The Lasts Weeks of Two

We're in the home stretch now for meeting our new baby girl.  We've made it to the six week countdown and I've passed the inevitable bridge that all pregnant women are required to reach; the i'd-rather-get-this-baby-out-even-though-it-requires-what-it-requires and i-choose-minimal-sleep-and-newborn-care instead of being this pregnant.  It's just a fact of life, friends and a necessary step to continue to populate the human race - let's be honest.

At this point, my pregnant body just feels foreign to me.  It no longer reacts the way I expect it too, I have aches and pains and constant heartburn (oh, Lord, the heartburn).  I need at least a 10 second warning a sneeze is coming on to tighten up, or well...you know what I'm talking about if you've been pregnant.  I'm deliriously happy about our new girl and so grateful that my body can do what it does (ie. grow humans!?) but I'm also ready to meet her and gain control back over my own self.

Coming to the end of this pregnancy has also been a stark reminder that we are also coming to the end of having only two.  These two:

These have been our only two kids for the past two years and now we're getting a new little person.  A new personality that will give our current two kids a new layer of themselves.  Our family will become more complete and with it we will all learn how to work together differently to allow for this new person to be with us.  We will go from equal parts parents and kids to an imbalance in favor of the young.

Currently, Grey and Gem are best friends; honestly.  They can hardly stand to be apart from each other.  The first words out of Gemma's mouth when she wakes up is "Where's Booboo?" and Grey makes it his mission to be his sister's protector.  He gives hell to the big kids at the playground, "It's my sister's turn!  Let her have a turn next!" and tells her frequently, "I would never let anything happen to you, Gem."

What will a new sibling do to them?  I don't say this in panic, but in curiosity.  I was one of three and having two siblings allowed for a mediator, an impartial listener, an ally, a conspirator, another best friend.  I can't wait to see how this plays out for our three too.

While at the playground the other day, my Mum was listening to a 'big boy' talk to the kids by the slide.  When Grey told him, "This is my sister Gemma and we're getting a new baby girl too."  The big boy said, "Another girl baby?  No one is going to pay attention to you guys anymore!" and Greyson announced to Gemma, "Let's get out of here, Gem." and they slid down the slide together and left that big kid up there alone with his rude warning.  HAH!

After I had my complications with Gemma's birth and was put back in the hospital for a few days, I remember sobbing to my sister that I felt like I was neglecting my first baby; Greyson; that I wasn't being a good mom to him anymore now with the new baby and (more so than that) restricted to the hospital bed.

I am feeling the same tinges of that now in my final weeks of pregnancy for baby #3.  I know I am slower and more tired these days.  I can't carry babies up the steps anymore or chase down 100 fly baseballs.  And after our new girl arrives, I know my Mummahood will be stretched a little thinner in both energy and patience.

Somehow though, isn't it funny and wonderful that being a Mum becomes thicker in Love with the addition of new family members.

I have been trying to take in all the little changes in our kids right now to hopefully keep a snapshot of them in my mind of what it was like when they were only two.

Grey has been growing at weed speed these days; both physically and mentally.  He came downstairs this morning and I knew right away that he had grown - and I was right: a full half inch since last month(!)  He has been trying out several phrases he hears from tv shows or bigger kids; things like "You started it," and "I'm going to scare the heck out of you!"

Yesterday at the zoo, he was acting like a spooky animal in the meerkat tunnels and sort of blocking the entrance for other kids.  I called him out of the tunnel and told him that even though it was funny to him, other kids weren't able to play too and maybe they were scared.  That I knew he wasn't a bully but he looked like one by not letting other kids in the tunnel.  He apologized and looked visibly saddened.  About a half hour later when we were leaving the zoo, he said, "Mum, I'm feeling nervous."  I asked why and he said, "I'm feeling worried about the other kids when I was being a bully."  He has my tendencies about holding onto that ping of worry in my heart when I know I made a choice that may have made someone else feel unhappy.

Gemma has turned on the little girl light switch and all the baby has nearly dissipated from her entirely.  She has made the drastically obvious leap from talking so that only her parents understand to full blown conversations that other people understand.  It's both scary and dazzling to see our girl, who has been the baby for so long, turn into a real life little girl.

