience waiting for her to decide if she wants no help at all from us or if she is helpless - with a constant stream of toddler dialogue pouring out of her little pouty mouth.

It all makes for a mumma who needs extra cups of coffee and  halloween candy quietly poached from the cabinet.

Luckily for us; although exhausting - most of Gemma's antics are pretty hilarious these days (as all two and half year olds tend to be).  So if you're up for a few laughs today, check out some of our 32 pound comedian's current stand up routine -

She sings Kumbaya all day long, but changes the verse depending on the situation, for example at dinner time:

Gemma:  I don't like my chicken my Lord, Kumbaya.  Oh Lord, Kumbaya

or at nighttime

Gemma: Where is BigFoot my Lord, Kumbaya.  Oh Lord, Kumbaya

We were in a restaurant bathroom stall when the woman in the stall next to us passed gas rather loudly.

Gemma:  What was that noise?!

Mum:  Please mind your own business, Gem.

Gemma:  No, but what was that noise?

Mum:  Honey, go potty please.

Gemma:  That noise was a monster?

(the questioning went on until we left the bathroom).

Mum:  Gem, please stop flushing the toilet.  You only need to flush one time.

Gemma:  I have to do things.

Gemma came downstairs in the morning crying that Daddy wouldn't help her change her clothes and I thought she had had a bad dream about it.  
Mum:  Gem said she had a bad dream about you not helping her change her clothes! Haha
Dad:  That wasn't a dream, she came in too early and I told her to keep her jammies on
Gemma:  Dad, I want to change my clothes now
Dad:  Gem, not now, it's still morning - let's eat breakfast first
Gemma (looking at me and pointing at Brandon):  Did you see that?


Mum:  Please stop touching the sound machine.
Gemma:  I have to do things.

Gemma:  I can do this (claps hands) but you can't because it's too tricky for you.

Grey:  I can do that.

Gemma:  No, it's really tricky and I'm bigger than  you, so...

Grey:  Gem, I'm bigger than  you.

Gemma:  No, I'm two and half and I can do this (claps hands) and it's really tricky for you because I'm bigger and so, I can do this (claps hands)

Grey (to me):  Can you please take care of this?

Mum:  Gemma, is that scotch tape yours?

Gemma:  no.

Mum:  What's the rule?

Gemma:  not yours, don't touch it.

Mum:  yep, put it back.

Gemma:  I have to do things.

After velcro'ing her own sneakers

Gemma:  Look!  I'm magical.  So I get to hold the baby right now.  Standing up.

Talking to Violet

Gemma:  hi, baby!  I'm so proud of you!  I'll never drop you.  I promise.  Never, ever, ever.  I betect you from the bad guys.  Because I'm supergirl.

Gemma: (turns her head and sneezes away from Violet):  Look!  I didn't Bless You on her!

Mum:  Where are you going with the baby's wipes?

Gemma:  I have to do things.

Here's to the terrible (and hilarious) twos!

The Lasts Weeks of Two

We're in the home stretch now for meeting our new baby girl.  We've made it to the six week countdown and I've passed the inevitable bridge that all pregnant women are required to reach; the i'd-rather-get-this-baby-out-even-though-it-requires-what-it-requires and i-choose-minimal-sleep-and-newborn-care instead of being this pregnant.  It's just a fact of life, friends and a necessary step to continue to populate the human race - let's be honest.

At this point, my pregnant body just feels foreign to me.  It no longer reacts the way I expect it too, I have aches and pains and constant heartburn (oh, Lord, the heartburn).  I need at least a 10 second warning a sneeze is coming on to tighten up, or well...you know what I'm talking about if you've been pregnant.  I'm deliriously happy about our new girl and so grateful that my body can do what it does (ie. grow humans!?) but I'm also ready to meet her and gain control back over my own self.

Coming to the end of this pregnancy has also been a stark reminder that we are also coming to the end of having only two.  These two:

These have been our only two kids for the past two years and now we're getting a new little person.  A new personality that will give our current two kids a new layer of themselves.  Our family will become more complete and with it we will all learn how to work together differently to allow for this new person to be with us.  We will go from equal parts parents and kids to an imbalance in favor of the young.