When I was feeling particularly sick and tired the other night, I came upstairs and took a bath and then put on my flowered robe to lay down to read (thank you, Brandon for the peace & quiet!) and Gemma came upstairs to tell me it was time for dinner.  The moment she walked into our room and saw me in the flowered robe she lit up and whispered, "You are beautiful, Mumma!"  I could have cried.  She can be the sweetest, most loyal little thing in the world.  When we are playing monsters/bad guys and I pretend to be afraid; she runs to me, throws her little arms around my neck and whispers, "I'll be-tect you, mumma!"

We have been talking, practicing, role playing, and doing more talking about having our new baby around.  Every time I go to a doctor appointment, the kids ask enthusiastically, "Is she coming today!?"  We have been trying our best to make our new baby's arrival like waiting for a package in the mail;  we are all just anxiously checking the mailbox everyday in anticipation.

It's such a mix of emotions in these last few weeks.  Slightly grieving the end of two kids and the exact feeling of how our life is today in all it's wild, moving, chaos.  Hardly standing the anticipation to meet our new girl; to become more whole as our family - it so painfully obvious that she is missing from us.  And knowing that I don't want to feel so huge and out of control of my own self, but also knowing the alternative to that lies the zombie like state of the rotten eight first weeks of having a newborn.

And so we all wait to bring our girl home.  Until then, we'll be relishing in just how our life feels during these final weeks of two.

10 Ways to be productive at a 3hour Glucose Test

After two perfectly passed 1hour Glucose tests for my first two pregnancies, it took this third baby to finally fail it.  

I was bummed.  To say the least.

Obviously I don't want to have gestational diabetes, but more so than that - three hours of sitting at the lab seems like a huge waste of time for this pregnant mumma of two.  I can handle the 1 hour test..heck, 1 hour with an abundance of doctor office magazines and quiet - that's practically a vacation!  

But 3 full hours without kids feels like a long time of not getting things done.  Uninterrupted time is like an efficiency gold mine and I was disheartened that I'd need to commit myself to a full morning of basically waiting around.

So in an effort to make use of my full 3 hours despite the confines of the hospital's first floor - I brought along some activities to do during the time that would make me feel like I had not wasted away three hours of perfectly good kid-free time.

The key here is to make sure you have your supplies with you.  I packed up a tote with the following items to make sure I could be as productive as possible at the appointment:

• my planner
• a pen
• blank paper
• cellphone & headphones
• thank you note cards
• my current leisure-reading book
• new baby preparation book
• my creative journal

Once I had my supplies and my test got underway, I got started on using the time to get stuff accomplished.  I tried to focus on task for 20-30 minutes and ended up leaving the appointment feeling fairly productive and proud of time well spent.

1. Prepare for Baby To Do List:  Despite only having a mere 10 weeks left to go before Studerbaby #3 arrives, we have plenty still left on our To Do list.  It always helps me try to get a list together of the things that we need to get finished in the next few weeks.  Our list ranges from washing baby hand-me-down clothes, to re-assembling the crib, to completing our Cord Blood Donation paperwork.

2. Scheduling the plan of attack for Baby To Do List:  I have a bit of a love affair with my planner, so it was no big surprise that it accompanied me to my 3hour glucose test.  After putting down most of my Baby To Do List (#1), I then flipped through my planner to pencil in weeks/days that I can start working on the list to make sure I get it all done.  It's first important to make the list and then even more critical to set a due date (or start date).  So, next week I penciled in to have the hubs bring down and reassemble the crib and finish setting up the nursery (move my daughter's clothes out of the changing table/dresser, etc).

3. Meal Plan (or Post-baby Freezer Meal Plan):  I organize our meal plan at the beginning of each month, so that was already taken care of for our regularly scheduled meals.  However, I have been thinking about post-baby freezer meals and how insanely grateful I was after my daughter was born that I had already prepped a good 13 meals before she arrived.  I've decided this needs to happen again to keep my family's bellies full, so I took some time during my appointment to jot down meals I remember we enjoyed last time - as well as do some pinsearching of new ones that we can try for this time around.  (I scheduled the making of these meals to start in 3 weeks from now - so I'll have until then to finalize a list and get to shopping!)