Currently, Grey and Gem are best friends; honestly.  They can hardly stand to be apart from each other.  The first words out of Gemma's mouth when she wakes up is "Where's Booboo?" and Grey makes it his mission to be his sister's protector.  He gives hell to the big kids at the playground, "It's my sister's turn!  Let her have a turn next!" and tells her frequently, "I would never let anything happen to you, Gem."

What will a new sibling do to them?  I don't say this in panic, but in curiosity.  I was one of three and having two siblings allowed for a mediator, an impartial listener, an ally, a conspirator, another best friend.  I can't wait to see how this plays out for our three too.

While at the playground the other day, my Mum was listening to a 'big boy' talk to the kids by the slide.  When Grey told him, "This is my sister Gemma and we're getting a new baby girl too."  The big boy said, "Another girl baby?  No one is going to pay attention to you guys anymore!" and Greyson announced to Gemma, "Let's get out of here, Gem." and they slid down the slide together and left that big kid up there alone with his rude warning.  HAH!

After I had my complications with Gemma's birth and was put back in the hospital for a few days, I remember sobbing to my sister that I felt like I was neglecting my first baby; Greyson; that I wasn't being a good mom to him anymore now with the new baby and (more so than that) restricted to the hospital bed.

I am feeling the same tinges of that now in my final weeks of pregnancy for baby #3.  I know I am slower and more tired these days.  I can't carry babies up the steps anymore or chase down 100 fly baseballs.  And after our new girl arrives, I know my Mummahood will be stretched a little thinner in both energy and patience.

Somehow though, isn't it funny and wonderful that being a Mum becomes thicker in Love with the addition of new family members.

I have been trying to take in all the little changes in our kids right now to hopefully keep a snapshot of them in my mind of what it was like when they were only two.

Grey has been growing at weed speed these days; both physically and mentally.  He came downstairs this morning and I knew right away that he had grown - and I was right: a full half inch since last month(!)  He has been trying out several phrases he hears from tv shows or bigger kids; things like "You started it," and "I'm going to scare the heck out of you!"

Yesterday at the zoo, he was acting like a spooky animal in the meerkat tunnels and sort of blocking the entrance for other kids.  I called him out of the tunnel and told him that even though it was funny to him, other kids weren't able to play too and maybe they were scared.  That I knew he wasn't a bully but he looked like one by not letting other kids in the tunnel.  He apologized and looked visibly saddened.  About a half hour later when we were leaving the zoo, he said, "Mum, I'm feeling nervous."  I asked why and he said, "I'm feeling worried about the other kids when I was being a bully."  He has my tendencies about holding onto that ping of worry in my heart when I know I made a choice that may have made someone else feel unhappy.

Gemma has turned on the little girl light switch and all the baby has nearly dissipated from her entirely.  She has made the drastically obvious leap from talking so that only her parents understand to full blown conversations that other people understand.  It's both scary and dazzling to see our girl, who has been the baby for so long, turn into a real life little girl.

When I was feeling particularly sick and tired the other night, I came upstairs and took a bath and then put on my flowered robe to lay down to read (thank you, Brandon for the peace & quiet!) and Gemma came upstairs to tell me it was time for dinner.  The moment she walked into our room and saw me in the flowered robe she lit up and whispered, "You are beautiful, Mumma!"  I could have cried.  She can be the sweetest, most loyal little thing in the world.  When we are playing monsters/bad guys and I pretend to be afraid; she runs to me, throws her little arms around my neck and whispers, "I'll be-tect you, mumma!"

We have been talking, practicing, role playing, and doing more talking about having our new baby around.  Every time I go to a doctor appointment, the kids ask enthusiastically, "Is she coming today!?"  We have been trying our best to make our new baby's arrival like waiting for a package in the mail;  we are all just anxiously checking the mailbox everyday in anticipation.

It's such a mix of emotions in these last few weeks.  Slightly grieving the end of two kids and the exact feeling of how our life is today in all it's wild, moving, chaos.  Hardly standing the anticipation to meet our new girl; to become more whole as our family - it so painfully obvious that she is missing from us.  And knowing that I don't want to feel so huge and out of control of my own self, but also knowing the alternative to that lies the zombie like state of the rotten eight first weeks of having a newborn.

And so we all wait to bring our girl home.  Until then, we'll be relishing in just how our life feels during these final weeks of two.

a love letter to worms

Dear worms,

You  may recognize these two kids' faces.

These two children belong to me.  I am writing to say thank you for your patience as you bring much joy to the daily lives of my kids.  

You see, Worms, the reason you recognize these children's faces is because they are always searching for you and they are usually successful.  You frequently hear the sounds of their shovels, diggers, and delighted shrieks as they ramble on and on about how they will "find us some worms today, baby!"

It is with love of the purest kind that they seek you out, to hold you in their hands so that you can wiggle and tickle their palms.  Thank you for being so accepting of our relocation program (not that you have a real choice), but I believe you will find your new home in our kid-selected "Worm Box" comfortable and full of all of your favorite things; mainly dirt.



You can rest easy in our Worm Box, as these children who so lovingly hunt for, transport, and place you in your new home, also stand guard to scare away birds from the Worm Box.  They are your protectors; I found them shouting in unison, "Get away from our worms, Birds!" with a fervor that is usually reserved only for religious extremists and people suffering from severe road rage.

If my children gleefully discover you in any location that is not our home; and let's be honest here, they're always looking so this is a very common occurrence, they proceed to display you to anyone nearby with honest pride for all that is you.  It matters not if these fellow humans are complete strangers, family, or friends they just made 2 minutes prior and have a clear fear or distaste for creatures of your nature.  

My children are so infatuated with you that they incorrectly believe every single human on the planet should also want to hold and admire you too.  If the human politely declines, my children will force them to hold you anyway, gently placing you on the person's most stable body part (knees, feet, hand outstretched in the "ew" position).  There may be a moment of jostling at this time, but that is brief before you are carefully placed "back with your family" in the dirt.

The two reasons I would like to say that I love you Worms,  are these:   First, you provide extended periods of attention and happy independent play for my children.  You are like a rare phenomenon that occurs in my days where I can quickly accomplish multiple tasks that having children hanging on or 'helping' is very difficult.  Things like mopping the floor, using the restroom, or sneaking chocolate from my secret stash without sharing.  I am so grateful to you for that.  

Secondly, you bring out the most beautiful and sincere compliments that my children offer up to each other.  Gemma toddles over with worm in hand to announce in awe, "Wook, Booboo found dis." Just yesterday, Greyson announced aloud at the playground, "Gemmi, you are the greatest worm digger in the whole world!"  and then proudly told his Dad at dinner the same thing and adding, "She found two worms at the playground! Can you believe that?" He had never been more proud of his little sister in her 2 years of life.

There is truly no greater compliment in our home right now than "Great Worm Digger."

You are such a small creature, Worms, but know that to us - you are a very big deal.

Love always,
The Studers

fancy

We try to be very conscious in the way that we speak about life and the words we use to describe it.  I've talked about it before both at 12MonthsofKindness and we've practiced being better about it when using our Tacky Box.  There are things that we just don't say (tacky words) like:  stupid, idiot, dumb, or shut-up.  

There is one word, though, that we do say, and a lot.  That word is fancy.

Fancy is our response to how the kids look when they get dressed in nice clothes.  As an outdoor family and all-around rough&tumble crew, we are more likely found in what we call 'play clothes,' than anything that is fashionable or currently 'in style.' Play clothes are those that can be stained, dirtied, or torn and it won't matter much.  But when we put on 'nice clothes' or get dressed up, we call that fancy.

We tell our kids they are beautiful and handsome too - but that is never because they got fancy.  When we wipe their faces clean, we say, "I think my beautiful girl is under there somewhere!  Where is that beautiful face?"  Or when they wake up, we grab them up for hugs and say, "Good morning, handsome boy!"  Other adjectives are used to describe them all day too (kind, generous, 'good' big bro/little sis, etc).

But when we want to let our kids know that we appreciate how they look when they get dressed up, it is always by saying they look fancy.  We hope to ingrain in them that beauty is not something you get from better looking clothes, or make-up, or accessories, or a hair style.  You can dress up and be fancy for a little while - but you will always be beautiful no matter what you change to your appearance.

And there is no better compliment to me, when I get dressed up and my little Gemmi who has yet to be able to pronounce the /f/ sound; runs her hand down my clothes and says, "You look sancy, Mommy."  She's only two, but she's getting it.