4. Baby Preparation Reading:  I may have already been through newborn raising twice, but I could still use a little refresher course on how those first few weeks will go; especially since on top of the rotten eight tiredness, I'll also still be in charge of maintaining life for my other two kids.  One of our favorite parenthood books is On Becoming Baby Wise.  Since I've read it twice before for my other two, this was a good chance to sweep through the highlighted sections and refresh my mind for another sweet little tiny baby.

5. Thank You note writing:  We are so lucky to have people that send us little gifts and surprises for our upcoming new baby, even though it's our third.  I believe wholeheartedly that thank you notes are a beautiful and important part of life.  And yet, in the busyness of life, somehow they get pushed to the back burner constantly.  I took a little while to finish out some thank you notes I've been meaning to write while I had some peace and quiet and no laundry staring at me (within sight anyway).

6. Take a Walk:  I was requested to stay on the first floor of the hospital, but after talking to a nurse about the hallways - I made a couple loops around the floor and racked up another 1.2 miles for the month of July.  While walking, I like to listen to audible books (right now I'm listening to The Husband's Secret) so it's like two birds with one stone!  Getting a quick walk in for the day and getting some pleasure 'reading' in at the same time!

7. TED Talks:  Maybe everyone doesn't classify this as particularly productive - but watching TED talks always pumps creative and energy into my brain - so I count it!  I watched this awesome video about our kids and grandkids being a different species (!) at my appointment (with headphones, obviously).  Some of my other favorite TED talks include:  Birth of a Word, How Schools Kill Creativity, I'm not your Inspiration Thank You Very Much,and  If I Should Have a Daughter

8. Creative journal doodling:  I brought along my creative journal and got some blog post thoughts down that have been bouncing around in my brain for the past few days.  I read back over the last notes of my novels in an attempt to ignite the writing fire again (I did!).  And I looked over the list of upcoming interviews scheduled for The Mom Next Door Series.

9.  Leisure Reading:  Most of my leisure reading happens just as I get into bed at the end of a long day.  I find myself reading for no more than five or ten minutes before falling asleep (sometimes with the book falling right onto my face, hah!)  I took my current read, Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and got some solid pleasure reading time in while sitting in the waiting room.

10.  Nap:  Okay, fine.  Guilty as charged.  I totally took a quick 15 minute cat nap.  I didn't initially mean to do it, but I sort of just drifted off with my head in my hand and it was kind of wonderful.  Like a tiny little battery recharge for the day.

How else do you productively pass the time during long, unavoidable appointments?

Studerbaby#3 gender reveal

Of all the discoveries during Screen Free Week, the best, biggest, and most wonderful was our third Studerbaby's gender reveal.  We had our appointment on Tuesday morning and Brandon and I were all jittery nerves in the waiting room.  We got into the ultrasound room and watched with unreasonably proud hearts as our baby kicked and the technician declared, the baby weighs 11oz; that's perfect.  Finally she asked, "If I can tell, do you want to know the gender?" and we both hesitated for a moment until B said, "Yes."

For all 19 weeks of the pregnancy, I have felt it was a resounding boy.  I have been combing through boy's names and imagining the three kids all together playing and it was always with Grey, Gem and a baby brother.  Brandon was not so sure and wobbled between the two.  And then, we found out...

and I was overjoyed.  A wave of excitement and gratitude washed over me and all I could think was, "a baby sis for Gemmi."  Having sisters was possibly the most grateful childhood memory I have and I am so happy that Gem will get to have a sister to confide, laugh, and learn with as the two of them grow up together.  Now when I imagine my three kids together; it is with my two daughters (ah!  my two daughters!!) holding hands and serenely following around our wild, running boy.