Dear Gemmi,
You are beautiful because of who you are, never because of what you put on or take off.  Never because of the way your hair is styled or how expensive anything you carry might be.  You are beautiful because of all the things that make you, you.  Like how you care for anyone you think is sad or hurt and how you hold hands with those you love.  You are beautiful because of your smart, sneaky brain and your silly, nonsensical humor.  You are beautiful with your hair every which way when you wake up and with cheeto mess all over your cheeks.  You can dress up and be a fancy girl whenever you like, but know that your beauty has nothing to do with how fancy you are.  You are beautiful because you are you.

Love you forever and ever
even when you get so big,
mumma

25 Lessons for my Daughter

Two years ago, I wrote a list of 25 Rules for Moms of Sons.  It was a list for myself; first time mom to a boy, but also a list that through the magic of the internet - made its way around to boymoms everywhere through pinterest and re-posts.  Since then, we have also added a daughter to our family and so now we're figuring our way through parenthood raising both a boy and a girl.

I haven't felt compelled to write a list for Rules for Moms of Daughters (although, you can find a beautiful list here written by my friend Sarah over at Sarah Driscoll), but, I have been feeling this hope and desire to pass on to my girl the lessons that I have learned as a girl myself navigating this world.

As a Mum to two daughters now too, already I can see how different they and I are; how much they remind me of my husband and how their own personalities shine out so brightly that it's sometimes blinding.  I have no doubts that we will twirl around to that dance of Mother&Daughters as they grow up - the one that's choreographed in a way that each partner struggles to lead.  But underneath all the differences, somehow there is already a deep connection between us, maybe one that comes from the sole fact that we share womanhood in common with each other.

So for them, my Gemma and Violet; my sweet girls - here is a list of 25 Lessons that I hope to relay to you over the course of your life as your Mum.  I hope they will make your days happier, simpler, and easier to navigate as you grow through this life as a girl.

1. Learn to adjust.
I can promise only a few things in your life, darling.  One of those things is that life will almost never turn out like you imagine it will.  To keep smiling and enjoying it, no matter what obstacles may come your way, you'll need to learn to adjust to unexpected changes and Plan B's (and C's, and D's sometimes).  You'll need to be able to envision new ideal versions of life again and again.  Because, even though it can be hard and completely unlike what you hoped, somehow life is still brilliantly beautiful when you learn to just go with it.

2. Make some mistakes
Mistakes are nothing to be ashamed of - they help you grow and learn and become a better version of you.  Declare, 'oops!', laugh it off, and roll with it.  There are very few mistakes that are not fixable; so don't get too upset; you'll usually be able to make it right again.  Just try not to keep making the same mistakes again and again.  That's not learning or becoming better, baby, that's just lazy.

3. Make peace with your body
No matter what messages you might receive on what you and your body should look like, I hope you always look in the mirror and recognize a friend.

4. Know the best gift you have to give to someone is yourself
your smile, your time, your touch, your love.  These are all things you cannot take back once you give them.  They are all priceless; so treat them as such, my dear.  Give them away freely and frequently but only to those that deserve them.  

5. Keep your nose clean
Both literally and figuratively.

6. Be grateful.
Learn this equation:  Gratefulness = Happiness.  It does not go the other way around.  If you want to be happy everyday, you need to be grateful everyday.  Even on your worst days, when you look really closely, you will find that there is something to be grateful for.  Find out what that thing is and cling to it.  Happiness will take root and flourish when you look at your life through a gracious lens.

7. How you feel should not be solely dependent on how you look
Most of my favorite, most fun memories happened when I was sweaty, dirty, bundled head to toe in snow clothes, or in the middle of the night with mismatch pajamas and my hair in a side pony giggling.  Don't miss out on joy and new experiences simply because you might not be perfectly polished at the moment.

8. Your heart will love who it wants to love.
If something is drawing  you to someone, listen to it.  Maybe it's not someone you expected, or someone that anyone else expected for you.  The heart wants what the heart wants.  Don't be afraid to follow it.  But this comes with a warning, sweet girl, because sometimes your heart can be fooled by fast cars or expensive gifts or a beautiful face or a whisper in your ear.  That's not your heart talking - that's a trick.  And if you ever find yourself looking in the mirror and unable to recognize yourself - well then, your heart has been tricked.  Because your heart truly wants to love someone who makes you more you - not someone who makes you want to be more like them.

9.  Trust Adele when she says, "Sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead."
Oh sweet girl, does it ever hurt.  It sears and cuts deep and leaves you feeling tore open right down the middle.  Let it hurt for a moment or two because this is the kind of pain that reminds you just how strong you are.  That you can take a punch to the gut like a champ and hold your ground.  Go ahead and cry or scream or eat three pints of ice cream.  And then turn that hurt into energy to go do something.  Run, write a poem, call your best friend and go see a movie - whatever it is do something; get moving!  Because, yes, sometimes it does hurt but then it also makes room for the next someone, and maybe that will be the time it lasts.

10.  Learn new words
There are so many beautiful and interesting ways to describe what you want to say.  Learn and regularly use language to speak and write.  Slang and current hip ways of speaking (#ageofhashtags) can be cute and funny but don't miss out on the range of language so sweeping and beautiful that its enough to make a grown man blush or an old lady smile wistfully.  Need help?  READ MORE.

11. There is never a situation- do you hear me, NEVER!! - when it is 'good idea' for you to send a nude picture of yourself via phone or internet.  Never.
It will always come back to bite you in the behind, my darling.  Maybe not tomorrow or next week, maybe not until you are fully grown with your own kids.  But whenever it comes back to find you, I can promise you that it will be painfully embarrassing.  If anyone says they need it, I can promise you that they don't deserve it (re-read #4).

12.  Trust Billy Joel when he says, "Slow down you crazy child. Take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile"
Life is demanding, honey.  It's the way of the world.  The are expectations to meet and RSVPs to respond to, deadlines to make, and chores to be done.  Meetings, cleaning, cooking, traveling, tests, reading requirements - even pop culture to keep up with (!)  So give yourself permission to take a break.  Figure out what it is that calms your soul and do that.  Maybe it's reading romance novels, or a bubble bath, or yoga, or browsing pinterest.  Do whatever recharges your batteries to come back into the hectic of life ready and swinging.

13. Recognize the magic in the tiny details of everyday
the first sip of a warm drink in the morning, the feel of a hot shower over your shoulders, making momentary eye contact with a stranger, green lights when you're in a hurry, the way the sunlight steams down in beams from clouds sometimes. Please try to recognize all the ordinary magic, because it's that sort of stuff that will get you through the trudge of life.

14. Trust that feeling in your gut.
There is a tiny voice inside all of us that whispers to us in certain situations.  Please take heed.  Sometimes that voice will tell you that you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation - then please stop and get somewhere that you feel more safe.  Sometimes your gut will tell you that something is just not right - then speak up and ask questions.  Sometimes your gut will tell you that you can help - then help, baby, even if it seems awkward.  It takes only one person to stand up for the helpless - be that person.

15. Keep a journal
It's beneficial to write down your feelings because when they are bottled up inside of you they can cloud perspective.  Write it down and then re-read it a little later.  I guarantee it will sound a lot less dramatic than it felt at first.  I also like to write when I'm feeling particularly happy so that I can go back and hold onto those feelings of elation on days that I'm not feeling particularly happy.  It's good to have a way to converse with yourself to learn more about who you are and what makes you tick.

16. Believe.
Whatever it might be, sweetheart, I hope you'll believe.  Believe there are bigger things out there in the universe than you and me, believe in magic, believe in miracles, and things that have never been discovered yet.  Believe in the kindness of strangers, the feeling you get in your bones from music, and the mystic of nature.  If in nothing else, my girl, believe in the power of hope.

17.  Remember you are just a very, very small part of this great big world
It's a harsh reality, sweetheart, but nearly everything that happens to you in your life has also happened to someone else.  Yes, you are unique and wonderful and completely you - but this world and her history is so great and big that you are really only a teeny, tiny piece of a vast puzzle.  You fit just right into the picture that we all make together, but keep an anchor in knowing that you are but one small part.  When you forget this fact, it's easy to believe that your own problems are all-encompassing and more important than everyone else's.  Sorry baby, but they aren't.  Time marches on, my girl, no matter what happens to any of us.