After B got home from work, we got the kids together and told them we had something exciting to tell them.  When Brandon paused after saying, "Our new baby is a....." Grey got a big smile on his face and chanted, "Please say a boy!  Please say a boy!"  B and I gave each other a quick, worried glance before he said, "A Girl!"  Grey's face look defeated enough that my heart broke a little for him and then he said, "Well, Okay."  He laid down on B's shoulder and I told him it was alright if he wanted to cry a little.  He declared, "No, I don't have to." and has now since been telling everyone "Now we'll have two crazy little girls!"  He has also seemed to realize it will still just be him and Daddy doing 'boy' things together with no other intruders and that seems to give him a nice consolation.*

Since he's been practicing writing his letters, we had him write down the word "Girl" on cut-out paper hearts to tell our immediate family and then we went to their houses and Dad's work to hand deliver Grey's note to them that night.  Despite the fact that the grandparents all know we are having another baby and would be thrilled if we were having either gender - they're reactions were all amazing and hilarious.  Of the six family members we told; 4 of them thought it was a boy (Chum, Gigi, Pappy, and Uch).  Only my mum and Mimi thought it was a girl (but not even they were sure).

Kayla found out just a day ago, as she has now returned from Italy from her honeymoon (a post on her amazing wedding forthcoming).  We got to chat via facetime yesterday and per usual Aunt Kitty style, she had happy tears about it.  hahhha.

It was so nice to find out during Screen Free week when we were intentionally avoiding over-sharing.  I am no stranger to sharing everything in our life (hello, blog readers!!) and so this was a moment that we got a chance to enjoy and keep this secret for a whole week before telling everyone.  It was somehow a little more magical by not letting the whole world now right at that moment (even though it was tempting) - it was just ours to enjoy for a little while.

So now we are busy manically searching girls names and sorting through Gemmi & Sophia's hand-me-down clothes to prepare for this new baby girl.  Gah, a baby girl.  We all just cannot wait to meet this baby.

**************************************************
*a few weeks ago, Greyson and I watched that video of the little boy finding out he would be having another sister together.  Afterwards, we talked about how it wasn't very nice the way the boy was acting and talking about his own sisters and girls.

Grey decided that he definitely would NOT do that if we found out we were having a sister and that he would just say, "That's alright that we having a sis."  We talked about too the good things about having a sister instead of a brother (like being the only boy with Daddy and that he already has a sister and how much fun it is to play with her).

I think talking about the possibility of it being a girl (and not exactly what he may have hoped for) was really good for his age.  Grey was visibly disappointed at first, but we had already talked about it feeling a little sad if we were wrong or having a girl instead of a boy, so he already had practiced the words he would say which would also start the process of feeling better about it.

We also regularly do a lot of talking about speaking nicely to and about our family and friends and how lucky we are to have people that love us.  So although he was disappointed after the immediate announcement, his rebound time was amazing and I am so proud of him.  He is such an amazing big brother; our girls are so very lucky to have him.

we're growing

Spoiler alert:  by the end of September, we will be bigger by one tiny human!

Yep!  I am currently growing a new little Studerbaby and our whole Studer zoo crew is overjoyed!  Brandon and I have this strange contradictory feeling that we kind of know what we're doing (being two kids in and all) and yet this abyssal fear that everything is about to be drastically new and impossible to manage with an official outnumbering.  Grey has been very sweet and caring, especially if I tell him that the baby is making me feel sleepy.  And Gem's favorite thing on the planet is babies - so she is already practicing intensely on being a little mumma herself.

We found out in mid January - actually Bullet was the first to give us an inkling as he became weirdly attached to my side and after two years of sleeping under our bed at night is now persistent at sleeping on the bed at my feet.  No matter how many times we kick him off, he comes back up while we're sleeping and that's where we find him in the morning.

after a night of bad dreams = EVERYONE is in our bed!?!!

We were planning on keeping it a secret until we had our whole family over for dinner one Sunday and Gigi joked that she thought we were bringing everyone together to announce a new baby, everyone laughed and then I got visibly awkward and weird and my Mum was like, 'wait....are you?' and I was like, "um....uh, what?  I don't understand the question."  worst.secret.keeper.ever.

So our family has been keeping it under wraps for the past two and a half months with us (good job family!  Love you!!).  We finally made it 'facebook official' (that's a real thing in today's day and age; insanity) last Friday on my 12 week date.  And now with this post - the cat is officially out of all the bags!

Being pregnant the third time around has been interesting.  I unconsciously compare how I feel this time to the two times before - sort of like a barometer for everything ranging from which gender this babe might be to how pregnancy differs with each subsequent child.