18.  Remember, too though, that your actions have never-ending ripples that will go on to affect people that you may never meet.
Even though we are each a very small part of this great big world, every action we extend to another person leaves an imprint.  Try to choose kindness to which you react and distribute to others.  It's no easy task to choose patience and kindness when others are not doing the same, but remember that you are in charge of your own ripples that will make their way out into the world.  Make it so that when people think of their experience with you - it is with a smile and gratitude for getting to have crossed their path with yours.

19. Don't be afraid to be uncomfortable for a little while.
It's okay to be a little too hot or a little too cold for a bit.  It's okay for something to take longer than you expected or to have to wait in line until it's your turn.  Life is like that quite often; uncomfortable.  Some people have the notion that "comfort" is the same as "best" - but that's not really true.  There are people that surround themselves with so much comfort, they never want to do or try anything new!  If you're really living life with gusto, you'll find yourself in conversations, situations, and experiences where you are uncomfortable.  Well, at least it starts out that way, until you learn better and relax.  And then, as nearly all things in life are, it's fleeting and then over, and you realize it actually wasn't that bad at all.

20. Fake it till you make it.
Here's the big secret:  almost no one knows what they're doing.  We're all just kind of learning as we go, re-calibrating after our mistakes and marching on after our successes.  We are all tripping over our own feet and grabbing at things before they crash.  Sort of being our very own Wizards behind the green curtain.  So, don't be afraid to try something new - because honestly, that's the fastest way to learn; trial by fire.  Just keep reading and seeking out knowledge and trying your best; it's all any of the rest of us are doing.

21.  Set some goals for yourself
Think about what you'd like to do and who you hope to become and then make a plan.  If you want to be an astronaut, it's not enough to just announce you want to be an astronaut.  You have to study and learn about the stars and go to space camp.  Maybe that means raising money at a lemonade stand for the cost, but you'll darn well do what it takes to get there!  Make your goals as silly (grow Mermaid-length hair) or as ambitious (publish a book) as you can dream up.  Set some goals and then see them through.  Take ownership to build the life you fantasize about.

22.  Let your emotions show
Go ahead and cry about it, or go ahead and belly laugh about it.  Or whatever it is that you are moved to feel about something, go ahead and feel it.  Keep in mind that emotions are impermanent.  If you are washed over in anger, feel that heat inside of you and then remind yourself it's just passing through you - it's not a state of being.  So what if you have a cheesy grin on your face from that youtube 'best kisses' compilation video - that's how you feel!  But if you don't feel overwhelmed with an emotion, don't pretend either; it's easy to tell when someone is being genuine or not.

23.  Surround yourself with good girl friends
There is something powerful about spending time with other women.  Girls can be mean and judgmental - but not all girls are - so don't write us all off if you meet a few of the mean ones.  Find the women that laugh at the same jokes as you do and who help you even when it's boring.  The ones that call you when no one else knows you're feeling sad.  If you need examples of what these kinds of girls act like, then look to your aunts and my best friends.  I chose them to walk this life with me - and by extension,  you - because they are the ones left standing when everyone else has fallen away.  It has been their company that has carried me through some of my best and worst times.  They've cheered me on and told me when I was making mistake.  If for whatever reason you cannot talk to me about something, let my girl friends (or your own versions of the same) be the ones you go to help you figure it out.

24.  Look to the strong men in your life
My darling, the thing about the men we have positioned in your life is that they will fight to their death for your happiness.  Your dad, grandfathers, brother, and uncles have flames in their hearts with your name written on it.  For you, my girl, they will move mountains.  For you, they will lay down their life.  Do not abuse this, now or ever if you find men willing to do this for you later in your life.  There is a strong, aching, beautiful love that a man can have for a woman he cares about in any capacity.  Recognize that it is a privilege to be considered worthy to be on this pedestal to him, and it is never your right to take advantage of that spot.

25. Know this one truth:  I am here for you.
I think after all my time here living my own life, I have come to see the point of it all - the point of me.  It has always been about becoming your mother.  So when I say I am here for you, I mean in all the ways someone can be there for someone else-spiritually, physically, emotionally...  But most literally - I was put here [on Earth] for you.  No matter what happens, I am here for you.  It's as basic as that.