Just like the first two, I'm thirsty for milk and I have heartburn.  Unlike the first two, I have absolutely no interest in drinking coffee (wah!) and I am dead tired.  Like falling asleep while standing up tired.  It's ridiculous and part of the reason my blog posts have been so far between (sorry).  I just cannot get it together.  I'm hoping now that the first trimester is coming to a close that I'll get a little boost in my step, because this has seriously been ridiculous.

I've even googled multiple times "third pregnancy exhaustion" just to make sure something wasn't weird.  Newsflash - it ain't.  Apparently you're more tired because, go figure - you already have wild babies to take care of on top of another little bean sucking all of your life force out of you to ya know, grow into a real live human.  hah!  And I'm pretty sure my body is just like, "Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?"

I have been resting and taking it easy waaaaaaaaaaay better than I did with my first two pregnancies as well - which feels horribly inefficient but also a relief to just do what my body asks without fighting it every step of the way.  I'm asleep before 9pm almost every night.

This will be my first summer pregnancy which despite everyone's warnings - still seems exciting and fun (talk to me again in July, right?)  For now, we are relaxing and doing a lot of talking to and about the baby.  The kids know that we'll have a new baby by Halloween (which could be 7 years from now for all they understand about time, HAH).  And at least once a day they ask to talk to the baby and say strange things to him/her like "Do you have a blankie and pillow in there, baby?"  or "we ate pizza today, baby"

The only thing I'm sure of right now is that this baby is seriously loved.  We are so blessed.

Going to get our girl

Well, we've waited long enough and now we're going to get our girl.  The doc scheduled us for an induction on Monday at 8a.  I am strangely calm and relaxed on the eve of some serious Momma-superpower-strength-extravaganza.  It feels like we've been waiting and anticipating our new girl's arrival for so long now that it seems a little surreal that now we know what day she'll actually be here.  

Since we've been aimlessly wandering around waiting for her these last few weeks, we've tried various ways to get ourselves busy besides my last post about finding things to do while we wait for Gemma's arrival.  I had Greyson do a little artwork to hang up in Gemma's nursery. We had a big frame that needed a print and instead of making another frivolous purchase from Etsy - I let Grey use his creativity with some paint and a fairly big piece of sketch paper to make a masterpiece for his new baby sister.

...he was pretty pleased with himself...

The artwork looks beautiful in the nursery and each time we go in to rearrange things or practice reading some of Gemma's books - Greyson points up at the picture and says, "Booboo did that."  

I've also carted Greyson, the two dogs, and my dad into the woods near my parents house for a mile and a half walk in attempts to walk the baby out of me (to no avail).  But despite not pushing me into natural labor, Greyson and both dogs got a whole lot of energy out from all the hiking and swimming (just the dogs swimming, not Booboo - hah).  So the hike was worth it for a house full of snoozing 'kids' for an evening. 

pregnant shadow - HAH

And thanks to this pin, we had some indoor playtime with snow this week while I was just too tired for all the wild Booboo movement of the day.  Indoor snowtime was a big hit that required very little movement for a solid half hour.  Luckily, I had Bullet and Trixie nearby happily lapping up any snow that was tossed on the floor.  As always, pinterest saves the day. 

We're still regularly attending Greyson's activities for the week - including swimming, 'college,' and gymnastics.  But Dadda has become full-on Gym Dad....

...while I stand on the sidelines and watch while carrying this 40 week belly around...

When we found out about our induction on Friday, we decided to make one last ditch effort of trying to coax Gemmi out before we force her out of my belly with another long walk in the woods to retrieve Brandon's tree stands from hunting season.  This time both Brandon and my Mum were there while Grey and the dogs ran like wild animals.  It was another good hike (at 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant - can I get me some kind of a Girl Scout badge up in here for that?!), but although tired all of our 'kids' out - it was, alas, unsuccessful at getting our girl loose.  

So here we are now, on the eve of our second child's original birthday not really knowing how to balance all our feelings of nervousness, excitement, anxiousness, and worry.  It will be a hard day tomorrow, but then it will be over and f.i.n.a.l.l.y. we'll get to see that sweet face.  

Gem, 

we just can't wait another day to meet you, honey.  

we love you so.  

already.  

see you soon.

love forever and ever, 

mum, dad, and booboo too.  

the waiting game

First, I fully recognize that we haven't even made it to my due date yet, howeverrrrrrr, at this point in my first pregnancy - Grey had already arrived and we were home by now enjoying his sleepy, cuddly, sweet, little butt.  So,  despite the fact that many a momma carry their babies longer than their due date - I would not like to join their ranks.  I am currently at 38 weeks 6 days.  ugh.

Thus, my family has been enduring me for the past week or so as the horribly mood-swinging, easily irratated, overly sensitive, extremely uncomfortable 9 month pregnant woman that I have now become.  Brandon has heard more than once these past few days, "honey, I don't want to be like this, but I kind of just hate you right now.  so please stop talking."  My father in law got a call yesterday in which I said, "hi, can you take Grey for a while.  Like even for an hour?  I just don't have the energy...for all that...right now."  And I literally just got off the phone with my parents after asking, if they would assist me in taking Grey and the dogs for a walk in the woods today, because "Maybe I can walk this baby out."

I've also spent a considerably concerning amount of time on google searching insane things that is fairly embarassing to report.  But at this size, I'm really in no state of mind to care whether or not I look like a fool.  Here's some examples of my google searches for a taste of how our last few weeks have gone.  (these are literally sitting on my google search history...'big brother' must be reading these and laughing his a$s off somewhere):

are headaches and exhaustion signs of early labor?  -  could my dog contract rabies if he plays with a dead rabbit  -  what is Pete from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse  -  is there a more annoying sound than kids whining?  -  alternative remedies for a child's fever  -  my 16 week dog is pooping in the crate in the middle of the night  -  my puppy does not attempt to let us know she needs to go out  -  alternative remedies to narcolepsy -  notary near 159##  -  is there a more annoying character than ming ming on wonder pets?  -  38 weeks pregnant and i hate everyone  -  what is with all the ryan gosling quote pins

Besides tolerating me, our little family has been attempting to stay busy until our baby girl decides to finally grace us with her presence.

We've been trying to get in some extra sleep:

Feeding our snacks to the dogs:

Getting energy out while playing outside (with the help of my parents and sister):

Getting energy out while playing inside:





Going to gymnastics (with the help of Gigi):

Watching local high school basketball games - so that Greyson can scream on the top of his lungs, "SLAAAAMMMM DUNNNNNK" in a setting more appropriate than any/every other place we go during the day

Cleaning up Trixie's diarreaha...like from the FLOOR.HEATING.VENT...which she incomprehensibly pooped on during the superbowl.  Which then dripped down about 2 feet inside of our insulted vent.  that is heated.  kill.me.

Finishing up our January Kindness  (more on that later this week)

Continuing our January date...even though January is over and we haven't even watched enough episodes to finish season1 yet!!  January date = multiple month'er

And to top it all off, we've enrolled Grey into 2 more activities each week to try to beat the winter/waiting for baby blues .  First, Greyson has started his college classes (hahhaha, but seriously they are at our local community college) and we go to Storytime on Fridays where we listen to books, sing songs, and make crafts.

Secondly, he and I have been taking swimming classes at the Y on Tuesday nights.  There are no pictures of this because let's be honest, even I am not self-deprecating enough to post a picture of myself in a bathing suit at 9 months pregnant.  All you need to know about Tuesday nights are this:
1. Greyson l.o.v.e.s. the water
2. swimming class makes him very tired (yay)
3. For a half hour out of the week, I feel weightless
4. after class last week, one of the dads asked me, "wow, so when is that thing coming?"

Which leads me to my final point for this post about waiting for our baby to arrive.
From recent experience, here are some things that should not be said to any woman who even looks like she's due soon:

"wow, so when is that thing coming?"
"Oh you've got time; your belly hasn't even dropped yet"
"labor shouldn't take too long, right?  I mean the highways already paved this time"*
"geez, this pregnancy has been hard on your clothes"*

*those last 2 gems were said by someone who lives in my house.  i'll give you a hint - I'm married to him.

For a much needed laugh - anyone have any more phrases/tidbits of wisdom that should not be spoken within earshot of a nearly due momma?