Love you forever,
even when you get so big
and maybe you won't follow a single lesson, my darling,
even then - I will love you,
Mumma

wordless wednesday

ughhh.  I just can.not.get.out of this writing rut.  I know the last thing I need to do is stop blogging.  so, here's my contribution to 'Wordless Wednesday' to the worldwide web (it's a real thing).  .

to the coolest chick I know

Dear Gemma,
It took you a very long time to grow hair.  For a long while, you hardly had any hair atop your sweet-smelling  head.  And you know what, you could rock a bald head like some babies just can't.

And then when your hair grew in - it was a bonafide mowhawk.  Like people questioned us a few times whether or not we cut it like that.  And guess what, you rocked that mowhawk like no one's business.

And after a long while, you finally had hair enough to put into sweet little ponytails and pigtails (which you always ripped out as quickly as you could).

And just last week, you sashayed your little pigtailed booty to the county fair and looked like a real life grown up little girl.

Well, this morning, after Booboo announced that he was going to wake you up, I heard the two of you giggling and playing upstairs and I sent out an email and let the dogs in and made my way upstairs excited to get our Saturday started.  When I didn't find either of you in your rooms, I started heading towards my bedroom when I heard the sound of Daddy's clippers.  My eyes must have gotten huge and I went running in to find your 3year old big brother shaving your head.

Shaving your head.
for your very first haircut.

I immediately grabbed the clippers off of him. Then this happened:
Greyson:  "I'm cutting Gem's hair!"
Me:  "I can see that."
Greyson:  "And I'm not done."

and I took the clippers and walked out of the room and called your Dad at work.  It was the first time I literally had absolutely no idea what to do as the Mum.  I wanted to laugh and cry and needed my parenting partner right at that moment.

After half crying-half laughing telling your Dad, I went back into the closet and told Greyson not to ever, ever, EVER cut your hair again because it is very dangerous and I didn't want either of you to get hurt.

The thing that was so funny or sweet or precious about it was that Grey had set up this whole little barber shop in our closet for you.  He had thought to drag the little stool from your bathroom for you to sit on.  Had put baby powder on your back so the hair wouldn't stick (just like Dad does to him), draped a towel over you, and pulled in the garbage can from our bathroom.  And you just sat there happily and patiently while your three year old brother shaved.your.head.  Like, 'hmm, seems legit.'

Grey told me that he 'just wants Gemma to have hair like me and Daddy!'  The head shave didn't come from a malicious place in the least, he honestly thought it was an awesome idea.  And so did you, apparently as you didn't cry, try to get up, or fuss.  It was just another adventure in the made-up land of Booboo & Chicken.

Later, as we were heading out to get your second haircut of your life to fix up the chop job - you turned around to look up at me and even with a partially shaved head you were still (maybe even more so) filled to the brim with attitude and personality, girl.  It's amazing.

We got you all set up in the hair trimming seat and you cheesed your little face off for you 'before' shot.

You sat patiently while your stylist, Tony, tried desperately to fix your haircut up.

And then afterwards at Pap & Gigi's house, you rode your little quad around with your super short haircut like a boss.

And I suppose I could have been furious with Grey that he chopped off your perfect baby hair for the first time in your life.  And maybe I could have spilled out a few tears as I scooped up your little blonde locks from our bedroom floor to safekeep in your baby book in the page designated for baby's first haircut.

But I wasn't furious.
Nor did I shed any tears.

Because there are two things that today helped me remember:

First, you and your brother are a pair of friends that will always come up with wild things to do together but always with a full heart of trust in each other.  You love riding shotgun on his quad as he takes you all over the yard and trails.  You have no fear when you are with him because you know he will have your back.  And when Grey hears the Ho, Hey song by the Lumineers - he says, 'this is Gemmi and my song because she's my sweetheart!'  Someday you two will be cracking up over the fact that Grey was your first hair stylist armed with a bottle of baby powder and a pair of Dad's clippers.

No amount of head shaving or otherwise can come between the two of you.  This I know to be a truth.

And secondly, my darling.  It will never, ever matter what is on top of your head (or not).  Or what you are wearing or who you are with.  You have a light inside of you that shines out that trumps all other things.  You, my girl, have got a strength and presence in your guts that is undeniable.

Seriously, Gem - since you've arrived on this Earth - you have always been the coolest chick I've ever known.

Love forever and ever.  even when you get so big,
Mum